Cillian's eyes traveled around the small apartment of Auden's friend, searching for the familiar messy blonde hair and short stature of his girlfriend.

It was New Year's eve, and Brigid was hosting a party full of Dublin socialites and wannabes. He couldn't help be feel uncomfortable as he stepped through the door. Not only was the apartment thick with hot, sticky air, he was also sticking out like a sore thumb as young people laughed and mingled around him. Cillian knew he was the oldest person in the room by far, but it was the price he was willing to pay to spend the evening with Auden.

The whole charade of celebrating the new year seemed silly to him. Nevertheless, he could recall a time when the sparkle of New Years Eve parties gripped him. Back then, the turn of the year symbolized an opportunity for change. Cillian remembered the optimism he often felt, outlining upcoming roles he could audition for or screenplays to read.

Now, however, all he felt was dread and anxiety. The new year meant that he was one day closer to leaving Auden alone in Dublin —  and that scared him.

Cillian had really never felt this insecure before. In fact, he remembered feeling pretty confident as a teenager and an adult. He supposed that being in the limelight had that effect on you, especially as his fame grew. The more accredited his name was, the more blunt people became about their attractions to him. Admittedly, it felt pretty good to be wanted even if he never acted on it.

But Jenni had destroyed that. Finding Jenni in their shared bed, naked, with another man was humiliating for him. He saw it as a representation that he wasn't good enough - sexually, physically or mentally. Jenni's betrayal had broken him, made him so weak that he doubted every part of his being.

And with Auden, he questioned his ability to be a partner daily. Was he satisfying her? Was he fulfilling her in ways that mattered? What amplified his insecurities was Auden's inherent tendencies to guard herself from the outside. She was so difficult to read at times that he would find himself lying in bed, going over a single interaction for hours to determine what it could mean. It frustrated him to no end. Then again, would he be questioning everything if Jenni hadn't broken him? Was it truly Auden's hesitancy to express her true nature, or was it Cillian's developing trust issues?

"Are you Cillian Murphy?" came a high pitched voice from behind him. The voice broke Cillian's thoughts, causing him to tense up. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he glanced behind him to find a tall girl with deep red hair and an angular face. She had one hand on her hip and a glass in the other as she stared at him in awe.

"Um," Cillian replied hesitantly, turning halfway around awkwardly, "Yeah."

"I knew it!" The girl shrieked, throwing her hands in the air and causing her drink to slosh over the rim of her glass and down her arm. "Oh shit," she mumbled, wiping the liquid on her shirt.

Cillian looked around, desperately trying to locate Auden so he could flee from this interaction, but the dim lighting mixed with all the people in jammed in the tiny apartment made his efforts useless.

"I love Peaky Blinders," the girl chirped suddenly, "Like seriously, I've watched it at least five separate times."

Cillian nodded, his eyes still wandering the crowd, "Oh yeah?"

"Yes!" she laughed loudly, "Arthur is so funny."

He let out a deep, frustrated sigh. The warmth of the room was weighing down on him, causing a dribble of sweat to fall down his spine. "Well, it was nice to meet you, but I really need to find someone," Cillian said a little too quickly. As he turned to make his way through the party, the young girl grabbed his arm causing him to jerk around. Annoyance coarsed through his veins -- people always thought they could just grab him because they felt connected to him through their telly.

"Can we get a picture?" the girl asked, reaching into her back pocket for her phone just as someone else called his name. This time, however, the voice brought him a rush of relief.

"There you are," Auden huffed, appearing at his side. She smiled up at him, her cheeks rosy from the alcohol she had been drinking. Her forehead gleamed with sweat and the corners of her hair curled slightly from the humidity in the room. Cillian was slightly taken aback by how beautiful she looked in the setting of Brigid's apartment. He usually forgot how young Auden was -- the way she carried herself and the way she dressed made her age seem ambiguous. But right now, in a cropped t-shirt and ripped jeans, coupled with her wildly wavy hair, she looked youthful and carefree.

Her arm wrapped around his bicep causing a warm, tingling sensation to shoot up his arm, reminding him that she was real. "The drinks are in the kitchen."

"Wait, I want a picture with him," The redhead asserted as Auden began tugging him away from the girl.

