༺ FORTY - EIGHT ༻

I don't feel so well when I wake up.

Maybe too much laxatives.

Whatever. I stand up with some groans, and make my way downstairs. Breakfast is waiting for me.

Everyone is gone this Friday. Newt has school, Sonya has, too, and Mom and Dad have w—

Work.

So fast that I almost hurt myself, I grab my phone and scroll all the way back to the email Janson sent me.

[email protected]

WCKD. That's where my father works. It's about sports and creating new products.

And the company Thomas keeps talking about. If Janson and Ava work there and it's what Gally is involved in... then it must be the same company.

Holy shit. How many information could we get out of my father from this?! Definitely more than from Janson! And then we can solve it, with the files Thomas has and his connection with Gally.

Fast, I type his number in. It takes a while for him to pick up, but both my excitement and anxiety overtop it. "Finally!" I let go of a breath. "Alright, so Janson sent me this email and in his name, there was the same company as my father works for. Meaning, we can get info from my father and maybe stop WCKD!"

It's silent for a long time on the other side.

And then I remember. I just don't love you anymore.

"Oh." My heart sinks. "Sorry- I, eh... I forgot. Sorry." Calm calm calm calm. "But if you want to, we could still talk to my father."

"We'll see."

He doesn't hang up this time. I guess that's good. But the tension during the silence is something I can feel through the screen.

"How're you?" I eventually ask.

"Alright. You?"

Awful. "Fine. Any plans this weekend?"

"No, not really," he says. He doesn't continue or anything, so we're left in another silence.

I swallow. "So... Friday Night at work today. Is Winston gonna come with his band again?"

"I don't know," he says. "I- eh, I'm busy. Gotta go."

"Alright." I close my eyes for a few seconds, inhaling sharply. "Bye, then. See you tonight."

✵

The lights of Mamma Mia are darkening and lighting up repeatedly. I frown, but ignore it so I continue doing my job.

Ballet was... no dancing again. After a good twenty minutes of trying, Janson told me to stop.

I'll get a grip before the play, though. I know I will.

"Sorry, but I didn't order this," a man says kindly. "I think it's supposed to be another table."

"Oh." Realization hits me. "My apologies, sir."

Indeed, the food was for the table next to this one. I give them their food before I walk back to get other food, when the band that's currently playing starts to sound weird.

I stare at them for a while. The music comes out... glitchy. Luca must really have some problems with the electricity today.

"Rose, the plate is empty. You can't serve it."

I look down at the empty plate in my hands, then up at Luca. "Oh. Sorry. Wasn't thinking."

"It's alright. Just try to keep your head here. Need anything?"

"Just a bathroom break." And so I do.

One two three laxatives. Lots of water to stop my dizziness. I won't have to take another bathroom break for the rest of the night, knowing I rarely have to pee, even with the amount of water I drink.

Thomas and I don't really speak. I don't feel putting any energy in it right now. I'm exhausted enough already. Wish I could go home.

Just one more hour. Then, sleep. I love it.

In the break Thomas and I get, he's somewhere in the kitchen while I stand in the corner of the restaurant, watching the lights flicker. Luca actually hung up a disco ball.

But I prefer mirrorball. Because it's basically a mirror, just with multiple pieces. So many pieces that you'll never be able to see your whole body. That's why I like them.

They're kind of an illusion. It shines when you flicker a light on it. That's when it's the most admirable. And now the lights are this bright, I can see it super clear. Like a glowing ball in the dark, everything else around it silent and blurred away.

I've never noticed it before. Probably because it has never shined before. Or this is the first night Luca hung it up.

"Hey." It's his voice, very distanced. "Break's over."

"Has that always been there?" I wonder, ignoring his words.

"What?"

"The mirrorball," I say. "It's shining so nicely."

"Where?"

"Up there." I nod toward the thing, my eyes big. "I've never paid attention to it. Probably because it has never shined like this before. Or did Luca only hang it up today?"

"What mirrorball?"

I blink a few times, but the sight of the ball doesn't go away. "It's really there, Thomas. Wait. Get a bright light and you'll be forced to see it."

"I don't have my phone here," he says. "I can't shine on it. Guess I won't see it, then."

My eyebrows scrunch. "You really can't see it," I realize.

Would he be able to see it if it shined?

"No, I can't."

I shake my head before I look at his confused face. "Never mind. I was joking. Ha, almost got you."

Before I can get away, he takes my arm and pulls me back. His eyes move over my face. "You alright, Rose?"

I nod. "Perfect. Amazing. Good."

✵

When I get home, the lights of Mamma Mia still flicker in front of my eyes. It makes me dizzy.

Need some water. So there I go, up the stairs and into the bathroom to drink a good amount of it.

Then my stomach does a twist and I unexpectedly find myself hanging over the toilet, sending the water I drank three seconds before in it.

I exhale. Groan a bit as I get up. One two three for five pills. I put them in my mouth all at once. Chew as I think about the mirrorball again.

Ha, I can see myself a dozen times too right now. It's like the mirror is a mirrorball, except it's not shining.

It's a ruined, thin girl there, with thin hair like a witch and dark circles that make the mirrorball dark. It's really not shining.

It's breaking. There it goes. The mirrorball is suddenly gone. Red has painted the wall where it was before. I stare at it, my fingers clasping around the sink so hard it hurts.

A mirrorball can't just disappear like that. It's supposed to have a thousand pieces that slowly break away and then it's gone. It can't be gone in one second, just like that.

But then the red morphs into black and I'm consumed by it.