Bloodlust.

CHAPTER FOUR , PAINFUL TRUTHS

*Content Warning* mentions of domestic violence and self harm

Skip if needed!

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Sydney was glad to see a smile on Dean's face.

Since he's now got the Impala up and running again, it was like there was a whole different attitude to him. But one thing was still the same, Dean's grudge against Sydney. There were times Sydney would notice Dean staring at her and she thought that maybe just maybe he was admiring her.

Then that hope would immediately get shot down when he would just look away from her with a small scoff.

Sydney knew it wasn't going to be that easy for him to let her off the hook. But the girl was patient.

For the most part.

The three hunters went into the police station as young journalists. But the Sheriff was already adamant on giving out any information on the case.

Sydney was wearing a black pantsuit paired with black heeled boots with her hair in a single braid hanging down her shoulder.

The murder investigation is ongoing, and that's all I can share with the press at this time.

The three hunters exchange a look. "Oh, sure, sure..."

"Completely understood."

"We'd be crazy not to understand."

"But just for the record, you found the first head last week, correct?" Sam asks.

The man gruffly hums and nods his head.

"And the other, a Christina Flannigan—"

"That was two days ago." The Sheriff states. Before he could say anything else to the three, a knock is heard at the door.

"Sorry, you three, time's up. We're done here." The Sheriff states.

"Uh—just one last question, sir." Sydney softly urges. He stops and looks at the brunette, whose face nervously heats up. It took everything out of her to even stop him from leaving his office. Now he was looking at her like she was crazy. Sydney felt sick. "Unless, you don't want to then I completely understand. You're a busy guy." She sinks into her seat with her hands tightening around her notepad.

"What about the cattle?" Dean inquires.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, the cows found dead, split open, drained—over a dozen cases." Dean clarifies.

The sheriff squints his eyes. "What about them?"

"So, you don't think there's a connection?" Sam asks.

"Connection with..."

"Well, first cattle mutilations, now two murders?" Sam adds. "Kind of sounds like ritual stuff."

"You know, like satanic cult ritual stuff." Sydney speaks up.

The sheriff looks at the brunette then at the two boys. He then begins to laugh, his laugh gradually getting louder. Sydney's heart rate accelerates and she presses her lips together. That's the last time I say anything.

The Sheriff continues to obnoxiously cackle at the three. But he stops when he notices the straight expressions across the young hunter's faces. "You're not kidding."

"No."

"Those cows aren't being mutilated." The Sheriff deadpans. "You want to know how I know?"

"How?"

"Because there's no such thing as cattle mutilation." The Sheriff states. "Cow drops, leave it in the sun, writhing 48 hours the bloat will split it open so clean it's just about surgical. The bodily fluids fall down into the ground, get soaked up, cause that's what gravity does."

The Sheriff then passively shrugs. "But, hey," he looks at the brunette. "it could be Satan."

Sydney frowns.

"What newspaper did you say you worked for?"

"World Weekly News—"

"Weekly World News." Sam corrects.

"World—Weekly World. I'm new." Dean nervously laughs.

Sydney clears her throat. "I think it might be time to go, yeah?" She stands up.

"That might be the first reasonable thing you've said all day, sweetheart."

Sydney's jaw clenches. Instead of saying anything, whether it be passive or aggressive. She swallows and walks out of the office.

Sam and Dean follow after the girl. Once the three were out of the station, they made their way to the Impala. "Well, that was a bust." Dean loosens his tie.

"If the police really think that there's nothing cult related going on, then we'll just have to find out ourselves." Sam says.

"That office did not like you." Dean looks at the brunette.

Sydney softly exhales and she takes the braid out of her hair. "Yeah, I don't blame him." She slips her hair tie back around her wrist. "I was just spewing the same information that you guys had already said."

"Maybe you should've stayed at Bobby's."

"Dean, shut up." Sam scoffs.

The end of Sydney's mouth twitches. "Yeah, maybe I should've." She looks at Dean. For a moment, Dean thought that she was going to snap back. Maybe even tell him to "shut the fuck up". Somewhere deep down, Dean knew he deserved it. But across her face all he saw was exhaustion. That seemed to be the only look she would have when she thought no one was looking.

Sydney walks ahead to the car, leaving the brothers behind. Sam turns to Dean, "Dean, one day, you're gonna want her forgiveness for the way you've been treating her and she's not gonna accept it." He says. Sam thinks about his words then frowns. "Better get, she'll forgive you immediately and make you feel even worse."

Dean scoffs and turns to his little brother. "Trust me, I won't lose sleep over Sydney's forgiveness."

☆

The three hunters switched out their suits for pure white lab coats. They made their way into the hospital where the severed head was located.

As soon as they went through the door to the morgue, a man around their age was at the desk. Dean glanced at the man's badge. "John."

"Jeff." The man corrects with a soft smile, he stands up from his chair.

Dean chuckles, "Jeff, I know that." He dismisses. "Dr. Dorkin needs to see you in his office right away."

"But Dr. Dorkin's on vacation."

"Well, he's back, and he's pissed, and he's screaming for you, man." Dean says.

Sydney and Sam glance at each other with small smiles across their lips.

"So, if I were you, I would—"

"O-Okay." Jeff rushes out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, Sydney's body loosened.

"Hey, those satanists in Florida, they marked their victims, didn't they?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, reverse pentacle on the forehead."

Dean holds gloves out to Sam. "So much F'ed up crap happens in Florida."

Sam grabs the gloves. He expected Dean not even to think twice about handling any to Sydney, so Sam took it upon himself to hand his gloves to her. But, to his and Sydney's surprise; Dean held a pair of latex gloves out to the brunette. Sydney slightly opens her mouth, shocked by the gesture. "Uh, thanks."

Dean doesn't reply, he just slips his own gloves on and walks over to the drawers. Sydney swallows and slips her gloves on. Sam pulls the drawer open, revealing a medium sized white tub.

"All right, open it."

Sam frowns, "You open it."

"I handed everyone the gloves." Dean notes. "And I got Jeff to scatter."

"Uh, I'll open it." Sydney holds a hand up. "Got to start pulling my weight on these cases at some points right?" She forces out a soft chuckle, but in all honesty she was on the verge of puking. Sydney's stomach was always weak. Anytime she was nervous she would get the feeling of losing her lunch.

She never did well with presentation days at school.

"See that? That's the spirit." Dean's voice was heavy with sarcasm, but he takes it upon himself to step aside and let Sydney stand in front. The brunette brushes Dean off and pulls the lid of the tub open. She wrinkles her nose and looks across the face. "There's no pentagram."

"Wow, poor girl." Sam voices.

Sydney keeps her eyes on the girl's face and swallows.

"Maybe we should look in her mouth." Dean speaks. "See if this wacko stuffed anything down her throat, you know? Kind of like the moth in "Silence of The Lambs"."

Sam nods, "Yeah, yeah, go ahead."

Dean pulls his brows together. "No, you go ahead."

"What?"

"Put the lotion in the basket." Dean recites with a cheeky grin. Sydney rolls her lips into her mouth to keep herself from smiling.

Sam looks at his brother. "Right, yeah, I'm the wuss huh?—Whatever."

Sam looks down at the severed head and exhales a sharp breath before sticking his fingers into the mouth. Sydney wrinkles her nose from the sounds of Sam rummaging around in the mouth.

"Can someone get me a bucket?" Sam croaks.

"Find something?"

"No, I'm gonna puke."

Dean deadpans, but Sydney completely understood so she just grabs one of the buckets from the corner and brings it over just in case. Sam pulls his fingers from the girl's mouth.

"Wait, lift her lip up again." Dean directs.

Sam snaps his eyes over to Dean. "What? You want me to throw up, is that it?"

"No, no, no, no. I think I saw something." Dean instead lifts the lip himself, just enough to reveal the gums. Sydney tilts her head and leans closer to see a hole in the gums.

"Is that a hole?"

Dean pushes against the gums, forcing a tooth to extract out of the gum. Sydney hangs her mouth open.

"That's a tooth."

"Sam, that's a fang." Dean says. "Retractable set of vampire fangs. You got to be kidding me."

"You've never dealt with that before?" Sydney asks.

"Not with the ones we hunted with our dad." Sam says. He then huffs, "Well, this changes things."

"You think?"

☆

"How's it going?"

The three hunters stand before the bartender.

"What can I get for you?"

"Three beers, please." Dean says. He stops and lets out a small grumble. "Actually, can I get two beers and a strawberry Daiquiri, please."

Sydney quickly looks at Dean and all that's across her face was shock. But deep within her eyes there was a spark of hope. She didn't even know if he would remember that she didn't like beer.

Dean didn't bother looking at Sydney because he knew that she was already looking at him. And he knew that if he looked at her, she would've saw his red face.

"So, we're looking for some people." Sam speaks.

