Auden slipped into Cillian's large bathtub, the hot water searing her cold body as the bubbles slipped over her.

She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the edge of the tub. The aroma of the soap wafted around her as steam flowed off the standing water, and she wished that her own apartment had the luxury of such a large bathtub.

Auden was trying to decompress from the day. It had been full of anxiety as she waited for Cillian to give any indication that he had gone through with finalizing his divorce. She had been met with radio silence all day.

After the holiday party, doubts began seeping into her mind and gnawing at her every thought. She didn't know exactly why she was feeling uncertain about her relationship. Everything had been going so great, until Cillian admitted that he still loved his wife.

Which, Auden guessed, would explain her doubts after all. But she felt like that reasoning was petty. She had never been married, so how could she understand what Cillian was feeling? Though, it didn't make swallowing the pill any easier. Auden was hurt that a piece of Cillian's heart would remain with Jenni in some capacity. Cillian wouldn't deny that, but could she live with it?

She was only in the bath for three minutes when there was a knock at the bathroom door. Her eyes flung open as Cillian entered. His face looked aged with stress, and his eyes were swollen and red. The faint wetness around the corners of his eyes indicated he had been crying. Auden sat up abruptly, water sloshing around the tub.

"Are you okay?" Auden asked frantically as she began to move to get out of the bath.

Cillian held out his hand to stop her, but said nothing in response. Instead, as Auden sank back into the comforting heat of the water, Cillian began to quickly undress.

Cillian stepped in behind her, sliding his legs around her as he sank down in the tub. He smelled faintly of stale alcohol, causing Auden to twist around so she could see him.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked gently, eyeing him. His gaze rested on her face. Up close, Cillian's blue eyes were clouded over with exhaustion.

"Just a little," he murmured, pushing his hair back from his face. Water droplets spilled down his hair and onto his face as he did so, reminding Auden of the night they first kissed, in the rain on his front stoop. Cillian always had a way of looking tragically beautiful while upset.

"What's wrong?" Though Auden asked, she was dreading the response. Was he regretting the fact that he was ending his marriage? Was he going back to Jenni, after everything they've had to go through?

She turned around to lean back into him, mainly to hide her face. Auden didn't want to make it about herself and her insecurities, which is why she refused to talk about it when Cillian asked. No, he needed the support now, not her.

She felt his hands snake around her waist, feeling her bare stomach as he buried his face into the top of her head.

Auden felt him breathe in deeply, before saying, "I love you."

She furrowed her brow, mainly from the sudden declaration. Something was up — he had clearly been crying and drinking. Was he about to break up with her?

"Tell me what's going on," Auden pushed again, growing increasingly anxious at Cillian's avoidance. He was never like this. Cillian made a point to be straightforward, mainly because Auden never was.

"I feel like I am failing," Cillian said after a moment, "I have no desire to work, my son's family is now broken," Cillian paused hesitantly before continuing, "I can't even keep you happy."

Cillian's comment caused Auden's back to straighten, and his arms fell from around her and back under the water. She turned back around, fully this time, to face him. "None of that is true."

His blue eyes, now full of anguish, gazed at her intensely, "What if I can't give you what you want?"

Auden stared at him for a moment, searching his face. What was he getting at? Was he actually trying to break up with her or did she say something to set him off. Auden tried to place what she could've done, but she made a point to keep things short this morning to avoid setting off any alarm bells. Maybe he picked up on the fact that she was having doubts about his feelings?

But Auden was at least somewhat aware that those doubts stemmed from her own abandonment issues — which is why she kept it to herself.

No, it had to be something else. Right?

"Where is this coming from?" Auden probed, leaning her head back on the wall opposite from him. She sank her body down a little deeper into the water, the bubbles reaching over her chest. She welcomed the feeling of warmth. It felt like a weighted blanket, tying her to the bottom of the tub to keep her head clear. 

Cillian inhaled sharply, before looking away, "I don't think I will ever want to have another child. Hell, I don't even know if I'll ever want to get married again," he returned his eyes to her as the sinking actuality of his words dropped to the pit of her stomach. "Is that something you can live with?"

Auden sat there, very still, for a long moment. As the quiet stretched between them, she digested what Cillian had just expressed to her and what it meant. Auden had really never had the desire to have her own children, as much as she loved them. She was terrified of passing her own faults onto someone so small and innocent. But if she ever did get pregnant, she would manage. Being a parent was always a daunting reality.

Marriage, however, was something she had always wanted.

For Auden, it meant security in the notion of being with someone entirely. She valued the bond that it symbolized; the full expression of determination that two souls were tying to one another for life.

Auden had never really thought about what the long haul entailed with Cillian, but everything in their relationship was still so fresh and new. Auden certainly was not ready for that level of commitment — she was just now starting to feel like Cillian was getting to know who she truly was.

But, it didn't make the words hurt any less. Though she might not want it right now, the idea that Cillian might not ever find her enough to marry hurt her deeply.

Auden was beginning to feel worked up. She still hadn't said anything to Cillian, who was staring at her patiently. Auden let out a frustrated sigh, attempting to come to her senses. Was this really about her or was she projecting?

The only reason why Cillian was so concerned about this now was because of his divorce. Of course he felt like he would never marry again. His wife of twenty-five years cheated on him, only to turn around and continuously attempt to ruin his life. If anything, this wasn't about her, it was really about Jenni.

Auden couldn't help but smile, like a mad woman, at the realization. Cillian gave her an odd look, as she finally opened her mouth: "Did Jenni say something to you?"

Cillian blinked, pausing for second, before answering, "And so what if she did?"

Auden scoffed as she pushed her head off the wall, "Because she's trying to get in your head. Were you actually thinking about any of this before she said anything?"

Cillian licked his lips, a guilty expression forming on his face as he glanced down at the bath water. The bubbles were slowly beginning to deplete as Cillian slipped further down into the water, his legs bumping against hers. "No," he admitted.

"Exactly. Because we don't need to worry about that right now," Auden replied, scooting further towards Cillian. She brought her knees up so she could get as close as possible.

"Look," she continued, resting her chin on her kneecaps as she held her legs, "I'm happy where we are right now. Why don't we just enjoy that? We don't need to worry about anything else."

Cillian's eyes moved back to her face as he nodded, "Alright," he mumbled.

Auden poked him in the arm, "I'm serious. You make me happy. Like really happy," she let out a chuckle, "Don't let her make you second guess. She has no idea what's going on between us, and clearly it's annoying her."

Cillian sighed, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Auden said as Cillian reached out and cupped her face. His thumb grazed the outline of her lips as his eyes softened.

"At least it's over now," Cillian replied, his voice hoarse, "I am no longer a married man."

Relief flooded through Auden, but she tried to not let it show. She remained a nonchalant demeanor as she took his hand on her face and kissed his fingertips gently.

"So you are all mine now?" Auden asked, her voice nearly a whisper.

A small smile formed on Cillian's face, "Yes. As it always should've been."