TRIGGER WARNING: mention of cutting and self harm so please don't read if it bothers you x

Harper POV
I was running around my house to clean up everything since Zach was about to come over any minute.
I usually don't really care how my house looks but this time I do and since I met Zach, I've always tried to make a good impression but obviously without being obsessed about it.
Zach is one of Andy's ex-classmates so we met through him at a party. We clicked right away and since then we hang out regularly.
I don't know if I have a crush on him cause we got close really fast and I feel good when I'm around him but on the other hand, I have Sonny, my best friend.
I think I've always had a crush on him maybe I'm even in love with him but Sonny's special and everything about him is perfect.
From the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs to how caring and adorable he is when he gets protective.
But no matter how much I love Sonny, I'm scared of ruining everything and his friendship means too much to me.

Then the doorbell got me out of my thoughts and I went to open the door.
"Hey Harp!" Zach said giving me a warm hug.
I melted into his arms and breathed in his scent.
He smells amazing but is it wrong if it reminds me a bit of Sonny's smell? Harper stop.
We then moved to the couch and we started a movie.
We didn't cuddle but we were sat really close and when I saw that he was about to make a move, my phone rang.

"Shit, sorry. It's Sonny so I'm gonna answer it quickly" I said walking towards the kitchen while picking up the phone.
"Sonny-" I got cut off.
"Hey Harps! How you doing?" he sounded happier than usual.
"I'm fine but right now I can't talk. Zach came over and we're watching a film..." I felt a bit bad but I was busy and he called in the worse time.
"Ah ok...well sorry I interrupted" I noticed his tone and mood changed.
"I'll call you later ok?" I promised trying to make Sonny feel better.
"No, it's ok. I'll go to bed early so I'll see you tomorrow, I guess" and he ended the call.
I sighed but pushed it away and went back to Zach.

Sonny POV
I thought Harper had some time to at least talk on the phone with me but apparently, he's too busy spending time with Zach.
I don't hate him but there's something about him that doesn't seem right to me, I don't know.
Also, Harper spends a lot of time with him and I feel a bit left out, not gonna lie but I won't play the role of the jealous friend.
So after Harper hanged up on me, I went to watch a couple of movies and I was about to fall asleep.

At that moment the only thing my mind was focused on was Harper, I love him obviously and he's my best friend but maybe there's something more.
My mind was only able to think about our sleepovers and how we used to spend time together.
We still do it but it feels different like our bond got weaker.
I remembered how Harper used to fall asleep on my chest during the second half of the movie cause he has never been able to watch a whole movie without falling asleep.
A smile grew on my lips as I thought of Harper's adorable face while he was sleeping peacefully, that's what I miss and I feel like Zach is taking it away from me.

Harper POV -couple months later-
Since I met Zach, I felt like I started a new chapter in my life, a better one but with happy things come also bad things and that's what happened.
Things started to fall apart and they hit me like a tsunami.

My grandpa died and I don't even know if I'll be able to make it for the funeral since my family lives far away from me.
My job is going like shit cause my boss is being a complete asshole and I started to hate it there but worst of all, Sonny acts like I don't exist anymore.
For some reason, we spend less time together and I started to think that maybe I did something to upset him.
I've been feeling awful cause I didn't know how to handle everything and without Sonny by my side, I felt lost.
Yeah, Zach was there for me but I didn't tell him about my grandpa or the whole Sonny situation, just about my job and even though I appreciated his support, it still didn't feel the same.
I needed Sonny but since I couldn't have him, I decided to cut myself.
I know I shouldn't do it but I couldn't help it, it helped me to relieve the pain.
Something about watching the blood flowing out of my wrists calms me and even tho most of the time the tears blurred my vision, I still watch them turn red.
The only kinda 'bad' thing is when I have to clean the cuts and it stings like hell but I can handle the pain.

This week I might have gone over the limit and I felt a bit sick those couple of days so I just stayed at home alone, I didn't want to see anyone either.
The rest of my friends asked to visit and to check if I was ok but I declined telling them that I was completely fine.
Sonny just asked me through a text if I was ok and I replied with a simple 'yes'.
Zach insisted to come to my house and in the end, I gave in and told him to come at the end of the week.

That day I forgot that Zach was coming over and I did it again, I cut myself cuz I was feeling even more upset and depressed that day.
The process was quick but I chose to not clean them cuz I was too tired and after I went downstairs, managing to go down the stairs safely.
I felt really lightheaded while walking towards the living room and I barely was able to see something so I just threw myself on the sofa.
I kept closing my eyes but I knew that I shouldn't fall asleep, plus I was bleeding on the couch and I needed to clean that up after.

Sonny POV
Me and Harper aren't the same anymore and I think he completely replaced me with Zach...yeah, I'm jealous but only cuz I miss my best friend and I want our friendship back.
This week Harper had been sick so I sent him a text to check on him but I only got a dry reply.
I thought that maybe he was with Zach but when Andy and Brook told me that he refused to let anyone into his house, I got suspicious.

I needed to see him and make sure everything is alright and that's what I did.
But when got in front of Harper's house, I noticed that the front door was open.
I furrowed my eyebrow and got closer picking up a small bouquet on the way.
I stepped inside carefully and when I saw it, the flowers slipped from my hand and landed with a thud.
Zach was in front of the couch with a lifeless Harper laying on it with his wrists covered in blood.
Zach snapped his head towards me as soon as he heard me walking inside.
"I-I don't know w-what happened...h-he..." Zach rambled looking at me.
I completely ignored him and walked towards Harper.
I started to cry as I looked at his current state.
He was laying there with his eyes closed and at first, he looked like he was just sleeping but what got my eyes were his wrists.
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight while I continued to cry.
Why he did this to himself?
Why I didn't see his pain?
I'm his best friend, I'm supposed to be there for him but I wasn't there cuz of my jealous and selfish ass.
"I called Brook and Andy for help..." Zach stopped my flood of thoughts and it reminded me that he should have been there for Harper too.
"You need to leave now." I said firmly.
Zach looked at me and his eyes showed a mix of fear and confusion.
"I'm just trying to help..." he defended.
"If I'm being honest, you didn't help at all. If you stayed by Harper's side nothing of this would have happened" I snapped at him and a rush of anger ran through my body.
"Oh yeah? And where were you? where were you when Harper lost his job and wasn't doing ok?" he replied this time with a more firm tone.
"I took a step back cuz you were all the time with him! I didn't want to get in between you so you can't blame me!" and it was the truth.
I was jealous but also happy for Harper cuz he looked happier with Zach around him but apparently, he wasn't happy at all.
"Sonny don't you fucking dare to blame it on me. You have no right-" he was about to yell at my face bur someone stopped us from any physical fight.

"Stop it right now you two!" Andy's voice echoed in the living room.
Brook ran to Harper and picked him up to bring him upstairs.
Me and Zach stayed quiet while Andy looked at us disappointed.
"Harper is obv not doing ok and all you can think about was to argue and yell at each other...unbelivable" both of us weren't able to say anything mainly cuz Andy left to help Brook but also cuz we didn't know what to say.
I know Harper is gonna be ok but I was ashamed of myself, what the fuck is wrong with me?!
Zach was right, where was I when Harper needed me?

I decided to do something helpful for once so I went to the kitchen to grab the stuff to clean the couch while I waited for Harper to get better.

Timeskip -couple hours later-
After what felt like an eternity, both Andy and Brook came back downstairs visibly exhausted.
Me and Zach stood up from the couch quickly and he was the first one to speak.
"How is he doing? Is he ok?" he asked impatiently.
"He's gonna be ok, he just needs some rest" Andy answered.
"But please one of you has to go home or you're gonna argue again and that's not what Harper wants or needs at the moment" Brook added.
Zach gave me a look that suggested that I should be the one to go home.
I didn't want to but I didn't want to argue again so I grabbed my jacket and headed towards the door but Brook's hand stopped me turning me around.

"Harper isn't fully conscious but the only thing that he kept saying was your name. I think he has mistaken me for you, Sonjob"
I looked at him surprised cuz I didn't expect it then right after Zach left the house without saying anything.
"Thank god he's gone. I would have killed him soon or after" Andy said while plopping on the sofa.
"He's not that bad..." Brook tried to be nice as always.
"Brook don't lie. He's awful plus what the fuck happened today? He found Harper and was only able to call us without doing anything?!" Andy said serious and the look in his eyes scared me a bit.
"But I did nothing too..." I said low, almost whispering.
"Yeah but it's different. He's an asshole" Andy ended.

The next few days me and the boys did turns to stay with Harper but I mainly stayed with him cuz I wanted to make up for all the time I stayed away.
We haven't talked about anything yet but cuz since he got back, he didn't talk much.
One night I couldn't fell asleep at all so I just looked at him.
I know it's creepy but I couldn't help it, he's too adorable and it made me want to protect him for the rest of my life.
I was so lost in Harper that I didn't notice he woke up.
I got near him and rested my hand on his cold one, he simply smiled at me.
"Do you need to drink? Or something to eat? do you want me to change your bandages?" I spoke fastly, worried that he was in pain or uncomfortable.
"Sonny stop. I'm fine" ha almost whispered and I relaxed a bit.
We stayed in silence and then I managed to say out loud my thoughts.
"Harp, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got distant, sorry for not being there for you while you were hurting so bad and sorry for being an awful friend" I said in one breath.
Harper grabbed my hand and pulled me in bed, resting his head on my chest.
Somehow I couldn't relax and Harper started to trace shapes with his finger on my chest and I calmed down at his feather touch.
"Better?" he asked softly once I felt my heartbeat slowing down.
"Always when I'm with you..."
"So tell me what's going on inside your pretty mind..."
I chew my lips for a second, not sure how I should tell him.
"I feel guilty for what happened to you...I- you didn't deserve it" I said while a tear escaped my eye.
"Sonjob..." he softly said wiping away the tear.
"I know it's not your fault cuz I didn't ask for help, I just pushed everyone away and when you got more distant, I didn't know what to do. I was lost" Harper confessed.
"I backed away a bit only cuz I wanted to give you and Zach some space and...maybe I got a bit jealous" I said trying to hide the blush on my cheeks.
Harper made me look in his eyes and we got lost in each other.
"I've never liked or loved Zach and never will cuz you are always on my mind. Even when I thought it was the end, you didn't leave my mind. You were my last thought..." he teared up a bit but the tears made his eyes sparkle and they were so beautiful if it makes sense.
I rested my forehead against his and closed my eyes.
"You are always on my mind too, like you live rent-free in my head so please I beg you...if you need anything tell me cuz I won't be able to handle it without you" I said and opened my eyes right after to see Harper crying.
I kissed his cheek and pulled him back down with me on the bed.
Both of us were half asleep when Harper softly mumbled an 'I love you'.
I interlocked our hands and kissed his hand saying 'I love you' back.

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Note*
Don't know why I keep on writing long stories but I hope you guys don't mind. I feel like no one reads those notes so I'm gonna say that I'm trying to work on my happiness and I really hope that one day I'll be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy right?