The bartender sets the two beers in front of the boys and begins to make Sydney's drink. "Sure. It's hard to be lonely."

"Yeah, but, um, that's not what I meant." Sam sets down a fifty dollar bill in front of the bartender.

The bartender grabs the fifty. "Great. So, these people would've moved here about 6 months ago, probably pretty rowdy, like to drink."

"Yeah, real night owls, you know?" Dean adds. "Sleep all day, party all night."

The bartender sets down Sydney's drink. She sends him a small smile and picks up her drink.

"Barker farm got leased out a couple months ago—real winners."

As Sam and Dean talk to the bartender, the brunette felt a pit form in her stomach. She may have been rusty in the hunting business, but she knew when she was being watched. Sydney turns around and her eyes shift to the empty table next to the window. The brunette sips on her Daiquiri with her brows furrowed.

The brunette walks over to the table, not paying the brothers any mind. Sydney's eyes linger on the ashtray with the freshly put out cigarette against the table. Her eyes move to the glass of whiskey that was half drunken. Sydney sips her drink and softly hums.

"Something wrong?"

Sydney pulls her lips from her straw, "Maybe..." she turns to the brothers. "Someone was watching us."

"And you know this how?"

"My intuition." Sydney simply answers.

Dean frowns and slowly nods his head, not convinced. "Do you really think we should be trusting your intuition? You haven't even been back hunting for a month."

"Do you really think we have time for your passive aggressive comments? You haven't exactly been easy to work with." Sydney snaps back her brown doe eyes no longer holding hesitance.

Sam softly smiles while Dean slightly tilts his chin up. Sydney raises her brows out of realization. "Sorry, but you don't have to trust me. But just follow my lead on this one, okay?" Her gaze softens. Fear settled in her stomach, waiting for Dean's reaction.

Dean just lets out a low grumble before walking out of the bar. Sydney exhales softly and Sam lightly grabs her shoulder and shakes it. "Way to stand your ground, Syd."

Sydney nervously chuckles, "I feel like I'm gonna hurl." She sets her drink on the table.

"You can yak about it later." He guides her out of the bar.

Sydney wrinkles her nose, "Did you just say 'yak'?"

"Well, you just said 'hurl'."

Sydney looks to the side. "I don't think it's worst than 'yak'..."

The hunters walk around the building, per Sydney's instructions. The mysterious figure follows the three to the back of the building. He looks around the corner of the building and there was no one in sight. The man steps further behind the building, looking around the area. Where the hell could they have gone?

Suddenly, a hand grips the back of his jacket and turns him around. His back to pressed against the side of the building and he meets the three faces from earlier. His eyes land on the brunette's and her jaw goes slack.

"Oh, no..."

"Sydney Reyes Johnson."

"Oh, no, no, no..." Sydney rubs her eyes and takes a step away from the three men.

Sam and Dean look from the unidentifiable man to Sydney. "Do you know him?"

"Sadly." Sydney murmurs.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that." The man still pinned to the wall says.

"He's not a vampire." Sydney sighs. Sam and Dean let go of the man. "That's just Gordon."

Gordon straightens his jacket. "All right, now are you gonna tell me who the hell these guys are?"

Sydney rolls her eyes and walks away from the three men.

The hunters all gather around Gordon's car.

"Sam and Dean Winchester." Gordon chuckles in astonishment. He pulls a rack out from his trunk, his arsenal being revealed. "I can't believe it. You know, I met your old man once—hell of a guy, great hunter."

"I heard he passed. I'm sorry." Gordon says. "It's big shoes, but from what I hear, you guys fill them—great trackers, good in a tight spot."

"You seem to know a lot about our family."

The entire time Gordon was talking, Sydney was standing away from the three. It was enough space to make it obvious she wasn't happy with Gordon being here.

"Word travels fast." Gordon says. His eyes then shift to Sydney. "You should know how hunters talk."

Sydney's chest tightens when the three men stare at her. She keeps her arms folded and bunches her shoulders. "Sure, I know. But they don't." Her head motions to the Winchesters. "What's your point?"

Gordon laughs, "Oh, come on, you're not still mad about Alto Pass, are you?"

Sydney chuckles and looks away from the man.

"Can't we just let the past lie—"

"You know damn well I'm not just gonna forget about the shit you pulled." Sydney snaps.

"Whoa, Syd." Sam gently places a hand on her shoulder.

Sydney glances at Sam then back at Gordon. She could see from the way Gordon squinted her eyes that he was entertained by her outburst. And she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. She would rather die.

