THEY SAID I DID SOMETHING BAD

☀︎

THE WORLD WAS QUIET FOR TWO DAYS. Alex lay on her bed, an arm hung off the side with a single finger brushing against her bedroom floor. Her eyes stayed watching the wall opposite, her body and mind far too numb to move. Everything felt frozen in time once more in her life and this time, no matter how hard she fought to not push others away, she couldn't find the drive to do much but lay there.

There was a small knock on her bedroom door but she couldn't bring herself to even grumble a welcome in. People tended to allow themselves in knowing right where she would be. Just as she expected, the door slowly creaked open before the confidence brought them to slip in. "Hey," Steve whispered. His voice was gentle and careful.

She couldn't answer, couldn't bring herself to pick herself up and look at him. She wanted him to yell at her and become frustrated— that's all she felt she deserved. Yet he was gentle with every action, every word. Crouching down, he became eye level with her yet hers never landed on his. Alex only heard the crinkle of the Pop Tart wrapper before he raised it and gently hit it against her forehead. It was a relief to see when he pulled away that her eyes met his. "Come on," he grinned. Picking up her arm, he laced his fingers with hers as he tugged her arm towards himself. "You said you wanted to go and you know you can't be here all day. Robins in the car waiting and after... if you're feeling up to it..." Reaching down, he dropped the PopTart and grabbed hold of something new. Holding a movie between them, his eyes peeked over. "Dr. Zhivago. I know it's double VHS but I think you'll love it. Action, romance, suspense, right? Your kinda thing."

Alex didn't say a word as she looked at the movie between them. Silence hung in the air until Steve lowered it with a sigh and a heavy heart. Tossing it onto her nightstand, he put his hand through his hair. "Listen, I know it's tough, but you gotta try."

"My head hurts," Alex whispered. Steve hid the relief well that she said something. To him, it was just another step in the right direction. He nodded his head in understanding, allowing for her to continue as he hoped she would. "I don't feel good." Every part of her body ached from both exhaustion and emotional numbness.

Steve propped his chin on the end of her bed, "Have you slept yet?"

Instantly tears brimmed Alex's eyes and regret hit his chest heavily for trigging such a quick response from her. "I can't," she whispered. Her grip tightened on his hand as she met his eyes. "Every time I sleep... I have the same dream." She swallowed hard, pushing back the sobs as she sniffled through her tears. "There's so much blood and... and... I'm with myself and... I'm so scary... I try to hurt myself. It...it feels so real."

He kept his eyes on her but was at a loss for words. There was plenty to ask and ways to comfort but none seemed reasonable in the moment. Instead, he held her hand tighter as she took a long shaky breath. Tears continued to slip across her face, staining the sheets under her. "I think there's something wrong with me." Her words shook and barely made it above a whisper. Haunting was all Steve could think to describe it.

"They said they couldn't find anything," he reassured. "But... but you know, they said they'd try and get Owens here and... and they tried calling Jonathan's mom to see if she could come. I think if they're gonna find anything... it'll be Owens, right?"

Alex shook her head. "N-no. He didn't before. Somethings wrong."

"Okay," he agreed. "I believe you, Alex. I do. Maybe we need to get you up and... and then a good sleep tonight and hey, maybe you'll remember something... maybe just get a break from all of... this." There was a hesitation in his voice. Every word, he believed yet it terrified him that maybe she was right. "Lucas is already there waiting for you," he whispered.

There was a different feeling to the silence between the two. His reassurance brought a change to her eyes. Rather than be filled with fear and darkness, the tears retreated and Alex looked in thought. She seemed hopeful, "Are you sure you're okay with double VHS?"

"I... I mean it's long," he mumbled but he couldn't even deny her a smile. "Okay, yeah, I'm cool with it. Whatever you want, Henderson." Lifting himself up, he gave a yank to the blanket and tossed it to the other side of the bed. "But you have to get up and get a move on. I got the whole day planned here, okay? It's gonna be great."

Slowly, Alex pulled herself up into a seated position. Flattening down her hair, she felt weak to even begin to think of the possibilities of what could happen today. "It's not a lot, is it?"

"Nah," he shrugged. "I'm taking you to see Max, then I'm gonna swing by Nancy's with Robin and Dustin and drop off whatever junk she has, then I'm picking you up and we'll have our time. If you wanna come back here... I mean, we can but your mom... she's never gonna leave us alone. If we go back to my house, put on our movie... maybe order us some pizza or whatever you want."

"Okay," she whispered with a simple nod. "That's not too bad." Picking her shoes up from the floor, she gave a sad sigh of exhaustion. "I'm just not sure I can... I just don't think I can handle much more. I sorta just wanna be here... or your house. I'm not even sure I want to do this anymore."

"You wanna see Max. I know you do."

"I do," she frowned. "But the hospital and... I don't know if I can even look at her. I-I might totally lose it. And if she doesn't ever wake up then... I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't even know if he's back or not... I don't even remember anything once we got to his creepy attic-lair." Her breathing became more intense as she talked, panic rising in her voice and her hands grew shaky. Unable to get her shoe on, she let it fall back to the floor before holding her head in her hands. "Something is wrong and I know it. I... I know there's something... in me or watching me and I just... I can't explain it because all those scientists look at me like I'm crazy and Owens isn't here and Joyce is supposed to be acting as my mom with all of this because my mom doesn't even know. She... she doesn't know and I can't stand that but I can't tell her. And the Byers won't answer their phone." Tears streaming down once more, Alex's grip on her hair tightened, starting to tug on it as she spiraled. "I know I didn't call them for months but... but they left me here in Hawkins and somethings wrong."

Steve slowly came to her side, his elbows rested on her knees as he gently pulled her hands away from her hair. "I'm right here," he whispered. Dropping her hands into her lap, he cupped her face in his hands to keep her focused. "I know somethings wrong and I'm... I'm gonna figure it out for you. But seeing Max will be good for both of you." Bending to the side, Steve grabbed her shoe and held out a hand for her foot. She was hesitant but allowed him to do as he wished. It felt good to have him care for her, better than it did when he was gone. She regretted she ever pushed him away in the first place. He was always so good to her.

—

Arriving at the hospital felt overwhelming. Not only had Alex felt uncomfortable being in a place that she knew had people from Hawkins Lab lurking in the shadows, but today it was just as busy as before. What Hawkins called an earthquake had a lot of the town filling the halls. Some looked for those they couldn't find, some getting the news that the one they loved didn't make it, and those that waited to hear if darkness would soon swallow them whole. Alex felt like a lot of this was her doing.

