i'm just going to be straight forward.

⚠TW⚠

my mental health is being all around and i just feel so lost and overwhelm of trying to be happy and trying to make myself happy too. but past couple days have been fun and all, but deep down inside, i feel so dead and so unwanted.

these thoughts in my head that i feel so vulnerable, so heavy weighted. also trying to stay quarantine in my room all day long because my dad has covid, and praying so hard that he will recover. i feel like my old self is coming back and seeing every sh**p objects is tempting, it really is. and trust me.

i don't even want it back, but being in this mind set has been all over the place. i wish i could say that im feeling good or feeling bad, i'm just neutral in between.

like i'm feeling more between im good and bad. and trying to write this down, it's scrabbled, like i can't even stay on one topic and it's just bothers me, like people wanted to screw you around with your mindset, and like trying to make you feel like you doing fine.

i just wonder every day, every thought, every hour, every minute, and every second, am i even good enough to be in a group? it's funny that people will change their thoughts about me, pitying me and being more kind to me. when i know they are just being pity.

and i don't want that, i want the honesty, i want something that i can trust you. it ain't that hard. and i don't want to repeat this over and over again. it's just going to ruin me more.

the other thing is, i feel so dreaded whenever i tried to please people with the writings of books and i feel so unmotivated to even write a single sentence of my books. and trying to come up with content that will suit up with the story.

i'm always not in a good mindset whenever i try to think of what to write, and the good days i always think of other subjects instead of writing.

i just want to write, instead of coming up with excuses, and trying not to disappoint myself on writing content that i will never complete.

but, i will try write chapter 7 for myself and hopefully for yall to enjoy. i'm sorry for being so inactive, i'm just living the life that i am in.