A FOOL'S DREAM

☀︎

CHRISSY CUNNINGHAM HAD PICKED AT HER FINGERNAILS UNTIL THEY BLED. She stood at her locker, tuning out all the voices that surrounded her as she weighed her options. She was a good girl-- obeying the rules, getting good grades, and staying clean. Today, she was willing to put that all to the side to escape from the nightmares that haunted her mind. Slowly, she was beginning to lose a part of herself at the monster that dove headfirst into her mind.

There was one name that always stood out to her. Alex Henderson had unintentionally made a name for herself around school. Rumors stirred around in 1984 nearing Halloween when she started hearing voices in her head. Soon after, she began to act normal, dating the most popular boy in Hawkins, and everyone thought maybe she could be normal. That was until this year when she distanced herself from everyone, left her boyfriend, and only was ever seen with Hawkins' biggest freak— Eddie Munson.

Rumors quickly swirled around not too long after and whispers floated around that she was once again hooked on drugs. It was far from the truth, but it was easier to understand than a monster from another dimension.

Chrissy didn't want what Alex had, but she did want that escape. Fears lingered around that maybe if she did follow her path, she would lead herself down a hole, one she couldn't claw out of. It was a leap of faith she needed to take. The pendulum continued to sway back and forth, counting down the few moments she had left with a curse-driven monster looming in the darkest shadows of her brain. Alex Henderson could deliver that potential escape to rid her of those evil thoughts.

Chrissy gripped onto her backpack straps, her high pony swaying gently with every step she took. Her eyes remained on her feet, following every tile before Alex's feet came into view. Tearing her eyes up from the floor, she swallowed that lump in her throat and softly tapped on her shoulder. She squeaked out an anxious hello when Alex began to look her way.

Alex peeked her eyes out from behind her locker to see Chrissy Cunningham like a deer caught in the headlights watching her. It was an unusual sight that had Alex's heart pick up. Letting her locker slip from her fingertips as she gently shut it, she gave an equally quiet hello.

Hearing a locker shut further down the hall, Chrissy felt herself tense up and whip her head around in search of the sound. The hall behind them was empty and a fear resided like a heavy weight on her shoulders as she felt her heart rate reach its limit.

"Chrissy," her mother's voice rang out in a hauntingly chipper voice. "Are you ready to try on your dress again?"

Her breath remained held with her knuckles growing tight on her backpack straps when the chime of a grandfather clock filled the space around her. She was slow, turning her head back around, fearful of what she would be greeted with. Tears had sat on the edge of her waterline, threatening that with one blink they would spill over.

Chrissy's chest was tight, desperate for the relief of air to fill her lungs again. A warm brush against her hand caused her to jerk back until she was face to face with Alex Henderson once more and air finally filled her lungs. Alex looked back to her in concern, wondering where Chrissy Cunningham could have gone for those few seconds— the Chrissy that was always smiling and giddy with excitement.

Finding that within herself again, Chrissy let out a quick breath of air as she forced a giggle to escape from her lips. "Hi, sorry," she said gently. "Can I ask you something?" Her eyelashes batted innocently and matched with her doe-eyes, Alex could resist letting her in for this moment.

There was a small hesitation on Alex's part. Chrissy was popular, but she was too kind for her own good and never had a mean thing to say. Alex often caught herself looking at Chrissy, wondering if she could ever be as happy as she was. Her chest grew tight with nerves, but she gave a small smile, avoiding Chrissy's eyes as she nodded for her to ask.

Letting out a small sigh, Chrissy had felt herself picking once again at her nail beds. There was something wrong with her, something she hid very well, but for this moment, she wished Alex could see it. Despite not knowing her well, she knew from a friend that she could be trusted with anything.

Lucas Sinclair was Jason's friend, they played basketball together and Jason was willing to accept him into his group. That meant that Chrissy had the chance to get to know Lucas. But he was not the same Lucas he put himself out to be. She enjoyed it when he'd be sitting on the bench, desperately waiting for his chance to play, because that meant he could talk to her. He was real when he wasn't around the rest of the team. She knew how devoted he was to the Hellfire Club, how he got all his basketball tips from Steve Harrington, and how Alex Henderson was nothing like what Jason had to say. He loved her and he made a point to share he would never admit it to her.

