❝jesus christ i'm so blue all the time.❞
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

CHARLOTTE AND ELENA SHARED A LOOK AT THE SIGHT OF A NERVOUSLY PACING AMBER. Charlotte eyed the blonde girl with distant concern, raising a brow as Elena took a wary step towards her.

"Are you okay, Amber?"

The girl shook her head. "I– I hate being the center of attention. I get panic attacks."

Charlotte nodded in understanding, pulling her lips up in a small smile. "Do you want some privacy to change?"

"Actually, I'm just– I'm just gonna go get some air." Amber chuckled breathlessly, walking past the twins and shut the door behind her as she disappeared.

Charlotte and Elena shared another look, a degree of understanding passing through them at the girl's obvious nerves. Charlotte wasn't exactly stoked to be under scrutiny for the next few hours, but she had faith in the fact that she wouldn't win. She'd put in minimal effort, and neither her nor Elena had done as much as Caroline, or any of the other girls that could actually still devote care into something as trivial as the Miss Mystic Falls pageant.

Charlotte reached up onto the mirror to grab Elena's blue dress for her, and she startled when she saw Damon's reflection in the mirror. Snapping around, Elena jumped, too, the twins glaring at him briefly.

"Damon," Charlotte swallowed, hand twisting into her own dress still hanging off the mirror. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk,"

Charlotte frowned, her eyes falling to the door as it swung open, Cory walking in with his suit on and a wary look on his face. "Uh,"

Elena huffed a slight laugh, oblivious to the tension settling in the room. "Does it have to be right now?"

"Normally, I would have a completely different outlook on what I'm about to tell you, but since it could really inconvenience me, I'll squeal."

Elena shook her head confusedly. "What are you talking about?"

"Stefan's still drinking human blood."

Charlotte inhaled sharply, turning her back to Damon as her eyes squeezed shut. She glanced up, meeting Cory's panicked look in the mirror, and she truly contemplated flinging herself out of the window and running off into the woods before the conversation could go any further.

There was a pregnant pause in the room as Elena's face fell, all pretenses of happiness gone. "What?"

Damon nodded. "Yeah. A month ago I would've rejoiced, but with the Council back on the alert, it is not a good time for Stefan to fly off the handle."

Elena scoffed lightly, denial coating her tone. "I know he's been a little edgy, but he said that was normal."

"He has a fridge full of stolen blood-bank contraband in the house," Damon narrowed his eyes, gaze briefly darting to the tense line of Charlotte's shoulders.

Elena let out a shaky breath as she dropped down on the couch, the reality of Damon's words processing in her mind. "Oh, my god,"

"He has no idea what normal is," Damon shrugged. "His entire existence isn't normal. Normal to a vampire is drinking human blood. But he spent all this time fighting it, when he should've been learning to control it. And now it's controlling him instead."

Charlotte thinks of the words she'd said to Stefan the other night, the questions she'd poked and prodded him with until he finally almost snapped on her. They ring true in her mind, Damon's words reaffirming them without even knowing it.

"I can't believe this," Elena let out a disbelieving laugh. "I mean, it's Stefan that we're talking about here."

"It's Stefan on human blood, Elena," Damon shook his head. "He'll do anything, he'll say anything, because he's not gonna want to stop."

Charlotte inhaled sharply, turning around to look at Cory. "What did you need, Cory?"

He looked around, hesitant to agree to the abrupt subject change. "I, uh– Tyler. Tyler is here."

Charlotte's stomach swirled with nausea once more, and she steadied herself on the wardrobe beside her. "What?"

Cory winced, gesturing to the door. "I, uh, I think he still plans on escorting you."

"No," Charlotte breathed out, her eyes widening as Damon set a scrutinizing gaze on her. "It's all my fault."

"Charlie..."

"No, I have to–" She yanked her dress off the hanger, uncaring of wrinkling the delicate fabric as she walked past her sister and Damon towards the door. "I need to get dressed."

She went to push the door open, but it quickly swung in the opposite direction and she stumbled back as Stefan walked forward into the room.

Stefan eyed her fearful posture, his eyes drifting to Cory, and to his brother standing near Elena. "Uh... what's going on here?"

"I'm just filling Elena in on your... extracurricular activities."

