─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

THREE MONTHS LATER.

'I've been in Arkadia for three months. If Cage and Dr. Tsing wanted to know if their experiment for sure worked, it does. I'm still breathing. I mean, I think I am. Sometimes. It still hurts, each day worse compared to the last. I still see their faces. I still remember who I lost, what I lost. I still remember what part of me was left behind there. The good girl. The girl who dreamed of being a doctor, not the one that betrayed her people.

I still don't feel like I belong. Whether it's here, with these people who fell from the stars, or this life. I'm still not sure that I deserve to be alive. Maybe watching my people die every time I close my eyes is what I deserve. I betrayed them. These people look at me like I'm gray in their brightly colored world.

Except for the delinquents I knew in Mount Weather. They're thankful I joined with Maya and sacrificed my life to protect them, even at the cost. Monty mostly. He reminds me every day that I did what I could to keep both of our people alive. He cares the most, I think. I suspected that when he gave me this stupid notebook after a run to my old home. But, I know Maya's death affected Jasper. Me and Monty try to help him, but he's so far gone from drinking himself to sleep every night.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm not like him. I'm grieving and fighting every day, but not as bad as him. Maybe ...'

"Riley?"

The blonde looked up, her stubbed pencil stopping its movement at the sound of her name. Bellamy was looking down at her, from where she was leaning against the wall. "Monty told me you were coming today," he spoke. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

The truth is, Riley wasn't so sure. She hasn't exactly left Arkadia for three months, refusing to step past the gate. She had long talks with Monty, who helped her come to terms with the fact that if she stayed any longer, she might actually go insane. Eventually, she caved and promised she'd come the next time they headed out. Bellamy seemed like he cared as well, by the way he asked if she was sure she was ready. Even though Riley didn't know, she nodded and stood, tucking the small book away in the inside of her jacket pocket. "I am. Thank you."

Bellamy led Riley to where the rover they used to go out was. Raven, who had a large hand in building it, had rolled herself out from underneath it and gave Riley a short nod. Riley smiled back as she passed by her, to where Monty was sitting at a long table. "Monty, why aren't you ready?" Bellamy asked as they approached him.

"I am," Monty replied, turning around. He smiled when his eyes connected with Riley, before he remembered what was the real problem. His gaze moved from them to a body on the ground not too far away. "He's not."

It was Jasper. He was sprawled out on the ground underneath the table, an empty cup on his chest, showing what he's been doing all night. Riley frowned, looking at the unconscious boy, who would clearly be in a grumpy mood when waking up. "What are we going to do with him?" She asked, not sure what she was referring to, whether how they were going to wake him or what they were going to do with Jasper. A drink once in awhile to take the pain away was one thing, even Riley found herself taking a sip when grieving became too much. But passing out cold every night was another, it was a problem.

"We should leave him this time," Bellamy replied, a bit irritated and glaring down as Jasper's sleeping figure. Riley didn't blame him.

On the other hand, Monty looked more concerned as he slid off the seat. "He's not getting better," he stated honestly. "Maya's death broke him." At the mention of her deceased best friend, Riley visibly flinched before her shoulders tensed up. She turned away, feeling Monty's apologizing stare at her, and tried to erase everything hitting her out of her head as she walked down the short slope.

There were a few people unloading supplies they had found from the most recent run at Mount Weather, and Riley visibly frowned at the sight of a man holding a large Van Gogh panting. She remembered how much Maya had loved the paintings in Mount Weather, how the two as small girls with pigtails would sneak in just to trace the outlines with stubby fingers.

Riley was pulled back to the reality of her life when Bellamy and Monty passed her, each of them holding onto Jasper arms and dragging him, as he was still basically passed out. "Monty, he's all yours," Bellamy stated, releasing Jasper and letting him lean against the rover. He rubbed his shaved head playfully before leaving to talk to his girlfriend, Gina.

"How are you feeling?" Riley asked, stepping forward. Jasper didn't respond. He still looked dead to the world, that, or he was completely ignoring her. For the most part, she had patience when it came to Jasper. She understood what he felt, but that didn't excuse any behavior. Monty gave Riley a knowing look before turning away, leaving the two to grab something.

"Hey!" Raven called out when Bellamy made a loud, dramatic noise by tossing a heavy bag of guns on top of the vehicle. She slid out from underneath again, narrowing her eyes at him. "Take it easy!" She warned before her eyes flickered to Riley. "You're coming too?" Raven asked, almost bluntly, yet confused.