"I'm fine." Sydney takes a step back. "I am. Fine."

Sam looks back at Gordon. "So, those two Vampires, they were yours, huh?"

Gordon flashes a smile of pride. "Yep. Been here two weeks."

"Did you check out that Barker Farm?" Dean asks.

"It's a bust. Just a bunch of Hippie freaks." Gordon states. "Though they could kill with that patchouli smell alone."

"Where's the nest, then?"

Sydney tenses. The last thing she wanted to do was work a case with Gordon. It was like being sucked in a Hurricane. And honestly, it was also addicting. Gordon was reckless with the way he hunted Vampires. And that recklessness was contagious around him.

When Sydney hunted with Gordon, in Alto Pass, Illinois, she was in a horrible headspace. She didn't care who or what got hurt, as long as the monster was killed by the end of the day. In the past, it was nice being able to not worry about anything else but killing monsters. But that case ended up with her almost getting killed because of him and his recklessness.

So, there was a weight lifted off her shoulders when Gordon only laughed at Dean's question. He closes the compartment to his arsenal. "I got this one covered."

"Look, don't get me wrong." Gordon holds a hand out to Sydney. "Syd, it's great to see you and it's a pleasure meeting your friends; but I've been on this thing for over a year. I killed a fang back in Austin, tracked the nest all the way up here. I'll finish it."

"Sounds good to me." Sydney shrugs.

Dean brushes the brunette off. "We could help."

"Thanks, but, uh, I'm kind of a go-it-alone type of guy." Gordon says.

Dean frowns, "Well, from I hear, you and Sydney worked together."

"Now, that was a special occasion." Gordon wags a finger. "I appreciated her work ethic. Merciless."

Sydney's jaw clenches. She was so ashamed that word was used to describe her.

"I've been itching for a hunt."

Gordon clicks his tongue, "Sorry. But, hey, I hear there's a Chupacabra two states over. Go ahead and knock yourselves out."

Gordon gets in his car. With the window rolled down he looks at the three hunters. "It was real good meeting you, though." He flashes a smile at the brunette. "Syd, always a pleasure."

"Buy you a drink on the flip side."

Sydney sends him a pained smile. Her eyes follow his red car as it speeds out of the bar parking lot. The brunette exhales and she turns to the brothers. Sam was looking at Dean, while he thinks. Sydney pulls her brows together, "You're not...thinking about staying to help him, are you?"

Dean frowns and looks at her. "Why not?"

"He just said he could handle it." Sydney states. "Besides, he's a dick."

"He seems like a good hunter." Dean shrugs. "I think you're wrong."

Sydney lets out a bitter laugh. It caused both the brother to tense. This was the first time since she's been on the road with them that Sydney actually sounded like Sydney. But this was not the Sydney they wanted to be around.

"Right. I've hunted with him before but I'm wrong." Sydney laughs again and shakes her head. "Whatever, dude." She walks toward the Impala without another word.

Sam sucks in a small breath, "Wow, Syd must really hate this Gordon guy if he pulls out that side of her."

☆

After saving Gordon from the Vampire, the four hunters all were back at a bar "celebrating" this supposed win. Well, only Dean and Gordon were celebrating. Sydney and Sam were sitting across from the two with very bitter tastes in their mouths.

Sydney's stomach was all tied up in knots ever since they saved Gordon. She saw the unbothered expression across Dean's face when he sawed into that Vamp's head. She knew this was the start of whatever sick relationship Dean was going to have with Gordon.  The same thing happened to her. And she didn't want Dean going down that same road.

Dean and Gordon were drinking beers when the waitress walked over with a tray. Dean reaches for his wallet, but Gordon stops him. "No, no, I got it." He sets the cash on her tray.

"Come on, man."

"I insist." Gordon says. "Thank you, sweetie."

Sydney rolls her eyes and looks to the side. Gordon holds up a shot of whiskey up. "Another one bites the dust."

"That's right." Dean clinks his shot against Gordon's.

The two men take their shots and set the glasses back on the table. "Dean..." Gordon laughs. "you have that big ass fang one hell of a haircut, my friend."

"Thank you."

"That was beautiful, absolutely beautiful." Gordon praises.

Dean chuckles, he lifts his glass toward his lips but stops when he notices the two hunters beside him were silent. "You all right, Sammy?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Lighten up a little, Sammy." Gordon speaks.

Sydney presses her index finger against her temple and lets out a low scoff. Sam simply shifts his eyes to Gordon. "These two are the only ones who get to call me that."

