the next week was the last week before thanksgiving break, and each class had me groaning at all the work that was given for over break.

jackie had been feeling the same way.

"its going to be a busy four days." she stacked her books on the table in our special room, and sat down with a huff, "but im grateful for it."

almost the same way.

"whys that?" i asked.

"because," she raised her eyebrows, "there are many things i would love distraction from."

"like?"

surprisingly enough, jackie had informed me of her own hatred sprung up for the walter boys.

"my little walk on the wild side ended last weekend." she confirmed, "with cole's weird comments, and alex trying to kiss me-"

"wait what?" i said quickly, furrowing my eyebrows.

she just about shooed it off, "long story. dumb story." she fixed her pony tail, "story that deserves no more thought. neither do the walter boys."

"finally," i hit the table triumphantly, "feel like im rubbing off on you." i smiled proudly, and she giggled.

but did i still feel the same?

jackie changed the topic before i could answer.

"and also, there's the obvious one to ignore: thanksgiving." we both nodded, "we are ignoring all things thanksgiving related this year." i didnt even have to ask why; too painful, "pretending it just doesnt exist." she took a deep breath, "i just cant fake feeling festive, ya know?" she laughed in a way that said she didnt really find it all that funny.

i nodded. being adopted, thanksgiving hasnt always been the most favorite of annual holidays. my parents were great, but it just never felt right.

"thanksgiving is..." i paused, "hard for the ones that feel without a family."

jackies eyes perked up, "yeah, youre adopted, right?" i nodded, "how is thanksgiving for you, usually?"

for a second, i didnt really have words. no one has really asked me that before. i guess, no one has really known enough about me to ask.

it felt nice. but as an advisor, i really had to start drawing some boundaries.

"lets focus on you," i cleared my throat, "so, how are you going to distract yourself?"

"well, i have the food drive at the lark tonight..." she tapped on her history book, needing to be finished by the end of the week, "which reminds me!" her eyes perked up, "its just going to be me and erin running there tonight," she cringed, "and im not looking forward to it. could you... maybe... be there?" she looked as if i had already said no.

which, my first reaction to the girls name, was no. heck no.

however, then i remembered. erin was not apart of the walter, or silver falls, drama anymore. since the break up, she had been record breaking - for herself - off the grid.

and even still, the itch to learn what happened between them burned inside me. i blamed it on just needing another reason to swear them off for good, hoping thats what erin had resorted to do in the end.

"of course i'll be there."

right after school, i drove jackie to the lark and sat by doing school work while her and erin ran the food drive.

erin collins, newly single and broken free of walter drama, still looked a little run down. but, at least didnt take too much of it out on jackie. the girl's seemed to be getting along fine. erin was still just as popular and stuck up, so just a few remarks and comments got certain hidden looks from jackie sent my way. i smirked at each one, and occasionally sent a sarcastic thumbs up for encouragement.

however, by the end of the evening, there were countless bags still in their booth. i packed up my things, and walked over to the table to join her.

"nobody came for these?" i pointed to the ones left over.

"no!" erin answered for her, "there's still 11 unclaimed bags," erin looked over at jackie, who was thumbing through all the receipts of the bags, "i dont get it."

"yeah, everybody confirmed yesterday." jackie then looked over her clipboard.

"probably didnt want to brave the cold." i muttered, biting my lip.

"or theyre just flakes." erin huffed, annoyed.

jackie's eyes became determined, "its just a shame, all these people wont have a thanksgiving meal now." then i saw something brewing in them, "im going to deliver the rest of these myself tomorrow." she nodded.

"hope your bike has snow tires." erin scoffed.

"yeah, jackie," i hated to agree with the girl, "on thanksgiving, too?"

"this is better than facing reality." she muttered, and i noticed a certain look hitting erin's eye.

"maybe i should go with you." i offered, not really wanted to face my own reality either.