Steve kept his hand on her back as he guided her to where she needed to be. Hospitals weren't his thing but these past two days, he started to know the hospital well. Between Alex and Dustin's short stay each, and his visits to Max, he had the layout down. Her eyes stayed down as they walked, one look at the wrong person and she was certain she'd begin to cry.

The hallways began to grow quieter as they found themselves closer to Max's room. The crowd of Hawkins eventually turned to nothing and only doctors and nurses roamed the halls. They were always in a rush from one patient to another and none paid Alex and Steve much attention.

Alex felt her nerves settle into her feet and erupt upwards into her body as Steve slowed down to a stop. "This is it," he whispered. "I'll pick you up later."

Alex gave a nod as Steve reached for the door. He gave a single knock before letting it creak open. He tried his best to put a smile on his face as he entered in, Alex trailing behind. "Hey, Sinclair, she's here." Pausing, he pursed his lips together as he nodded at Erica. He hadn't realized she'd be in company today and couldn't give the warning to Alex. It took time, but she felt distant from all those, and one quick call from Lucas and she was convinced to let him break her walls down.

"Hi," Alex said with a small smile at both of them. Seeing that smile was enough for Steve to feel at ease. After quick goodbyes and a few hugs around, Steve excused himself to be off to the Wheelers. After hearing the door click, Lucas began to rise from his seat as he looked at Alex. She hated the sympathy in his eyes but she loved him far too much to turn away from him. "I'm glad you came," he said gently. Reaching down, he picked up a book from his seat. "I was just about to read to Max. I-I don't know if she can hear... or if she'd even like it..."

"I think it's nice," Alex said softly. It was her reassurance that had him filled with warmth.

"How are you feeling? Dustin said they didn't find anything. That... that he might be gone."

Her jaw clenched as she made her way over to Max. Her eyes stayed on her as she took her hand in hers. She wished more than anything to feel that erupt of comfort that Max always gave her. Instead, she was cold as if she was gone already. Tears sprang to her eyes but she was quick to wipe them away. "I'm fine," Alex whispered. "I'm sorry you were there."

Lucas scrunched up his face at her apology. "You don't have to say that."

Max's fingers slipped away as Alex pulled herself back. She knew she shouldn't apologize, that it wouldn't change anything, but she felt it was right. Making her way around the bed, she pulled him into her arms. There were no words to be said between the two as each knew how the other felt. They were broken apart by this. His fists clenched into balls and his eyes squeezed shut as he told himself not to cry, at least not to her. He had to be strong and he had to show that he could handle this. After all, he felt Alex already held on to so much that he didn't deserve to break down, not to her. He had to own his pain, hold it, and fight through it.

Alex wouldn't have cared if he cried, even just a tear because she knew he felt all the pain. His love for Max was undying just as hers was for Steve. When he had pulled away, Lucas held his fist under his nose, fighting those tears as he sniffled them back. Alex left him to himself as she bent down toward Erica. She was always too tough to cry, only now was different— she was crying. When she cried, her tears were silent and her eyes turned only slightly red. It didn't take a second for her to consider wrapping herself in Alex's arm, she did it before Alex could even make the motion.

For such a small girl, Alex felt herself be wrapped up in the warmth. Any day she would melt into a hug like this. This time she squeezed her eyes and hoped she could feel it that way. Instead, the warmth became suffocating and when Erica pulled away, Alex felt she could breathe once again. Erica couldn't feel the distance begin to grow with Alex just yet, not even the slightest tug on her mind because she played it off so well.

Patting the seat beside her, Erica made room for Alex to take a seat to listen to Lucas' book. There was a hesitation but Alex slipped into the spot beside her, wrapping her hoodie tighter around her and her arms wrapped tightly against her chest.

Lucas gave a sigh when the book cracked open. One day he hoped that when he opened this book, Max would finally let out a groan and a desperate attempt to stop him before he could read to her, she'd call him embarrassing and he'd pretend he was offended. It would be perfect. Briefly closing his eyes, he took that moment to wish she would wake when they opened. Slowly breaking them open, he saw yet again, his wish would fail him. Clearing his throat, he began. "He opened his eyes, and further words died in his throat. He forgot about the need to sick up that horrible parody of wine. He forgot his mother and Uncle Morgan, and his father, and almost everything else."

Alex felt sick with his words. Time confused her and the world around her felt unusual. She felt sick to her stomach. Knots formed inside her and that desperate pull to faint overtook her. She closed her eyes, feeling dizzy and unsafe in a place she should feel the most. She tried to open her mouth to ask for help, to tell Lucas to hold her upright, for Erica to run for help, but she had forgotten their names. It was there on the tip of her tongue but it had left her in the confusion. She felt locked in, frozen in place yet ready to topple at any moment. Only once had she ever felt this way— two days ago in front of the Creel house and somewhere in her mind, she couldn't remember why she felt this way before.

Lucas continued, "Speedy was gone." His words felt absolute— certain that Speedy was never to return. It made Alex's stomach feel heavy. She hadn't known who Speedy was and was uncertain if she was supposed to. Who was this Speedy and who had been telling her of him? She sat there confused, overwhelmed. The world felt blurry and as Lucas continued, his words felt miles away and garbled together. "The graceful arcs of the roller coaster against the sky were gone. He could feel the hair stirring on the nape of his neck, could feel a goofed-up grin pulling at the corners of his mouth."

Alex touched the back of her neck and though the goosebumps rose, she felt hot. It consumed her.

"Speedy! I'm here, my God! I'm here in the territories!" Lucas felt compelled to read on, hanging off every word. His own hurt caused his blindness to Alex's. The book slowly slipped to his lap as he looked at Max. The machines beeped, reminding him she was still there with him but he wanted more. He craved more with her.

Alex felt something wrong. She was certain that her mind was slipping away from her and the world around her was crumbling and still, something tugged. Something inside didn't let her fall apart just yet. It was keeping her from giving up when she wanted so desperately to do so. She couldn't remember them, but she wanted to tell the two that she couldn't understand. She lost sight of who she was and where she was going.

Lucas sighed. There was no point in waiting, but he would forever continue to do so, he couldn't give up. However, right now, he needed a break. Food came to the forefront of his mind and he was hoping Alex hadn't eaten just yet either. Steve told him to be sure she stayed fed, that she didn't hide herself away again and Lucas knew that was one thing he did have control of. It was something he said he owed her after allowing her to slip away once before.

The book sat back on the table to stay put until he was ready to continue. Rubbing his hands together, Lucas began to turn his head, to ask the girls if they'd be willing to go to the cafeteria with him. Even if it was for a small bite to eat, he knew they all needed it.

If only he had been confident in his actions. Determined to eat and set aside the worry he held on to for just a second. It would've been easy. He could have saved her and he would've given it his whole heart to do so. Just that one second could have changed everything.

The door to Max's room flung open and it unlocked Alex from her mind. Everything came flooding back in that second but it all felt okay. She felt okay. Something inside her whispered through her mind that she was safe, nothing could harm her because whatever it was, was going to be there... always. The warmth stuck to her and she still felt uncomfortable but she remembered them. It was refreshing. She didn't want to feel okay but she couldn't stop. The corners of her mouth pulled up as she relaxed back into her seat. One pinch to her arm and she knew this was really happening. It was as if a shockwave was sent through her body to correct her emotions and make her feel right with the world again. Nothing scared her now, not him. She liked not being scared of him. In fact, she was wondering when she'd see him again. Had it been him that made her feel this way? She could thank him if she could.

She didn't realize they walked in. It was a snap back to reality. That her mind couldn't rest on a man she knew better than to think of. It felt right for all the wrong reasons. Yet she couldn't hide that smile on her face when she thought of Henry. It was easily shadowed when she saw who stood in the doorway.

Mike Wheeler was the first to enter as if he was determined to be there before the rest— as if he had a reason. He only glanced at Max before he saw his best friend. The air in Lucas' lungs felt brand new to see them again. They were untouched and unharmed and it was refreshing to see. Rising from his seat, he realized he wasn't as scared to see them unlike when it came to Alex. She was fragile and he was afraid he could break her, but them... they seemed so strong and he needed someone to be stronger than him for a change.

Lucas moved from around the bed as Will and Eleven appeared behind Mike. This was right. This was where they belonged. All of them, back in Hawkins. In his deepest hurt, they returned to him when he needed them to. "We've tried calling you guys," he whispered. A sliver of Lucas wanted to blame them for not answering and leaving the rest of them to suffer alone but even that smallest sliver couldn't find the strength to do it. Something had to have been wrong or they would have answered. They would've ran here if they could.

Lucas fell right into his best friends' arms— Mike and Will. Just that one hug took him back to when they were young, naive to this horrid world. He wished then that they could've stayed hidden in the basement, only playing with monsters that would never leave a game.

Mike's eyes peeked over Lucas' shoulder as he looked at Alex. She seemed so content and it made his heart beat faster. She smiled at him and he couldn't believe it. Before spring break she was nothing more than an empty shell, she used to never be able to even look at them. Now she glowed with happiness and he felt better. Nevermore did she look so beautiful to him and never would he admit that out loud.

He would've felt different if he'd known she was smiling because of the man on her mind, and not because of him.

Erica stood up to greet them and Alex felt she should do the same. She picked herself up and quickly pulled over her hoodie. Tossing it back onto the couch, she came forward as Mike released Lucas and made his way toward her.

Mike became nervous after his confidence disappeared. He wanted to tell her he missed her, that he worried about her the entire time he was gone, then he wanted to apologize for leaving her when she needed him. He heard enough from Dustin that his time away caused him to miss a lot. Only now his confidence crumbled and he stuttered out his words. "Hey, I'm... I'm back home. Heard you missed me."

Alex laughed. She didn't know why she did it. Inside she wanted to tell him that she did more than miss him, she needed him. It screamed throughout her mind but all she could do was place her arms around him and hold him in her arms.

He was hesitant at first but Mike managed to wrap his arms around her tightly. Tears spiked his eyes but he would rather die than let her see him cry. "I heard what happened and... and I'm sorry I left."

"No," she laughed, "I'm fine. Nothings changed."

"I should have been here."

"It's okay," she said softly. Pulling him back, she held his face in her hands, looking him over. "You stayed safe. That's what matters, right?"

He nodded his head, placing his hand over hers as she pulled them away. He was here now and he got Eleven right to where she needed to be. He was the one to pull her out from Vecna's hold. Whatever he felt, he was a hero. He was everything that Hawkins needed him to be. Mike let himself take comfort in Alex's words.

Looking over his shoulder, she met Will Byers eyes. A smile was forced to her lips as she looked at him, and when Mike stepped back, she let herself believe it was okay-- that he was. Stepping forward, she was hesitant, unsure what to say. This didn't feel right. Something about him caused her to feel uneasy. She didn't like this feeling. It was wrong. Something about him made her remember what she somehow started to forget, she remembered how she truly felt— alone, lost, scared, and broken.

Will felt the opposite when he met her eyes. She understood him, everything that no one else could even dream of understanding. Coming here he believed he had much more to say, many things he felt he had to share with her. All of it felt to be ripped from him when she didn't seem to feel the very same. Smile faltering, he tried to stay optimistic and then she reached for him but it just wasn't the same as he thought it would be. It was cold and frigid as if she would have rather been anywhere else than in his arms. This wasn't what he imagined when he was meant to reunite with her again. He was supposed to hold on to her, fighting back tears so that the other could prove they were strong enough to allow the other to feel safe expressing their pain and they'd share how they missed each other. Maybe Alex would have told Will she needed him, allowing herself to let him in a little more.

Then she pulled away from his arms and he felt as empty as he did once before. This wasn't what he needed— it wasn't life-changing, it was soul-crushing. He managed a smile but he could never meet her eyes again. For a moment, he felt that maybe he was losing his mind, that maybe he had made up the bond that he shared with Alex.

Those doubts were only made more prominent as Alex moved past him, her shoulder hitting his, and continued on without a word and buried herself in Eleven's arms. It was as if she pushed him to the side to get to what she really wanted which was her.

Always her.

Immediately springing tears to her eyes, Eleven squeezed her eyes shut as she buried her head into the crook of Alex's neck. Stepping back, Will kept his eyes on the two as he placed his hands behind his back left to wonder when it would be his turn to get the kind of love the others always chose to share with anyone but him. Jonathan watched him silently, seeing his brother shrink in embarrassment. For once, it made Jonathan hate Alex, a feeling he was sure he'd never feel.

"I missed you," El whispered, her voice muffled, lost in the hold of Alex. Being the only one to hear her, Alex held onto her tighter, missing her all the same. The last Eleven had seen of her, she was left to Henry Creel's hold, strung up as he waited for her to forever belong to him. Whether Alex had remembered meeting in a lost, red-fogged world or not, she refused to bring it up, knowing the pain it held. All there had to be was the light now that they were reunited.