Stefan glanced at Elena, head tilted as he let out a confused puff of air. "What are you talking about?"

"I know about the blood, Stefan,"

"I'm gonna..." Damon trailed off, shooting another look in Charlotte's direction. "I'll be downstairs drinking."

Stefan's gaze followed his brother out of the room and when he was out of sight, his gaze landed on Charlotte, who shrunk beneath the darkness growing in his eyes. She silently shook her head, pleading that he understood that she hadn't told anyone. He let out another scoff, and Charlotte tensed, looking at her sister.

"I," Stefan wiped a hand over his jaw before stuffing it into his pocket. "I was gonna tell you."

"When?" Elena crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

"I'm fine," Stefan walked towards her, smiling in what he hoped was a convincing manner. "I'm fine. The blood– it doesn't change anything."

Elena blinked, looking at him in sheer confusion and disbelief. "It's changing you,"

"Why? Because we kept it a secret from you?"

Elena nodded, eyes widening at his tone of voice saying those words like that wasn't reason enough for her to be upset, and for her words to be the truth.

"Come on, Elena, look– given the way that you're reacting right now, can you really blame me or Charlotte for doing that?"

Charlotte's eyes widened and she stepped towards the couple. "Stefan, stop–"

"Are you hearing yourself right now?" Elena barely spared a glance in her sister's direction. "You've been stealing blood and lying. And you say that everything's fine? Everything's not fine, Stefan."

The vampire scoffed, the sound harsh. "So what, you and Damon all of a sudden have everything figured out then? Neither of you even know what's going on–"

"It's not about Damon, it's about what's happening to you," She frowned. "And what– why are you dragging Charlie into this?"

"Elena," Charlotte stepped forward, desperation in her voice. "We just– we need to get dressed, we need to go–"

"I'm telling you that I'm fine! I'm fine." Stefan let out a breath, his voice laced with a plea. "Please, come on, Elena. I thought you– I thought you believed in me. I thought that you trusted me."

"I..."

A knock sounded on the door and Carol Lockwood pushed her way into the room. "Elena? Charlotte? Let's go, the lineup's starting."

Charlotte tensed and Elena rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. "I just– I need a minute."

"You're not even dressed yet,"

"Yes– thank you, Carol." Charlotte's voice was somewhat harsh, and she ignored the flash of surprise on Mrs. Lockwood's face.

"Escorts wait downstairs, Stefan," The older woman's fake smile faltered. "You, too, Cory."

Hesitantly, Cory and Stefan left the room, Carol Lockwood following after them with a pointed look thrown over her shoulder at the twins who lingered.

Charlotte swallowed around the growing lump in her throat, glancing at her sister. "We should get dressed."

Elena nodded, and the twins quickly shucked their clothes off and grabbed their dresses, carefully stepping into them. Elena turned to zip Charlotte's up, and then Charlotte turned to do the same, her hands shaking as she secured the dress.

"Elena, I–" Charlotte stopped, the door swinging open once more as Caroline gestured for them to come out.

Taking the excuse to leave, Charlotte quickly stepped into her heels and left, Elena moving slower behind her as she put her own shoes on.

"Do you see Stefan down there?" Elena leaned over the railing, looking for her boyfriend as Caroline paced nervously behind her.

"Nope," Caroline muttered as she moved over to join her friend. "Just my boring fill-in escort."

"What happened to Matt?"

Caroline sighed irritatedly. "They wouldn't let him out of work." She quickly gave Elena a double-take. "What happened to Stefan?"

"I don't know," She shrugged. "He just disappeared somewhere. I don't know. What am I doing? I never should've gone through with this."

Caroline frowned, glancing at Charlotte, who was trying to fight the urge to drop her face in her hands and scream. "What do you mean?"

"I need to find Stefan," Elena shook her head. "This isn't me. I'm not this person anymore."

Caroline scoffed as Elena walked past her. "Uh, no, no, no– no way. You had your chance to drop out– both of you. And believe me, I was all for it, because there is no way I can beat you."

Elena gave Caroline an imploring look, and the blonde waved her off. "You're both doing this because it was important to your mom."

"Miss Caroline Forbes and her escort, Jeffrey Lockwood Hamilton."

