Auden entered the room. The lights were dimmed, and a few people huddled at the wooden box in the front of the room. She didn't recognize them. Co-workers maybe? She thought to herself.

She was exhausted. Her bones ached. Every part of her body craved her bed. She wanted to crawl into her mattress, pull the covers over her head, and disappear for the rest of her life. She didn't care about anyone else in the room at this moment.

A man appeared in front of her suddenly — he seemed to be Auden's dad's age, but his hair was long and white, flowing in thick curls.

"I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad was a great man," He said, embracing Auden suddenly.

She wanted to scream. To push the man away. But she stood frozen in her spot, her eyes locked on the casket a few feet away. I can't do this, she thought.

As the man pulled away, he gave Auden a concerned look but walked away. She didn't know who he was, but she didn't enough care to ask. Her eyes remained on the delicate box at the end of the room.

She swallowed, her stomach in knots. She had cried so much before today, but tears weren't coming now. Auden wondered why. She not only lost her dad, but the man she loved. James had broken up with her a few short days before, thrusting her into the unknown territory of grief alone. 

Of course, she had prepare herself for this day. It was coming. Since her dad had gotten the diagnosis, she knew it was coming. But today seemed unreal. No planning could of made her prepared enough to look at her dad's dead body alone.

She put one foot forward. Auden was wearing black heels — her feet ached. Why did she wear heels? She hated them. But she needed to look nice for today.

Another foot forward. Her eyes fixated on the ugly carpet of the funeral home. It was patterned, green and orange. It was disgusting and desperately needed washing. Why didn't she choose a better place?

Again, another step. She was halfway across the room at this point. She looked around — not many people were here. That was expected. Her dad didn't have many friends.

She inched forward. Her legs felt weak. Only a few more steps and she was there. She would see her dad's body for the first time since he died, dressed in his wedding suit, looking frail from the cancer that had taken him so soon.

She paused. There was only one more step and she would be able to peer over the top of the casket. It was a cheap casket — they couldn't afford much more. She cursed herself, she should've saved for a better casket. Her father deserved it.

She felt her hands tremble violently as her foot took another weighted step forward. Her breath hitched in her throat as her heel made contact with the ugly carpet, Her eyes wandered over the top of the wood, the white cloth to the pale face of her father. Her knees buckled from under her as her eyes made contact with the dead body in front of her. She gripped the coffin, it was the only way to hold her weight to stop her from falling to the ground —

Auden's eyes flew up. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as her mind came back to reality. Her eyes wandered around the room as she took in the familiarity of her bedroom. She wasn't at her father's funeral. No, she was in her apartment. She sighed, relief flooding over her. It was just a dream. Yet again, it wasn't a dream. It had been her reality once. Auden shivered as she buried her cold body under her plush duvet.

The Dublin weather was growing colder, and the fallen leaves were becoming brown, reminding Auden that winter was right around the corner. It was her least favorite season. Growing up, winter in Chicago had always been bitterly cold and the snow seemed never-ending. The only joy she found during the winter months was the holiday season. Her dad would always pick up extra shifts to be able to afford gifts and provide a Christmas spread of ham, potatoes, green beans and more.

Auden hadn't experienced a Christmas like that in awhile. As her father's health declined in the last years of his life, so did the spirits of the holidays. He had tried to maintain a semblance of normality, but Auden knew that it was only for her benefit — her father pretended that everything was fine to make sure Auden was not distracted from her school work. Although she was appreciative of the effort, no distractions would lessen the pain of seeing her father slowly decline into nothing.

The anniversary of his death was also nearing closer, hanging like a dark cloud over her head, causing nightmares and dark emotions. He had passed the year prior, shortly after Thanksgiving, tainting the winter season for the rest of her life. It had been one year since the only family member Auden had passed forever. As the day drew closer, the crushing grief she had been able to maintain for so long was beginning to spill out.

She spent the majority of her time in her office the last few weeks, as she attempted to figure out what to do next with the gallery while also keeping her distracting thoughts at bay. Patrick continued to reach out to her, wanting to "explain things" but Auden had no desire to indulge in his excuses. She was with Cillian now -- she had what she wanted. Patrick was no longer a part of that.

