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i scream into my pillow and quickly glance back at the tv, wanting to see what happens next. someone just went missing and it was not what i expected, it just happened out of the blue.

i'm sat on the couch under lots of blankets watching the new season of Reacher that just came out and i'm obsessed. the new mystery murderer that's happening in the show has me hooked and i can't take me eyes off of it.

piles of trash and empty wrappers have built up around me as i've been stuck in the same position on the couch since i got home from school binging the whole show. while the main character, jack, is talking to a cop in the show i get a notification from life 360 that my boyfriend robby is almost home.

robby and i have been dating for a few weeks now and im staying at his house for a while while my house is getting sprayed for termites. even though we both love each other very much he hasn't said.. it.. yet. don't get me wrong, we are both filled with absolute deep affection for each other, but actually saying the words forces him to freeze up and stumble over his words. and just me saying it in passing causes him to breathe rapidly and start mildly sweating. i try to refrain from saying it and instead show it through my actions, like cuddles, going to the all valley for him, or cooking a hot dinner for him when he stays at practices late.

i won't ever force him to say it back. i know he feels it deep down; it's just the speaking part and saying it out loud he has trouble with. i hear his keys rattle from outside, the doorknob turn, and the door open. robby walks inside and drops his bag on the ground. to someone he had just met, that would be normal. but dropping his belongings on the ground isn't something he does. he always hangs up his bags on the hook rack and places his keys in our key tray we painted on our 1st date as an official couple. i pause the show and walk over to him, curious to hear about his day and to see what was wrong with him tonight. i go in for a small hug but instead of getting met with warm embrace, he puts his hand on my chest, stopping me. he stomps down the hallway towards our room, slamming the door once he gets inside.

i sigh, sad to see him like this. i don't know whether i should go talk to him or give him some space. in situations like this i find the best option is to go check up on them to ask if they want company or if they want some alone time. i make him a big bowl of his favorite fruits, including some strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and watermelon. i quietly walk over to our room and knock lightly on the door.

i hear no response other than a few grunts from the other side of the door so i tell him in coming in, open the door slightly and look in. it was pitch black so i decided to turn on the light a little and see what's happening. i step inside and close the door behind me.

"i made you some fruit," i say quietly, placing the bowl on his nightstand next to his lamp. i switch that on too and see him shirtless, punching his heavy bag stand. his punches are so agressive it makes me flinch whenever his fists come into contact with the bag. the punching bag is fit to withstand heavy forces but the way robby is hitting the bag i almost feel it would break in two.

i walk up to him and place my hand on his shoulder. he flinches hard and jerks back a little, scared to see me even though i announced my entrance and told him about the fruit.

"are you okay?" i say, interlocking my hands behind my back. he rolls his eyes. i'm surprised at his actions, as he normally doesn't act like this even when he's had a bad day. he throws a few punches, ignoring my question before turning back around.

"no im not fucking okay. why don't you know that already?" he harshly criticizes me in a whisper. he turns slightly and puts both hands on the table, his back now completely facing me. "why don't you care about me? about us?"

i don't know how to respond, i always thought i was pretty clear with my feelings towards him. "of course i do, i love- i like you. a lot." i walk up to him and try to turn him around but he bats my hand away.

"just leave me alone. please. that's what you're best at. don't you know how hard it is to love you when all i can think about is how horrible you are?"

i don't know how to respond. i just stand there, my head down and a tear falling from my eye. he's never talked this way towards me before. he's usually the one to come home and lead first in any intimacy; whether that be cuddles, kisses, or anything more serious.

"you.. you love me?"

"that's the takeaway from what i said?" he yells at me. he slams his hand on the table and it makes me flinch, another tear runs down my face. he spins on his feet and turns towards me. "i can't love you anymore since you went and slobbered over miguel didn't you?"

"what? what are you talking about?"

"don't play dumb with me. not right now. tory came up to me after practice at the store and told me you cheated on me with miguel"

"i haven't even seen him all day, and i would never do anything like that. i understand where you are coming from but i promise i never cheated on you with anyone, especially miguel."

"and how am i supposed to believe you? tory showed me photos of you and miguel in the car while i was gone." he pulls out his phone and hands it to me to look. i start scrolling through his camera roll to see sam and miguel kissing. i don't understand how he could've mistaken sam for me.

"robby, that isn't me i swear, i was home the whole time. this is sam. they've been dating for a year. i wouldn't do that to you or sam."

"yeah right, i have hard photo evidence and all you have to back it up is your lies."

"you can check life 360, you will see that is was there the whole time." i pull up life 360 on my phone and go to "location history". it shows i got home at 3:00 from school and haven't gone anywhere else.

"what if you turned off your phone? life 360 can't track you then, can it?" he rebutted. his words are like venom filled with hatred that he had formed for me out of nowhere. i can't think of one reason why she would want to break us up. if this is for their stupid karate rivalry, i want no part in it.

"i swear- i swear i didn't turn off my phone. i don't know how else to prove it to you but i just want you to believe me. i love no one else other than you. i try to prove that to you everyday. i'm as loyal as one can be and if you can't believe those words then i don't know what you can believe." i beg to him, pleading that he trusts me at all. with a single bone in his body. but he doesn't flinch, his face doesn't move and he looks just as mad as he did.

robby looks over to the bowl of fruit i had made him just minutes ago. he looks down, sighing and rubbing his hands on his face. i can't read his emotions when he's like this. he's unpredictable almost, every emotion could be faked or just another version of him mad.

he looks down at me, the emotions in his eyes i couldn't tell. i was ready to spit insults at him, but my younger betrayed me as he presses his lips onto mine, leaning in to deepen the kiss. i'm surprised at first, my consciousness leaving my body. but when i realize what's happening i kiss back, my hands traveling to his neck. he pulls away gently, and places his hands on my cheeks. while i enjoyed some long anticipated and wanted kisses, i don't understand how he could've changed his attitude so quickly.

"i'm so sorry." he says, staring at me. i don't understand what's happening. my eyebrows furrow and i take a step back, my hands slowly moving away from his neck. "i guess i was so wrapped up in my own thoughts filled with jealousy that i totally forgot about how i actually feel"

"what do you mean?" i'm confused, and curious to see what he says next.

"i just.. you treat me so well with lots of attention and quality time, and kisses, and- and fruits! god i love fruit.. and you always make them even when you're tired." he exclaims, i chuckle to myself at his disorganized thoughts. "when tory came up to me i totally got in my own head and acted foolishly. i know you would never cheat. i always knew that. she probably showed those photos to me and sam so everyone would break up, and she could get with miguel."

"robby you are so sweet. i love you so much." i accidentally say i love you and i get nervous. i squint my eyes a little, im scared to see how he will react since he said it earlier. but when i open my eyes he's just smiling at me with that dumb grin that made me fall for him in the first place. he gives me quick peck on the lips, but his smile fades slowly.

"and i just- i got jealous because im always scared you'll leave me for someone better. like miguel, who didn't go to rehab or beat up 20 guys unprompted."

"how could you ever think that? i love you and only you. please don't ever do that to yourself."

he sighs in relief, releasing a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"i love you."