Phoebe hated attention. She put on an act, flashed a convincing grin, gave a seductive wink, and hoped that would satisfy people enough to leave her alone for a bit. Hoping they'd move on to the next unfortunate girl, focus on the new scandal, but not this time. She'd gone too far this time. She's the girl everyone had their eyes on. She's the new scandal. The once shiny jewel now dull and cracked. Not broken. Just cracked.

There's safety in numbers, she's come to realize over the years. That's why she surrounded herself with "friends" at all times. Why she associated herself with those at the top of the food chain, so she could feel untouchable. But she felt naked, now. She didn't have her friends. She didn't have her strength. She felt vulnerable. Felt exposed for anyone to sink their claws into. She hasn't felt like that in a long time. She'd made sure of it.

All these eyes on her, but no eye contact. No one had the nerve. Almost like they were afraid if they did lock eyes with the girl, they'd end up like her. Phoebe wanted to scoff, roll her eyes, kick, scream. But old habits die hard. So she smiled. No, smirked. False confidence. It's gotten her this far. No one can know how much she hated this. Hated the attention, the whispers, the curious eyes.

She had wanted to forget, and now she can't stop remembering.

"Look who's back from the dead!"

She felt his arms wrap around her before she could even process his voice. Her facade faltered for a second, her body instantly freezing and eyes going wide. When she saw her other friends she snapped out of it and slipped the mask back on, sending a beaming smile to all of them before focusing on her boyfriend.

"Luke, hey babe."

"'Hey babe'? That's all I get? I haven't seen you in months!"

"What the fuck is up, Bee!" Phoebe was a bit startled by Joey jumping on her back, forgetting the wild mannerisms of her best friend. "We missed you like crazy!"

"Awww thanks, guys. I missed you too. It sucks you weren't allowed to visit."

"Yeah, that "family only" rule is dumb as shit. We're more your family than your real one."

George was right. When they finally noticed something wrong with her and rushed her to the hospital, her mom didn't even show up until hours later. The only excuse she got was that she was with her new boyfriend and her phone was off. No "I'm sorry" or I love you so much and I'm so glad you didn't die". But her friends stayed there until they were sure she was okay.

They beat themselves up about it after. Deep down, they all noticed something was up with her. She still went crazy at parties, still goofed off with the rest of them, but during the day she was different. It was like she wasn't really there. She was more apathetic; an emotionless shell of the Phoebe they know and love. She was more withdrawn, eyes blank and nothing behind her smiles. But they just ignored it, thinking if something was really wrong, she would tell them about it. But she never did.

The group made their way down the hallway, Phoebe's confidence coming back tenfold with the presence of her pack. Her shield. Her power. She was nothing without them. Just another drug-addicted, depressed teen in a sea of others like her. She knew she wasn't special, but sometimes it was nice to pretend. She was amazing at it. At pretending. At acting. Masking.

It wasn't always like this, she realized. There was a time where she didn't have to pretend. When she was younger and more naive. When she actually thought her friends were as confident as they pretended to be. Before she realized they were just as clueless and scared as her. None of them would survive on their own. They needed each other. It was a double-edged sword. Toxic together, but vulnerable alone. Neither an ideal situation, so they picked the lesser of two evils.

They stopped at Grace's locker, Luke's hand tightening around her shoulder making her tense up again. This was it. The double-edged sword. It was just as dangerous to be with them as it was to be without them. Without him. Four months in rehab hadn't helped her forget. That's what the drugs were supposed to do, but of course she fucked that up.

"I have to get my schedule, guys. I'll catch you later," she sent her friends an apologetic smile, slowly and carefully removing Luke's arm from her shoulders.

"Oh, I'll walk you, babe," he wrapped his arm back around her shoulder, either not noticing or ignoring her uncomfortable expression.

"Nah, I'll take her." Joey, the saint she is, gently grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her out of Luke's grasp. "My class is that way anyways."

