*WARNING! SLIGHT
MENTION OF SUIC*DE*

He's not an enemy. He's a survivor.

That's what you told yourself repeatedly, over and over again until you grew short on breath. Whatever sins he may have committed, you were prepared to hear them. You were prepared to understand him. No matter how much it was going to hurt, you wouldn't turn your back on him because he himself was a victim.

The truth was slowly unraveling itself before your very eyes.

It had been weeks since you had talked to Reiner. You even locked yourself in your room for days on end, only going out to use the bathroom and cleanse yourself. William would leave food at your doorstep but you wouldn't eat. You felt like if you did everything would just surge back up. You couldn't waste food like that.

Occasionally that Yelena girl would drop by, leaving notes for you. Through her words she seemed rather concerned for you. She must've been looking for you. To ask more questions.

You've had enough of being in the dark. Reiner was going to tell you what you wanted even if it would cost the happiness in your relationship with him. You didn't belong here. You belonged on an island that this place loathed.

Playing dumb for this long, it was making your brain hurt. You've known this ever since the last time you saw him. You were just fooling yourself into believing everything you saw was fake.

Once the clock struck midnight, you snuck out of the house with a shawl covering your head and face. You made your way to the residence of the Braun family. This was the only place you could think of where Reiner could be.

You knocked on the door twice before hearing it creak, behind that door was a little girl you had met a while back. Gabi Braun. The little cousin of his. She was a sweet yet stubborn little girl.

"Y/N!" She gasped, a spark emitting in her large chocolate brown eyes. "I'll go get Reiner! He's in his room probably reading something."

It was so late into the night so it was a surprise that she was the one to greet you.

A few moments later the door opened again to reveal a sluggish looking version of Reiner. His hair was completely disheveled and his eyes were sunken in due to the lack of sleep.

"Y/N.." He called your name softly, immediately wrapping his arms around your neck. He placed his hand on the back of your head, gently patting it down. "I've missed you."

Suddenly you couldn't bring yourself to tell him what you wanted. He looked exhausted and one more push would cause him to break. Reiner must have been dwelling on the idea of you possibly finding out ever since that morning he left.

You stood idly in his arms, releasing a soft sigh. "I missed you too."

"What are you doing out at this hour? Didn't William see you?" He cupped your face in his warm hands and took a good look at your face. "Are you in pain?"

"A bit.. but it's psychological pain. Not physical." You  rested your forehead on his shoulder. "I guess I was crazy enough to come sneak out to see you this late at night."

Reiner frowned after hearing about your pain. "You're still hurting. Is it because of me?" Asking that question stung him.

An expression of shock took over your face. You looked at Reiner's face and you felt your heart crack. Tears glossed over his hazel irises, his shoulders were shaking.

He already had you figured out. It all started when he realized that you were no longer comfortable in his arms. "Tell me the truth and only the truth."

"Hey.." You lowered your voice, wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks. You delicately wrapped your fingers around his arm giving it a gentle squeeze. "Stop it."

"How can you face me knowing damn well I was an enemy to your people.. a traitor." Reiner's words came out in a harsh whisper. "Look at me like I'm a damn monster."

You shook your head as hot tears came streaming down your cheeks. "I won't. You were just trying to prove your worth to this damn world and I get it. Maybe I would've reacted differently if I had my memories all in tact but I'm trying my best to understand you because I love you."

"You have no idea how many times I've thought about aiming the gun at myself and pulling the trigger." He inhaled sharply to fight back the urge to sob. "I've been fooling myself into thinking we could go back to falling in love like we did the first time. Our love was so innocent but I've tainted it with my wrong doings."

"We can't talk about that out here..." You pressed your index finger against his lip to quiet him down. He was getting so emotional to the point where he no longer could control his volume. Ever so gently, you grabbed his hand pulling him towards you. "We can talk about it over a warm cup of tea in my room."

—

  You hugged the wooden tray, holding it close to your chest. Eyes still puffy from crying so much underneath the serene moonlight in an emotional conversation with the one you loved most. William witnessed you and Reiner enter through the front door but decided to not to interrogate you after seeing your face.

Reiner didn't move from his seat. Moving the cup in small circles, watching the hot translucent liquid move clock-wise in a circular motion.

"I love you Reiner." You blurted out, breaking the deafening silence between the two of you. "Truly. What I said back there— I meant it. All of it."

He raised his eyes from the cup, staring into your e/c hues. A large lump formed in his throat. "Are you in your right mind? You're sick aren't you?" His voice cracked.

The way he doubted you stung your heart. You flashed him a look of disappointment, shaking your head. "Is it really that hard to trust me?"

"No!" He raised his hands up in defense, swallowing thickly. Reiner rose from his seat and walked around the table. He bent down to meet your eyes, revealing a genuine look of guilt in his eyes. "I love you too. Way too much. I've become so greedy after meeting you back on Paradis."

You grabbed onto the collar of his white trench coat, pulling his neck forward so his face was only inches away from yours. Reiner's cheeks lit up a crimson shade at the sudden motion. He was still recovering from his emotional state so it was took him a good minute to get a grasp on what you were doing.

"Show me just how much you love me." You spoke in a low whisper causing Reiner's face to further light up.

He obliged to your orders. Heeding your command, showing you just how much he truly loved you. Through pain and pleasure, this was how he was going to show you. Underneath the ever glowing moonlight, he'd take you into a world where it was just the two of you. Just the two of you.

—

authors note;

AH. what a heavy chapter.
I'm sorry, recently I've been so pumped.
Motivated to be precise. I kind of cringed as I
was writing the end of the chapter. As an innocent
lady, I can't see myself writing mature
content as it would just make me feel
VERY embarrassed. Plus I can't even
put into words how all that goes.

ty for 1000+ reads! i'm ecstatic to
have reached such a milestone.
you all have my deepest
thanks and gratitude.

!SHAMELESS PROMOTION!

hello! ive recently published my aot modern
au fanfiction! it would please me
to get all the opinions i can get on it! as an
amateur writer it is my duty to read
through each comment to better understand
how i can appeal to more audiences.