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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞

DEAR JACK,
Before the cravings begin to settle in,
Learn to embrace the sin.
Once, I had indulged myself into finding a new fix.
Only that fix never did reach a solution.
Don't listen when I say it won't pull me back in.

ROSE HAD MADE HER WAY TO HER ROOM AFTER SPEAKING WITH JACK. He hadn't been in the best mood after coming back from the alternate universe. A part of him missed Lucifer. That part that did miss him had only felt that way because he wondered if Lucifer could have been a parent figured in his life. He lost his chance with his mom and was now getting a chance with Lucifer and once again, he felt he lost.

Rose had pushed her bedroom door open only to find she wasn't alone. Sitting on her bed had been Constance with a book in hand. Rose had made her way around the bed and took the book from her and held onto it tight. "This isn't your room."

Constance had fought back the instinct to react the way she would have. It had all been because Lucifer had asked her not too. Otherwise she would have grabbed Rose and shown how awful she still was. Instead, Constance allowed her hands to fall into her lap as she looked up at Rose. "I wanted to speak with you."

"I can't open a rift for him. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"This isn't about Lucifer," she said in a hushed whispered. "This is about starting over. This world... it's everything I wanted for you. The daughter I had... she was dangerous and she hurt me."

"I don't hurt people," Rose spoke up. She told herself this even when all she felt was that she had let down everyone around her. For some reason, she felt Constance deserved to know that.

Standing up, Constance had nodded her head in understanding. "I know that now." Reaching out, she took one of her braids in her hands before letting it fall back down onto Rose's chest. "You're much more than she was. I see how you feel about those hunters. I want to understand you more."

Rose's guard began to go down as she took a seat on her bed. This was the kind of mother she wanted from Constance in the first place. Someone who cared and wanted to know more about her. "This is my life. These are the people I've always been with. I can't change it and neither can you."

"I wouldn't want to change it," Constance lied. Only her words had been convincing enough that Rose had visibly relaxed herself from her words. "I need you to know I'll be there for you just as those Winchester's are."

"You hate them."

Constance shook her head, faking her disbelief well. "I hated that they had you and I didn't. I love you, Rose. I can put aside any differences for you. You're my daughter and I'd do anything for you to see me as your mother."

Rose was hesitant as the walls she had built up once again began to break down. Finding the corners of her lips turning down, she had managed to nod her head to accept Constance back into her life. Rushing forward, Constance had thrown her arms around Rose, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt herself smiling. Not because she had Rose back, but because just as she hoped— Lucifer was right.

Pulling away, Constance had straightening out her jacket as she let out a small huff of air. "Well, I should be heading back to my room. Dinner will be soon."

"I don't eat. You know that," Rose said plainly.

Forcing a smile, Constance gave a nod. "Right, that's fine." Reaching out, she gave a stroke down Rose's hair before pulling her hand away. "Have you spoken to Jack? He's been upset about his father."

Rose tossed the book behind her as she adjusted herself to lay down. "Yeah, he'll get over it soon. It's just Lucifer."

Constance's hands balled up into fists, but her smile hadn't faltered as she tried to remain understanding. "Lucifer said Jack wanted to see if he would be a good father and now he doesn't get that chance. I know you feel less than you normally would, but to talk down about something Jack feels strongly about..."

"I care about Jack," she interrupted. "He'll be fine. He just wants a parent that he can get to know but Lucifer's not that. Once he understands what Lucifer did to Sam... to Cas... to his mom, he won't care. And if that doesn't change his mind, then the way Lucifer would've treated him would."

"Everyone deserves a second chance," Constance spoke sternly. "Had I not made it through the rift, you wouldn't have given me one. And look at me. I'm a new person. I'm showing you I am a mom."

"You're not Lucifer," Rose reminded her which had only stung Constance. Her love for him was much stronger than how she ever felt about herself. That was her flaw that a lot of the time made her just as awful as him.

Rather than push, Constance had backed down. There was no reason to fight with Rose because if she did, she knew she'd lose her. Instead, she had headed towards the bedroom door. "I should go see how long until dinner."

"The pizza we get is good. I liked it," Rose said, but her focus had been lost in the book the second she settled into her bed. Flashing her a smile, Constance had slipped out of the door before her lips turned down and the great attitude she had instantly dissolved. She hated it here because the bunker was not her home and she was lost without Lucifer.

As time had passed, Rose had remained in her room unbothered. Constance hadn't returned in order to give her space to build the trust Lucifer said they needed. It was her quiet time that made her feel better about being home again. However, the peace could only last so long.

Knocking lightly on the door, Sam had allowed himself in with a tray in hand. Giving Rose a small smile, he had placed the tray onto the desk beside her door before making his way over to the bed. Sitting down, he watched as she focused back into her book. "You missed dinner."

Glancing up at him, Rose met his eyes for a second before looking back down. He knew why she had missed dinner, but he needed to make conversation so she allowed it. "I don't eat anymore." Pausing for a moment, she had closed her book as she tossed it down beside her. "But you already know that."

Letting out a small sigh, he looked away from her. "Yeah, I know. I just wanted to check on how you were holding up. You haven't really left your room since we got back."

She gave a simple shrug, "There's not much for me to do. Dean doesn't want me on any hunts right now. It's because he's afraid I might mess up, isn't it? He probably heard about all those people I let die at Michael's fortress because I couldn't protect them..."

"We didn't know about any of that," Sam said softly. "It's not because we don't think you're ready or don't trust you. You went through a lot back there. There's a part of you that you'll never get back. It had nothing to do with you being a demon. It's about you and how you are with yourself."

"You're the first person to ask me how I am since we got here," she said quietly. "No one has asked and I just assume no one care. But I am fine, Sam."

"No, you're not. And that's okay. No one says you have to be. No one is holding it against you for feeling something. You can't be afraid to show that you care. Because, yeah, I'm worried and I don't know what's going to happen next. I don't know if I walk into your room one day and you're gone. Because you tell me you're fine when you're not. No one deserves to be alone." Sighing, Sam shook his head as his guilt had risen. "Maybe it's my fault. I told you that I would protect you and I-I didn't. Constance is here and... and I don't know how to fix this for you."

"I'm not mad at you, Sam. Maybe her being here is just destiny. I have to believe that because if I don't, then why the hell does this have to happen to me? I didn't deserve what she did to me, I see that now. I shouldn't feel like hell for everything, but I do. I just want to make things right." Her eyes fell down to her lap as a small laugh had escaped her lips. "I'm doing a crap job at it too."

"How could you say that?"

"Rowena left," she said as she looked up to him. She was smiling, but it was only filled with sadness. "She left and I didn't know until Jack told me. She didn't say goodbye or anything." Shaking her head, her smile and turned into a frown as she tried to tell herself the pain was not supposed to be there. "I didn't mean for all this to happen. To be a demon, or bring back Constance. I didn't want any of this. I keep messing up. And I'm disappointing everyone I care about. So much that Rowena left and I didn't even tell her what happened."

Rose had looked to Sam and he knew this was not the same girl that had left when they were back on the ship. She was broken and she was hurting and he couldn't fix it. He wasn't sure if his love was enough to convince her that he could never be disappointed in her.

"I know what I am. There's still a part of human in me and it's too numb inside to even want to feel anything else. All I ever wanted was to be human and Chuck changed that for me. And in one moment I screwed it all up. I am destined to be this way— a monster. It's the only thing I've ever known. Not even God could scrub it out of me. I am always going to be this way."

Sam had been at a loss for words. In his eyes, Rose had been anything but the evil she saw herself to be. To him, she was a kid that fought everyday to be anything than what the world had wanted her to be. And because she fought, she wasn't a monster. She was Rose and she was a Winchester.

"I don't want you to forget what it feels like to be good— to be loved." Reaching out, Sam had grabbed her hand in his and held on to it tight. Even if she didn't need it, he knew he did. "You won't have to because you will always have us. You have always been good. This life, it takes parts of you, but what you do with the parts you do have is up to you. There is human still inside of you but that doesn't make you good. And the demon part doesn't make you a monster. Who you are and what you do, that's what makes you exactly who you are supposed to be. I love you, and nothing can change that. I need to know you love us too."

"I do," she whispered.

He had let go of her hand as he got to his feet. She had seen this as the end and he would leave, and she would feel alone once more. But she wanted him to know she would try. "Is there pepperoni on that pizza?"

The corner of his lips twitched into a smile as he shook his head. "Just cheese. How you like it."

Rose held her hands out for the tray as he grabbed it. However, he had found himself planted in his spot at he looked down at the tray. He had taken something off it that she couldn't quite see before extending the tray out to her. As she had placed the tray onto her bed, he looked to her, and he felt the weight of the world crush onto his shoulders because he was willing to make an offer that had hurt her before.

"Do you want to be human?"

"If I ever got the chance," she said.

Holding out his hand, he held a needle that had been full of purified blood. "I know it won't make you fully human... but we know it gets the job done. You can say no. I know what it did to you before."

"I couldn't stop," she whispered but when she met his eyes, she gave a nod. "I'll do it."

Slowly taking a seat on her bed, Sam had taken her arm and rolled up her sleeve. He didn't want to look at her as he put the needle into her arm because he knew what he was starting. He knew what addiction felt like and he knew what it looked it. To cure a demon was a fix, but it was proven to not be a solution.

Emptying the blood into her arm, he knew there was no going back. "We can stick to a schedule. I'll give you what you need but I need to know you won't let it go too far. You'll tell me when to stop."

Rose had pulled her arm back as she nodded along to his instruction. However, that first dose of human blood had felt like a wave of relief had filled her body. It was a dangerous game they were playing, but her desperation to be human was enough to allow her to let it happen.

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