"Alright, well, I'll see you later?" He didn't give her time to respond as she captured her lips with his. She smiled sweetly at him when he pulled away, batting her lashes and biting her lip for added effect.

Joey barely gave her time to wave to the rest of their friends as she pulled her down the hallway to the main office. She might've not known what was going on with her best friend, all she knew was the girl was suffocating. She hid it well, but Joey probably knows Phoebe better than she knows herself.

"You wanna tell me how you're really doing?" Joey let out a sigh when Phoebe didn't respond, instead keeping her head held high as people parted for the two. Like I never left. "I'm fucking worried about you, Bee. I'm serious, you almost fucking died!" The girl yells, abruptly stopping the other girl in the middle of the hallway, drawing attention.

"Yeah, but I didn't. Okay? I made a mistake, but I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere." She grabbed the shorter girl by the shoulders, making eye contact with her. The only person she's made eye contact with for months.

"Okay. Okay, but I still got my eye on you, alright? I know this gotta feel weird, being back here."

"Yeah...not gonna lie, I half expected you guys to forget about me. Thought Luke would move onto another girl." Hoped Luke would move on is more like it.

"Are you kidding?! You're irreplaceable, Bee." Phoebe giggled as Joey squished her cheeks together, standing on her tippy toes to give the girl a kiss on her forehead.

"Thanks, Jo. I don't know what I'd do without you."

And she really didn't.

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Catching up in school was...hard, to say the least. And her friends didn't make it any easier by being all over her. They kept asking questions. She hated it. Shit like "What's rehab like?" or "Can we not do drugs in front of you anymore?" Shit was annoying.

If she were being honest, she was a little nervous about having them do drugs around her. Not that she'd tell them that; she wasn't a buzzkill. But she knew it would be hard to resist temptation, plus her friends weren't the greatest influences. They might innocently offer her a blunt, not realizing once she started up again, she might not stop. And boy did she want to start again.

The drugs made her numb. When she was numb, she couldn't feel Luke's hands all over her body. Didn't care about how disgusting he made her feel. She used to remind herself that she loved him, it was easy with the drugs in her system, but she was realizing how much harder it was to love him sober.

And what if he didn't love her when she was sober? Luke, and all their friends, have gotten so used to Drug Addict Phoebe. That Phoebe was carefree and acted like a normal, dumbass teenager. She never thought twice about things, went along with whatever her friends were doing. But none of this came naturally to the new Phoebe. She was always so good at pretending, but maybe that was because no one knew who she actually was. Not even herself.

"Bee....Bee...Phoebe!"

Phoebe's attention snapped to Joey who shoved her phone in her face, showing a message from Grace. Her eyes scanned the message and she let out a snort in amusement before rolling her eyes. To say Grace wasn't Phoebe's favorite person would be an understatement.

"Yeah...you're on your own, pal." She pats Joey on the shoulder before standing up and leaving the locker room, being one of the first done changing since she wasn't goofing off.

She got a headstart on her stretches waiting for her friends to leave the locker room, trying to ignore the stares on her. They thought they were being slick, giving her the side-eye, whispering in hushed tones. What they didn't know was she was watching them too. She couldn't act any different than she did last year, and if she noticed herself slipping, everyone else would surely notice too.

"Nice of you to help me," Grace said, sitting on the floor next to Phoebe. "I could've died."

"Stop being so fucking dramatic, you wouldn't have died. At most, you might be pregnant," Phoebe bluntly tells her, shrugging her shoulders before continuing to stretch.

"Can people stop telling me I'm gonna be pregnant!" Grace threw her head back and ran her fingers frustratedly through her hair. "I'm freaking out!"

"Uhhh of course you might be pregnant. You had a condom stuck inside you, dumbass. Did you not pay attention in Health class?"

"Shut up. You clearly didn't pay attention either. Pretty sure there was a whole lesson on drug addiction, bitch."

