"Doctor, are you feeling well?" the nurse asked as Kei walked into the hospital.

He nodded slightly and picked up his coat.

"Don't worry about me. Oh, and make sure I can take Kuroo Tetsurou's file when I go home, okay? I need it for an analysis" Kei said quietly.

His face was pale which brought out the bags under his eyes even more. His pupils were wide, not to mention his eyes were red.

He has been crying. He hasn't been sleeping.

He took Yamaguchi's file and headed towards the room. His footsteps were heavy, something inside of him was telling him not to go into that room. Something was telling him to AVOID it all costs.

And yet he had to do his job.

He opened the door and found Yamaguchi sitting on his bed, staring into the corner of his room with a smile plastered on his face.

"Hello, Yamaguchi" Kei greeted his patient. Yamaguchi turned his head to him and his smilr widened.

"Tsukki~ you seem awfully tired! What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about" Kei said as he sat down, but Yamaguchi got out of his bed and walked towards him. He leaned down and stared at his face.

"I know this expression way to well, Tsukki. And you said I wouldn't be able to damage your mental state! You haven't been sleeping? Are you crying at night? Oh, it's gonna get worse" he said with a smile as he backed away from the tired blond.

"Ah.. I guess you were right... And since you managed that,  how about you tell me why youare really here" Kei tried his luck.

Yamaguchi sat down on his bed.

"Fine, there's no point in hiding it anymore. Are you ready to hear my life story?" he asked. His eyes were completely vain and empty.

"I'd love to" Kei nodded and pressed the button on his recorder.

"Well, I grew up in a quiet town with my mom, dad and my sister. My parents were alcoholics, drug addicts and the whole town hated them, which made kids at the school bully me and my sister. I tried to protect her, but she kept being locked in the bathroom, her stuff was still being stolen. I gave her everything that I had, from school supplies to clothes, to food and toys. We were poor, we couldn't afford much, if only my father wouldn't have wasted thousands on drugs and cigarettes maybe then we would have lived better.." Yamaguchi started telling, for the first time in 4 years he opened up, the words wouldn't stop leaving his mouth.

"... My dad used to beat me, you know?  He used to think that I am the cause of all the troubles. But everytime he best me I said to myself that it will be better, things will change and we will be a normal family. How wrong could I have been? I'm not sure why it happened, maybe because dad didn't pay the money for drugs or something, but one night..." he stopped for a second and gulped down, he placed his hand on his chest and exhaled loudly.

"...one night someone broke into our house. I heard screaming, it was my little sister. I ran to the living room where my parents were and saw the view that broke me. How would you feel if you saw someone violently stabbing your parents, floor covered in blood? That man then stood up and headed towards my sister, I wasn't fast enough! All I heard was her screams full of pain.. And I did something... Something that made me into what I am today..." Yamaguchi said, a smile crept on his face which made Kei's heart stop beating.

".. I ran to the kitchen and picked up the biggest knife there was, I jammed it into his throat and watched as he chocked on his own blood. I killed him, Tsukki. Do you understand why I am like this now?" Yamaguchi turned to Kei. His eyes were full of tears as he watched how Kei nodded slowly.

"I'm.. I don't know what to say.." Kei said, he couldn't move at all.

"Say Tsukki, what happened to your girlfriend? Tell me! I shared my story, now you share yours.." Yamaguchi shuffled closer to Kei.

"She was pregnant, and I was happy. I mean why wouldn't I be? I was going to become a father, I wanted to propose to her.. But then one day I heard her talking with her friend in town.. She said how happy she is that she managed to fool me, how's she's gonna steal all my money and then run away with some dude who was truly the father of the child she was carrying. I was angry, I was so mad. It felt like my life had shattered in pieces. When she came home that night I yelled at her, I spoke too much, I spoke to harsh and somehow managed to make her hate herself. Maybe it was guilt.... I'm not sure what happened, I left her, the dude left her too, because he didn't want a kid and she was left with nothing. So she.. She came begging to me to give her a chance, but I yelled at her again. I told her she's worthless... I shouldn't have  done that.. She overdosed in the hospital. She killed herself and the child.. And it's all on me.." Kei felt tears rolling down his cheeks, it felt as if a big stone rolled off his chest, telling someone really does make you feel better.

"Tsukki~ don't you think we're similar?" Yamaguchi asked.

Kei didn't answer, he ended the session early and rushed home. Even though he did feel lighter now that someone else knew, but the guilt started washing over him once more. He rushed to his shower and turned on the hottest water he could. The bathroom filled with steam and Kei took of his heavy clothes. He stepped into the shower, letting the almost boiling water wash over his dirty skin leaving it red and throbbing with pain.

He slammed his fist onto the wall as he cried.

"IT WAS MY FAULT?! HOW COULD I DO THAT?!" he screamed.

It was his breaking point.

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Merry fucking Christmas.

Any thoughts?

P.s the chapter is unedited so sorry for mistakes
-hatari.