TW: suicide & death so if it triggers u don't read xxx

No one POV
*Burn by Billie Eilish*
Staring at emptiness.
Feeling hollow but full of shit at the same time.
Wanting to cry but can't get a single tear out.
A pain in the chest that barely lets you breathe.

The song ended and Sonny was too lazy to get up and change the vinyl.
He listened to that album for 3 days in a row non-stop, it was the one he was listening to when they met, when his favorite pair of eyes looked at him for the first time.
He missed those eyes, he would have given everything to look at them one more time.

They had everything they wanted and needed but sometimes it's not enough.
While laying in bed, Sonny thought about all the things he could have said at the funeral.
All the stories he could have told, all the good qualities that he loved but also the flaws that he loved even more and the good person he got to see every day, that he got to love.
But it was too late...and Sonny wished he could go back in time.

"Sonny! Open the door!" He heard someone yell.
"I know you're in there! Open!"
Sonny groaned then managed to get the door.
"Thank god- man, you look like shit..."
"Brook" his sister punched him.
"I brought you some food and we wanted to check how you were doing" Debbie said with a warm smile, she was the sister he never had.
Sonny just let them in and plopped on the sofa turning on the TV.
'The boys in the band' was on, his favorite movie...
"Mate, you need to turn it off. It's the only thing you're watching lately. It's not healthy" Brook went to turn it off but Sonny blocked him.
"No."
The first thing he said since they arrived, probably the first thing he said in 3 days.
"You need help" Brook was worried for his best friend, it was killing him seeing him like that.
"We can talk about it later. Food is ready" Debs called.

When Sonny sat down and noticed the cup that Debbie was using, he got up and went to wash it maniacally.
No one dared to say a word but definitely, it wasn't normal.
Once Sonny washed and scrubbed the cup 3 times, he happily put it away.
"What? It's Mikey's cup. He hates when people use it" he defended sitting down as everything was ok.
They ate in silence till Brook had enough.
"Listen...I know it's hard and what happened traumatized all of us but this isn't ok. For god's sake, you washed that cup 3 times and you have a brand new carton of milk even tho you're lactose intolerant"
"It's for Mikey's tea!" Sonny raised his voice.
"Mikey is gone!" Brook said even louder standing up.
Silence surrounded them as a bomb just exploded.
"Guys, it's hard for everyone. There's no need to argue. We need to support each other" Debbie tried to reason with the 2 boys.
Brook breathed in deeply while Sonny just stared at nothingness.
It was hard for everyone but it hit Sonny hard, he was lost and didn't know what he was doing almost like he was hitting his head against a wall over and over again.

It continued like that for another week.
He kept listening to the same album every morning, watching the same movie every day and waiting for him to come back...
The only problem was that Mikey never did.
Sonny had one scene printed on his mind, only one scene.

Mikey in the corner of their room, back against the wall, gaze blank and lost in something, pills in one hand, some spilled and in the other his phone with Sonny's contact open.

He remembered calling his name 3 times before finding him, before getting his heart ripped out from its cage.
He even remembers Mikey's hands not wrapping around his like they always used to, his disheveled hair that still smelled like strawberries, his lifeless and cold body against Sonny's chest.

"Sonny...Sun...hey..." a soft voice echoed in his ear, Mikey.
Sonny opened his eyes slowly and met the pair of eyes he missed so much.
"Mikey...?"
He held Sonny close to his chest, so tight that it was hard breathing.
"Please, don't tell me that you did it cause of me..." Mikey was sobbing.
"Did what?"
"Tell me you're not dead" Mikey begged burying his face in Sonny's neck.
"No...no...I-" Sonny didn't know what to say, he was confused.
"Listen..."
Mikey pulled away to look into his lover's eyes.
"...You can't be here. They can't find out. You have to go" Mikey was serious.
"But I don't want to leave you...not again"
"Baby you have to go"
And Sonny jolted awake in a puddle of sweat, what kind of dream was that?!

He missed Mikey each day even more and that weird dream didn't help at all.
But he had to go back to work and live a little even tho it was hard even getting out of bed.
He loved being a paramedic but now it made him feel empty, that happiness that he always had before leaving for work was gone.
He loved his friends to death, Brook and Debs were his family but they got distant, in reality, Sonny isolated himself pushing everyone away.
Everything could have been amazing if Sonny didn't ruin it.

"Stop buying the milk. You can't drink it"
Sonny jumped making the bag fall.
"What? Wait what?" Sonny couldn't believe his eyes.
Mikey was there, right in front of him and he wasn't sleeping this time.
"Stop buying the milk" Mikey sternly said.
"How is this even possible?" Sonny was so confused, was he going insane?
"Also you should talk to Debbie and Brook...it's been a while" Mikey continued but Sonny was frozen in his spot.
He looked at his boy and he was a 100% sure he was gone, he saw it but that felt real, he felt real.
"How is work going?" Mikey sat on the counter.
"Em...good? But-"
"Sun, I don't know how this is possible but I know that you're not ok. You need help"
And Sonny knew it, he knew that his lifestyle was unhealthy.
"I'll text Brook, maybe he's down for some takeaway and a movie"
Mikey smiled at the statement.
"But can I ask you something?"
The boy nodded.
"Why did you do it?"
Mikey sighed then Sonny's phone went off.
"Shit, sorry"
The curly boy declined the call but when he looked back up, Mikey was gone.

