𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

𝟐𝟒 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

the plane touched down in LA with a gentle bump, jostling me awake from a fitful sleep. the last twenty-four hours had been a whirlwind of emotions, and i felt drained, both physically and mentally.

my mind kept replaying the confrontation with skai at travis' party, our words echoing in my head. we decided that we couldn't stay friends, that our connection was too complicated, too fraught with unresolved feelings. but now, sitting alone in the back of a car as it sped through the early morning LA traffic, i wondered if i had made a terrible mistake.

the city was still waking up, the sun just beginning to cast a soft, golden hue over the skyline. i stared out the window, my thoughts a tangled mess.

i had felt a knot in my chest ever since i watched her walk away, leaving me feeling hurt and confused. the memory of our conversation played over and over in my mind.

"you're in a relationship with my ex-friend. i need to let you go, dani. because what i'm feeling right now isn't for a friend," this sentence echoed the most.

i trudged inside, every step feeling heavy with the weight of my thoughts. i barely noticed the familiar surroundings as I entered my house, collapsing onto the couch, my hair falling on my face.

the silence of the place was deafening, a stark contrast to the noisy chaos of the party the night before. i closed my eyes, willing sleep to take me away from the gnawing ache in my chest.

but the respite was short-lived. a shrill ring shattered the silence, jolting me awake. i fumbled for my phone, squinting at the screen. it was jasmine. i felt my chest tighten further as i let out a resigned sigh and answered.

"hello, jasmine," i said, trying to keep my voice steady.

"dani, where were you last night?" her voice cut through the phone with a sharp edge.

"i told you, i was at travis' party," i replied, though i knew the conversation wasn't going to stay there. i was planning on talking to her with skai, but jasmine had other surprises waiting for me.

"and with skai?" jasmine's tone was accusatory, and it made my stomach churn.

"how do you know that?" i asked, trying to keep my tone calm but failing to hide my frustration.

"i hired a private detective," jasmine said simply, her voice dripping with disdain. "my dad has connections, you know this yet you choose to fuck with me. i knew something was up, so I had someone follow you."

my heart sank. i rose up from my laid position immediatly, "you did what?"

"yeah, i did," she said, her voice firm. "i had to know what you were really doing since i can't trust that you'll tell me things."

"jasmine, are you fucking hearin' yourself right now?" i said, my anger spilling as i raised my voice, unable to supress my emotions any longer. "you don't trust me, and now you're out here hirin' private detectives? this is crossing a line."

"well, maybe if you weren't so secretive, i wouldn't have had to do it," she shot back. "you're sneaking around with your ex, and you expect me to just ignore it?"

"i wasn't sneaking around," i said, feeling my patience wearing thin. "i was invited to a party and skai was also, we are in the same industry for cryin' out loud. i was even going to call you to talk about that, but now i'm not even in the mood."

"so you say," jasmine said coldly. "but you know, i've had enough of this. i've always been the one who's had to bend and adjust. i'm tired of it."

i let out a bitter laugh, "when have you ever adjusted yourself to anything? no enlighten me jasmine?"

"you're so fucking infuriating do you know that?" jasmine snapped. i couldn't do it anymore, the arguing, the accusations and now a private detective to follow me? am i her girlfriend or her dog?

"you know what jasmine, i'm not goin' to argue with you no more, good day." i cut the call, and i stared at my phone, feeling extremely frustrated.

it was clear that jasmine and i were worlds apart. her background, her resources, and her attitude made it impossible for us to be on the same wavelength. i always knew that she was a bit spoiled, growing up with famous parents who provided everything for her on a silver platter, which was a stark contrast to my upbringing where my mom had to have multiple jobs to afford the rent and i had to work my ass off to get us out of poverty. however, this really woke me up to how different we were. the way she acted she owned me was unhealthy and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

as if life couldn't let me catch a break, my phone buzzed with an urgent call from the studio. the voice on the other end was panicked and tense.

"dani, we've hit a few snags with the album project and mike dean is here so i need to you to come down ASAP." my stomach tightened. the last thing i needed was more stress, but i forced myself to drive to the studio, hoping the situation wouldn't be as bad as it sounded.

when i arrived, the studio was abuzz with activity. technicians were huddled over equipment, and the atmosphere was thick with tension. dante was standing in the middle of the studio, talking on the phone as well as the people in the room. i approached my team, trying to decipher the chaos.

"what's going on?" i asked, rubbing my temples.

"looks like we're having a couple of setbacks with your album dani. there is some mixing issues and the artist we wanted on one of the tracks backed out last minute." dante calmly explain, slight irritation displaying in his features.