"and," erin rolled her eyes, the sudden look from before now gone, "im social chair. its my responsibility," she looked down at the floor for a moment, "also, i have a car."

there was another reason, i could see it.

prideful people detect other prideful people. no teen would offer so easily to go door to door on thanksgiving break, thanksgiving day. not unless they were like jackie and i; not without needing a distraction of their own. she was hiding something.

and i was suddenly intrigued.

this, shockingly, suddenly beat thanksgiving with my family.

"well, jackie," i sighed, "looks like you've got yourself a crew for tomorrow."

the next day, i set my alarm and went to go pick up jackie to meet her at the lark.

after getting our morning lattes, erin came and picked us up, and we were off with the packages.

i sat in awkward silence most of the way to our first neighborhood.

i'll admit, there was a strange group of people in erin collin's honda right now.

but, as soon as the car was in park, jackie was just as determined as she was yesterday and unbuckled her seat belt. she was ready to go.

i was just about to follow her out when erin spoke.

"hey, um," she said, closing her door, "whats the deal with you and cole?"

thankfully, i had taken the back seat. so no one saw my eye roll.

is this seriously how we were going to spend this holiday? and was that seriously erin's main concern?

or, is that why she broke up with cole?

i closed my door, too, out of intrigue.

jackie almost read my mind, "is that why you wanted to join us? so you could corner me?"

towards erin, jackie had a track record of resorting to fire. and i liked that.

"no," erin seemed stunned, "i just, at the cabin, i thought.." her voice went out.

the cabin?

the party. i remember cole mentioning it was for someones birthday at a relatives cabin.

what happened at the cabin!?

"absolutely nothing." jackie's stern tone scared me into thinking i thought out loud, but her dagger eyes pointed at erin told me she was just answering the question she had been getting to.

"yeah, and what about you and cole?" i had said it too quickly, and both the girls turned back at me.

intrigue had slowly started to kill me ever since i had heard about the pairs break off, but now that i had gotten 1on1 time with the girl, my intrigue got the best of me.

i blushed, "nevermind, its really not my business." i scolded myself on the inside. i was becoming one for the drama.

"cole was just..." to my surprise, erin spoke up, "i dont know. its like we werent something, but we werent nothing." erin's eyes showed that she was even confused by her own sentence, "and, slowly, he just started to drift off." she played with the hem of her shirt, staring down at it too, and there was a glimpse of something in her eyes. there was more, but she blinked, and it was gone. "i dont know, cole just doesnt do the girlfriend thing."

i squeezed my lips together in order not to say something else reckless.

"i know 100 guys that would fight for you in new york." jackie said confidently, "you deserve to be more than just another girl in cole's lineup."

at first, my eyebrows raised at the olive branch extended by jackie. but then, i was a proud little advisor in the backseat of the car, smiling over at my little advisor-to-be.

erin seemed uncomfortable, "whatever, lets just get this over with."

jackie caught my eyes, and i sent her encouraging ones and a shrug, and we followed erin to the backseat.

taking a house each, the three of us were able to make quite good time.

"three more houses!" jackie said, still walking back from her latest one, "then we can share credit for making this food drive a success."

"none needed." i just chuckled, and went to open the trunk for the last three bags.

"its not that i wanted the credit," erin sighed a few minutes later as we all grabbed the last of the bags, "its just," she struggled to speak for a second, "my moms not really into thanksgiving."

"what about your dad?" jackie asked, innocently.

"he died when i was ten." 

jackie looked stunned, "im so sorry."

"holidays suck now." erin looked down at her boots, "but i guess youre just now learning that, huh?" i seemed to walk beside these girls having their first peaceful conversation. one where they both were able to finally find some common ground, some humility.

jackie nodded, and the next few minutes were quiet.

"harper," jackie side eyed me, "you're not into thanksgiving either." she bumped her bag into mine softly, "whys that?"

i looked between the girls. one of the last things i wanted to do was open up too much in front of jackie, who i was advising, never mind erin collins. but, if i wanted these girls to do that for the sake of their relationship, maybe i'd have to model a bit.

"my adoptive parents are great, really," i urged, "i was adopted at a young age, i dont remember my biological ones. but, thanksgiving just always has been the hardest one, i think." i thought about the past years.

thanksgiving and christmas are similar in the ways of being centered around family. both holidays, people fly in and rejoice at another opportunity to all be together again. each season is different in its own way. but christmas, just naturally, comes with much more distractions. there's more to the season, and gifts, and traditions.

if you dont have a family, you can still watch christmas movies, and go see christmas lights, and exchange gifts.

thanksgiving was always more about family. and being thankful, which to most younger kids that i grew up going to school with, was for their families. it was probably seen as the easiest answer, the cop out, when they couldnt think of anything else. but to me, being adopted, it felt like a hit to the face. i felt left out, every year.

for christmas, when everyone would come back and the long break would be recapped in the first class back, everyone talked about their best gifts or cherished christmas movie, and i felt included. like i could pitch in, and my response wouldnt stand out from the others.

explaining this all to the girls, who just walked beside me and nodded, i felt heard.

and after finishing, i had to take a deep breath. i hadnt ever opened up about this before, so not only was outspoken reflection new to me, feeling heard and accepted was too.

just being asked by jackie felt nice the other day, but being heard felt like a hug i hadnt ever gotten before. i felt warm, even though it was 30 degrees and snowing outside around us.

"i didnt know all that," erin said, raising her eyes to meet mine, "im sorry."

"im sorry for you too." i smiled at her, and jackie did too.

after our last few houses, we came back to the car. as i sat back down in the backseat, my foot squished against something.

it was one last bag.

"oh! we must have missed one." i mumbled, pulling it out carefully from underneath the passenger seat, carefully as to not rip the packaging. fumbling around with it, though, there wasnt a receipt on it.

"oh," jackie spun around, taking it from my hands, "but there isnt a receipt."

erin's face went red, "um," she stuttered, "thats because its, uh," her shaky strong front crumbled with a drop of her shoulders, "its mine."

we both just stared at erin.

"i took it because my moms just gonna be grading papers all day," she looked ashamed, "because, well, thanksgiving sucks." she sat back forcefully in her seat, and stared out the window.

i made eyes at jackie, as if to say, do something. say something.

jackie just smiled, "why dont you come over to the walters?"

that wasnt exactly what i meant.

"what?" her tone matched my expression.

the girl had just broken up with a walter, im sure she didnt want to spend a holiday with them, either.

"yeah!" jackie bounced in her seat in excitement, "harps! you too!" i leaned away from her, shaking my head.

"um, no way."

jackie groaned, "come on guys! there's like, a ton of kids already, and we all hate this holiday!" she urged, "this way we can all still be together."

"i couldnt." erin buckled her seat belt, done with the matter. instinctively, i did the same.

"no because of cole?"

for a second, i wasnt sure who she was talking about. but the words hit my stomach like a ton of bricks.

i looked up quickly, only to see her humor filled eyes pointed over to erin, and made my heavy sigh of relief as quiet as i could.

jackie still didn't know anything about us. she didn't even seem to remember the night where i came over, she was drunk, or remembered what she had said.

what she had thought cole and i were about to do.

maybe it was pride, or embarrassment, but the feeling was eating away at my stomach. which was starving.

erin looked back at me, and i looked at her. both of our expressions were blank. maybe we were just trying to figure out what the other was thinking, and what side we should each be on.

"it wont be weird, and im not feeling festive either." jackie said, "and i could use the company to save myself from my own walter drama." jackie smiled sickly sweet at both of us, cheesing ear to ear, "please please pleeeasseeeeeee."

as erin huffed in agreement, my stomach grumbled again.

i came to the sad conclusion that i really didn't have anywhere else to go. i had already told my parents i'd be gone for the whole day, telling myself i'd find something else to do after finishing the food drive with the girls.

being alone, or being with the walter's.
it was a better of too evils.

but, i had been having a good time with the girls.
and, one of those things had seemed a lot less evil lately.

and letting these boys ruin my thanksgiving, or this day so far, or anything else for me, was a challenge i suddenly wanted to accept.

"fine. i'm in, too."