Riley shrugged as Bellamy began pulling out guns, tossing one to Miller who circled around the corner. Just about everyone knew that Riley was the strange one that refused to leave Arkadia, so to see her leave was strange. "Have to leave sometime," she admitted. Raven shrugged before nodding in agreement.

After Bellamy answered Miller's question about his sister joining them, who was eagerly waiting outside of the shelter, he held a gun out to Riley. Her blue eyes looked at the weapon in astoundment before letting out a snort. "Are you serious?" She asked. "I'll shoot one of you in the foot by accident. Or, worse, myself."

Rolling his eyes, Bellamy gestured the gun to Riley's direction again. "You've been to a few shooting lessons, don't doubt yourself," he said. "If you're attacked, aim for a no kill spot. That goes for everyone," he turned, announcing, once Riley took the weapon. "Take a vest too, Riley," Bellamy instructed.

The black vest felt uncomfortable and tight against Riley's chest as she clipped it on. She didn't know why they had to wear them. Grounders didn't use guns, and it wouldn't protect them from swords, but she complied anyways. Her hair was pulled back tightly too, keeping her blonde hair from sticking to her neck sweatily.

Monty came back, this time holding a bucket of water. He didn't hesitate in throwing it forward, the water flying out and splashing Jasper in the face. Jasper gasped in surprise, jumping from the impact. He was more awake now, looking up and panting at Monty. "Sorry, was that too cold?" Monty asked, sarcastic and annoyed.

All of a sudden, Jasper let out a shout and grabbed Monty by his shirt, pushing him against the rover and pinning him there. Riley jumped, surprised by the action. He was angry, clearly, but eventually released Monty and turned away. Bellamy stopped him, picking up a bag and throwing it into his chest. "No gun for you," he informed Jasper. "Not until you're sober."

"Don't want one," Jasper muttered, giving Bellamy a mock salute, and slapping his palm flat against their leader's face.

Riley watched Jasper turn away, disappointed, before putting her hand on Monty's shoulder. He still looked stunned from the snap, and she worried. "You okay?" She questioned, tilting her head.

Giving her a curt nod, Monty sighed. "Yeah. Fine." It was clear that he wasn't, but Riley let it go for now.

"Let's do this." Bellamy urged them into the rover. Monty opened the door from one side and nodded to Riley. She gave him a small smile before grabbing onto the ledge and pulling herself in, sitting herself across from Miller. Monty crawled in after her, sitting across from her and next to Miller as Jasper and Raven sat in the front seats.

Bellamy joined them a few seconds after, sitting next to Riley and closing the door shut behind him. Raven turned around from the front seat, staring at Bellamy with a smile. "She's too good for you," she teased, referring to Bellamy's girlfriend.

"Shut up," Bellamy shot back, making Raven laugh and turn back around. Even though Riley was panicking quietly, feeling uneasy, she managed to smile and look down.

However, Jasper didn't see the bright side. "Careful," he muttered under his breath. "Monty might melt her."

The direct insult made Riley frown. "Hey," she snapped, leaning forward. She cared for him, she did, but hearing about Maya again and again was making it hard for her to calm down and move on. "Don't talk about him like that. Let go."

"Let go," Jasper repeated the words, bitter. "What, should I write in a book every day like you do? Talk about my feelings?"

Riley shook her head, pressing her back against the wall of the rover again and refusing to meet Jasper's gaze. "Someone has to remember the terrible things we did to survive."

"Enough," Bellamy cut in, the heavy silence thick enough to physically feel. "Raven, take us out."

Feeling the tension, Raven nodded and started the rover. Riley clutched the gun in her hand as the door to the opening slid open, and sunlight shone through. She reminded herself that she had to leave sometime, and watched as Octavia on a horse appeared in front of them. "Try and keep up!" She called out to them, making Raven grin at the direct challenge.

The rover suddenly lurched forward and moved quickly. Riley looked down at her boots, breathing in through her nose as they drove down the path and through the gate being held open for them. If she peered through the window, she'd see the kids that followed, interested in what was to be held for them.

Considering she was facing her fear since leaving the bunker, Riley was too.

-x-

It was quiet as they were driven down a bumpy path, before Jasper broke it when he hummed under his breath along to the music blasting through his small headphones. Having enough, Monty leaned forward and pulled the buds out of Jasper's ears. "No way," he protested. "If you're gonna ride shotgun, you can't just disappear."

