Rage.

chapter forty-two , I Haven't Lost Everything, Right?

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"Okay, listen up."

The team all jumped out of the fire engine, they followed Bobby and Emery towards the Supermarket.

"Last couple times we were here, mistakes were made."

"I would note they were big mistakes." Emery's eyes were glued to her clipboard. "Then again, who am I to judge?"

Tom pulls his brows together. "You always judge, ma'am."

Emery lifts her head and looks at Tom. He tenses, "But, that's what makes you you and I like y...I-I mean. You're a great captain."

"Thank you, Fletch." Emery gives him a small smile. Tom's face heats up and he softly chuckles. He was totally going to journal about this later tonight.

Emery and Bobby stand in front of the supermarket. "Some of you may find this amusing. But I don't." she paces back and forth. "This station needs order and what is this station without order?"

"Chaotic."

"Exactly." Emery holds her pen up.

"See her stinginess hasn't changed." Chimney mumbles to Hen. Over the past year Emery had been lenient when it came to her chore board even when she became Co-Captain she wasn't so harsh. But ever since that arbitration hearing...

The uptight enchantress was back.

"Something you want to share, Chim?"

Chimney's smile drops and he shakes his head. "N-No, Captain."

Emery then presses her lips into a smile. "Good--we will be pairing up this time."

"Diaz and Lena." Emery exhales. Eddie rolls his eyes to the side. "You are on meats and deli." She hands Bobby the list and he hands it to Eddie.

"Uh-oh, last name." Hen winces.

"Yeah, and she let Bobby hand the card out to him instead." Chimney adds.

"Wait, that's bad, right?" Tom swallows. "That sounds so bad."

"Nothing leaner than 92%," Bobby adds. Emery then points her pen at him. "Hen, Chimney, baking aisle." she then points her pen at them. "Unreined flour this time. Thank you." Emery hands the list to Hen.

"I will cover fruits and vegetables," Bobby states.

Emery then holds a hand up, "Tom and I will handle cleaning supplies."

"Once you have everything on your list, we will reconvene at the dairy case." Emery looks at her watch. "We have 30 minutes until the rush gets here--let's move!"

Each pair grabs a shopping cart and heads inside. Emery was practically white-knuckling the cart as they went through their list.

"Uh...toilet bowl cleaner." Tom looks at the list.

Emery's eyes skim across the shelves. "Ah." She grabs the bottle of cleaner and sets it in the cart.

"So, how's Dylan?" Emery looks at Tom, her eyes soft. Tom's heart jumps into his throat. From how stern and cold Emery's been lately, he was surprised her eyes could even still do that.

"Good, he's good. He's been practicing his dance moves for a parent kid dance." Tom says, smiling.

Emery frowns, "Huh, sounds inclusive."

"Nice, right?"

Emery smirks, "Very." She then pulls her brows together. "Have you been practicing your dancing skills?"

Tom snorts, "I'm a dance maniac."

Emery presses her lips together. "Doesn't sound like good dancer."

"I would bust some moves out for you right now, but—"

"Please don't." Emery winces. "In public, I'm gonna have to shut that down."

Tom's jaw goes slack. "N-No, I wasn't actually going to—"

"Tom."

He stops stumbling over his words and looks at the smirking woman. "I was only kidding."

Tom lets out a small breath of relief and Emery chuckles. Emery and Tom had finished their part of shopping and they were headed back to the dairy case. "Okay, this is good—we're good. If we keep this time pacing, we could—"

"Oh, crap."

Emery looks at Tom, she still had a smile on her lips but her brows were furrowed. "What? Why'd you say, "Oh, crap" like that?"

"Because "oh shit" is unprofessional." Tom says, his eyes still glued forward.

Emery follows his eyes and her smile drops. "Oh, shit." She says through her teeth. The group of firefighters were standing around with their carts taking to Buck. Emery looks down at her watch, "This can't be happening..."

"Hey, Cap? Maybe we should wait for them at the checkout line—"

"Bobby has the card."

Tom then begins to nod his head, "Okay, Bobby does have the card. So, I will ask him for it and I will meet you at the—"

Emery rolls her car towards the group. "We are in a schedule, people!"

Everyone turns to the girl. His breath gets caught in his throat and he couldn't stop the smile from forming on his lips. "Emi—"

"What are you doing here?" Emery stare at him, her entire body language just screams she's ready to leave.

"Oh, I was...here to do some shopping." Buck motions around the store.

Tom raises his brows, "That's why we're here too."