Losing her grip on Alex, Eleven pulled away with a forced smile. Wiping away at the tears that slipped down her cheeks, she used her sleeve as she turned herself away from anyone's eyes. Keeping her eyes on her, Alex didn't pay attention until clearing his throat from the back of the room, Jonathan Byers waited for his own greeting.

He wished that as she turned to him and it'd all be back to how it was. Maybe that moment of hatred could vanish if she showed she still loved him, then he knew he could knock sense into her. The bond they shared should have kept them tethered together and now it felt as if he was holding onto nothing. Even as she smiled so brightly at him, Jonathan couldn't help but feel there was an empty shell hidden behind her dark eyes. That moment of hatred still clung to his heart.

Alex wasn't sure how to react to Jonathan. Before she would have cried. She owed Jonathan everything after he had worked tirelessly to be there for her even across the country. It would've taken everything not to break down in his arms and beg him to never leave her again, that she needed him always. He was her best friend, and their hearts were intertwined forever.

Now she felt unlike herself, emotionless to his arrival. She knew how to act, smile, hold him, and apologize. It was a step by step that her mind whispered to her. And she did it with ease. Almost anyone else would have been fooled but not Jonathan. He knew her not too long after she moved here, she met him right after Steve. The way she hugged him was all wrong. It was awkward and forced as if this was her first time holding him. As she held him, Jonathan looked to Nancy beside him and she smiled brighter than he'd seen before. She told him Alex was hurting but this wasn't at all who she described. This Alex was alive.

Shaking it off, he told himself he had to be making it up. Was it because he wanted to hate her over what she did to Will? He didn't know for sure. When she spoke, however, he forced himself to believe for that moment that something wasn't wrong because she said something he needed to hear from her.

Her voice was the same. Soft, caring, and sincere. "I'm sorry for everything."

Jonathan squeezed his eyes shut, holding on tighter as he tried his hardest to force an image of Alex he once knew. "Me too," he responded. She felt so genuine, how could this not be her, he told himself. It had to be her. It sounded like her, talked like her but everything felt empty as if she never did know them.

——

The small group took to the road after visiting Max. It hadn't taken much convincing from Nancy to bring Alex allow with. Lucas tried to ask for her to stay, but he battled with his own inner thoughts. He wanted her happy and he wanted her there. But he let her go because then maybe he'd prove to Steve that she wasn't going to hide like before and it wouldn't take them holding her down to do so.

So Alex left without even saying goodbye to Max. She just left with them and a new pep to her step. She liked the feeling of being out and alive again even if she didn't understand it. It was better than feeling nothing and she knew it was because of him.

Now Alex turned in the light above her. Her eyes stayed shut as she felt the sun hit her skin, it didn't feel right, but she liked it. They were at Hopper's cabin and she hadn't been there for some time. She thought when she stepped through the doors she'd be rocked by a mix of emotions. That she was supposed to miss Hopper and be devastated that something of his was destroyed, torn apart on the Fourth of July night that haunted her nightmares. She told herself to cry but she couldn't, instead she spun in a circle, her face pointed at the sky through the hole in the roof as she smiled.

Jonathan felt differently. He passed by Alex, a small shove of his shoulder to her back to get her to stop. He meant for it to look like an accident, but he couldn't stop himself from looking back over his shoulder in disappointment. He pointed a finger up for her eyes to follow, "That's a bit of a problem."

Alex looked up at the hole again and felt embarrassed. She messed up. "Yeah, I know." Nancy was her rescue as she came to Alex's side. Her arm slipped around her, pulling her in close, "We'll get it fixed up, I know it."

The two smiled at one another and Jonathan couldn't help but roll his eyes. He hated feeling this way, hating her like this. He almost let it slip and told her he wanted her to leave but Argyle was quicker at expressing his concerns, "I get we gotta hide Supergirl and all, but this isn't exactly the Fortress of Solitude, man. It's more like the fortress of grodiness."

Nancy couldn't stand the negativity. To her, this was just the beginning. As far as she could see, everything was coming back together and if that meant fixing up a few things to keep them all there, she'd do whatever it took. "Come on, guys, seriously. I've seen Mike's room look worse than this. Guarantee you Dustin's has looked like this plenty of times too, right, Alex?"

The sound of her name caused Alex to pull her eyes off Eleven. She brought a smile to her lips so easily that Nancy believed it. "Always." It wasn't true either, Dustin always kept his room in tip-top shape. Everything needed to be in place so that if he ever needed something quick, he'd know exactly where to look.

"Ah, brutal, dude," Argyle called out.

Nancy further proved her point that this would be easy as she raced to the sink. Turning it on, she looked around the room to show the others that water still came from the pipes. "Water still works," she said cheerfully. Turning off the water, she bent down underneath the sink. Just as she imagined, cleaning supplies were all placed together in one convenient bucket in the cabinet.

Everyone knew what needed to be done and though some groaned, they all got to work. Alex didn't find much fun in the cleaning, she didn't see it as necessary. She was the first out the door but a new face was not too far behind as he caught the door and let himself free outside as well. "Man, I'm surprised my boy didn't introduce me. I'm Argyle."

Alex looked over her shoulder as she stepped down from the porch. As her feet hit the dirt, she turned completely, pushing her hair from her eyes. "I'm Alex."

"Oh, yeah, man, I heard all about you. Yeah, Jonathan is, like, madly in love with you, man. It's pretty neat actually."

"Jonathan doesn't love me. He loves Nancy."

He hit his head with the palm of his hand. "Right, yeah, I know. I just mean he talks about you a lot. He got really sad when you didn't write him back. It actually kinda bummed me out, you know?" He didn't notice that Alex took disinterest in the conversation when she began to walk away, so he followed after. His hands found a home in his front jeans pockets and walked right alongside her. "Are you okay and all that? I just don't want him getting hurt again, you know? Like, I need to look out for him."

Alex found herself laughing. It seemed so cruel to laugh but Argyle didn't take it that way. He could never tell when people were mean to him, he was full of love. "I'm fine. Did he tell you I wasn't?"

"Nah," Argyle chuckled as they stopped at the trees. "I mean, he thought you were sad and stuff but then Mike came and he said you weren't doing good. And, you know, Jonathan said he invited you to stay over for spring break but you didn't say anything. Kinda hoped we'd meet but... hey, look at us now, man."

She smiled widely as she looked at Argyle. "Yeah, look at us now." There was a pause and for a second, Alex felt sad. Hurt that she'd disappointed Jonathan so much and maybe Argyle was a better friend than she ever could be. She almost asked him if Jonathan was okay but her mouth formed different words, ones she regretted deeply. "Well, you're his best friend now."

Argyle, for once, did not take kindly to her words. He frowned, "You two aren't best friends anymore?"

She wished to scream to the world that she was, that she loved Jonathan but she couldn't. Her eyes screamed those words but Argyle would never know her cry for help— help to finally be herself again. "I don't know," she laughed. "He moved to Lenora and met you and... and I stayed here. With Nancy, Robin, Steve, Eddie... they're my friends."

"Oh," his voice was small. "Can he still be your best friend now that he's back?"

There was a shrug and she gave a halfhearted nod. "Sure."

Whatever it was, it satisfied Argyle to joyously laugh. "Alright! That's awesome, man. You totally had me worried there for a sec. Almost called him over here to get this all sorted for ya."

Her lips pursed into a fine line as she jutted a thumb over her shoulder. "I should go check on everything. I sorta don't want Nancy assigning me anything too hard so..."

Argyle didn't care she was leaving him out there. He loved her already just from what he's heard from Jonathan. His arms wrapped around her tightly. "So good to meet you, Alex. You're alright, you know that?"

Alex gave quick, uneasy pats on his back before he finally pulled away. "You're pretty cool too," she said quietly. Stepping back, she told herself not to run from him or it'd be too obvious she hated his hug. If only she'd met him at a different time, she would've loved him, even asked him for seconds on the hug. Now wasn't the right time so she was quick to head back inside to escape.

She didn't see Nancy and Jonathan on the porch, boarding up the broken window. Her focus was on finding Eleven. She was so drawn to her, desperate to be around her at every step. And as soon as she walked in, she grabbed a garbage bag and made a beeline straight toward her.

Jonathan heard her laugh and it sent a chill down his spine. Usually, it'd make him smile just to hear her so happy but now was different. His eyes peeked over the board they put up as he watched her playfully shove Eleven as they laughed together. Unable to watch for even a second, he relaxed in his spot but he couldn't help but look at Nancy.

Nancy failed to see the eyes that lingered as she kept to her work. She didn't seem to notice, almost oblivious to the new world she was a part of. Everything was going to be okay— at least that's what she continued to tell herself. This was their freedom, questioning felt like a way to ruin it all.

Jonathan Byers learned that questioning was okay because if he continued to ignore, it wouldn't make it go away, it would only continue to build until it was uncontainable. He continued to sneak glances at Alex Henderson watching as she laughed, and joked, everything he knew she never would have chosen to do. Hanging his head for a moment, he built that courage to be the one to question aloud. When he felt Nancy turn her head in his direction, catching his signal, he picked up his head with a heavy sigh. "This isn't normal, you know that, right?"

Nancy was perplexed by his question. She barely gave Alex even a glance before letting a small laugh escape her lips. "Alex? She's..." Shaking her head, Nancy couldn't begin to think of anything being less than normal. "She's fine."

He immediately shook his head in utter disbelief. "It's been two days, Nancy."

Nancy could only watch him. Watch as his chest rose and fell, worry conveyed over his entire body. It was a concern she hadn't seen in some time. "Jonathan..." her voice trailed off as she fought back the excuses. It had only been two days and with a small look to him, she continued to live in her daydream. "You haven't been here."

Jonathan could only continue to shake his head, unable to look anywhere but the floor. As Nancy extended a hand out to him for comfort, he flinched, causing her hand to pull away with sadness. "She's fine and you're just... you're okay with that?"

"I'll take this over what she was like before," Nancy whispered. This moment had beaten the thought of Alex losing everyone all over again. Even if this was all for show, Nancy was still there and she could be there for when it all broke apart and real emotions spilled. At least this time she could have her friend at arms reach. Jonathan didn't see it the same.

Alex Henderson had a particular way to grieve. A shutdown of her emotions would stir a mixture of blame and guilt. It would create a spell against her that weighed so heavily on her shoulders. Only now there was more to grieve. Jim Hopper was gone, Eddie Munson had become a brother in a matter of moments just to be ripped away from her grasp just as fast, and the fate of Max Mayfield that continued to be unforgivable. If this was the friend he believed her to be, he didn't feel she'd leave the hospital. Guilt would force her to sit there every day, left to nothing but the cold hospital air, the steady beeps of machinery, and the footsteps of doctors and nurses that passed through the halls, and still it would be enough silence for Alex to sit in her grief and live with it for as long as she could.

Yet she laughed. There was a light to her he never expected. To know the truth of Henry Creel, gave him all he needed to know. She was stuck swimming through manipulation and fear only to emerge in a pain that ached every inch of her body and clouded her mind with nightmares, yet she still managed to laugh today. And it had only been two days since.

"Steve told us she wasn't okay... that he had to convince her to see Max today. She didn't want to go anywhere but there and back home and we shouldn't expect anything. This is... this is not the same person he was talking about."

He was so certain with his words but Nancy craved the idea of Alex being okay. She had to be okay or else Nancy swore she'd fall apart too. And she almost did. But seeing Alex today and seeing how she smiled, hugged, and lived— it was perfect. A perfect way to pretend. Pretending was easier than seeing the horrible truth.

Her eyes grew wet but she didn't want Jonathan to know. As she smiled, her lips quivered but she forced the optimism. "Yeah, but seeing you guys... she's better. She's fine. Better than before."

Pursing his lips into a fine line, he pulled back with a single nod. Even if it hurt Nancy to know he tried harder to be there for Alex than her, Jonathan wished he could say his truth. That he had taken his chance to call whenever he could just to hear her voice and know she was still there, to write her letters so she could see his words, read them over, and know she could never be alone, all while Nancy and him felt a distance between them that stretched farther than California to Indiana. To not hurt her, he accepted her words, "I wasn't here," he said softly. "You don't think I know that?"

"I know you do," Nancy whispered. "And I know it sucked but she shut everyone out. And I don't mean she barely hung out, I'm talking locking herself up to hide from Dustin, breaking up with Steve, even Robin couldn't get a word in."

"And that was just from what happened at Starcourt," Jonathan stated. "Doesn't seem off she's not acting a little out of place after this? God, Nance, it was Max."

"It's not the same," Nancy fought back quietly. "Yes, I get it, this was Max and it should've hurt her but Max isn't dead. Something that night saved her and I don't know, maybe Alex took that as a sign. It's over and all we can do is hope for her to wake up."

"Then what about Alex? Nance, after everything... she had a seizure. Last my mom heard from Owens, she was fine."

"Last she heard from Owens was before Vecna... before all of this. The doctor she had worked for Owens and she said everything looked fine and she'd send whatever to Owens as soon as she could so he could give his opinion but he also said that this sort of thing could happen. She's got a lot going on."

"This isn't from stress. She's screwed in the head, Nance."

A gasp came from Nancy's mouth. Betrayal was written all over her face as she looked at him, he could see the tears really begin to form. "How could you say that about her?"

He ran his hand down along his face with his eyes gently closed as he processed the words that came from himself. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I... I just don't see where all this is coming from. You'd never talk about her like this... ever. You know, she's been through a lot and I've... I was a terrible friend to her— awful. Gosh, I still hate myself for participating in Tommy's cruel joke of calling her the school freak. I can't be that person to her anymore and I never thought you would be that person to her."

"I didn't mean it," he whispered. His hatred got the best of him and in return acted with cruelty. "Nancy, I'm sorry. I just missed her, okay? And... and she hasn't really talked to me. She apologized for not calling or writing but... I thought she'd at least let me in on what happened."

"I'm sorry," Nancy whispered, her voice fragile. "I know you missed her. I think she just needs the time to adjust. After all this and none of you picking up the phone, I think it's a lot. And Steve, he told me they'd call your mom and tell her about Alex. She'll get any help from Owens that she needs, I know it."

"Steve said that somethings wrong," Jonathan mumbled. He wanted to press further to get Nancy to open her eyes and see that nothing seemed right to him. He wasn't sure if Nancy heard or if she was ignoring him, but she didn't acknowledge that. Instead, she blinked away her tears and placed a smile on her face to forget it all. "I'm glad you were with Mike and Will."

He hung his head for a second but knew better than to fight. Missing Nancy was all he ever did and now she was standing right beside him and he loved her more than he could contain it. "I'm glad you were here, too. Otherwise, who would've been in charge... Steve?" He couldn't stop himself from chuckling at his own joke. Even Nancy smiled, "He's actually grown up quite a bit, you know? I think Alex and Robin put him in his place. Those three... they're unbelievable together. Makes me wish I could be that close to them. They just... connect."

"Yeah, right," he whispered. Jealousy coursed through him and he wondered why Nancy didn't feel that sting as well. Something had to have changed, he told himself. Robin and Nancy never even spoke before this and now Nancy was in another world when she talked about her. It should've been him there this whole time and that's where the jealousy hit him the hardest. Getting back to work, he let himself be happy with Nancy. This was only how he felt now and certainly he'd have enough time to worry later.

Inside others were either ignorant to the darkness or wrapping themselves in it. Mike, like his sister, ignored it. He was focused on worrying about Eleven and her powers and that she wasn't ready for all of this. Will, on the other hand, watched Alex closely. As he swept away the leaves, dirt, garbage, and everything in between, he watched her. That cold nip at his neck stung like a bee when he neared her. She was so quick and careless to brush him away as if he never meant anything to her. They loved each other once before, she cared for him like a brother and he saw her as his sister and now it felt that they were nothing to one another.

Nothing made him more upset than watching Eleven adjusting her hand, teaching her how to use her powers. If it were up to him, Alex wouldn't even deserve them, he'd take them away if he could. In the back of his mind, something burned, something didn't sit right with him.

Hearing Alex laugh as the door slowly inched close, he narrowed his eyes at the two. Pushing open the door once more, El couldn't stop smiling. It felt different being around someone who could understand the highs and lows of possessing powers. For it to be Alex Henderson too, it meant the world to her. "To be stronger, you need a memory. One that makes you angry."

"Makes me angry?" Alex questioned as a smile came to her face. "I can do that."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Will turned over to Mike but struggled to take his eyes off Alex. "You really think they should be doing this?" The broom rested against the wall as he gave up on cleaning. Something stirred and spending his time cleaning felt like a waste.

Glancing at the girls, Mike held his hands together as he nodded along. To him, seeing them bond once again felt refreshing. Now knowing El's struggle back in California to make friends, it was nice to see how easily she bonded back with everyone in Hawkins. It's where she belonged. "Yeah, why not? El needs the practice again and Alex should learn from the best."

"Yeah, but isn't it sort of weird to you?"

"Weird? What's weird?"

"Has either of them talked to you at all?"

"Not much," Mike admitted quietly. "I mean, El has a little bit. And Alex has some but she's busy, you know, Jonathan and now Argyle, and she's eager to learn from El." Sighing, Mike felt he was making excuses for the two. "Dr. Brenner— he says El wasn't ready. And now she's starting to think he was right."

"That's crap," Will commented. "If it wasn't for her, if she hadn't left the lab, Max wouldn't be alive right now."

"I know," he agreed quietly. "She's never lost before. Not like this."

"She'll have another chance. El will," he clarified.

"Let's hope not. Let's hope One is dead and rotting," Mike demanded.

Sitting uncomfortably in his seat, Will shifted his eyes from Mike and back to Alex. "He's not," he whispered. His breath grew shaky and the nerves he felt skyrocketed to admit how he felt out loud. "Now that I'm here, in Hawkins, I can feel him. And he's hurt. He's hurting. But he's still alive. It's strange, knowing now who it was this whole time, but... I can still remember what he thinks, and how he thinks. And he's not going to stop. Ever. Not until he's taken everything. And everyone. We have to kill him."

"And we will," Mike assured. "El and Alex, they're our best and now they're together and..."

"Stop saying that," Will interrupted. Tears clouding his eyes, he looked back to Mike as El and Alex disappeared into the other room. "Alex can't stop him."

"No, she's got her powers now, and with El's help..."

"When we got here, I felt One. I could feel him— the cold on the back of my neck. Alex doesn't even flinch whenever I feel it."

"Well, you left, dude. She lives here, she's probably used to it and doesn't see it as anything." Mike immediately grew upset at the accusations Will shot toward Alex. "I-I don't even know what you're trying to say right now. Like Alex doesn't care?"

"I don't think that's Alex is what I'm saying," Will whispered. For Mike to see the fear in his tear-filled eyes and the quiver in his voice, he trusted that Will was only speaking his mind. "When she hugged me, it felt off... like it wasn't her. I was so... cold and... and she barely even looks at me, you, or anyone really. Anyone but El, the one person One is hunting down. I think she's still in there, but she's losing."

"I think you're just scared."

"No," Will whispered. "No, I told you I know how he thinks. He's always liked Alex. Always. El told us One had her, what if he did something to her? What if she doesn't even know it's happening?" Will squeezed his eyes shut to keep himself contained and he wished Mike would just say something to help him keep calm. When he didn't, Will opened his eyes and wrung his hands together anxiously. "Sometimes when I look at her... I mean, really look at her, she looks so... so sad but then she smiles and says she's fine. Wh...why would she do that?"

