"i loveth thee."

"why then, God forgive me?"

it had been probably the tenth time we'd gone through this scene, and the words were now more boring than they'd ever been sappy.

the play was in a week, and we all pretty much had our lines and delivery down. full show rehearsals were in a few days, and tech week was in full swing.

but danny and i kept trudging through, our acting faces falling quicker each time.

"i swear," erin chuckled after we finished the scene, "everytime i think you two are going to kiss."

i laugh the girl off, shooing her away, "yea right." i walk over to her, who had my costume for the next scene. she had also auditioned, but got placed as an assistant to our costume designer. it was perfect for her, really.

and she seemed happy. and we had gotten to see each other more.

when i reach her, i whispered a "and you wish."

she made a certain look over at danny, who i looked over at to see looking at the ground, blushing a little.

"i think he may too." she whispered back, and i rolled my eyes.

but i couldnt look away from him.

there was no way.

walking out of rehearsal with erin, we both breathed out clouds and shivered in the brisk air.

i went to rub my arms, but stopped as i saw the walter's truck.

"danny said his dad was picking him up," i continued to walk next to erin, "what is that still doing here?"

erin shrugged, "probably cole. he goes to the football field sometimes."

"at... 8 o'clock at night?"

erin just shrugged, and got in her jeep. i waited a moment.

"you headed home?" she asked.

i was still looking over at the field, "i think i may go see if he's ok."

when i looked back to her, she was smirking, "i see you took my advice."

i scoffed, "not in like a weird way. but," i shifted my weight on my other foot.

i honestly didn't have anything to say, no way to make it seem different than what it was - i was interested in what he was doing. but before i could muster up a finishing, she just smiled.

"ok, harper." she shut her door, rolling down her window, "okay."

i scolded her with my eyes, and chuckled as she drove away, leaving me in an empty parking lot.

i tapped my toes on the ground a few times, but then started for the field.

after she had driven away, i walked over to the football field.

and there, right in the middle of the field, lay cole walter.

back against the grass, face staring up to the lights overpowering the stars.

smoking a joint.

"where'd you get that?" my voice, now about five feet away from him, sent him jumping up to a seating position.

he breathed out slowly, realizing it was just me, "friends-and-family discount." was all he mumbled as he laid back down.

"okay." i muttered, not wanted to know anymore. i took a few more steps towards the high boy, "why alone?"

just received a shrug.

"i remember in third grade," he started, and i wondered who he was talking to, "i had a coach that gave me nightmares." he swallowed thickly, as if the thought still scared him to this day, "coach scott."

"oh yeah?" i said, sitting down. if this kid was high and not thinking, i suddenly wanted to witness everything he'd do next.

"no guy that intense should teach kids how to tackle."

i chuckled, "i feel like that's a coach you'd need coaching football."

"well, we felt differently." cole put his hat over his head, covering his eyes, "we filled his waterbottle with mouthwash."

"what? why?" i laugh with him at the memory, and he didnt answer my question.

after a moment of silence, i spoke quietly, "do you miss it?"

he blinked, knowing what i was talking about.

slowly, he sat up, and spoke too.

"you know, my whole life, football has been everything." he looked around the field, "but now its just so..." his words went out, and his eyes bore into the ground.

"so what?" i asked.

"exactly." he nodded, his eyes not looking quite alive anymore, "nothing. 'so what'." he huffed.

"so add a word to it." i said, and he gave me a questioning look, "what now?"

he just looked over at me, and for a second, i felt small.

like he was towering over me, sitting in the middle of the field, when he was only below me. probably high. probably not thinking straight.

and i felt as if i was right there with him.

he shrugged, "i feel like theres nothing to do next," he sighed, "people have begun to think the worst of me."

"thats not true."

he looked back up at me, and the look made me go, "ok, maybe."

he returned to his previous staring location.

"if it makes you feel any better." i said softly, "i'm beginning to think the same about myself." i gave in, laying fully next to him. with our heads all too close to each other, we both blew hot air out of our mouths, twirling in circles away from us, angelically.

"as exposed as you may feel not having football," i muttered quietly, "i don't like not having my walls up anymore." i chuckled, "but through doing that i realized i barely had walls up, ever, at all." i sighed, "i don't know."

cole looked over at me, and i at him, "why did you want them?" the walls, i guessed.

"protection." i said, looking all over his face.

"from what?"

i didn't answer. i wasn't quite sure anymore, but i knew i didn't want to say what i thought the answer was for so long.

he smirked knowingly, and looked away, seeming to dismiss his comment. i was glad. i was also forcing air down in my lungs, as i havent been since the second he looked over at me.

"we both lost things that were way too important to us." he said, ripping grass off the ground with the tips of his fingers. i was just letting the blades warm up my own.

i went to respond, but he just smiled kindly, and stood up. i lifted my head off the ground, and he reached down for my hands.

i smiled up at him, and received his gesture to help me up. he must want to leave, and judging by the time of night, and his state of mind, it made sense. i wanted to, too.

but once i was up, he didn't move.

for a second, but then he did.

stepping forward, and only after placing a hand on my hip, his lips were the next and only thing to touch my body.
connecting with my own.

it was soft, and still, and gentle. and he was the one to pull away.

his hand was still on my hip. stabilizing me. keeping me from running, as if i wanted to.

i wanted to say something, as his eyes were boring into mine. i was desperate to. but my mind was like a void of emotion, and his eyes were the opposite.

"what now?" stumbled out of my mouth, i hadnt remembered even thinking that.

his hand dropped off my waist, slowly, and grabbed my own.

"now i drive you home," he finally smiled, softly, "harper gray."