"Okay." Gordon holds his hands up. "No offense meant. Just celebrating a little—job well done."

"Right." Sam nods. "Well, um, decapitations aren't my idea of a good time, I guess."

"Oh, come on, man, it's not like it was human." Gordon replies.

"No, but there is a thing called decency." Sydney turns to Gordon. "You know what that is right? Mercy?"

"Mercy for what? That bloodsucker was going to kill some one sooner or later—"

"You tracked these vamps to this town but I haven't heard any news about anyone dying." Sydney shrugs. "Where are the dead bodies besides the ones you let recklessly rot around this town?"

Gordon lets out a laugh of disbelief. "This is unbelievable." He shakes his head. "You sticking up for vamps. Am I going crazy or did that guy push you down the stairs harder than you realized?"

Sam and Dean barely had anytime to blink. Sydney had already shot out of her seat, her chair falling on its back—making an uncomfortably loud noise that caught the whole bar's attention. She leans close to Gordon, her hand pressed against the table.

Sydney's breathing was ragged but there was a trembling to it. Sam and Dean didn't utter a word. If they were being truthful? They were too scared to.

Sydney and Gordon just stared at each other, having their own nonverbal battle. The brunette hadn't felt blind rage in so long. She's only had that for one person. And the last time she acted on that anger, someone got hurt. Sydney blinks her rage away and her face quickly switches from anger to devastated.

Sydney takes a moment to realize how quiet the bar had gotten. Her eyes shift to the eyes on her and her face grows hot. "I'm done for the night." Sydney softly speaks before rushing out of the bar.

Sam's eyes follow the girl. "I'm gonna make sure she gets back to her room safely." He stands up. Sam knew that Dean has been at odds with Sydney, but he didn't expect Dean to just stay seated.

"Are you staying?"

Dean looks at his brother, "I'm gonna stay for a little while, get another drink."

Sam slowly nods his head with a clenched jaw. "Don't let me ruin your guys' fun."

Sam wasn't trying to hide it. Dean could sense the passive aggressive tone. Dean digs in his pocket, "Sammy. Remind me to beat that buzzkill out of you later, all right?" He tosses Sam his keys.

Sam walks out of the bar and looks around the parking lot. There was no way she would've left that quickly. "Sydney?!"

"I'm right here."

Sam turns to see Sydney sitting on the ground with her knees pulled toward her chest and her back pressed against the side of the building. His eyes soften and he walks over to the girl. "Hey, I know this might be a stupid question..."

"You can ask it." Sydney softly lets out, her eyes glued to the ground.

"Are you okay?"

A painful lump forms in her throat and she softly whimpered when she swallowed. "No." Her teary eyes meet Sam's soft ones. Sam presses his lips into a sympathetic smile. "Okay, let's get you up." He grabs her hand and pulls her onto her feet.

☆

"Can I be completely honest with you?"

Sam walks over to the brunette and sits on the edge of the bed. Sydney was curled up in a blanket with a cup of tea in her hands. "I didn't think you knew how to make tea."

Sam laughs which causes Sydney to laugh. "What? Why?"

"I don't know. John doesn't seem like the kind of guy to...teach his kids how to make tea." She then lifts her mug. "Good tea."

"Yeah, well. I'll remind you that I was away from my dad and brother for a couple years. So, I picked up a thing or two on my own." Sam shrugs a shoulder with a small smile on his lips.

Sydney nods her head. She sips her tea and sets it on the nightstand. "Thank you, Sam." The brunette softly smiles. "You didn't have to end your night early to help me, though. I would've found my way."

"Oh, believe me. I would've left early anyway." Sam chuckles. "I couldn't stand what Gordon was saying."

Sydney presses her lips together. "That's Gordon for you. Always saying the most obnoxious things to piss you off."

Silence settles into the room. It was a heavy silence that Sydney recognized. She knew what he wanted to ask and she was just waiting for him to ask it.

"The comment he made...what did he mean by that?" Sam asks. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It just looked like it really bothered you."

Sydney's chest tightens. "Yeah..." her voice trembles. She hasn't told anyone yet. The only one who knew the whole story was Laura and even then, it was unwillingly.

Sydney scoots closer to the edge of the bed. "Uh, after you and Dean left Bobby's to go back on the road with your dad..." she exhales. "After he broke up with me. I was heartbroken to say the least."

Sam's eyes soften.