Now Chrissy found herself trusting his word as she stood before Alex Henderson with shaky hands and a dry mouth. "Do you think I could maybe..." Chrissy bit her bottom lip, letting her eyes linger on the floor as she searched for a way to ask. "Do you have anything I could buy off you? I would... I would pay whatever you wanted."

Alex was at a loss for words. It wasn't the first time she had been asked for drugs, but it was the first time it came from someone like Chrissy Cunningham. She could feel her doubts about a happy ending for herself slip through her fingers. Chrissy was just like Alex wished she could be, and even that wasn't enough to make her happy.

Alex couldn't bring herself to look at Chrissy. "Are you asking me for drugs?" She wanted to be offended, but after the year she had, being mistaken for doing drugs was the least of her worries. It was clear that Jason had gotten in Chrissy's ear. He had it out for Eddie Munson, and Alex Henderson was an easy person to take a jab at when she hung out with him. "I'm sorry, I don't do that."

"Oh," Chrissy breathed out in disappointment. Her face grew red when she forced a smile to her face, attempting to change back into the perfect girl she was. "I'm sorry. I just... I thought..."

Alex felt for Chrissy, seeing the desperation. If she was confident enough to approach her so boldly, then she would eventually find herself searching elsewhere. Alex couldn't let her go off and find herself in serious trouble. "I do know someone though," she began quietly. "He can help. I just... are you sure about this? You're just so..."

"Perfect?" Chrissy finished for her in frustration. Looking up at Alex, she could feel the tears begin to form once more as she thought back on her not-so-perfect life. "Do you ever feel like you're losing your mind?"

Alex lifted her head in wonder. "I'm sorry?"

Chrissy shook her head, her lips pursed into a tight-lipped smile to keep herself from showing how broken such a perfect girl could become. "Sometimes I don't feel... perfect. And I know it sounds crazy and I shouldn't be doing this but..." she sighed loudly as she looked at Alex, letting that sadness encapsulate her. "I heard it can help with stress."

For a moment, Alex was in utter disbelief at Chrissy's words. Stress was a great excuse to hide how she really felt, and Alex fell for it. She gave a nod, "Yeah, it can. Is that why you want it?"

Chrissy couldn't bring herself to speak and settled on nodding her head with her eyes to the floor. Alex felt sympathetic for her and felt herself giving in. Eddie was good— in fact, he was great. She knew he would never do anything to hurt Chrissy. "Behind the track, if you cut through the small path into the woods, that'll lead you to a picnic table. No one ever goes there so you won't be caught, not even by Jason. I doubt he even knows it exists. All you have to have on you is cash. Head there after last period."

Jason wouldn't know were the words that stood out to Chrissy. It let her slack her shoulders in relief. "Behind the track," she repeated under her breath. Her lips curled into a grin as she looked back at Alex. "Thank you, Alex, really. And again, I'm so sorry for assuming..."

"Don't worry about it," she said with a tightlipped smile. "Just, uh, don't tell anyone about this, okay? I only ever tell people to go there if I really trust them." Her eyes stayed on Chrissy, searching for a reason not to believe her.

"You can trust me, I promise," she nodded. Letting out a shaky breath of air, Chrissy took a step back, unable to drop her smile. "It stays between us. Thank you so much." Making her way around Alex, Chrissy kept her head down, hiding away her nervous smile. It may have gone against everything she once was, but she needed this. If there was a way to avoid all the nightmares that overtook her life, then she had to be willing to risk it all.

Drugs, however, were not the answer to end her misery.

Alex learned that for herself very quickly. Drugs could only act as a bandaid for so long, and it was something she wanted to stay away from. Even an attempt couldn't keep her from running from her nightmares. By then, she ditched the drugs and settled on fighting her demons on her own. That didn't work either.

Her talk with Chrissy was unsettling but surprising. Despite her nerves, she made Alex trust her. Maybe it was her smile or her sparkling eyes that shined bright, but Alex couldn't resist helping her out. All she had to do was tell Eddie Munson that she put all of her trust into a girl that made it clear to the entire school that she was a good girl.