"Charlotte, you're next," Carol smiled at the girl who'd been standing quietly. "Come on."

Charlotte took in a deep breath, her eyes shifting to Elena as she walked towards the top of the stairs. "Elena," She whispered her sister's name, stopping far away enough from Carol to keep her from eavesdropping.

Elena furrowed her brows, looking at her sister inquisitively. "What?"

"It was me." She blurts the words out, heart pounding painfully in her chest. "Stefan fed on me that night to save us from being killed by the tomb vampires. I'm the reason he's like this. It's all my fault."

Elena's jaw dropped with every word she spoke, but before she could say anything, Mayor Lockwood was calling out her name.

"Miss Charlotte Gilbert, escorted by Damon Salvatore."

Charlotte's lips twisted into a frown and she hesitantly made her way over to the stairs, glancing over her shoulder to see Elena let out a shaky breath as her eyes followed her down the stairs. Charlotte plastered a polite smile on her face, and her eyes fell on Damon standing at the bottom of the stairs with a smile that looked much more natural than hers did.

She drifted her gaze to where Cory stood right behind him, and her friend sent her a look that said just go with it. Charlotte lifted her hand as Damon did the same, and she felt the way he steadied her trembling fingers in his palm, leading her towards the open doors outside.

"Where is Stefan?"

Damon kept his smile on his face as he walked beside Charlotte, passing Jenna and Alaric as they stepped outside. "I have no idea,"

They parted ways and Charlotte moved to stand across from him, fighting the urge to twist her fingers uncomfortably in her dress. The familiar music cue started and Charlotte let out a nervous breath that Damon quickly soothed with a reassuring nod.

They bowed before each other before standing upright, and Charlotte found herself unable to look away from Damon's eyes as they lifted their hands up, keeping the slightest bit of space between them.

When they switched hands, Damon's eyes roamed over her figure again and his smile softened, voice carrying out as a whisper beneath the music. "You look beautiful, Charlotte."

She inhaled sharply at the utter truth behind his words, feeling her pinky brush against his as they mirrored both hands against each other.

The music grew louder as they finally joined, all of the contestants spinning around each other in perfect synchronization, but they were hardly a thought in Charlotte's mind as she and Damon moved together. Her hand clasped in his felt safe and familiar, and his fingers caressed the bare skin on her back as he held her like she was something fragile.

It felt like her breath was stolen from her lungs as they parted, returning to their original positions once more as the music quieted and eventually stopped.

Applause rang out around them, gentle but approving, but Charlotte didn't look away from Damon.

Her heart beat steadily in her chest, and she couldn't help but feel like she had betrayed Damon in some way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Charlotte, come on," Elena approached her sister, Damon in tow as they headed for the exit.

"What? What's going on?" Charlotte took her coat as Elena handed it to her, frowning as they continued their brisk pace. "Guys?"

"Amber is missing," Elena looked at Charlotte over her shoulder, eyes grim. "And so is Stefan."

Charlotte's eyes widened and she picked up her pace, shoving her arms into the sleeves of her coat as they ran into the cold night.

"This way, come on," Damon directed them towards the woods and Charlotte's breath stalled as they heard a scream echo out.

"Stefan!" Elena called out for the vampire as he came into sight, his menacing figure shadowed under the moonlight.

The man snapped around at the sound of Elena's voice, dropping Amber to the ground carelessly as he faced them, skin stained with her blood.

Damon shook his head, looking at his brother pleadingly. "Stefan, come on. Get control. Come on."

He slowly approached his brother, seeing the fear and confusion in his eyes as he watched tears form in Elena and Charlotte's eyes. "Come on, just breathe through it,"

Stefan snarled at Damon and threw him away from him, making Charlotte and Elena both flinch.

"Stefan, stop!"

Stefan ignored the two girls, stalking towards his brother who braced for a fight. He stopped suddenly, groaning out in pain as he clutched at his head.

Charlotte's head twisted around and she laid her eyes on Bonnie, who was looking at Stefan unflinchingly, clearly the source of his pain.

She worried for a moment that the girl wouldn't stop– that perhaps she'd end Stefan right here, but any fear of that disappeared when Bonnie closed her eyes, and the pain dissipated from Stefan's face, leaving him in a wake of clarity as he realized what he had done– and who had witnessed it.