He thought about Mikey even more after their last 'encounter'.
No one knows about it cause it's kinda weird and he'd definitely sound like a maniac.
But once he thought about telling Brook...
Somehow that encounter helped him, he was close friends again with Brook and Debs like the old times, the job was doing great and he stopped buying milk.
About Mikey's clothes...well that's another story.
The world could have ended the next day but Sonny will always sleep with Mikey's hoodies.

-a random day-
Sonny had a long day at work.
3 car crashes, an old lady fainted in Costco and a bunch of boys got into a fight in the streets.
He just wanted to get home and sleep on the couch, too tired to go upstairs and sleep in bed.
But as soon as he unlocked the door, a really sweet smell invaded his nostrils and Debbie's soft voice filled the house.
"Hey, you're home"
An apron was around her tiny waist and her hands were covered in flour.
"I'm making donuts...you know, Mikey's favorite" she smiled and he smiled too.
Before Sonny used to feel sad about those things but now somehow they make him feel better.
"Oh by the way there's someone for you. Her name is Jess, I think...she-"
At the name, his face went white...Sonny left Debbie in the living room and went straight to the kitchen, he grabbed Jess' arm and dragged her out.
"Sonny wait-"
Sonny slammed the door at her face.
"Why did you do that?" Debbie asked concerned.
"SONNY!" Jess banged on the door.
"Sonny I just want to talk!"
But Sonny ignored her.
"Sonny talk to me, who is that girl?"
"Mikey's ex" was all the boy said before locking himself in the bedroom.

He breathed in and went to the small bookshelf in the corner of the room, he picked up a book and turned the pages.
It was their favorite book to read together, Sonny always read it out loud for Mikey who loved to comment on every single thing.
How could Jess come here?
She had no right to come into their house and demanded to talk...she lost that right a long time ago when she didn't accept Mikey's sexuality and agreed with his family to send him to conversion therapy.
Like doesn't she feel horrible?
Mikey never blamed her for what he went through cause he's too kind but I blame her.
Could the day go worse?
Then a knock.
"Sonny, I have something for you. Can I come in?"
It was Debs.
Sonny let her in and both of them sat on the bed.
"I don't know why you hate her so much but she really insisted on giving you this" Debbie handed him an envelope.
"I'll let you read it alone"
Sonny stared at the letter like it was Pandora's box, if he opened it all the bad things would have come out.
"Fuck it"
He tore open the envelope and started to read

Drear world? People? Family?
No, I want my future lover to read this (don't know who you are yet but I really hope it's you...Sonny Robertson :) )
Well, I know that this won't be a positive thing for you but I needed to write it.
I've always been the happy friend, the one that always smiled and enjoys a good time but everyone has their own demons.
Life has been good with me but also a bitch and I'd do anything to be able to focus on the good side but I can't...I can't.
My mind is too lost in darkness to be pulled out and it doesn't depend on the people around me.
I'll probably miss a lot of things, I know and I'll hurt some people, probably someone will be mad at me but I want you to move on, do what I wasn't able to do.
I don't know who my lover will be but I'm sure that you were like a painkiller that relieved me from the pain I felt by just loving you.
I love you,
Mikey

Sonny wasn't able to see anything since he had been crying so much that tears were blurring his vision.
"I remember that...it was the month before I broke up with Jess and yeah, I already had a crush on you, always had" Mikey said quietly handing him a tissue.
"You know...you kept me here for a little longer and I'm happy you did that but..."
"But what?" Sonny sobbed.
"...I still had to go..."
Sonny broke down and Mikey held him.
The scene was heartbreaking cause Sonny was well aware that he wasn't really there but he refused to think rationally.
"We'll meet again, I'm sure of it but not right now. It's not your time" Mikey ran a hand in Sonny's curly locks.
"But I-"
"Shh...baby you need to let me go. It's ok, I know someday I'm gonna be with you" Mikey caressed his cheek and stared at his eyes as nothing else in the world mattered.
They were made for each other and everyone knew it, they just lived in two different worlds.
"You'll wait for me?" Sonny rested his head on Mikey's chest to listen to his heartbeat but there wasn't any beat.
"I'll wait for you with open arms"
Then Sonny fell asleep.
Mikey was right, they met again but it was sooner than expected...

___________________________________

Note*
This story ha the proof that my mental health hasn't been great lately so I apologize for the lack of my updates but this year has been shitty.
I hope next year will be better but for now happy holidays and ill try to update something tonight too.🎄