Emery lightly pats Tom's arm.

"Eight miles from your apartment?" Chimney presses his lips together.

Emery rolls her eyes, "Very convincing. Now, we have 20 minutes unti—"

"What does this store have that one by your apartment doesn't?" Tom asks.

Emery turns to the brunette boy, who blinks. "What? What did I do?"

"Well, this is the only place that has..." he quickly grabs a small box from the shelf beside him.

"Happy Cat Laxative powder." Buck stammers.

Emery exhales through her nose and begins to impatient tap her finger against her cart.

"You're buying cat laxative?" Hen asks.

"Yeah, I've been thinking of, uh, getting a cat." Buck shrugs.

"Are you sure you don't already have one?" Emery tilts her head. "I mean, that lawyer of yours is kind of a pussy."

Hen nudges Emery and she groans. "We are on a tight schedule and that schedule doesn't say," she points at her clipboard. "deal with Evan Buckley's bullshit."

Buck slightly opens his mouth as he watches the firefighters grow antsy. "Listen I came here to apologize."

Emery rolls her eyes and presses her thumb between her brows. "Okay, I-I never meant for things to get so out of hand with the lawsuit a-and—"

Emery scoffs, "Give me break. Can we use common sense, please? What did you think was gonna happen?"

"Yeah, the lawsuit was bad enough but you told your lawyer everything about us—personal things."

"You're supposed to be truthful with your lawyer." Buck says and he pulls his brows together when he looks at Eddie. "Why are you so pissed at me?"

"Because you're exhausting." Eddie snaps, walking up to Buck.

"Oh, god." Tom starts to scratch his neck.

"We all have our own problems but you don't see us whining about it. No, somehow, as just manage ti suck it up why can't you?" Eddie rants.

"That's kinda harsh." Chimney speaks. "It's not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck."

"Yeah? And I didn't ask to be blindsided by some of those questions his slime ball of a lawyer asked me." Emery scoffs. Buck looks at Emery and he begins to feel small under her rage full eye.

"Emerson, I'm sorry—"

"I'm sorry." Emery rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue. "That's all you ever have to say. And yet you still manage to screw up—"

"Why can't you see my side of this?" Buck takes a step forward, he was desperate just to have someone in his side.

"I tried!" Emery snaps.

Tom jumps from Emery's sharp words. He scratches the side of his neck. "I'm gonna get hives..."

Hen pulls Tom's hand away from his neck.

A crash is heard outside, forcing all of their attentions to the window. Two cars were crashing into each other with a fit of road rage.

"Someone should stop them." Hen speaks, hoping to pull Emery away from Buck.

"Oh, thank god..." Tom whispers.

Chin points to Emery and Buck, "These two or those two?" He then points to the two vehicles hitting one another.

Emery lets out a breath. She crumbles her list and tosses it into the cart. "Let's just go." Emery walks away from Buck and heads out of the store.

The two vehicles honk at each other. One of the cars peel away from the other and speed around the parking lot.

"Hey get back here!" The guy in the blue vehicle speeds after the other. He crashes his blue car into the green one, forcing the vehicle into a fire hydrant.

The fire hydrant is knocked over and water spews out, forcing the vehicle in the air. The team watches the whole ordeal. Emery lets out a heavy breath.

"Eddie, Lena, get the tools." Bobby directs. "Hen, Chimney, check on the drivers."

Emery sighs, "I have never related to a fire hydrant until now." She turns around and meets Buck's eyes.

Emery raises her brows, "You're still here?" She then brushes past him with a scoff.

☆

"So, you're mom and dad said not to post it?"

May inhales a breath before exhaling softly. "Yeah, but I don't agree with them."

Emery frowns, "Okay, then post it."

May turns to Emery, "Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you would've disagreed." May pulls her brows together.

Emery looks down at her play of food. "I know I'm a stickler for the rules. But, I also know that there are some rules you can't follow. Especially if you want Justice."

May nervously bites the inside of her cheek. "If I didn't post it and my dad just sent a complaint in...would there be Justice?"

Emery's chest tightens. She looks to the side and May notices her hesitance. "Don't lie to me, Emerson. Please."

Emery looks back at the young girl and sighs. "Normally, cops like this already have some form of complaints. And if he's still working, then...just adding another complaint to the list isn't going to change anything."

May looks back down at the video of the traffic stop on her phone. Emery watches as May's hands begin to shake. "No one should have to experience anything like that." She sighs. "I'm sorry, May."

"Would you post it?"

