THIRTEEN YEARS AGO—

MARINA WASN'T the most sociable kid, but somehow, people liked her. it might have been the big, constantly-captivated eyes, the obsession with pink (everything in her room was some variation of the color, save her stuffed animals and little toy cars), the gap-filled grin, or the stories—the wild, outlandish stories she told to her friends when they played make-believe. her imagination was unparalleled.

sawyer-andrew hewitt was the kind of kid that made her come out of her shell. from the very moment that he crashed into her world, she was different around him—bigger, louder.

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"you could've crushed me!"

nina had her hands on her hips, staring at the boy who was sprawled out on the floor in front of her. didn't he know how rude landing on top of people was? nina knew—she knew a whole lot of things.

the boy was staring at her, but he wasn't saying anything. he should have been apologizing, but instead he was making a squinty-face at her, probably because the sun was in his eyes.

when nina had waited long enough for a response and yet hadn't gotten one, she frowned, confused.

"what are you doing?"

"trying to figure out what color your eyes are."

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she liked to think when she was younger that sawyer, out of anyone else in the whole, wide world, had seen the gaps in her smile most often.

she told him again and again after that moment that her eyes were plain and blue, and that he was being perfectly ridiculous by thinking anything else.

nina used to stare at her eyes in the mirror, wondering what he saw in them.

SEVEN YEARS AGO—

SOON ENOUGH, things began to change. kids grew into young men and women, eager to get a taste of responsibility and adulthood. nina remembered believing it was about time she owned a phone, and making a twenty-three slide powerpoint on her mom's computer to prove it.

that was the year her room was repainted a sea-foam green. a few of her stuffed animals were given to paige, but the rest were sent to goodwill at nina's request. she remembered feeling so grown up to see her bed without them, then promptly bursting into tears.

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"hewitt, you're captain. delioncourt, you too. choose your teams—please don't take a million years."

it was the first day of sixth grade, and mr. howard didn't seem ecstatic about it.

nina thought the gym smelled like fresh rubber and old socks. it was different from the elementary school gym—bigger, more echoey. there were basketball hoops and there were no risers stashed in the corner.

she stood with the rest of the kids as sawyer and genie moved out front to pick their first teammate—a coveted position.

sawyer's friends were practically foaming at the mouth to be chosen by him. wesley in particular looked like he was about to pee his pants. nina stifled laugh as she glanced at them, then looked back to sawyer to see his eyes on her.

"nina," he said, giving her a goofy smile.

nina tried not to let her jaw drop. she was his first pick?! nina was good at sports, sure—she had a nice, reliable kick. but over wes? over miles? and bart and kyle?

after realizing she was just standing there in shock, she got moving, face red. nina stepped into place behind sawyer and faced the rest of her class, shifting uncomfortably on her feet.

some of the girls were snickering. bart looked betrayed, and wesley was shaking his head, at a loss. genie started to sing.

"sawyer and nina, sitting in a tree—" some of the other girls started to join in now, and nina shot each of them an incredulous and slightly terrified look.

"k-i-s-s-i-n—"

mr. howard was having none of it. "knock it off, delioncourt. your turn."

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sawyer's team won that game after nina scored five points in a row, and before long it was no longer strange that nina got first pick whenever he was captain.

when nina and sawyer grew older, life got harder. the more arduous it was, the more she thought about him. eventually she admitted to herself that she liked sawyer—a lot.

after she said it out loud for the first time, only a few weeks after painting her room a pale, lovely yellow, she didn't know how to act around him. she was terrified that he'd know. she was terrified of being rejected. she confided in nobody—not even sasha.

but her feelings towards sawyer were clear enough.

SIX HOURS INTO THE FUTURE—

NINA FELT utterly wrecked. she didn't know how to handle everything she was facing—her devastation at losing her friends, her anger towards the mastermind behind everything, her fear of being next.

on top of that, there was sasha to think about, and sawyer to worry over. he still hadn't texted her back. she knew he was okay, she'd heard someone mention that he was talking to the police. and miles had told her that he was safe, knowing somehow that she'd worry.

it wasn't enough to calm nina down.

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"i'm going out," nina said, keys in hand. she'd only just been dropped off by the police, dirty and tear-stained, her stupid fortune-teller costume ripped.

"honey, please, just tell us what happened—nina!"

she was already moving towards the garage, refusing to answer any of her mom's questions.

"i have to go!" nina repeated, pushing her paige away when she tried to grab her arm.

she heard her parents speaking to each other in low, furious voices as she left, not looking back.

the drive to sawyer's passed in a blur. she hadn't really even realized where she was headed until she was halfway there, passing the convenience store that she used to stop at to pick up two pints of ben and jerrys—a chocolate therapy for her and a chunky money for him. the parking lot was empty tonight, as if the town had collectively realized just how terrorized their children had been these past few weeks and decided to lock their doors and shutter their windows.

before she realized it, she was standing in front of his door. his room's light was on, and she debated climbing onto his honda to pull herself up and over the roof the way she always did when she snuck in late at night. but she didn't think it was a good idea to take him by surprise like that.

this was it. now or never.

'knock,' the little voice in her head urged. 'you've done it a million times before. tonight is no different. knock.'

she took a deep breath and lifted her loosely fisted hand.

she didn't want to die without telling him the three words she had always held so close to her chest.

nina knocked.

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