𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

the studio in new jersey was buzzing with energy, the creative hum that fuelled our best work. i sat in the control room, headphones clamped over my ears, eyes closed as i let the latest playback wash over me. the track for the new netflix show was coming together nicely, a blend of haunting melodies and driving beats that matched the dark, thrilling vibe of the series.

"that was tight, dani," dave, our sound engineer, said, his voice crackling through the intercom. "i think we're almost there."

i nodded, thumbs up in the air, opening my eyes to see the rest of the team scattered around the room. there was miles, our producer, scribbling furiously in his notebook, and sebastian, our in house producer, tapping out rhythms on the desk, his face a picture of intense concentration.

"run it back for me real quick," i asked in my natural low voice, leaning back in my chair. "i think we need to punch up the second verse a bit."

we dove back into the work, the hours slipping by unnoticed as we tweaked and refined the track. the vibes in the room was electric, each of us feeding off the others' energy and creativity. it was moments like these that reminded me why i loved making music.

despite working all around the globe and in different studios, nothing beats my home state new jersey, probably because my whole production team is here.

after a few more takes, i finally called it a night. "alright, i think we've got enough for today. let's pick this up tomorrow."

there were nods of agreement and a few tired but satisfied smiles as we began packing up our gear. i stepped outside, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the studio. the sky was a deep indigo, speckled with stars, and the streets were quiet.

i got into my car, the familiar scent of leather and faint traces of my favourite air freshener greeting me. as i started the engine, my phone buzzed in the cup holder. i glanced at the screen and saw my mom's name flashing.

"hey, ma," i answered, putting the phone on speaker as i pulled out of the parking lot.

"danielle, sweetie, are you still at the studio?" her voice was warm, a comforting reminder of home.

"i just finished up, i'm driving right now. what's up?"

"i was thinking, it's been a while since you've had a proper meal. why don't you come over for dinner? i made your favourite, lasagne."

i smiled widely, the thought of my mom's lasagne making my stomach growl. "oh you don't have to tell me twice! i'll be there in about twenty minutes."

"great! drive safe, honey."

as i drove through the familiar streets of north bergen, hudson county, i couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia. this place held so many memories, both good and bad, and coming home always brought a mix of comfort and melancholy. the night was cool and crisp, the lights of the houses flickering like warm beacons against the dark.

i moved far away from my home county because it was honestly bad vibes. everything stayed still here and expected everyone to do the same. if i had to grow and experience life properly. i knew from a young age that i had to move away. so i did and now whenever i return, i can't help but feel a sense of pride that i got out to do bigger and better things.

pulling into my mom' driveway, i saw the soft glow of lights through the curtains. i grabbed my bag and headed inside, the smell of lasagne hitting me as soon as i opened the door.

"qué lo qué!" i yelled as i entered my mother's home, removing my shoes at the door.

"danielle!" my mom greeted me with a hug as i stepped into the kitchen. The room was filled with the mouth-watering aroma of baked cheese and tomato sauce.

"buen dia ma," i said, hugging her back tightly. "it smells amazin' in here."

"go wash up, and then come sit. also danielle what is this style you have going on, why are you wearing two shirts on top of each other?"

i rolled my eyes at my mom's nagging and decided to get on her nerves further by posing in the hallway, my hands up in the air to show off my comfortable fit.

"it's part of my latest merch ma. do you like it?" i teased.

"get out of my face with your bullshit danielle." she says as she throws a kitchen towel at my head but huffs when i catch it effortlessly. i laugh at her before doing as she asked and went to wash my hands. the familiar ritual of coming home washing over me like a warm wave.

i rejoined her at the small dining table and she served me a plate of lasagne. i excitedly told her about my upcoming album and how surprisingly smooth everything is going, occasionally getting told off for speaking with my mouth full. i promise that i only do it around my mom, i always have so much to update her on.

when she asked how me and jasmine was i paused before giving her an awkward quick answer, as i didn't want to get into the dumpster fire that is my love life with my mom.

"ah i forgot to remind you, i'm renovating the house a bit so i need you to go into your old room and look into the boxes i set out with your old stuff and decide to either throw some things away or keep them at your place." i nodded as i downed the cup of water.

after a few minutes of resting at the table, i tidied the table and washed the plates before heading into my old room.

i walked down the familiar hallway to my old room. pushing the door open, i was instantly hit by a wave of nostalgia. the room was frozen in time, a snapshot of my teenage years. posters of bands and artists i adored covered the walls, the bed still had the same vibrant, mismatched quilt my grandma made, and my old desk where i never used to do my homework was cluttered with mementos of high school days.

sitting on the bed, i glanced around, memories flooding back. i spent a lot of good but also very toxic moments in this room. this was were i used to indulge in hard drugs the most, when my mom was working her late shifts i would be all types of high. i grimaced at the memory. pulling my hair into a bun, i started sorting through the boxes.

old clothes, notebooks filled with lyrics and doodles, empty vapes and a collection of ticket stubs from concerts i'd been to over the years. and then, at the bottom of a box, i found it—our scrapbook.

it was a thick, well-worn book, the edges frayed from years of handling. my heart clenched as i opened it, the first page greeting me with a photo of skai and me, beaming at the camera, arms wrapped around each other. we had made this scrapbook together, chronicling our adventures together. across the first page the word "forever" was scribed.

page after page, memories spilled out and my heart stung. there were photos of us at concerts, goofy selfies, and handwritten notes filled with inside jokes and declarations of love. ticket stubs from movies, receipts from our favourite restaurants, and pressed flowers from dates we cherished. each turn of the page made my chest tighten with a mix of longing and pain.

i ran my fingers over a particularly photo—skai and i at the beach, the sun setting behind us, casting a golden glow over our faces. we looked so happy, so in love.

i felt a sick twist in my stomach, a mix of nostalgia and unresolved feelings. the memories were bittersweet, a reminder of what we had and what was lost.

closing the scrapbook, i placed it back in the box and pushed it aside, unable to deal with the emotions it stirred up. since my mind elsewhere, i unable to go through the box. i decided to call it quits and half promised my mom that i'll go through the box again. wishing her goodnight i headed back to my house, my thoughts heavy.

i spoke briefly on the phone with jasmine, but i couldn't help but feel increasingly uncomfortable the longer we spoke.

why am i thinking so much about my ex when i'm in a full blown relationship?

that night, i tossed and turned, unable to shake the images from the scrapbook. when i finally drifted off, my dreams were filled with vivid scenes from our past. skai's laughter, the feel of her hand in mine, her soft yet feline features, the way she looked at me with those deep, soulful eyes.

i woke with a start, my heart pounding. the room was still dark, the only light coming from the sliver of moonlight peeking through the curtains. i sat up, running a hand through my hair, trying to steady my breathing.

i felt frustrated with myself. i didn't understand what was happening. my heart broke and never fully mended after me and skai's relationship, it was pretty traumatic. even though it lead to good things like being the prime inspiration for my first debut album, modus vivendi, i still feel a part of me that has been missing. and i've tried to fill in the gaps as best as i could, with my new found fame, money and even trying again at relationships.

but why is the thought of her still haunting me to this day?

not to mention that it is a red flag to be thinking and dreaming about your ex in a relationship, when me and jas had enough issues already.

𓏲𝄢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝!