Dublin, late February:
Two Months Later

Auden sat on the sterile bed of the doctors office, impatiently waiting for the nurse practitioner to return. She frantically picked at her cuticles, feeling as if she were about to throw up. The silence that filled the bright white space only enhanced the familiar ringing that filled her ears.

A cold sweat suddenly washed over her, and a feeling of dread filled her stomach. Her hands felt clammy as her stomach cramped, clenching inward as she gagged. She forced herself to swallow - Auden was not about to throw up in here and embarrass herself further.

Auden clenched the sides of the bed, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm her queasy stomach. She wished the nurse would hurry up so she could move on already. It was just a stomach bug, she kept telling herself.

Was it though? Her mind asked again. Yes. It had to be. There could be no other explanation.

But...there was, and Auden knew exactly what it could be. All signs pointed to it but she refused to entertain that reality. Ignorance is bliss, after all. That's what she kept telling herself.

Until now.

Brigid was the one who forced her to see a doctor. After Auden threw up for two weeks straight in her office trash bin, Brigid became fed up with the cleaning ladies complaining to her about it. So, after a few intimately probing questions, Brigid deducted that Auden should, in fact, see a doctor. And soon.

So, to prove a point, Auden came to the clinic in an effort to prove Brigid wrong.

But something in the back of her mind warned her that this was actually very real.

"Fuck!" Auden screamed, to no one in particular as she kicked her foot against the bed.

How did she end up here? Auden genuinely could not place a time where this could have been a possibility — or again, that's what she kept telling herself. Though Auden was well aware of one night that this slip up did, in fact, happen which now placed her in this very spot at the doctors office wanting to hurl.

She swallowed, her mind traveling to Charles's holiday party. That night in her office had been the best sex she had ever experienced, but it was careless. Their minds, clouded by jealousy and anger, were fixated only on proving themselves to one another. Nothing else mattered, not even protection.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. God, she had been so careless. How could she have let this happen? What was she going to do if the nurse came in and confirmed her suspicions? What would she tell Cillian?

Cillian. Her heart nearly broke at the thought of him. Auden hadn't seen him in a month and everyday it was a mental battle for her to continue. Though they FaceTimed every night, it wasn't the same. She missed his body, his mind. And right now, as she awaited the news, Auden wanted nothing more than to wrap herself around him and disappear.

Just then, there was a knock at the door and the nurse practitioner slid inside. The nurse, Lila, was a tall woman with dark skin and light brown eyes. Her hair, tied in multiple small braids, hung over her shoulder and down her blue scrubs.

Lila sat down on a stool across from Auden, folding her hands in her lap, and Auden knew. Lila took a deep breath, "So."

As Lila explained the situation, the ringing in Auden's ears grew louder. She fixated on Lila'a hands as she talked, subconsciously nodding along. She didn't realize that Lila had stood up until she felt her hand on her shoulder.

"This is probably inappropriate, but do you have a husband or anything? Or a boyfriend that you could contact?" Lila asked gently.

Auden blinked, her mouth opening to respond but no words would formulate. Her mouth was beginning to salivate once again, and she fought the urge to throw up. Auden managed a weak nod.

Lila let out a sympathetic sigh, "If you like, we can discuss your options."

Auden stood up abruptly, "Excuse me," she choked out. She pushed past Lila as she called out her name, flinging the door open like a mad woman. Auden sprinted down the hallway, her eyes following the signs for a bathroom as the contents of her breakfast crept up her throat.

She bursted through the women's restroom, running to the nearest empty stall just in time to wretch into the bowl. Auden didn't even care that she didn't shut the stall door — she didn't care about anything anymore.

Auden gripped the toilet seat, her knuckles turning white as she began to shake violently. Tears streamed down her face as she sat on her knees in an attempt to calm down. Her mind was racing with a million different thoughts, but they all had one thing in common - Cillian.

What the hell was she going to do?

After a few more shaky breaths, Auden forced herself to inhale deeply. Relax, she kept telling herself. All Auden needed to do was get up, wash her hands, and go home. Then she could have a mental breakdown in peace and not in the middle of the public bathroom floor.

Slowly, Auden stood up as her stomach settled. Her legs felt like jello as she leaned against the stall for support. She peered out from around the stall door, checking to make sure no one was around. When Auden figured it was safe, she glided over to the sink, turning on the water and splashing it in her face. The cold water cooled her warm cheeks while sharpening her mind slightly.

She stared at herself in the mirror. Auden looked terrible — her face was pale and sweaty, her under eyes dark with bags and her hair was wildly untamed. Sighing, she whispered to herself, "It can't get any worse than this."

Just then, the door to the bathroom swung open.

"Auden?"

Just kidding. Things just got worse.

"Jesus fucking christ," Auden muttered, cocking her head over her shoulder to meet Jenni's surprised gaze.

"Hello!" Jenni exclaimed, a large smile forming across her face. A flash of anger shot through Auden when she noticed how good Jenni looked. She had gotten a haircut, so her normal long raven hair now brushed her shoulders. Jenni wore a flowy green dress, showing off her long slim legs. Auden cursed herself silently for looking like shit, especially in front of her.

"You're the last person I would have expected to see here," Jenni chuckled.

Auden swallowed, what did that mean?

"Oh my," Jenni's eyes widened in concern suddenly, "You're as pale as a sheet. Are you okay?"

Auden felt herself exhale slowly as she turned off the water, "I'm fine."

Auden heard the click of heels hitting the linoleum floor as she walked towards Auden, "No seriously. You alright, love?"

"Yes," Auden said a bit too harshly. "Look, I need to go."

"Wait!" Jenni managed to grab Auden's wrist before she could leave, "How are you doing? Y'know, with Cillian gone?"

Auden narrowed her eyes, "Did he say something to you?"

Jenni barely hesitated but Auden caught it. Auden rolled her eyes, she genuinely was not in the mood to have a conversation about Cillian with his ex-wife, especially not regarding their relationship. Auden had about a thousand other things she needed to figure out now.

"Cillian just mentioned that you weren't doing well," Jenni started, "and that you've been sick."

"Well, I'm fine," Auden reiterated, her voice full of annoyance. She wasn't sure why Cillian felt the need to relay to Jenni his concerns, but at this point, Auden had bigger things to be upset over. Her mind wandered back to Lila's calm voice explaining her situation. Auden felt her fingers graze her stomach gently, as a feeling of dread began to wash over her.

Jenni stared at her, her dark eyes scanning her face, the way Auden held herself, and her hand on her lower stomach, "Why are you here Auden?" Jenni said, her voice soft and full of concern.

"I need to go," Auden shook her head, sidestepping so she could quickly breeze past Jenni. She got about halfway to the door before Jenni asked the question that Auden was petrified to confirm, even to herself.

"Are you pregnant?"

Auden froze, before slowly turning back around to face Jenni head on. She felt her lower lip begin to tremble as she opened her mouth to quickly deny it. But Auden no longer could form the word "no." Auden couldn't deny it, because it would be a lie.

She was pregnant. She was alone. And she had no clue what the hell to do next.

Auden burst into tears in front of Jenni, only confirming what she already knew. Jenni inhaled sharply, pursing her lips together into a hard line. She didn't look terribly upset, but Jenni certainly wasn't jumping for joy.

"Is it Cillian's?"

Auden felt herself scoff as tears slid down her cheeks. She furiously wiped them away as she spoke, "What the fuck Jenni?" Auden shook her head, "Yes it's his. I don't cheat."

If Auden's jab hurt Jenni, the woman didn't show it. Instead, a look of sadness passed over her perfect face, "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," she replied hastily. The urge to flee washed over Auden once again. She needed to leave and be alone to collect her thought. Her life was spiraling into a new territory and Auden had no idea how to navigate it anymore. "I can't do this right now, Jenni. Honestly, I really need to go."

Jenni sighed, but it was a sigh that parents gave their children when they had done something wrong. She recognized it, only because her father would do the same thing, "If you need help, Auden, I'm here."

"Right," Auden rolled her eyes, "Okay thanks. Can I go?"

Jenni took a step forward, her eyes growing stern, "I'm serious. This isn't something you fuck around with," Jenni stared at Auden briefly, letting the weight of her words settle in. It was such a motherly move. "Now, I'll keep this between us. But I can help you. It's not easy dealing with this alone."

Auden truly didn't know what to say — Jenni seemed to genuinely want to help. Jenni had gone through this same situation, and with the exact same man. That thought made her cringe, but maybe she knew how Auden could approach the news to Cillian. But could Auden trust her? Was that a gamble she was willing to take?

Then again, could things get any worse?

"Alright," Auden said, her voice croaking from the crying.

Jenni's shoulders fell in relief as she stepped forward and touched Auden's face softly. Her thumb wiped away a few tears falling from Auden's eyes as her own filled with sadness, mixed with a sense of determination. She sighed, before giving Auden a small, reassuring smile.

"Let's grab some food, and we can discuss your next move."

AN: That's a wrap for book one. I know this ending is very unhinged but it fits into the next book! The next book will be spring through summer, about 40 chapters as well. I hope you all stick with me :) I have a lot planned. Let me know what you think, or if you have any thoughts on what you'd like to see, let me know too! As always, thanks for being here and supporting this story.

See you soon with book two! xx