Sooooooo I haven't been too active.
And that's because I feel drained by life.
I know that no one cares, but I just need to write out down all my issues so I can sort out my brain.

❢♠︎❢♠︎❢♠︎❢♠︎❢♠︎❢♠︎

So a few months ago my mother packed up everything in a trailer and took five of my youngest siblings and my step dad out to Oklahoma.
They had bought a cheap house, she had a job, they were getting paid for the place in California they were leaving, things were looking up.
She left me with my dad, who is difficult to live with, to say the least.
As the months passed, my mom had to ask me to borrow some money because things weren't working out financially.
She had to get a second job because my step dad still didn't have one. She is working herself to the bone and his excuse is that he takes care of the kids.
Fine.
Fair.
Except he didn't. She came home and had to make dinner and clean snd do everything he was supposed to be doing.
So that went on for way to long and I started feeling sorry for my own damn self because my mom was in OK, my best friend had moved to NV and now my Nonny is selling her house and moving away. While my sorry ass was feeling so lonely and abandoned, my mom was kicking my step dad out of the house for being a shit father.
As soon as she told me that on the phone and how hard the kids were taking it, I volunteered to dive to OK and stay for a few months to help out around the house.
I'm an adult but I've never been in such a responsible position and I want to take it on.
I feel like this is something I'm supposed to do.
My siblings need me, my mom needs me, I'm going.
Except I need to talk to my college, job and orthodontist about not living here a few months.
No biggie, I make a list of things I need to do before leaving and start hitting some bullet points.
I even planned my route from CA to OK and booked my hotels. I'm a little worried about money but I'm getting paid tomorrow so it's gonna be fine.
After a busy day of preparation, it all goes to shit in a matter of hours.
My car lights won't turn off, as brought up by our neighbor. The headlight switch is not on, and yet they remain on.
Fyi, leaving lights on drains the batter which means I wouldn't get far before my battery died or the engine caught on fire.
My dad went BERSERK.
He didn't want me to go in the first place because he has this grudge against my mom and step dad and what not.
He starts yelling at me and saying I'm not going.
And yeah, I cried.
A lot.
We disconnected the battery so it wouldn't run out overnight and my dad said he'd look at it tomorrow.
But my bet was, and still is, he'll look for anything to keep me from taking the car.
But I need it, to take the kids to school while I'm there, to get groceries, to get to work.
we get into kind of a yelling match and whenever we do he accuses me of hating him and treating him like shit.
i go to my room and I buy protection insurance on my hotel reservations in case he won't let me take the car.
But . . . as I'm looking at the details of the hotels just to double check everything, I notice a section about check in details.
"Oh,"
I think,
"thats some good stuff to know."
And there it says
"Check in minimum age 21 years"
excuse me?
Sure enough, I check the second one I booked and it has the same age requirement.
I call the hotel
"I already reserved and paid for my hotel room but I'm the only guest and I'm 18. Will I be able to check in."
"No you will not."
"Okay, thank you"
*click*
It was a really good thing I bought the insurance.
as soon as I tell that to my dad, we get in another yelling match.
I understand that he's afraid for me, but above all I need his support as my father.
Luckily I talk to my mom on the phone and she assures me that I can go to my step brother, who is a mechanic, and check out the car.
And I look online and not everyone's policy is minimum 21.
So things are fine, but my dad insists this is a sign I shouldn't go.
Bullshit. I'm going.
I don't care if I die trying to get there.