"It's okay," Damon took a wary step towards his brother, a rare tone of concern in his voice. "Stefan."

The vampire stumbled back, taking in the looks on their faces, and he disappeared with a broken groan spilling from his lips. The only thing left in his wake was Amber's limp body, and Charlotte felt the outpour of dread flood her like it was laced in the air she breathed.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Charlotte stood beside her sister, wrapped up in one of her father's old flannels as they awaited Damon's okay to come downstairs.

"Elena,"

She spoke without thinking, but her sister had her attention on her and she couldn't back down now.

"I," She swallowed roughly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I– everything that happened that night was so fast and dangerous, and I didn't even think about what I'd be doing to Stefan until it was too late. I thought that I was making the right decision– I just wanted to get him home, because I wanted him to be fine for you. I didn't want to have to watch you lose someone else, and now everything is falling apart because of it."

"Charlie,"

"All I wanted to do was save him for you, because he makes you happy and that's all I want for you, but it– it took decades for him to get better the first time this happened, and now I'm just afraid that I still managed to ruin everything for you."

Elena shakes her head, crossing the short distance to wrap her into a tight hug. "It's okay. I understand why you did it– it's not your fault. It's not your fault, Charlotte, I promise."

Charlotte's shoulders shook silently as she clung to her sister, and Elena squeezed her tighter. "I'm so grateful that you're my sister," Elena whispered the words into Charlotte's hair. "You could've died saving Stefan and you knew that, but you did it anyway, and I'm so, so grateful. You did what you could– you saved him, and now he's got to do the rest. It's not on you, Charlie. I promise."

"You're not mad?"

Elena shakes her head, using her sleeves to wipe Charlotte's tears away. "No, Charlie. I'm not mad. You did the right thing, and now Stefan is going to get better, because you and I, and Damon, have given him the chance to. Everything's going to be alright."

Charlotte sighs, eyes heavy with the burn of her tears and sheer exhaustion. "I know... I know that you and I have been arguing a lot lately, but you have to know that I'll never stop looking out for you. And no boy, or vampire, or anything will get in the way of that, okay? It's you and me against the world, Lena."

Elena smiles, her own eyes watering at the words. "You and me, Charlie. Always."

Charlotte steps away, tucking her frizzy curls behind her ears. "I think... I think I'm going to go home. I'll see you later, okay? Be safe."

"You, too. Love you,"

"Love you," Charlotte grabs her bag and her dress, crumpling the fabric of it up carelessly as she heads for the front door. "Tell Damon I said I'm going home, alright? I don't want him to worry."

Elena's brows twitch, but she smiles understandingly, waving her sister off into the night. "I will."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Knock, knock."

"Damon?" Charlotte pushed up on her elbow as her bedroom door opened, and she looked at the man confusedly as he stepped in, shutting the door softly behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"I got you a strawberry shake. And, you know, you're supposed to say 'who's there'."

Charlotte raises a brow at him as he sets a cup down on her nightstand, smirking down at her. "Funny. What are you doing here?"

He sighs, sitting down at her feet as she reaches for the shake, popping the lid off of it to grab the cherry sitting atop the slightly-melted ice cream. "Elena wanted me to tell you that she's staying the night with Stefan. She doesn't want to leave him, 'cause they're sickeningly in love like that."

Charlotte hums, nodding in agreement. "So, uh, did you break into my house or..."

"For your information, Jenna let me in," He huffed, feigning offense. "She figured you could use the company after the, uh... whole Amber thing."

The girl winced and Damon nodded in silent agreement, looking away from her to glance around her familiar room.

His eyes landed on the dress she'd worn earlier hanging on her closet door, the woven flowers spanning the expanse of it. He recalls the small sprigs of baby's breath flowers scattered through her curls, and the matching earrings she had that dangled from her ears, giving her the appearance like she was some sort of flower deity. He'd been taken away by how pretty she looked, and how soft she appeared. He saw her nearly every day, and yet he seemed to be taken off guard by her at the most inopportune times.

He'd resented seeing the forced smile on her face as she came down the stairs, and the stiff way she'd walked beside him with everyone's eyes on her, but when they started dancing, and everyone else just faded away and it felt like they were spinning on the earth alone– she'd smiled real, and wide, and beautiful, and Damon's breath had caught in his throat.

