❝tired of pretending❞

"WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D BE A NICE GUY."

Damon smirks as he looks at Rose from his place next to her on his bed. She'd healed completely, but they'd settled into a comfortable silence long after Elena left. There'd been plenty of things to think about on both of their parts. 

"I'm not nice, I'm mean. I like it."

She rolled her eyes. "You lie,"

Damon flicked her hand and she smacked him away petulantly. She huffed at his childish demeanor before falling silent, her eyes drifting to the picture he'd been so angry about earlier. "What was she like? Your wife."

He hesitated, and his blue eyes softened as he quickly fell into his thoughts of her. Letting out a wistful sigh, Damon smiled to himself, caught in a memory.

"She was wonderful," He muttered, his heart aching with her absence. "She was happy, and she always found a way to laugh no matter what. She could make someone smile at a funeral if she wanted to. And she was beautiful– the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

Rose smiled at the way he described her, hearing the pain in his voice that intertwined with the love he clearly still had for her. "Tell me about her,"

Damon looks at her suspiciously and she rolls her eyes, hitting his shoulder. "I almost died, this is the least I deserve."

Sighing, he concedes and dives into memories he's tried hard to bury for his own sake.

Damon hadn't been getting along with his father as of late, but in the Christmas spirit, he was determined to spend time with his little remaining family members. 

He and Rosemary had spent the past few months overseeing the construction of their own house, and in order to maintain some sort of semblance to adulthood, they'd been staying in the unoccupied maids quarters on the Salvatore property. Damon didn't have many complaints, as he didn't much care for his childhood home after his mother died all those years ago.

This particular day, he'd brought home a surprise for Rosemary. A furry surprise in the shapy of a tiny kitten he'd found behind the town tavern, screaming its little head off for help. He hadn't hesitated in grabbing it, taking off his scarf to wrap the small pet in as he changed his path towards their home instead of the bar. 

The kitten was black with startling grey eyes that looked around at the world curiously. He had given it a bath in a warmed bucket of water in his father's kitchen, and despite his mewed protests, he'd gotten clean.

When he finally walked into he and Rosemary's makeshift home, a smile grew on his face as her softly spoken hums echoed through to his ears. "Ro, I've got a surprise for you!" He kicked the snow off his shoes, taking a deep inhale as the smell of dinner wafted up his nose. 

Rosemary came out of the kitchen and he was instantly taken aback by her beauty as he always was. Her deep red robe tied around her waist, skirting along the floor as she took elegant strides towards him. There was a slight furrow in her brow, but he saw the gleam of curiosity in her bright eyes as she shifted her gaze to the bundle wrapped in his arms. 

"I do love surprises, but I hate waiting for them," She waved him on, impatiently urging him to show her. "What is it?" 

He slowly shifted the covering back and Rosemary gasped, her hand coming to her mouth as she took in the fuzzy kitten purring peacefully in his arms. "A kitten?" 

He nodded. "For you, as an early present. He's freshly bathed, as well."

"Damon, he's adorable!" She held the kitten against her chest and looked into its tiny eyes with an almost unbelievable amount of love for something she'd just met. "Does he have a name?"

"I figured you could do that part," Damon stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She leaned back against him and he rested his chin atop her head, content to hold her like this while she cradled the kitten gently.

"I like the name James,"

He laughed lowly, kissing her hair with utter fondness shining in his eyes. "For a cat?"

She shrugged and looked up at him. "Why not? He's our family now," She scratched the cat's head, cooing at its light purring.

Damon looked at the mirror hanging on the wall across the room, reflecting their current position. Him holding his wife, and her holding the kitten. He could imagine one day the kitten being exchanged for a baby, and the thought makes him blink back tears.

Rosemary looked up and met his eyes in the reflection, her smile content. She cradled the kitten gently and nodded, not breaking eye contact with Damon. "Our little family."

Damon bit the inside of his cheek, and looked to Rose, who had tears shining in her eyes. He cleared his throat, ridding himself of his own emotions regarding the memory. "What?"

"I've never heard you speak with such fondness, that's all." She shook her head at him. "It's nice. I bet she loved you just as much as you loved her,"

Damon nodded in agreement. "She did." 

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Damon shut the front door of the boarding house behind him, relief pooling his veins as the situation with Sheriff Forbes had been handled. He told her that he'd staked and burned the vampire that caused all the ruckus tonight, knowing she'd relay the message to the Council.

He stopped abruptly when he spotted Elena sitting on the couch. "You were supposed to leave."

She stands, rubbing her hands on the denim of her pants. "I did. But then I came back to make sure you were okay."

Damon rolls his eyes, holding back any sort of other physical reaction. "I appreciate the gesture, but Rose is fine and I'm fine."

Elena looks at him dubiously. "You know I don't believe that."

"Go home, Elena. The day is over."

"Damon, I'm trying to be your friend and a friend usually knows when their friend is hurting–"

He looks at her angrily, clenching his fists at his side. "What do you want to hear, Elena? That I was worried about Rose? That I care? Well I wasn't, and I don't."

"There you go, turning it off, pretending not to feel. You're so close, Damon. Don't give up."

Damon's jaw ticks in anger. "I feel, Elena. Okay? And it sucks. I was scared to death, because my friend almost died for me. I am scared that everything I thought I knew was a lie, and I can't handle not knowing the truth. And I am angry. I am so angry because everyday I wake up, knowing that my brother has fallen in love with the woman who wears the same face as the monster that ruined my life!"

Elena takes a step back from him, her eyes wide in fear as his voice raises steadily with each word.

"Stefan fell in love with Katherine and she was poisonous. She was like some sickness that infected him, and he couldn't be cured. I see the same exact thing every time he's with you, and if it wouldn't completely destroy him, I'd kill you right now. I should've killed you the second I came back here, just to save myself the trouble, because no matter what you say or how much you deny it, you are Katherine." 

Damon throws his arms out to the side, scoffing carelessly. "And I guess you can't help it, she's your ancestor, but the least you could do– and I mean the absolute least is acknowledge that you're like her."

"Damon, I–" Elena swallows harshly, biting back tears. "I can't imagine what you went through losing Rosemary, but I had nothing to do with that! You can't blame me for something I wasn't even alive for."

The vampire smiles, but it's completely empty and bone-chilling. "You're right, Elena. You had no fault in the death of my wife." He steps towards her and grabs her arm when she tries to turn away from him. "You want to know something about Saint Stefan? When Rosemary died I was so upset, he took it upon himself to turn me. He gave me eternity when all I wanted was death."

Elena flinches, but he's not done speaking yet. "And then– then, because I was so screwed up as a newbie, he convinced me to flip my switch. And now he has the audacity to judge me for killing people when the very first person I ever killed was because of him."

Elena's lip quivers, and he tightens his hold on her arm, knowing it will most likely leave a bruise that he'll hear about from his brother. "Go home, Elena. There's been enough doom, gloom and personal growth for today." He pushes her in the direction of the door and starts to walk towards the stairs to his room, ignoring the sounds of her soft sniffles as she exited the house.

He was tired of eternity. And he was tired of not being a human, because at least when he was human he had Rosemary.

He was so tired of pretending to be the good guy so that his brother wouldn't hate him, when he had every right to be a bad guy. He's loyal to the most dangerous family in the world, why would he continue to pretend like he's against them when all it's done is make him hate these people more?

Damon's tired of pretending. 

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author's note; i honestly forgot how much plot was in this book, wtf was i on 

edited and published; 2.22.22. 

- liz