Not pointing out that he still wanted to listen to his music, Jasper unplugged the headphones and instead hooked his device up to the rover. His song started to blare through the speakers, and Riley grew annoyed quickly. Monty did too, as he leaned forward, ready to unplug it again, but Bellamy grabbed his wrist before he could. "Hey, it's okay," he said, staying peaceful, and not wanting to cause another argument. "It's a long ride."

It only took a few seconds for the small group to get used to the music. Riley looked up in time to see Miller fake a drum beat, and it calmed her pulsing heart. She started to realize it wasn't so bad, being in the woods again. As long as they weren't heading near Mount Weather, she supposed she would be fine.

A small smile spread on Riley's face when she heard the others began to hum along. Even though she was upset at Jasper, it was nice to see him smile for the first time in awhile and sing along. She even hummed along, mouthing the words. "Why can't I get, just one screw? Why can't I get, just one screw?"

"Believe me, I don't know what to do, but something won't let me make love to you." Miller sung the words quietly under his breath as he perkily rubbed his head against Monty's shoulder. Riley stopped singing for a second, covering her mouth to laugh as Bellamy lowered his head, amused.

Jasper became the most passionate, singing the loudest. "Day after day, I get angry and I will say! That day, this is the wayside and I take a bow to say goodnight!"

Octavia had caught up, and Riley could see her bouncing on her running horse, peeking at the rover when hearing the music.

Becoming more passionate, Jasper sat up and turned to look at the four behind him, more hyperactive than before, filled with adrenaline from the beat. "So don't shoot, shoot, shoot that thing at me!" Riley threw her head back and laughed as she watched Jasper throw his upper body out of the hole on the top of the rover, pumping his fists in the air and cheering. She hasn't had many happy moments, but witnessing this by far was the best.

Suddenly, a loud beeping was heard over the music. Raven quickly turned off the sound, checking the tracking meter that hung down when it went off. Riley snapped out of the song feeling as Monty leaned forward, peering at the lines on the green screen. "A tracking beacon from the Ark," he spoke, studying it.

Raven quickly stopped the rover, and Monty crawled into where Jasper once sat. Disappointed, Jasper came back in, kneeling in between them. "Hey, that was the best part."

"Who is that?" Bellamy asked, ignoring Jasper, and looking at the blinking red light.

"Farm station," Monty replied, reading the red capital letters that popped up.

After living with them for awhile, Riley learned more about the Ark that when the time it floated in space. Monty told her about the stations, the rules, all of it. She remembered that he spoke about being from the farm station, and could see why he was worried. However, Miller was too, perking up at the words. "After four months?" He questioned, confused. "How?"

"We'll find out," Bellamy promised him.

The back door to the rover suddenly flew open, and Octavia stood there, slightly out of breath. "Don't tell me I missed the party," she said, referring to the music blasting and Jasper excitement that she heard from earlier.

"They're in Sector eight," Monty announced after observing the map, ignoring Octavia.

"Wait," Riley spoke up, trying to remember right. She's seen maps a few times, of where different clans camped out, and if she remembered correctly, the least friendliest lived in Sector eight. "Isn't that Ice Nation?" Monty sighed before nodding, sensing the danger in heading there.

Raven turned her head, facing the small group. "Protocol says we go home," she pointed out. "Let the Chancellor decide what to do next..." She trailed off, hoping they'd disagree. Riley knew she was always up for a challenge, but was unsure herself if it was a good idea.

"Screw protocol," Bellamy retorted seriously. "The Chancellor's not from Farm Station, Monty is. So is Miller's boyfriend." He looked between Monty and Miller, allowing them to make the decision if it was worth the risk. "It's your call."

"Let's do this," Monty agreed without hesitation.

Nodding, Miller gave his approval as well. "You have to ask?" He questioned when Bellamy looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Yes."

Still lost, Riley adjusted herself in her seat. "Wait," Monty spoke, shifting his gaze to the nervous blonde. "Riley hasn't been this far into the woods yet. Are you okay with it?" He asked, looking at her with an expression of worry.

Clearing her throat, Riley made her decision. She was scared still, but she reminded herself she was also brave. She's survived the worst of the worst, that being Mount Weather, and she knew she had to face her monsters sometime. "Yeah," Riley finally agreed. "I'm good to go."