Emery's back straightens, "I would." She admits. "If the police aren't going to rightfully punish one of their own because of the paperwork or the technicalities."

"I would put it on me and get my own Justice." Emery tilts her head. "But you're not me. You make your own decision and be proud of it."

May shakes her head, "If I choose not to post this video...how can I be proud?"

Emery presses her lips together. "Then post it and don't let anybody else tell you otherwise."

"You're talking about my mom?" May raises her brows.

Emery holds her hands up, "Hey. I'm not saying anything else."

May manages a small laugh, "Thank you for dinner, Emerson. And for the advice."

"What are big sisters for?" Emery waves a playful hand. "Up top!"

May raises her brows and softly laughs. She raises a hand and high fives Emery. "So, you're paying for this, right?" She motions to the food.

Emery blinks, "I...thought you were paying..."

May's eyes widen and she cranes her neck forward. Suddenly Emery snickers, "Kidding." She pulls her wallet out.

May let's out a breath of relief. "So not funny."

Emery then frowns, "It was a little funny."

☆

"Please state your name for the record."

Emery was seated in a white room with cement walls surrounding her and a camera obnoxiously shoved in her face. She was sitting on a foldable black in her polyester formal attire once again.

She knew that this was coming. After the trial, she was playing the waiting game with her fire chief. And now here she was.

"Emerson Bailey Sharpe." She lets out a breath.

"And what's your position and fire station location?"

"Uh, firefighter and Co-Captain if Station 118." Emery answers.

"And do you know why you're here today, Miss Sharpe?"

Emery's stomach begins to turn, "Recently, it's come to light that I never listed me being Bipolar on my forms when applying to this station." She says, her eyes on the camera.

"Miss Sharpe, how long have you had sexual relations with your subordinate, Evan Buckley?"

Emery blinks. She looks to the side then pulls her brows together. "I-I'm sorry?"

"Your relationship with Evan Buckley. How long has it been going on for?"

Emery tilts her head. She didn't understand exactly how this had anything to do with her lying on her form. "Uh, it went on for about 8 months, but...we're not together anymore."

"But you were with him while you were Captain, correct?"

Emery leans forward, "No, well—a month ago, we were together. But it wasn't like that—I wasn't Captain when anything started between him and I." She explains.

"But you were a Lieutenant?"

Emery closes her mouth. She looks to the side and shakes her head. "So, this is what this whole thing is about?" She motions her hands around the cement room. "Because of my personal life? Not my records—"

"We will deal with your records another time, Miss Sharpe." The man writes across his clipboard. Emery inhales a breath, "I didn't take advantage of him." Her tone was calmer than before. "It was consensual and I didn't manipulate him—"

"But it is frowned upon to start anything with a colleague." The man states. "And continuing it—"

"We aren't together anymore." Emery's tone was firm. "We ended it officially over six months ago and a month ago, I thought we were going to be a couple. But that didn't happen." She raises her brows. "Evan Buckley and I are nothing to each other now."

Emery felt that in her heart. Because she was stupid enough to think that Buck wanted the same things she did. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Thank you for your honestly, Miss Sharpe." He sighs. Silence fills the room and for a moment, Emery was hopeful. Then the silence went on for a little too long.

"But, you have to know that being Captain isn't in the future for you any longer."

Emery's hope had been flushed down the fucking toilet and she felt like she was going to be sick. Her jaw clenches. She lost her captaincy because of a fucking relationship not because of her lying on her records. Emery felt the need to defend herself. But she also knew that the union wasn't going to change their minds. So, she closes her eyes, forcing her tears away. Emery inhales a breath and opens her eyes. "I understand." She nods. "I appreciate the opportunity of showing you what kind of leader I could be."

The man presses his lips together, like he thought she was anything but a good leader. He stands up and Emery follows suit. "You should be lucky you're even still a firefighter, Miss Sharpe."

He holds his hand out to the woman. Emery looks at his hand and she wanted to fucking break it. But in all honesty, she wanted to break her own hand. Why did she always trust the wrong people?

She bites her tongue and shakes his hand. "Have a nice day, sir." Emery walks past the man, tears forming in her eyes. The curly-haired girl pushes the door open and looks at Bobby. He holds out his hands, waiting for the news. Emery looks at the ground and shakes her head.

Bobby's arms drop to his side. He watches as Emery keeps her eyes on the ground in shame. He and Emery weren't in the best place right now. But seeing her hurting was something he never wanted. Bobby walks over to Emery and wraps his arms around her.

