YOU'RE STILL A LOSER.

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DEAD BOY (book one).
°• CHAPTER EIGHTEEN •°

" TAKE A LOOK AT THE
WONDER BROTHERS. "

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DAXTON SHIELDS ALWAYS WONDERED WHY HIS CHILDHOOD WAS JUST A FOGGY MEMORY TO HIM, JUST OUT OF REACH. He always chalked it up as severe trauma. He knew he moved out of a small town in Derry when he was nineteen years old when they were called to serve. After that, it's blank. It's as if a huge piece of Daxton's life was missing. And it was scary to forget who you've grown from. It's as if he remembers the abandoned feeling his parents gave him, a few foster homes he was dumped in, then there's a timeline during his teenage years that's been severed from his memory. Maybe a part of him died and he just can't remember. This was as close as Daxton's ever got to remembering, and he couldn't turn his back now. He wanted answers, and there was something dragging him to the airport.

Charlie has always been endlessly more organized than Daxton. He's the one who handles booking the tickets while his brother messily packs their bags. Later, Daxton will get a lecture about their clothes not being folded, the various items he shoved in carelessly, but for now, they sit on the plane in a dead silence. Daxton can read Charlie better than anyone and knows he's thinking of his wife, his children, how hard it was to say he has to drop everything and leave out of nowhere, all because of one phone call. There were a lot of tears, but eventually, Tabitha respected and understood what he needed to do. This meant something to them, even if they didn't know what it was exactly.

For now, it was going to be one long-ass trip. Daxton and Charlie lived in a perfect house that they bought when they earned their place after they were done fighting. Tabitha moved in soon after and brought more to their little family. But Maine was on the other side of the country, so every hour of quiet that passes is like torture. Daxton would know, he has been through things that would have been considered more painful.

The plane nosediving sends Daxton's stomach churning. He knows this was it. It was like the final nail in their coffin after they dug their own grave, except in this case, Derry was the grave. The brothers struggle to find conversation as Charlie places an order for a rental car so they can drive to the address Mike texted them, some Chinese restaurant in town. It was strange they didn't have to look at the map app on their phone. It was as if they had lived here all their life and could drive to their location from pure instinct.

"Daxton," Charlie finally breaks the silence anxiously. His knuckles were tense from the grip he had on the steering wheel. "If you keep fiddling with the radio, I'm buying you a ticket back to California and telling Tabs to kick your ass."

Daxton retreated from the knob reluctantly. He knows very well that Tabitha could kick his ass. But he still claims, "I could take her."

He can nearly hear the loud way Charlie rolls his eyes, but he fights back a smile. "I know you're trying to cover something up, Dax. You're nervous about something. You know you can tell me anything."

"I don't know what it is, okay?" Daxton admits with a slight nip in his tone. There was something wrong with him, eating at his insides until it could chew to only spit it out, and he couldn't place a name on it. Daxton shuts his eyes for a second and works with a skill brought to him when he came home and was afraid of his own shadow, counting to ten as he breathes in through his nose, and counting again as his breath exhales through his mouth. He does it again, then again, before quietly adding, "You're my brother, and I love you, but... There are some things about me even I don't understand."

Fortunately, Charlie does seem to accept this. "I get it," he sympathizes, but a part of Daxton knows he only understands half of it. Charlie was missing pieces of his childhood too, but he was still able to find his place in this world. Daxton was always going to stick out. He was always going to be the puzzle piece that didn't have a spot to fit in, so you force it in any way. "But we're here for answers, for Mike," Charlie continues to remind him. "Even if you don't think you belong somewhere... You'll always belong with me."

Because having a brother meant always having a best friend. Because Daxton plus Charlie will always equal brothers. Because the sky was blue, the grass was green, the Earth spun on its axis, and they will never not be family. These were merely facts that you didn't have to learn because it was plainer than day.

Daxton doesn't thank Charlie despite how much it moved him, but he does weakly smile. It was something, at least. He didn't need to find his place when he had someone who meant the world and more to him staring back.

The restaurant soon comes into view. Fluorescent lights from the signs shine through the windshield as Charlie brings the vehicle into park. Daxton could feel his nerves hit an all time high. He held on to the sparks of memories that hit him when Mike called because they were all he had, even if he couldn't place names to the faces. Daxton tries to convince himself that the Losers Club once meant everything to them. They have all grown. It was going to be like meeting a stranger you once had a past with - one you can't remember.

"You ready?" Daxton asks after a beat of silence in the silent car.