"Hey, guys." Joey finally joined the two, her smile fading when she noticed the glares were sending each other. "Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," Phoebe replied, sending Grace the fakest smile she could muster. She didn't need any more drama in her life right now, even though she wanted nothing more than to slap the bitch. "Right, Gracie?"

It was a challenge. Both girls knew this. Grace wouldn't survive on her own just as much as Phoebe wouldn't, and Joey would drop Grace without a second thought if Phoebe asked her to. Lucky for Grace, Phoebe was playing nice.

For now.

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Phoebe felt every hair on her body stand up as she froze in her step, the sound of a bomb going off making her whole body freeze. She wasn't the only one, many others seemed to be stuck in place, almost like they were afraid moving would set off another bomb. The sound of the alarm seemed to snap people back into action, the teachers immediately following lockdown procedures and getting the students to safety.

Phoebe's feet moved on their own as she barely registered the alarm over the sound of her beating heart. She was almost out of the gym when she felt a tug on her arm.

"Bee, Grace is in the locker room!"

One part of Phoebe told her to leave the bitch in there to rot, but she knew that wouldn't be the right thing to do. Even if Grace wouldn't have returned the favor.

"Okay, fine, let's get this hoe," Phoebe said with a sigh, letting Joey drag her toward the locker room.

Inside, Joey went to the stalls in the back while Phoebe grabbed her phone from her locker. She contemplated texting her mom in case she saw the news about the bomb and worried for her daughter's wellbeing, but then she realized she was probably passed out drunk on the couch and certainly wouldn't answer text even if she had heard the news.

"Does an abortion hurt?"

Grace's words made Phoebe snap her head up, looking between the girls in confusion since she missed the conversation.

"What? I have no idea!" Joey tried pulling the dramatic girl out of the locker room again, but her words stopped her in her tracks.

"But you've had one!" Oh shit.

"Yo, what the fuck, Gracie?" Phoebe stepped in, noticing the surprised and hurt expression on Joey's face. Grace's face lit up as she locked eyes with Phoebe's.

"Phoebe! Have you had an a-"

"Don't even finish that fucking sentence." Phoebe cut her off, leaning her head against the cool metal of the locker as Joey got her phone.

"Do you think if this is a terrorist attack, tonight's party's a dub?" Grace asked, completely moving on from the previous topic like nothing.

"The only way this party gets canceled is if we all fucking die, Gracie."

The trio joined the rest of the students and made their way to the stairs. Phoebe felt her claustrophobia kick in with all the bodies pushing up against her. The threat of the bomb already had her on edge, and the feeling of skin rubbing against her's made her want to curl into a ball and cry.

"Hey, it'll be over soon," Joey said to her in a comforting voice as she grabbed her hand, noticing the girl was freaking out. "Just breathe, Bee."

She nodded, taking in deep breaths along with Joey. Her steady breathing was interrupted when a boy slid past them on the banister, causing the girl to roll her eyes.

"Bomb!" Phoebe and others snapped their attention to where they heard the voices yell out, fearing the worst. "Pussy!" Phoebe groaned as she realized not only was it just a bunch of idiots, they were her idiots.

She joined Joey in glancing down at the guys, catching Luke's attention. He made finger guns, pretending to shoot himself in the head. Her immediate reaction was to roll her eyes and scowl at his immature actions, but she caught herself and plastered on a smile instead, blowing him a kiss too.

"You're boyfriend's a fucking dumbass." Joey shook her head in amusement, still holding onto Phoebe's hand as they started moving back up the stairs.

Phoebe spared Luke one more glance before he was out of sight, letting out a deep sigh she had been holding in.

"That's one way to put it."

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a/n: if you know me, you already know this wasn't edited and proofread yet lol. this fic isn't my top priority right now so don't know when I'll have time to edit & update, but please be patient! i'm trying really hard to do good in my classes and also i joined a sorority so my free time is kinda devoted to that. anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter! lemme know what you think by commenting and voting! byyyeeeee!!!!!