Mike rested a hand on Will's knee. "She's been like that. Before you guys left that's how it was and then after... it was like she snapped and... and she hid from us. I don't want her to snap again, okay? I think you're overthinking it."

Overthinking it— those words felt like a bullet to Will's heart. Mike just didn't understand how he felt. He couldn't hurt him though by fighting it, so he nodded in agreement. "Maybe... maybe I am. I just don't want One to come back."

"None of us do." Mike tried to smile as he pulled his hand away. An awkwardness sat in the air around them after that. Both of them wanted the other to act first or even say something but none did. It was the sound of a car pulling up that let each of them sigh in relief to have their conversation end.

Standing, each got up to make their way to the window. Pulling up was a slick, black car that was all too familiar. Bubbles formed in their throats as they hurried to the door. This was them— Hawkins Lab.

El grabbed a Coke bottle from under her bed and Alex watched her. This time she wasn't smiling. With Eleven's back toward her, she could finally feel her smile fade. Her cheeks hurt after all this and it felt good to frown. Something came over her. She wanted to hurt her but now wasn't the time. Balling up her fists, she excused herself, leaving El to her memories of Max.

Letting the door swing shut, Alex noticed that Eleven stopped it just before it could close. Her eyes stayed on the door before finally giving in to step away. Glancing around the destroyed home, she took notice of the absence of people. Mike and Will disappeared and the tops of Nancy and Jonathan's heads couldn't be seen over the boarded window. Voices floated in from outside and she grew curious.

Grabbing hold of the front door, she paused. Her hand rested on the doorknob and she couldn't find the strength to pull it open. Her heart beat loudly against her chest and the world felt ice cold. This time she didn't like the feeling of the cold. Her body shook and tears sprung to her eyes. All she could think of was home. That's where she wanted to be, not here. She wanted to lay back in her bed with Steve right beside her and a movie playing in the back. She'd pretend to watch it for him and then she'd fall asleep because when he was with her, she felt safest. It's like she could almost forget.

But she stood in this torn-apart cabin. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she wanted to march herself home to where she belonged. But she couldn't. She was frozen as time went on for everyone else. A sharp pain erupted through her mind and finally, she moved. Her hands shot to cover her ears but nothing blocked the screams that filled her mind. She was in a losing battle and she tried her best to push it away. Her eyes stayed squeezed shut as she searched for anything to feel good.

Jonathan's arms held her again after she gave up on ever seeing him again. She finally apologized to him and he did the same even though she knew he shouldn't have had to. But that wasn't her that said it, she knew that. And she didn't think of Jonathan when she hugged him, she thought of someone else— of Henry.

When she thought of Henry Creel again, her mind had lost control again. His pull was far too strong. The screams died down and the sharp pain subsided to nothing. She smiled as the final tears slid down her cheeks. The coldness around her felt exciting again and she grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled it open.

The rush of spring air breezed over her shoulder and the world felt almost right. Everything should have been right— Henry was gone and those she loved returned to her. Alex wanted to feel that giant wave of emotion crash down on her shoulders— she needed it, craved it. It would have told her that she felt something.

Seeing him should have been different. It should have wiped away all worry she ever had for the future knowing he was back once more. An embrace should have made up for the unspoken goodbye that she feared was her very last. Instead, she nervously let out a laugh, and the empty shell she became returned.

Jim Hopper met her eyes and a relief hit him. His time trapped in a Russian prison gave him plenty of time to worry. It wasn't until Joyce Byers and Murray Bauman came to his rescue and told him after Starcourt everyone was safe. Joyce tried to keep him up to date when he asked about Alex but she was left with only a few words. She was fine, but she hadn't heard from her in months but she was sure Alex just moved on. Hopper only shook his head and said she'd never forget the Byers, her heart belonged to them. He didn't say it, but he also hoped she didn't forget about him either even if she thought he was gone from her life forever.

The reunion should have been different and emotionally driven but it couldn't be that. Hawkins was cursed, a shadow lurking around every corner of darkness and even if they believed it to have moved on, it could easily be stood right before them.

Alex was certain he'd see it— the desperation in her eyes, begging him to notice she lost all control. But his tears clouded his eyes, never daring to slip out as he pulled her right into his arms. One thing he needed to do was prove to her he was always strong, a rock when she needed it. He needed to be the father she deserved, protecting her from any harm at any chance he needed. She'd never see him cry, not today.

She held on tight to him before she forgot him. It was slow, but she began to notice it start to slip. It could be gone in an instant, or a passing whisper. She hoped for the whisper, that time would protect her and she wouldn't notice it happening, forgetting them. The thought of it made her eyes gloss over and turn a shade of red. It was such a wave of emotion that made her break away from the dark hold Henry had. She pulled back, her mouth opening as she fought to say everything— somethings wrong.

Hopper only smiled, a chuckle escaping him. All he saw was a girl lost for words to have him return and that he meant something in this small town. He didn't see the losing battle she faced as he shook his head to stop her from trying to find the words. "You don't have to say it, kid," he whispered. "I already know."

Alex closed her mouth as a tear finally broke free. Her chin quivered as he dropped his arms down to his side. He didn't know, he had no idea what she was thinking because it was far too unbelievable. She just wished these tears were an act of relief, happiness just to have him back. Henry stole everything from her and once more, he took this too, he took her moment for Hopper.

Hopper moved away as he awaited his reunion with Eleven. She was what he needed so desperately, she was what kept him pushing forward. Alex stood frozen as she felt Henry wiggle himself further into her mind, burning the chance of her being herself once more. It was worse this time around than before. She knew who was doing it this time, she knew who to blame, even if she felt a piece of love for him that she hated.

Alex's fists balled up as a new presence filled the empty space Hopper left for her. Joyce was already crying. Alex wanted to do the same and tell her she was sorry. It was sudden as Joyce cupped Alex's face in her hands, "Sweetheart." Her voice was so soft and exactly what Alex needed all this time. It filled her with a warmth she could swim in for the rest of her life. But she became cold and rigid as Joyce hugged her. The warmth was unbearable, and Alex felt sick to her stomach. Her fists stayed balled up as she placed them around Joyce.

Stepping back to Jonathan, Will kept his eyes focused on Alex holding his mom. He saw how uncomfortable Alex looked, like she would rather be anywhere else and he too hated her like Jonathan. "I don't trust it," Will admitted. The silence between the two grew as Jonathan crossed his arms and for a second, Will thought he crossed a line.