She whipped her head around, her sage green eyes darkening in irritation, "He's not interested, Charlotte."

Before the girl could respond, Auden dragged him away. Her actions made him chuckle softly to himself. She was clearly a little tipsy, but it always excited him when he noticed hints of jealousy, and he wondered if he should play into it.

Fucking in her office only a few weeks ago had been an out of body experience — the anger, the jealousy, the need to prove himself — it fueled his passion to a different level. Part of Cillian craved that experience again. Despite the emotional turmoil it created, it was fun toying with her at times. Cillian suspected that Auden enjoyed it too, even if the charade could turn toxic. Nothing about their relationship was conventional, after all.

Music was blasting from speakers somewhere in the apartment as they worked their way to the kitchen. As Auden led the way, Cillian's eyes traveled down her back to watch her hips move, causing a smile to form on his face. His mind entertained the idea of finding an empty room. Or a bathroom. There had to be some place here. In all honesty, he just wanted to enjoy whatever moments he had left with her for the next month and if he wanted to fuck her in a dirty bathroom he would.

The kitchen provided some relief from the heated atmosphere. Brigid had cracked open a few windows and the frigid winter air was blasting through the seams. Cillian situated himself right in front of the cold breeze, feeling it cool the back of neck as he watched Auden grab a plastic red cup. The counters were littered with different tall glass bottles of vodka, whiskey, and tequilas.

"Now," Auden mused, side eyeing him, "What would you like?"

"Do they have beer?" Cillian asked, leaning against the countertop.

Auden bit her lip, eyes traveling around the kitchen as a crease formed between her brows, "I think she just has hard liquor."

Cillian clicked his tongue, "Well, whisky it is."

She smiled, grabbing a bottle full of caramel looking liquid and pouring it into the cup. As she handed him the plastic container, she checked her watch, "Only thirty minutes left."

Cillian took a sip of the warm whisky, the contents burning the back of his throat as it slid down to his stomach. He winced slightly - he wasn't used to drinking straight liquor anymore, "Thirty minutes until what?"

"Midnight, duh," Auden laughed, crossing her arms. She was silent for a moment, her stare studying him intensely. The vibe between them had been, well, weird since yesterday's conversation and Cillian was beginning to feel the tension seep back in.

"Want to go some place quieter? Less hot?" Auden said suddenly, her voice growing serious.

Cillian gave a short nod. She quickly filled her cup with vodka before leading the way to another part of the apartment. She began weaving through the crowd, heading towards a hallway with the lights turned off. A few people mingled up against the walls, with one couple furiously making out.

"Where are you taking me?" Cillian asked, tugging Auden's hand gently.

"What, you don't trust me?" Auden shot back, laughing humorlessly as she stopped in front of a door. Cillian bit back a retort, knowing full well that her comment was fueled by the lingering anger from their discussion the day before.

She pushed the door open, and Cillian found himself in a cluttered bedroom. Coats littered the bed, along with piles of clothes on the floor. He rose a questioning eyebrow at Auden.

"Brigid is pretty messy," Auden shrugged, "But her room has a balcony and I want a cigarette."

Auden quickly grabbed a cardigan off the bed. She kicked a few shirts out of her way as she walked up to a set of double doors lined with glass windows, turning the handle and throwing the doors open. Cillian noticed her visibly shiver as she stepped out onto the terrace, pulling a pack out of her back pocket.

Cillian closed the doors behind him before sitting down on an uncomfortable metal chair that was pushed in the corner. Auden brought her lighter to the tip of the cigarette, the flame casting an orange glow across her features.

"Smoking is terrible for you, you know?" Cillian remarked.

A small smile played on Auden's mouth as smoke fell through it. The cigarette dangled from her small fingers, inches from her plump lips, "You said that to me at the fundraising event."

Cillian took another drink, mainly in an attempt to warm his body. It was far too cold to be outside, but he also didn't want to be inside a room full of young drunk people. He really just wanted to be alone with Auden.

"I remember," Cillian said into his cup, swirling the whiskey around absentmindedly.

Silence fell over them again as both their minds traveled back to that night. Auden looked so different then -- so timid and closed off. Cillian suddenly felt like maybe didn't give her enough recognition for the changes she made. From what he gathered, her emotionally unavailable father impacted her a lot more than Auden cared to admit. But she did try with Cillian, as hard as it might be for her.

He sighed, downing the rest of his whisky in one gulp, "Do you want to head back to the party?"

Auden's head jerked back to Cillian, as if she had forgotten he was sitting there, "Not really."

She snubbed out the bud on the wood of the balcony, before crossing her arms and hugging her elbows, "Do you have any resolutions?" she asked softly, leaning against the railing to face him.

"I dunno. I haven't thought about it," Cillian shrugged, "Seems silly at my age."

"I think," Auden started, her stare growing distant, "I think my goal is to be more authentic."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid of being vulnerable," Auden continued, "Vulnerability shows weakness — my dad always said that," Auden shook her head causing her blonde hair to fall across her face like a curtain.

As she contemplated what those words meant, Auden lifted fingers to the chain necklace that Cillian had bought her. She twirled the metal around her fingers, "I don't really know who I am, you know? I feel like I've guarded myself for so long that I've lost touch of myself."

"I know who you are," Cillian replied, standing up from the chair. His body was beginning to feel numb from the cold and he craved the warmth of Auden body.

"Do you though?" Auden pondered, "Or am I just projecting the image I want you to see?"

Her question caused Cillian to falter, and it certainly wasn't something he expected her to ask, but before he could dissect it in his mind Auden spoke again.

"And now that you're leaving," Auden's voice came out shaky, like she was biting back tears as she spoke, "I'm scared that you'll realize how fucked up I am and how there's a thousand other girls you could be with and how much easier it would be on you to be with them instead."

"Aud..." Cillian whispered, closing the gap between him. He stood in front of her trying to hide the fact that he was shivering as he peered down at her. He felt a sadness fall over him as Cillian realized Auden's own doubts as a partner — doubts that he experienced about himself. They were both terrified of parting from one another to realize that it was much easier to be apart. But he knew that wasn't true, it couldn't be.

And besides, whether Auden knew it or not, all of her baggage only amplified his feelings for her. It showed she was authentic — that she had lived experiences that shaped her, molded her and only made her stronger. Cillian loved the resilience and compassion it had instilled into her being. He had much to learn from Auden.

Cillian cupped her cheeks, her skin feeling hot under his icey hands. He leaned his forehead against hers, "It's always been you, right?"

Auden scoffed as she tried to turn her head, but Cillian held on tighter, "I'm serious Auden. There a million women out there, and I chose you. Your baggage and all, because that's who you are. And I'm in love with every part of you."

"But —"

"No," Cillian asserted, "You don't think I'm fucked up too? I asked you to drop your entire life for me. I tried to fucking convince you to be my sugar baby so I didn't have to leave you," he laughed, realizing how ridiculous it sounded out loud with a clearer head.

"Oh, Cillian," Auden let out a short laugh as her palm touched his cheek. The sound made his stomach flutter, and he knew he was breaking through to her.

"We're just two fucked up people trying to work through our own bullshit and be happy. And we're doing it together," Cillian said, his voice dropping low as he took a more serious tone, "Me and you, always. It doesn't matter where we are."

The tears that had been brimming Auden's eyes broke through, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as  her cold lips crashed into his. His hands traveled into her hair, his finger interlacing into it's strands as he kissed her. Her sweet sparkling scent filled his nose, causing him to feel weak. Despite the freezing winter air, Cillian suddenly felt very hot as their tongues explored each other. He wished he could live in this moment forever.

BANG

A loud noise disrupted their passionate kiss, causing Auden to jump and let out a screech. She whipped around in time to see the sky light up in bright blues and purples, followed by a showering of white sparkles.

BANG

Fireworks began littering the Dublin sky out of no where. Auden turned around to Cillian once more, a big grin forming, "It's midnight."

Auden stood on her tiptoes once more and kissed him again, this time it was slow and soft. "Happy New Year," she whispered, smiling up at him.

An array of colors lit up the sky, illuminating Auden's soft features. He marveled at her for a moment, taking in her beauty as red and white shadows blasted over her face, "Happy New Year."

God, he was so lucky.