There was a lump in her throat as she readjusted her backpack to head to lunch. Looking back over her shoulder, she spotted Chrissy with her head down as she rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight. Letting out a sigh escape her lips, she turned back and felt her blood run cold at the sudden appearance of a familiar face.

Frozen in his tracks, Lucas Sinclair held out his hands after startling her. His eyes were wide, unmoving, fearful that his scare would be enough to have her run off. One thing Lucas was certain of was he would never give up on Alex, his only issue was that he didn't see her for what she went through. He lived in this fantasy that everyone could move on and they could have that chance to grow together and be able to smile at their memories. It was a fool's dream.

He stood still, his grip tight on a mint green ticket. "Sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Alex's eyes traveled over his attire. He fit in so perfectly with his teammates, all matching, but Lucas lacked the enthusiasm. She knew he loved basketball, what he didn't love was that it created a divide among his friends. He wanted popularity and to finally fit in with the crowd, but that wouldn't make him happier. It was something Steve learned the hard way and it was his advice to Lucas.

Alex didn't say a word, unsure what Lucas had needed. He always searched for a way to talk to her. His friend, Patrick, had a locker just a few down from Alex— it was a spot Lucas liked to linger around. It was a perfect excuse to say good morning to her, offer her whatever snack he held, or just see her again. He missed her but he never figured out how to tell her.

Slowly, he extended his hand out between them and offered her the ticket. "I wanted to ask you to come to my game." Alex's eyes diverted away from his eyes to the ticket and he could easily see the panic in her eyes. She hated being asked to do anything on the spot. Denying her friends was the hardest thing she could ever do, but the more she pushed them away, the easier it was to avoid invitations like this. Lucas never cared how many times she said no, he always asked.

"I need you to come," he said slowly. "Please, Alex." His words were soft and gentle, careful that he didn't upset her.

No one was coming to his last game besides Steve and he didn't care if it made Steve upset to see Alex or if it meant there was an awkward tension in the air, he needed her. "I really care about this and I..." His voice started to linger off as she met his eyes once more. After all this time, he needed her to know what she meant to him. "And I care about you."

He waited, desperate to hear her say it back. Before she would have made a big deal about how open and vulnerable he was towards her. It was rare and even then, he would find a way to make it into a joke. Now he couldn't recognize the person in front of him. She didn't even flinch at his words or manage the smallest of smiles.

He gave a sad sigh as he lowered his hand. "Before you would have jumped at the chance. I would've begged you not to come, telling you how embarrassing you'd be because... because you'd cheer too loud from the front row or you'd kick my coach's ass for keeping me on the bench." He felt himself smiling at the thought. It was a far-away dream of his, but this was the Alex Henderson he missed. It could have easily been a reality if he could convince her.

His heart ached for her to be back to how she was. He needed her to know how desperate he was and how much he appreciated her as a friend. "And I'd secretly love it," he admitted quietly. "We pretend we can't stand each other but I..." he swallowed hard and forced himself to keep his eyes on hers. "I love you. You're a great friend and I care about you. I always have. And I'm telling you, this isn't you. You would never do this to me. So please come to my game."

Alex couldn't look him in the eyes any longer. She clenched her jaw as she fought back the pain that had begun to build up. He was right. This wasn't her. But this was who she felt she had to be for things to be normal for all of them. They deserved it. So maybe it would be weird now for them to miss her, but they would get used to it. The pain of missing her would eventually fade just as the memories they shared would follow. They would eventually forget about her and then they'd be better off.

Lucas couldn't accept that. He would insist, following her to the ends of the earth until she agreed to come to his game. "I saw you at the pep rally. I saw you leave and I should have followed you and I'm sorry. Just seeing you sitting in those bleachers would mean everything to me. You don't even have to sit front row. I don't care if you stand by the door."

Her eyes turned back over to him and he could see that his pushing her had finally allowed her to show some emotion. For a moment, he could see her for what she truly was going through. There was a broken part of her that he felt a basketball game couldn't fix. He let himself feel that pain so that maybe she didn't have to feel it and he went to put the ticket back into his pocket.

One day he wanted to look out at the crowd and see all of his friends there. They would be huddled together as a group, cheering him on. He would wave to them and they would just cheer louder. All he ended up having was Steve giving him a pep talk before the game while a different girl hung onto his arm, then after the game, he'd tell him that next time was his chance to shine and finally get off the bench. But that would be all. No one else besides Steve Harrington— the last person he ever expected to be there for him.

Keeping her eyes on him, she reached out and took the ticket from his hand. "I'll think about coming," she said quietly. It wasn't something she would have ever agreed to, but she felt seen by Lucas, that he could see the pain she was in. It's something she never wanted to see him go through too because she did love him, just as he finally admitted to loving her.

With that ticket in hand, she made her way around him and headed off to the cafeteria. She left him in complete disbelief, watching his feet as a large smile spread across his face. His hand was empty and he was unsure if he was dreaming or not. To be sure it was really her, he turned around, watching as she walked off. Even if she didn't end up coming, she had the ticket and that's what mattered. She allowed him to stay in her life for just a little longer all because she walked off with his ticket.

——

Her talk with Lucas had Alex overwhelmed. Too many people for her new mindset to handle had wanted to talk to her. Robin sparked an interest in trying to get back into her life and Lucas was making a desperate attempt to keep her in his life a little longer. Then there was Chrissy, meaning she would have to talk to Eddie Munson. As Robin had put it— he was totally bonkers.

Alex didn't mind Eddie. Had it been before what they called the mall fire, she may have even adored him. A part of her did, but that part was slowly dying away inside of her. This new Alex was reserved and when she felt she started to take on too much in a day, she would grow feisty. The thing was, Eddie loved her. He always had an itch to find a way to get under her skin and find out a little more about her. Every day he felt he was learning something new.

It was the first time Alex had been to the lunch room in a long time. There were swarms of people. Everyone was desperate to get their meals first and grab a seat alongside their friends at the very best table. It used to be easy for Alex to find a table before. One moment it was Steve Harrington reserving a spot alongside Tommy and Carol, then Jonathan had invited her to grab lunch in different spots that avoided the lunchroom, then Robin Buckley invited her to sit with the band kids so she could feel like she belonged. And then she disappeared.

Now she didn't know where anyone could have been. It was a mess of people. The only thing that had made it easy was that Eddie Munson loved standing out against the crowd. He was loud and told everyone what was on his mind. Standing on tables and yelling at the crowd was not something he was ever against. And he wasn't shy about letting Dustin and Mike see the real him.

With a final shove out into the lunchroom, he forcefully encouraged the two to go and find Lucas' replacement for Hellfire tonight. They hadn't even taken a bite of their lunch yet and awkwardly shuffled away, wondering how long until they would be able to take a seat back at the table just for a bite of food. Going back too soon meant that Eddie would be disappointed and they adored him. He was everything they wanted to be.

Cutting through the lunchroom, Alex walked up to the table just as Eddie found his seat once again. Grabbing him by the collar of his jacket, she forced him up out of his seat and away from Jeff and Gareth for a more private conversation. It was interesting enough to have Dustin and Mike look back in curiosity. Alex in the lunchroom was a rare sight in itself, but to have her desperate to speak with Eddie, was even more surprising.

"She's not... she's not dating him now, right?" Mike asked quietly.

"No!" Dustin's voice rang out across the lunch room as he shot Mike a look of disgust. Dustin liked that Alex could get along with Eddie, it meant she wasn't alone. What he didn't want was Alex to grow too interested in Eddie. He hoped that maybe there could be a chance where Steve and Alex could reconnect, but that started to seem like a long shot. What he couldn't ignore was Mike's interest in Alex. "Why do you care so much? You can't date her."

"I don't want to," he snapped under his breath. "I'm just asking because then he could get her to come to Hellfire tonight." There was no chance anyone could get Alex to join in Hellfire. Still, he kept his fingers crossed that there was something in Eddie that could give her a change of heart.

Across the lunchroom, she held him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him up from his seat. He raised his eyebrows at his friends with a smirk before he tripped over himself to fall in line with her. Jeff and Gareth both turned to one another with giddy smiles, seeing that even Eddie could get girls. If they were just like him, even they had a chance. Instead, Alex needed to talk to Eddie about something entirely different.

Alex let go of his jacket once he was away from the table, letting him keep up with her on his own. He straightened out his clothes, his smile never faltering as he snuck a glance at her. "Alexandra Henderson, what do I owe the pleasure?"

Pushing him out the lunchroom doors and into the sunny afternoon light, she already had a glare set on him. "I told you not to call me that."

"That is your name, isn't it?"

"No one calls me that besides you. Not even my mom."

He had a thing for being overdramatic. Sighing loudly, he leaned against her with his arm draped around her, "Alexandra, you need to learn to loosen up. It must physically hurt having a stick up your ass all day long. I told you, if you want anything, it's on me. I just need a day where you don't find a reason to hate me."

"I don't... I don't want anything. Someone else does," she said. His annoyance often had her stumble over her words, unable to understand that no matter how much she tried to force him to stay out of her life, he wormed his way in. He was like an annoying older brother.

Pulling his arm off of her, he guided her towards the alley, leaning up against the wall as he looked at her. "Another customer? And who the hell went to you for drugs this time? Because I've shut down a lot of rumors about you. Honestly, you should be paying me at this point."

Rolling her eyes, she took the wall opposite of him. "It's Chrissy Cunningham. I told her to meet you after last period at your usual spot. So just be there and don't be annoying."

Placing a hand on his chest, he playfully scoffed at her words. "Me? I would never." Letting his hand fall, he shook his head as he took matters seriously. "But you can tell her to forget it. It's not happening. I mean, come on, she's Chrissy Cunningham. She's the queen of Hawkins High." Taking a bow, he made a point to Alex that this was not something he was too comfortable with. She was too much of a good girl to ever fall down that path. "It's a setup, Alexandra."

"She's serious, okay? Look, I can promise you she's not setting you up. She's a little... nervous, but she was determined. So if she's not getting it from you, then I can promise you she'll find someone else. And you're good. You won't screw her over or be a total shit. You're doing it or I'm not telling anyone else where to find you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would." Alex stood her ground and he could see there was no backing down on her end. Truth was, he loved the extra help. He got all the money, he got to annoy Alex a little more with each sale, and he didn't have to do much to get people. "Just go there after last period. Or I'll tell my mom Dustin's failing Latin and he'll miss Hellfire tonight."

He crossed his arms as his eyes stayed on her. "You're not very nice. It's funny too because your little brother and Wheeler, they love talking about you. Tell me all about how awesome you are, how you would constantly make them laugh." His eyes stayed on her, seeing from the flinch across her face that he struck a nerve. However, if she was willing to put him in a tough spot, he felt she owed him and all he really wanted was to understand who she was.

Clearing his throat, he pressed forward. "Apparently you and Harrington loved being parents to those shits. And every time I ask, who the hell is that they're talking about? Because that is not the Alexandra I know, they clam up. Like I just shit in their food. Unpleasant, but it's the truth."

Alex turned away from him with a shake of her head. "Apparently people change."

"Clearly not for the better," he stated confidently. There was much more to her that she hid away. The stories he's heard from Dustin and Mike, that was enough to tell him this change she went through was not a good one. Just seeing her now and knowing who she used to be, hurt him. "Am I missing something here? Because I have a feeling this old Alexandra is seeping in, trying to help out Chrissy. So I'll go meet up with her, trust you on this, but only if you tell me who the hell your little brother is talking about because this isn't the sister he talks so highly of."

She couldn't understand why Eddie was now choosing to be more persistent with her life. Typically he would fish for answers more subtly and when she denied him her story, he would take his loss and move on. This time he was seeing something different in her. Had he said no to anyone else she brought his way, she would have shrugged it off. But Chrissy, for a moment, was honest with Alex when she asked if she was losing her mind. It was a pain she knew too well. Letting someone live that way, it wasn't ever going to sit well with her.

"I have nightmares," she said in a hushed voice. He could tell how this was a vulnerable state she never allowed people into anymore. So he stayed quiet, but he stood up straighter, never letting his eyes off of her. "I don't actually sleep much anymore. Something happened to me and it... it was a lot. I had to see a doctor and I don't think he can ever help me with what's wrong." Turning her eyes to him, she couldn't hide her frown away this time as she shrugged off her feelings. "Simple as that. If it were me looking to buy, I'd want you to help me. But I don't and I can't anymore. So why not help out Chrissy?"