Auden was aware that Cillian could tell something was on her mind. He had approached the subject numerous times, but Auden could never bring herself to talk about it. She would begin to feel the overwhelming sense of grief crawl up her throat, and out of fear of crumbling in front of the man she would push it back down, changing the subject to something new.

Cillian's presence was enough to keep Auden at bay and keep the light within her. The days that the two did not spend together, she felt the darkness creep in around her mind. His arms were becoming her safe haven, her escape from the reality, and without them wrapped around her, the sadness would gnaw at her stomach until she became nauseous. So, night after night, Auden made sure she found a way into Cillian's arms so sleep could bring her peace.

For the most part. Occasionally, dreams of her father's death and funeral would slip through the cracks of the imaginary shield his arms created.

They were currently wrapped in one another's arms in her apartment, as Auden thought about father's death. It was early morning and Cillian was still asleep next to her. Her cat, Beans, had grown quite attached to Cillian and was curled up at the top of his head. Her soft purrs could be heard as she loafed contently.

Cillian's arm was thrown across her side and his palm rested on the top of her comforter. Her back felt warm as she was pressed up against him. She maneuvered her arm out from under the comfort of her blanket and rested her hand on top of his, interlocking her fingers with Cillian's. He stirred slightly, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck causing a tingle to spread down her spine.

"How long have you been awake?" He murmured against her.

"Not long," She lied.

"Mm.." Cillian yawned, "For some reason I don't believe you."

Auden didn't reply. Instead, she lifted his hand to her lips and laid a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Light peaked through the curtains of her window, brightening the room, and she could hear the soft noises of Dublin outside. She could feel Cillian's body move rhythmically as he breathed, his breath tickling the back of her neck. For a moment, Auden felt oddly serene. She closed her eyes to savor the moment.

Her peace was broken as Beans stood up from the top of Cillian's pillow, arching her back in a cat stretch. She meowed, before jumping off the bed, her tiny paws creating a thud.

Auden removed her hand from Cillian's and shifted her body around to face him. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was awake. His dark hair was tousled across his forehead, and she gently brushed it out of his face. His eyes fluttered open at her touch.

His blue eyes gazed at her lazily and full of sleep. "How are you feeling?" He said after a moment.

"I'm fine," She lied again.

His eyes narrowed somewhat. He moved her blonde hair from her face, his hands trailing down her cheeks and outlining the shape of her lips. "Let me in Auden," Cillian whispered as his finger trailed her lower lip.

Her lips yearned for his kiss. She wanted him to take her, and make her forget about everything going on. Forget about her dream, the fact that her father was dead, that she was completely alone. She tilted her head forward and pressed her lips to his. It was barely a kiss, but it was enough to warm the coldness deep in her bones.

When she pulled back, Auden felt a lump forming in her throat. She stared at Cillian silently as tears rimmed her tired eyes. But words wouldn't come.

Cillian's eyebrows drew together in concern, however he remained silent at as well, waiting for Auden to say something. He never pressed her, which she appreciated.

"Promise me—" Auden choked out, "That you won't leave."

"Where is this coming from?" Cillian asked, his eyes growing soft and sympathetic.

"I've lost so many people in my life. I don't think I can handle another," Auden whispered. When she blinked, a tear rolled across her face and hit her pillowcase.

Cillian said nothing as he attempted to process what Auden had said. His eyes traveled around her face, as tears occasionally fell from Auden's crumbling barrier. "Is this about your father?" His voice came out barely audible.

Auden didn't respond, but her face confirmed his question. Cillian enveloped his arms over her small frame and drew her head against his bare chest. His familiar scent filled her nose, sending a feeling of comfort throughout her. She knew she was safe in his arms. He began to run his hand from the top of her head, down her spine in a soothing rhythm as she silently cried into the crook of his collarbone.

"I promise Auden," Cillian whispered, "I promise I will not leave you."