It was January 3rd, three days since the New Years Eve party at the Partridge's house.

Louis and I have been texting and calling nonstop, though we hadn't been able to hang out since we've been busy with family and friends. Well he was, my family went on with their lives as if I wasn't there and well, I don't have much friends here.

Louis and I had just gotten off a quick call before he had to leave since he was hanging with his friends. Left alone bored, I decided to go downstairs and join my family.

I walked into the living room that was connected to the kitchen to see my mom leaning against the counter, talking in a hush voice to her phone close to her ear, most likely one of her friends. Then I turned to see the two boys sitting on the couch, their eyes planted on the tv screen, my dad next to them on the recliner reading the newspaper.

I took out the frozen cookie dough out of the freezer, unraveling it caught the boys attention.

"Are you baking cookies?" I looked up to see their bodies turned to me.

I nodded my head, "The cinnamon chocolate chips yeah?"

They nodded their head in agreement as I scooped out the frozen dough, placing onto the flat pan.

My mom took a piece of the raw dough as I put it into the warm oven, causing me to hit her playfully with the oven mitt.

I was sorting all the dirty dishes into the sink when I hear my mom clear her throat behind me.

"Boys go up to your room." I heard my dad speak out. Uh oh.

The boys groaned in protest, "But the cookies!"

"We'll call you down when they're done." My mom butted in.

I didn't hear a response, instead I heard their stomps as they head up the stairs, shutting the door behind them.

I tried to discreetly leave the room, but my dad pulled me back, "Azami you stay here."

Aw crap.

I was leaning against the kitchen island while my dad stood up in his recliner, and my mom standing in the middle of the room between us.

"I had just gotten off the phone with Monica." My mom started before I butted in. "Who's Monica?" I questioned.

"She's your moms' friend whose in charge of the medical program." My dad answered for me.

I turned towards my mom already knowing where this discussion was heading.

I looked at my mom, she had interlocked her hands in front of her, looking down at them as she played with her finger nails.

"She agreed she can do it." My mom spoke so softly.

I looked at them confused, "Do what?"

My dad sighed, "Your mom and I talked to Monica about the medical program and she agreed to let you have a spot in the class. She'll record her lectures and email them to you so you can do the class in the States."

What the fuck.

"I'll be too busy, with press, photo shoots, the premiere, I won't be able to do it, I won't have time." I protested, heat boiling inside my body.

My dad turned to look at me like I was stupid, "Then make time."

"But I can't possibly-" I started to only be interrupted by him again.

"I can email your manager to rearrange your schedule to let you have time to take the class." He replied.

"But I'll be too tired from the press and everything, I won't be able to focus." I stated desperately.

"Why are you making so many excuses?" My dad questioned, getting up from his chair and walking closer to me.

"I- I um." I started, my mouth unable to find the words, my dad looked at me expectantly, "I just don't want to take the class." I said slowly, my eyes staring at the ground below me.

No one spoke, it was quiet in the room.

"You are ungrateful." I heard my dad scoff in front of me, breaking the silence. I looked up to face him. "You are an ungrateful child. I can't believe it."

"What?" I asked.

He looked at me, "Your mother and I had to beg for Monica to let you have a spot in this course since you won't be here to attend your classes, and we had to beg even more to let her take the time out of her day to record her classes and email them to you! Do you know how ungrateful you sound?" He yelled at me, clearly frustrated.

I wanted to reply, so desperately, but I knew I'd get in trouble if I did, so instead I bit my tongue.

When my dad didn't hear a reply. He turned to me, "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" He questions, his voice speaking so low and dark, it sent chills down my spine.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The alarm above the oven rung, filling the empty space in the room, signaling the cookies were done.

"The cookies are done, I'll call the boys."

I walked up the stairs, holding my breath, leaving my parents down in the living room. I let the boys know that their treats are done, watching them speed by me, smiles on their faces, oblivious to the fight that had happened moments before.

I turned towards my room, locking the door behind me, releasing my deep, shaky breath. I couldn't feel my legs as I slid down my door.

I hugged my knees as I closed my eyes tight, not letting any tears fall out. I started to feel cramped, letting go of my legs, letting my body lay out against the door, I gasped for air. I started to feel the familiar ness of a panic attack.

I hadn't gotten one in months. My head was becoming dizzy, my hands started shaking uncontrollably as my chest heaved up and down as my throat tighten.

Usually when I felt myself get one back home, one of the boys would barge in distracting me from the action and saving me, without even realizing. But I wasn't home. And the boys weren't coming through my door.

I was alone.

I pressed myself against the walls, trying to push away the tight feeling overtaking my body. But I was failing. I was suffocating.

The stiffness embraced my bones as I laid on the floor, unable to save myself.

A/N

was this too much??? i literally wrote this chapter in an hours and it was so good but it got deleted for some reason so I had to rewrite everything smh.

anyways dont forget to share and vote. I LOVE YOUUUU

- jules

questions :

• how are you guys? just wanted to check up on you & say ily <33

• are any of you guys in highschool ? if so, are you guys ready for your finals ?

• was the transition from the last chapter of darling to the first of Lou good ? did it make sense ?

• do you guys listen to kid cudi ?