He was familiar with the ridiculous spiel of the entire dance they had to do for the pageant, and how it was about the intimacy of almost touching someone, and for the most part, he still stood by the fact that it was bullshit. But dancing with Charlotte, hand hovering just above hers, able to feel her warmth but not quite grasp it– it was nearly torture. The second they'd wrapped each other up in their arms, he felt like he could breathe again, and there was a gleam in her eyes that had said the same.

He just thought that she looked so pretty when she focused those big brown eyes on him, soft and forgiving, full of horrors untold. Even now, looking somewhat distraught from the events of the evening, he still thought there was something so charming about her– charming in a way that Katherine never was, in a way that Elena lacks in his eyes.

He also thinks that, maybe, he's been caught in her gravitational pull that leaves no person untouched in some way. And she doesn't even realize it, is the thing. Can't begin to even fathom that she's made a lasting mark on someone like him, someone who has forever ahead of them. It's somehow more endearing to him that she doesn't realize those things, though, and it makes him feel less scared to feel what he feels for her, because her obliviousness or perhaps purposeful ignorance meant she wasn't using anything against him. Not like he was accustomed to.

"Hey, Damon?"

He blinks, turns to look at her, frowning when he sees the upset look on her face. "What's wrong?"

Charlotte sits up, leaning against her headboard as she discards her shake on the nightstand. She takes a somewhat defensive posture, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she sighs loudly.

Her brown eyes focus on him again, and he's tempted to fall beneath the spell they cast on him, but he forces himself to listen, because the look on her face sets him off.

"It's my fault."

Damon's frown deepens. "What?"

"That night that we rescued Stefan from the tomb vampires," Charlotte traces mindless shapes on her knees through the blanket, lifting and dropping her gaze from his every few seconds. "And Frederick came after Stefan and I. He– Stefan was weak. I was barely able to get Frederick down for a few seconds, using that vervain tranquilizer Alaric had. But it wasn't enough, he wasn't staying down. And I was scared, so I– I told Stefan to feed on me. I gave him my blood, and then made him promise not to tell anyone."

Her face twisted up in a complicated, distant look as she recalled the events of the night. "And I knew he was a Ripper, you'd told me about it before. But I was so worried that Frederick would kill him, kill me, that I didn't care. I forced him to feed on me so he could save us, and he did. It worked, and then you and Alaric came back and everything was fine. I thought everything would be fine."

She lets out a weak little laugh, squeezing her eyes shut. "But it wasn't. He went off the deep end, and robbed the hospital, he could've killed people and we might not even know about it yet. Tonight, with Amber– I, I told Stefan that I was going to tell you and Elena. I couldn't keep it a secret anymore, because he obviously wasn't getting better. He begged me not to, but I– I just couldn't do it anymore. And I told Elena earlier, and she's... I think she's upset with me, maybe both of us, but she's mostly just happy that we're both alright."

Charlotte lifts her gaze to meet Damon's again, and she steels herself against the faraway look in his eyes that makes it feel like he's looking right through her. Like she's invisible. "I'm sorry, Damon. Sorry that I lied, sorry that it happened in the first place. I really, really hope that Stefan can come back from this. And I... I hope that you don't stay mad at me forever, but I would understand if you did. I'm just– I'm really sorry. For all of it."

When she finishes speaking finally, Damon's chest heaves with a loud, heavy sigh that falls flat to the floor in the room that feels like all air has been stolen from it.

Shaking his head lightly, Damon's fragile mask twitches, an odd, twisted smirk of a smile pulling at his lips as he stands up from her bed.

He heaves another sigh and looks down at his feet, nodding firmly to some sort of decision he'd come to in his head.

"Goodnight, Charlotte."

Charlotte watches him turn and leave, shutting her bedroom door firmly behind him. His footsteps thud on the stairs, and she hears the sound of the front door shutting echo shortly after.

Charlotte tips her head back against her headboard and tightens the hold she has around her legs, and then she begins to cry.

Her tears don't stop until she's fallen asleep.

The ache in her chest remains when she wakes up the next morning.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

author's note; the way this is like 4300 words of pain 

 edited and published; 3.14.23.

- liz