"okay so an artist pulled out, that's annoying but whatever. now what is this issue with mixing?" i asked trying to keep my cool, i looked over at my producer mike dean who was lounging back in his chair, a stressed look painted across his features. you know it's bad if the mike dean come over personally outside of his busy schedule.

"we've got major issues with the mixing," he said, his face etched with concern. "the tracks aren't syncing properly, and we're facing delays with the mastering. we've also had some file corruption." he explains.

my heart sank. "so what does this mean?"

"it means we're looking at a substantial delay," he said grimly. "we'll have to postpone the album release."

"fuck." i muttered in frustration. i ran my fingers through my hair in frustration as i stood in silence for a couple of seconds, everyone looked at me for my response. "okay, let's delay the album then. i'm heading out to get some fresh air."

the words hit me like a ton of bricks. the weight of it all pressed down on me, the stress, the fallout with jasmine, the unresolved issues with skai—it all felt overwhelming. i could barely think straight as i walked outside to get some air.

leaning against the cool metal railing, i closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing. the noise from inside seemed distant, muffled by the tumult of my own thoughts. i was lost in a fog of frustration when my phone rang again. it was my mom.

"hola, ma," i said, trying to sound upbeat despite the heaviness in my chest.

"danielle," her voice cracked, filled with tears. "i need to talk to you."

"what's wrong ma?" i asked, immediately concerned.

"i'm so upset," she sobbed. "i decided to go one of my friend's church, just to check it out and the people there were so cruel. they found out about that i was your mom and... and they cussing me out, telling me it's a sin and that i'm a bad mother for supporting you. they said awful things about you."

my heart ached at the sound of her distress. "ma, i'm so sorry. how dare they talk to you like that, which church is this?"

"no baby, just let them be. and it's not your fault," she said, her voice trembling. "i just... i didn't know how to handle it. i felt so alone."

i clenched my fists, feeling a surge of anger towards those people. "ma, you're not alone. you've got me. and i know it's hard, but you've always been strong. you've always been there for me, and i'm here for you too."

"it just hurt so much," she continued, her voice breaking. "hearing them say those things... it felt like they were attacking both of us."

a lump formed in my throat. i hated that she was going through this because of me. as i stood outside the studio, the crisp air chilling my skin, my mind began to wander. being gay—being me—had never been easy. when my mom first found out that i liked girls, back when i was dating skai, her reaction had been... difficult.

she didn't yell or disown me, but the disappointment in her eyes had been worse than any harsh words. it took time for her to accept it, to accept me. the journey was long, filled with awkward silences and tense conversations. but eventually, she came around. she met skai, saw how happy she made me, and slowly, she began to understand.

"i know, ma. people can be so ignorant and cruel. but what they think doesn't matter. i wish i could be there with you right now, do you need me to fly over?"

"no my sweet baby, i know you have a lot to do with your album and everything. i just needed to hear your voice," she said softly, her sobs quieting. "i needed to know you're okay."

i swallowed hard, trying to keep my own emotions in check, but with everything i've gone through the whole day i couldn't. tears started to fall as i whispered, "i'm so sorry ma, i love you so much, you don't even understand."

"i know danielle, i'm happy when you're happy. please don't be too hard on yourself and look after yourself. you make me so proud baby." she says softly. i put a hand over my mouth to stop her from hearing me cry.

"okay ma, i'll call you again later, okay?" after the call ended, i stood there for a moment, staring into the distance. my mind raced, tears spilling, trying to juggle everything.

i don't really identify myself as queer or gay or anything. i just like girls. that's always been my truth. labels never felt right to me; they were just boxes people wanted to shove me into. but liking girls in the hip hop industry? that was a whole different battle. even though i also don't box myself into a specific genre, i do identify as a rapper and have worked with numerous hip hop artists, so for among all its swagger and bravado, it could be brutally homophobic. it's a world where masculinity is king, and anything that deviates from the norm is met with hostility. being a woman who loves women in this space feels like fighting a war on two fronts.

there's a lot of pressure to conform, to hide parts of yourself to fit into the mould. but i've never been good at hiding. and i shouldn't have to. loving women shouldn't be a radical act, but sometimes it feels like it is.

some days, i feel the weight of that resistance. it's exhausting, but it's also empowering in a strange way. i'm forced to be strong, to be unapologetically myself in a world that wants me to apologise.

my mom's voice echoed in my mind, her pain and her strength mingling together. i knew that i needed to be strong for her, just as she had learned to be strong for me.

but i felt so weak today, so alone. i needed someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright, and that i don't deserve to go through this shit.

so i picked up my stuff and walked to my car, with one destination set in my mind.

𓏲𝄢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝!