"how did you realize this?"  i ask as i gaze upon her, marveling at how beautiful she looks amidst those fairy lights in her room.

"realize what?" she asks, there's a slight pause in which i try and gather all my thoughts together.

"how did you realize you were a girl? i can't even imagine that and i'm afraid to make assumptions. everyday when i wake up, i feel great. i am me, i am a man, i feel great in my body -  but it must be different for you.." my tone gets quieter towards the end. i see kenma shift slightly on the bed, she turns her body to me and smiles. oh how i wish to close this short distance between us, but i must wait...

"i had it in my subconscious for a while... took me a while to realize why i felt so bad all the time i looked in the mirror. one day i woke up with a simple thought that i wasn't the boy that everybody thought that i was. it was really weird at first, coming to that realization..." kenma sighs before continuing. "i remember buying my first skirt... i did it secretly, very early in the morning, i hid under my hoodie so that the cashier doesn't see my face. once i got back home i locked the door and put it on and..."

"and?" i am shaking with anticipation.

"and i felt so happy. i saw myself in the mirror. the real me. it took me a bit to accept and understand myself, but i was still scared to tell anyone - though some people found out on their own", kenma giggled, i couldn't help but recall the comments i saw on her posts when i found her real instagram. all those people knew before me...

"so, how did the others find out? who even knows about this?" i ask her, she thinks for a second.

while she is thinking i take my time to once again marvel at her beauty. i think, i have pretty much accepted and understood everything that i have to - i did my research and i think i can be a decent match to kenma now. that day when kenma came to visit, i had a long talk with my father about her and about our beliefs - it became clear to us that our thinking is old-fashioned and that it is time to move on. my father was more than accepting of kenma, which puts shame on me for pushing her away at first. 

"you're staring..." kenma whispers and shakes me out of my thoughts, i simply smile.

"i still cannot comprehend just how adorable you are"

"you flirt"

"only with you"

kenma turns her face away for a second before turning back. "the only people who know apart from you, your parents and my parents are hinata, akaashi, iwaizumi and oikawa", she says.

"how come? did you tell them yourself?"

"nope, they found out"

"how?"

kenma sighs again. "akaashi realized by himself. well, he didn't realize that i was transgender, he just realized that something was wrong with me. i remember one day he pulled me aside and asked me if everything is alright and i was really sensitive that day, i pretended that i was okay, but he could see right through me. he was determined to help so i spilled. it was a moment of weakness. he was very supportive from the start..."

i think i recall that day. kenma was anxious and seemed somewhat mad. akaashi said he will talk to her and once the two of them came back - they both seemed a bit unnerved, but better than before... come to think of it, it was more than a year ago.

"hinata found me in a clothing store accidentally. he thought that the tiny curtain gap in a changing room meant that it was empty and walked in on me trying on a dress. he apologized profusely, but was really understanding. we went shopping together multiple times"

"can't believe he saw you in a dress before I did"

"don't be jealous. iwaizumi and oikawa... i found out about oikawa first and we sort of shared our troubles together"

"wait what? what's up with oikawa?" i interrupted kenma for a second.

"you don't know?" kenma raises an eyebrow.

"no idea..." i shrug.

"oikawa is nonbinary. they're pretty open about it too. we go shopping together, we share tips and so on. and since oikawa and iwaizumi are going out - iwaizumi found out too" i nearly choke on my own saliva.

"THEY'RE DATING?!" i practically scream, just how much were my friends hiding from me? does bokuto hide things from me too? at this point i wouldn't be surprised...

"i see you still have a lot to learn, but do not worry. i'm here to help you" kenma suddenly gets off the bed, not bothering to fix her crumpled skirt.

i stare at her, my eyes wide - still trying to figure out how she's so beautiful. i watch as she takes a step towards me, extending her soft hand to me. slowly, her hand finds my face and i lean into it, closing my eyes and enjoying the moment - this intimate moment. i never want it to end.

as i open my eyes i see kenma staring back at me, she smiles and without another word she leans in...

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Cuz you're looking for a boyfriend

I SEE DAAAAT give me some time IM GONNA BE THERE

anyway how are ya'll?

-Hatari.