Emery hesitantly raises her arms and hugs Bobby back her tears blurring her vision.

☆

Emerson didn't want to go out tonight. But she also knew that Bobby wanted the team to go out, especially after all of their rough arbitrations. So, she decided to give it a chance.

Emery was the last person there, but she walked into the building and made her way over to the receptionist. "Hi, I'm supposed to be meeting a group here, probably under the name, Bobby N--"

"Emerson!"

Emery turns her head to the captain and she raises her brows. "Oh, never mind, there he is."

The lady smiles, "Have fun."

Emery smiles, "I will try," she pumps a fist. She walks over to Bobby as she gets closer to the group, stops in her tracks and a flare of anger explodes in her chest. "What's he doing here?" her voice was low, but she sounded disinterested.

Buck opens his mouth to speak, but Bobby answers. "He's back on the team, Em."

Emery frowns, "Of course, he is." a bitter chuckle escapes her lips. "Throw everyone else under the bus, he was bound to come back sooner or later--I just meant why was he here tonight?" she then frowns. "Actually, why am I here?"

"This is a team bonding moment--"

"No, sorry, captain. But I'm not doing it." Emery holds her hands up. "It's fine for you to bring him back. You're the captain and that's your decision, but me here with him?" she points at Buck and snaps her fiery dark gaze over to him. The eyes that had looked at him with so much admiration a month ago had quickly changed to hatred. Buck's chest tightens. She didn't really hate him, did she?

"I would rather go through another tsunami." Emery turns around and stalks over to the door.

"Emerson, wait." Buck quickly follows after her.

Emery shakes her head, "Leave me alone." she shoves the door open. Buck quickly holds it open and follows her outside.

"I'm sorry that Bobby didn't discuss it with you. You shouldn't have been ambushed like this--"

"Oh, you're one to talk about ambushes?" Emery turns around, her sneakers touching his. "You want to talk about ambushes?" her breathing heavies. "Or did you forget about that bullshit you pulled with your attorney?"

"It was just to get my job back, you've got to understand--"

"No, I don't understand." Emery snaps. "Because I wouldn't have told anyone what you told that snake. I wouldn't have risked your job to save my own."

Buck pulls his brows together and that causes Emery to raise her brows. "Oh, you don't know..." she then frowns. "Well, it's common sense, but sure I'll explain it to you, Buck." she puts both her hands together. "If you tell your slimy bitch ass of an attorney that you've had a sexual relationship with someone who was your captain, what do you think will happen?" she tilts her head. She doesn't even wait for Buck to comprehend the question. "If you tell your greedy spineless bottom-feeding attorney that your captain lied on her records about being bipolar, what do you think would happen?"

At this point, Buck's breathing was quick and his chest was tight from the pain across Emery's face. Her eyes were filled with a rage that he'd never seen in her before. She was furious with Buck. She couldn't trust him.

"I'm not a captain anymore. I'm not even a Lieutenant anymore." A breathless scoff leaves her lips. She just sounded tired. "I'm lucky I even still have a job."

"I didn't know they would take everything away from you, Emi--"

"Oh, god--stop, stop!" Emery holds a hand out to him, stopping him from taking a closer step toward her. "Don't you get it? This job means nothing to me! I told you that at the arbitration. I told you that you were my..." she trails off her words and she just feels embarrassed. Emery thought that the feelings she had for Buck were the same feelings he had for her. But the trial showed her that she was wrong. "...this was my everything." her voice shakes. "Then I realized that there were things--people out there that I could lose that would make me feel like I was...nothing."

"And I have lost them. Helena, Amaya, you." Emery's eyes were filled with tears of anger and repressed grief. "And now my dad..." she wipes her tears with her hand. A painful lump formed in Buck's throat and he couldn't stop his own tears from forming. Emery was in so much pain and he was one of the causes of that. Buck takes a step forward, wanting to comfort her in anyway possible.

Emery shakes her head and steps back with her hand out towards him. "Just..." she lets out a harsh breath. Emery looks away from him for a second, trying to recover from her facade cracking. She clenched her jaw and looks back at Buck, her eyes still glassy but a distant look. "Go back inside with your team, you so desperately fought so hard to get back to, Buck." she stuffs her hands in her jacket. "I'm going home to my dad." Emery turns away from him and walks down the sidewalk.

And this time, Emery's the one to leave Buck alone.

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author's note.

I wish we could skip the pain, but in the words of Andrew Lincoln, "Alas...we shan't!" 🤭

words : 3545