Eddie focused on one thing only. "What nightmares?"

Taken aback that he could only focus on that of everything else, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Bad things that happened to me. That's it. No big deal."

He narrowed his eyes at her for a moment. The way she spoke was as if the pain she felt didn't matter, that it was something he was allowed to brush off as well. But he did care and he wanted to know more because to him, the way she looked and acted did not say that it was no big deal. "Do you see Billy?" At the pep rally, he noticed that during Jason's speech, she was the only one to leave when it was supposed to be moving for everyone else. He couldn't see the connection to Jim Hopper and why she would leave at the mention of his name, but he had a feeling that with Billy's name announced before his, it was all about him.

It struck a nerve with Alex as she pursed her lips together. "Why the hell would you say that?"

"I don't know," he admitted as he pulled himself up from the wall. Carelessly pacing about, he slowly made his way closer to her, her eyes following his every step. "You have a dark side, Alexandra. You could pull in some pretty scary guys with whatever's hiding behind those eyes. Some of those guys aren't always good either. Rumor has it, you're the only girl who could get Billy Hargrove down on all fours and bark, all you had to do was say the word." He felt himself smiling as he raised a finger to her. "And you didn't and I love it. But the big sister to the little shit I now deal with, he thinks you're one big softie. You're too kind for your own good. You let bad people in. Now that, I don't love so much."

Alex's lip quivered in anger as she watched him. She wanted to tell him to stop, that his words were hurting her, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to yell at Eddie. He wasn't trying to be mean or was even attempting to hurt her in any way. He was like her, he cared too much and he too was too kind for his own good. It was enough to land either of them in trouble.

He stood before her, crossing his arms as he looked down at her. "He died and you really care enough to be this hurt, then I'm missing something. Something big. Because the little bit I saw, you two were never on good terms. You weren't friends."

She broke as she turned her head away from him, taking a swipe at a tear that fell. "It doesn't matter what happened. It's my fault things ended the way they did. He's gone. There's no changing it— friends or not."

"Sure, but there's no reason to change you too," he stated as he pulled away. "Come on, what could you have done that was so bad that you turned your life around? You dump your gorgeous boyfriend, shut out all your friends, and even go as far as to break ties with your own brother. And don't think I haven't noticed, but I'm the only person you talk to freely. I mean, I'm flattered. I love the attention. But you're sort of bumming me out here. Even if I don't like Harrington, and the kids you took under your wing are total shitheads, I wanna see it." He took a hold of her shoulders and gave her a good shake to get some sort of reaction out of her. "Let me see Alexandra Claudia Henderson in her true form. I don't care for the one I'm friends with right now. She's boring."

He didn't pull away his hands, he just stood there, holding onto her shoulders as he smiled down at her. He annoyed her just as he wanted, but for that small moment, he got to know her as a true friend. He couldn't make nightmares go away, but he could help her find herself again in Hawkins and make her see she was missing out on amazing things with people he claimed to be annoyed with daily.

Then she smiled for a brief second. And even if she didn't meet his eyes, he saw it and let her go. She, however, wasn't done. "We're not friends, you know that, right?"

He chuckled, knowing she was so easily lying to him. Taking a step back, he let his arms out as he bowed her way. "Alexandra, I will meet with Chrissy as you asked. No guarantees I'll be able to make the sale, but I appreciate your help as always."

He gave a salute to her and spun on his heel to head back to the cafeteria. Alex stayed in her spot, and she was, for the moment, surprised by how he could make her smile. He was weird and loud, and he didn't care what anyone thought of him. She just couldn't bring herself to ever hate him. He knew they were friends, even if she refused to admit it.

Then another tear had broken down her cheek and her smile faded. She blamed herself for being happy when it was clear to her she didn't deserve it. She wanted to make things right with the people she lost. If she could redo it, she would have done more to save Billy so he could have a chance at being the person he claimed he wanted to become, she would have said goodbye to Jim Hopper and told him the truth about how she felt; that he meant everything to her and she hated the world without him in it. Then she'd apologize to the small family she created in Hawkins because to her, they deserved better than the broken person she had become. Closing her eyes, she let warm tears spill down her face and she took a seat, exhausted and buried in grief.