"Somethings wrong," Jonathan mumbled. "I don't like it."

"I didn't think anyone else sees it," he said quietly as he looked up to his brother. "You see it, don't you?"

Jonathan gave a small nod. His eyes moved around the group to be sure no one paid them any attention. Thankfully, the reunions had kept everyone distracted. "Her friend died, Max is in a coma, and we don't know where he is.  Is it wrong for me to say that Alex happy feels wrong?"

"Mike said she didn't talk to anyone for months after Starcourt. She thought it was over then and they know it's not over now, he's still out there, people she loves are dead and she's fine with it? It just doesn't make sense."

"Moms gotta know," Jonathan whispered. He may have disagreed with her plenty of times before, thought she's lost her mind and living in delusion but now he was certain she'd know. She always knew. That was the thing about Joyce Byers, she could spot the darkness the moment it presented itself before her in the smallest of ways.

Will looked up to his brother as he wondered if they were right about it all or if they wanted to search for something wrong in something so perfect. All they battled were the demons since the beginning and he wondered if they asked for it this time. But Jonathan seemed so certain. He broke from these thoughts as his mom found herself pulling them into her arms and her hold caused him to relax on the spot. This was right and this was where he belonged all along.

Alex felt wrong when she felt herself. She was shaky on her feet as others began to mingle and reunite with one another. No one noticed her anymore as she moved closer to the forest. She held onto a tree to hold her balance as her stomach twisted into knots and the cold burst on the back of her neck became almost unbearable. He was so close and she wanted to see him.

When the thunder rumbled is when the others took notice of the flakes in the sky and the storm within Hawkins brewed. Their eyes stayed on the sky but Joyce watched Alex with suspicion. Her hand held tight onto her neck and her calm demeanor was now shaken as she held onto herself with her other arm.

Hopper moved past Joyce, taking hold of her hand as the kids moved passed to see the storm ahead. Jonathan stuck beside Nancy, Will with Mike and Eleven ventured ahead of the others on her own. Alex trailed behind, holding her stomach as she came across the field they stood in. Flowers died behind her as the earth cowered from the cold darkness hanging on her shoulders.

An unsettling smile came across her face as she felt him rise in her just as the red storm rose higher into the skies. Tears leaked out the corners of her eyes, unable to stay put. She could feel it, everything she is and once was begin to slip away into the darkness. This was Henry Creel, having returned home in her mind and he clouded her every thought. He had gotten her and he was ready to win. Hawkins, Indiana would fall and the shadows of another world would consume until the light was burnt out.

Lucas Sinclair watched out the window as the flames fell from the sky. His eyes turned over to Max and he felt her words fill his ears and comfort formed around him. It should have been an unbreakable shield. He could only wish that he'd hear her say those words once more. Even if it was just once, he craved it.

As his eyes traveled back toward the window, he caught sight of it— Alex's hoodie. He wondered if she was cold right now, maybe he could find it in him to leave Max's side for a bit to run it out to her. It would be a long trip on foot to Hopper's cabin, but he was willing.

Picking it up, he watched as an envelope fell to the ground and his idea to run to her was dashed at that moment. Tossing the hoodie back to the couch, he picked it up. Max's name was written across it and the corners of his lips turned up. Even broken, Alex found it in her heart to pull herself together for those she loved.

He was tempted to break the seal open and read it. He wished it'd bring him comfort and soothe the pain he felt for losing Max this way. But he knew better. His hand traced over her name once more before he set it on Max's nightstand. When she woke, he'd tell her about it. In a way, that did bring him the comfort he needed, just to imagine the day she'd wake and what he'd say to her. His eyes stayed on that envelope knowing sweet words were hidden within— if only he had read it.

DEAR MAX,

I don't know if you will even read this. Two days and so much has happened since you left. I don't think Lucas will ever leave your side and I just wish I had the courage to be there beside him. I'm not even sure I can even look at you, I just miss you so much. I can't stand being here without you and wondering if it should have been me instead.

Steve told me he'd take me to you today— First thing. I can't wait but I'm terrified and I think I'll chicken out.

I haven't slept since everything happened. I don't remember much but I wish I did. What I do remember is you, or at least the feeling of you. I can't picture what it was, if you were actually there or if I imagined you all along. Everyone tells me I'll remember it. Even the doctors but I don't think they're right. I don't think they're right about a lot of things. I feel him, Max. I know I do. And it feels wrong, but when I think of him, I don't feel so broken. I try not to give in to it but... I can't always help it. I wish I could feel normal. Guess Tommy was right after all... total freak.

I haven't told anyone yet and all I can think of is when you yelled at me for hiding away and running. I can't keep breaking promises to you so I'll tell Steve. I'll tell him somethings wrong and I hope by the time you read this, everything will be okay. It better be. And if it's not, I won't run. I can't do that again. If I'm overreacting though, I'm afraid I'll hurt everyone more than they already are. I'd be a really crap person to hurt them more than I already have. Typical me, though, screwing things up for everyone else.

I think Steve would forgive me though. I think he really loves me... which is crazy. I never thought anyone would love me in that kind of way. Pretty sure Lucas loves you like that. That's weird to me because... well, he's Lucas and I was convinced he was incapable of love for the longest time. Like he was destined to torture me, but turns out... I think he loves me like a sister. Don't tell him, but I think I love him like a little brother. He gets on my nerves, but I'd die for him. He shows how much he cares more and more and to be honest, I think you made him realize he had a heart!

But if you wake up and everything's not okay, I won't be sad if you want me dead. Any of you, actually. I'd hate myself too for letting him in... even on accident. I think I already do hate myself for all of this and it scares me that Henry doesn't. Maybe he heard I'm the Hawkins freak and thought I'd be into a monster like him. To be honest, and tell no one, his human form... much better than this weird monster thing he is now. I really hope he didn't hear our conversation before about him possibly being cute. (He probably started blushing!)

I know I'm joking around, I really want to have you smiling when you read this, but really I'm torn apart inside. About all of this, about Henry. Am I that evil that someone like him could want me that badly? What if I am a monster like him? That scares me most of all. I'm really sorry if I do something unforgivable because of him. I don't want to be the monster he wants me to be, I just want to see you again. If I did something, I know I did it to protect you. I can feel it. Maybe it's why I always feel like you were there in whatever I forgot.

Ever since the junkyard, where you risked everything to be there, I knew we were connected. We were always meant to be friends, Max, like sisters. Remember, no matter what, I love you.

Love,
Alex

SEASON FIVE

coming... well, eventually !
stay tuned!