𝐬𝐤𝐚𝐢 𝐩𝐨𝐯

the warm glow of the candlelight danced off the polished wood of the long dining table, casting soft shadows on the faces of guests as everyone gathered to celebrate my older sister zendy's boyfriend, tom, and his triumphant theatre release of "romeo and juliet" in london.

i sat beside zendy at the table, feeling the familiar, comforting presence of family. london had become a second home for zendy, and i cherished these moments of catching up, even if the undercurrent of my thoughts was always somewhat distracted these days.

"you look distant, what's up?," zendaya remarked, nudging me playfully with her elbow as we watched tom animatedly recounting backstage stories to his parents.

i smiled at her reassuringly, taking a sip of my wine. "i'm just thinking about stuff but it's good to be here. how are things with you and tom?"

zendy beamed, her eyes lighting up. "really good. he's been amazing, especially with the whole theatre scene. we're trying to spend a lot of time together when i'm here since i'm jumping from LA and london because of my filming schedule so it's been hectic, but we're managing."

i nodded, feeling a twinge of envy at her sister's settled life. i twirled my fork absentmindedly, my mind drifting to the familiar face that had been haunting my thoughts recently.

"so," zendy began, a teasing note creeping into her voice. "how's life been for you? last time i got a life update from you, you said you keep bumping into dani."

my heart skipped a beat at the thought of dani, and i glanced at her sister, trying to gauge her expression. "it's been... interesting," i admitted, my voice laced with a mixture of amusement and frustration. "ever since she blew up mainstream, we just keep crossing paths. it's like the universe is playing a joke on me, like leave me alone."

zendy laughed softly, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "maybe it's a sign."

i couldn't help but roll my eyes but i couldn't suppress a smile. zendaya was very spiritual and was always banging on about signs, angel numbers and so on. "oh, come on, zendy don't even go there. you know it's not like that anymore."

"if you say so" she countered, arching an eyebrow. "you just seemed very nervous when i mentioned her name."

i sighed, leaning back in my chair. the flickering candlelight softened zendy's features, "it's complicated. seeing her again after all this time... it brings back a lot of memories. good ones, mostly. but we both moved on, or at least we're supposed to have. plus she's dating my ex friend now so yeah."

zendaya reached out, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "look as long as you're not getting hurt, i'll always support whatever it is that you're doing, you know that."

i looked down at my hands, fiddling with the stem of the wine glass. "i just don't know what to do with it all, i knew that we'll be bumping into each other since we're in the same industry and at the same level now. but every time I see her, it's like a whirlwind. i remember everything—how she made me feel, how we used to be. and then i remind myself why we broke up in the first place."

"sometimes," zendaya said thoughtfully, "people come back into our lives for a reason. maybe there's still something unfinished between you two."

i met her sister's curious gaze, seeing the sincerity there. "i don't know about that zendy," i conceded, my voice barely above a whisper. "but it's hard to tell what's real and what's just nostalgia."

"well, whatever it is," zendaya said with a reassuring smile, "you'll figure it out. and if you ever need to talk, you know i'm here."

i smiled, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. "yeah, you just want to know the latest gossip and tea don't you."

"always." zendy grinned at me, causing us to catch a fit of giggles.

***

i retreated into the guest bedroom and answered a facetime with my best friends nati and gio as they spammed my phone to answer. after a few minutes of goofing around, i ended the call and placed my phone on charge. i wiped my makeup off before hopped into bed.

after a few minutes of trying to fall asleep, i sighed and picked up my phone from the bed side table, leaving it connected to the charger as i scrolled on instagram.

have you ever wondered if your phone can hear you because it shows you something that you spoke about recently and then it suddenly shows up on your feed?

i had that moment when i saw a promotional ad for one of shake's songs. it was three in the morning, i was bored as fuck and i was suddenly feeling curious.

i'll check out one song, it's not like nobody checks on their ex every now and then.

the ad took me to youtube and i rotated my phone to landscape whilst leaning back into my pillow to get comfortable. i watched the music video for her song cocoon and i was vibing with it immediately.

from the unexpected beat drop, to the people dancing and having fun in the video, i couldn't help but feel its infectious energy.

i watched through the whole video and rewinded back to the beginning to watch it again. the second time round, i couldn't help but focus on dani and look for her in throughout video. i felt a slight snarl of annoyance rest on my face.

how does she  look so effortlessly cool all the damn time?

also who told me to date a celebrity? because now i feel weird when i hear her music, as if i'm doing something i'm not supposed to. the truth is, i used to fuck with dani's music. even years ago before we met, i was following up with her and some of her 070 crew members releases on soundcloud. i remember the first time i stumbled upon honey and i was blown away by how different it sounded to mainstream music.

i was finally able to get a chance to meet her after i did an interview with her old manager julz, who was enthusiastic for me to meet dani and her crew. from the jump we had a strong pull towards one another.

dani has definitely played a part in my journey in finding my own musical identity outside of my musical duo with natalie. she showed me how i don't need to be a puppet to the music industry and produce what they think will sell or go popular. there are so many different genres and types of music that can resonate with anyone, as long as you stay true to what you want to do, then you'll never lose yourself in this business. sometimes when you don't chase it and you stay authentically you, the fame and recognition will follow because admittedly it can be dark out here sometimes without knowing your identity.

when the video ended, i switched my phone off and placed it back on the side table. i turned onto my back and stared into the darkness, a sigh leaving my lips subconsciously.

i need to get this girl out of my mind. because the pain that she caused me is something i never want to go through again. you wouldn't be able to pay me a billion dollars to go through my first lesbian breakup again. that shit hurts so bad that you genuinely feel your heart breaking physically. i couldn't walk, talk or eat for weeks.

even though so much time has passed, the scenes of me crying hysterically for help flashes in my mind. we were too toxic for one another. when we broke up and we went from being around one another 24/7 to no contact whatsoever, it felt like she cut off the natural supply of my oxygen.

if it wasn't for my support system which is my family, my best friends and my team, i don't think i would still be alive, i'm being truthful.

i shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to quieten my thoughts. my curiosity must stop here before i get hurt again. my eyes soon rested naturally and i felt myself drift off into a deep slumber.

𓏲𝄢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝!