hello all,

i haven't written here in a hot minute (i say that every single entry let's be honest) but here i am.

how have i been? you may ask. i have been all over the places. my emotions are not stable at all and honestly i don't know what i am doing with my life.

this is a serious entry, honestly, we set the jokes aside for now.

my depression has been getting stronger. each day gets harder and harder - i don't want to do anything. get up, shower, eat, study, work - all seems so useless but i push through.

i push through for the people who seem to care for me. you know, recently i opened a discord server (don't ask for link, we just let new people in) and it has brought some light into my world honestly.

the people are nice and loving, makes me feel good too, but at the same time i am... alone. by myself. on my computer looking at text messages. 

i lack connection.

i spent a weekend with a friend outdoors this sunday. honestly it was so good to get away, go to a forest, have fun. after i came back home... i just felt empty again.

sorry you have to read this right now. i'm ranting. i'm aware. but then again this is my book, whatchu gonna do about it?

to calm you down, i am not quitting writing. i am on a block right now, but i do have ideas and stories i am planning. i am also thinking of joining ao3 and uploading some works there, but we will see.

honestly i just want to feel happier again. that's all i want. i want to wake up and think "wow what a good day, let me brush my teeth and get moving" instead of thinking "another day huh... i want to stay in bed again".

im going nowhere with this. but.

anyway how have you guys been? are you excited about summer?

tell me, i read all the comments!

love you all ♡♡