"And I tried to find any possible way to fill that pain. Whether that be drinking, sex with men and women—sometimes both at the same time—"

"Syd..." Sam groans. Sydney waves a hand, "Right, not the point. Sorry." She nervously chuckles. "Bars were my hang out spot. I would hunt and then celebrate at the bar where no one knew who I was and no one wanted anything but one thing from me."

"Anything was better than feeling that heartbreak."

"It was nice to forget about my pain." Sydney looks at him. "Then...I met Matthew Wilson."

Sam pulls his brows together from the last name. It was the same last name that Sydney used in her voice.

"I caught his eye." Sydney continues. "And in all honesty, I didn't spare him a second glance. But when I did...he reminded me so much of Dean with the charm and the confidence."

"He made me feel seen. At first, I didn't trust it. I mean how could I? I'm a hunter. But he ended up wearing me down, little by little." Sydney shakes her head. "And I let him in."

Sam waits patiently as she takes a moment to breathe. "Our first date turned into a dozen, then a fifth a dozen turned into a hundred." Sydney's eyes fill with tears again. "And before I knew it, we were in love. At least, I thought we were." She pulls a necklace out from under her shirt, revealing the wedding band around it. "We got married. And for a while it was good."

"But then he changed." Sydney swallows. "Or, he just revealed who he really was. He'd throw these remarks at me that I would just brush off. What couples didn't bicker. I thought that's all it was. Then those remarks turned into him hitting me."

Sam's jaw clenches. There was this protective bubble of anger that swelled in his chest but he forced his mouth shut.

"I was a hunter, Sammy." Sydney's voice trembles. "I've taken down monsters—I've killed monsters. So, why didn't I fight back? Why didn't I leave?"

"I wanted to leave." Sydney exhales. "And I was going to. After Dean's voicemails." Her eyes met Sam's. "I heard them. I heard about John being missing and I heard about Jess. I swear, I was going to leave, but...I came home late from the store one night and Matthew thought I was cheating."

Sydney swallows thickly and her voice becomes slightly above a whisper. "He...knocked pinned me against the wall, choking me and he just kept saying that I would be nothing without him." She lightly touches her throat, feeling the phantom pain of his arm against her neck. Sydney's hand begins to shake and her breathing quickens. "I let him knock me to the ground—I let him kick me over and over again. And I didn't stop him. He just kept kicking and punching."

"Then I-I don't know what happened, but I snapped and I...grabbed the cutting board and hit him over the head." Sydney forces out. "I hit him three times in the head and he wouldn't...move."

"Sometimes I forget that the human body is so fragile." Sydney's hands tighten around the sheets. "How could I survive him beating me half to death but he couldn't...there was so much blood and he wouldn't move."

A sob sprung free from her chest. Out of instinct, Sam pulls Sydney into a warm embrace with his hand against the side of her head. She let out pain filled sobs that she had been keeping in for so long. "I ran." Sydney hiccups. "I just got out of there and...I thought my life was over. It felt like it was." Sydney wipes her eyes. "For months, I lived with this guilt—I still do. It was to the point everything felt so...wrong and pointless."

Sydney didn't admit to trying to take her life, but just from the phrases she used; Sam knew that was the direction she was getting at.

"Then my phone rang." Sydney lets out. "Bobby had called me about you, Dean, and your dad getting in that car accident. I heard that Dean wasn't doing well...and it was like someone snapped their fingers and lights flicked on in my brain."

"There was this part of my brain that spoke. It told me that maybe...I could help someone. Maybe I could matter to someone." Sydney wipes her eyes.

Sam pulls Sydney out of the hug and cups her neck. "Sydney, listen to me. What happened wasn't your fault." His voice was thick with emotion but there was also a softness to it. "You protected yourself."

"I murdered the man I love." Sydney whimpers.

"That man hurt you. He was going to kill you." Sam says. "And you defended yourself. You didn't deserve what he did to you and you are not nothing. You're one of the strongest people I've ever known."

Sydney shakes her head, "I don't feel strong."

"Well, you are." His voice was firm. "And if I have to tell you every day until you believe it, I'll tell you."

Sydney keeps her eyes on Sam's hazel ones. She lets out a shaky breath and slowly nods her head. "Thank you, Sammy."

Sam presses his lips into a comforting smile. "You're family, Syd. You don't have to thank family."

Sydney lets out a desperate breath, a form of relief running through her. He pulls Sydney into another warm hug.

━━━━━━━━━━

author's note.

ohhhhh I love Sydney and Sam's relationship sm.

words : 5274