"No." Charlie unbuckles his seatbelt and shrugs it off. "Let's go."

He has to do the breathing exercises a few more times as Daxton pops open the car door and steps out, Charlie following in suit. His chest starts to tighten with powerful anxiety that clenches his lungs until he can't breathe in. He bites on his lower lip before panic could take over and lead to hyperventilating. Daxton doesn't know what the fuck he's so scared of -

But then Charlie reaches over to sling his arm over Daxton's shoulder and he exhales deeply again like he hadn't been able to in forever. They've always been in this together. Daxton thinks for a moment he could handle this.

Two figures at the entrance turn at the sound of footsteps smacking against the parking lot's concrete. Daxton nearly stops in his tracks. His anxiety didn't rise, but it didn't fall either. He could do nothing but stare for a minute or so like a complete dumbass with a gaping jaw. There was something undeniably familiar about them. It leads to something else, a distant memory he could barely grasp.

"No offense, Daxton, but you're pretty grumpy all the time yourself."

Then,

"It's not a bad idea," a girl with flaming red hair compliments him with a wink.

"I'll be damned," Charlie says after he snaps out of the daze with a grin. "Bev, Ben, yeah?"

The woman with short red hair grins back, and Daxton sees her as a kid again, freckled-faced and brave enough to take the first stand if none of the boys would. The one next to her eyes soften with the realization of who was gazing back at him, and Daxton sees him with fuller cheeks that flushed when he smiles.

"I think it's us about to be damned if the two Wonder Brothers are here," Beverly Marsh jokes as she tucks a lighter into the pocket of her jacket again so she can hold her arms out towards Charlie first. "Gosh, you've grown so much, Charlie!" She exclaims since she has to stand on her tiptoes to bring her arms around his thicker shoulders.

Charlie's laugh echoes as he crouches to embrace her too. "You haven't changed at all, Bev," he tells her like he remembers everything about her. Daxton feels as if he did even though everyone standing there were practically strangers.

"Neither has Daxton," Ben comments and starts towards him with the friendly smile Daxton hadn't seen in years. He still hugs as warm as he did twenty-seven years ago, he thinks, as his arms stretch to envelop him.

"I see that," Beverly agrees as she pulls away from Charlie and they switch. Daxton has to hunch over to hug her too. He hit a growth spurt that brought him to a towering height a few years before Charlie did, and his well-built form helped a lot too. "You haven't said a word yet. Something caught your tongue?" Beverly jokes after breaking the hug.

"Just Derry, I guess," Daxton finally speaks with a short, awkward laugh. The last memory he had was what he said to Mike - If I don't leave now, I'll be stuck here until the day I fucking die. And he hadn't figured out what it meant yet. At the time, Daxton swears he felt like he had to leave, and the only other option was death. Now, he felt like he had to stay. And it was the only choice. "It's still a lot to take in."

Beverly lets out a quiet, hum as she understood, but it's a second after that when Daxton eats his words because he realizes exactly how right he was.

"You guys look amazing. What the fuck happened to me?"

It isn't hard to look over Beverly since her hair barely tickles Daxton's chin, but his heart sinks so fast it feels like throwing a rock into a lake. He suddenly wishes memories wouldn't be hitting him like a truck on a highway, but they do anyway.

Someone his age seems startled at the sight. His hair was a mess of black curls that looks like a comb hasn't been taken to them in years. A pair of thick black glasses perched over his nose that somehow made his dark blue eyes look even wider. His jaw seems sharper as it clenches down. His hands immediately went to dive deep into his pockets as soon as their eyes meet like that could somehow make him seem smaller, but it doesn't work. Not for Daxton, at least, because he can't look away.

Richie slid his feet against the lawn to be by Daxton's side. "Aw, don't pretend you don't have a soft spot for us after today," he joked, referring to the earlier events when Daxton stood in... Daxton shakes his head in confusion because he can't remember that bit. ... Someone's face to protect them.

Daxton simply raised a middle finger at Richie.

The real Richie Tozier in front of Daxton Shields places a wall between them again. He pretends so easily that they both didn't feel as if their place in this world was found, that they realized they didn't even need gravity as long as the other was there. They didn't need memories of their past to tell them that. It was just the feeling. But it was the wall Richie put up that broke the connection.

"Yeah. You got us," Charlie replies to Richie's statement with a sudden tight smile, voice clipped. Daxton snaps his head away from Richie because it's becoming too hard to look at him, and he doesn't recognize the sarcasm Charlie uses. It was something usually reserved for him. That's what balanced the brothers.

It doesn't catch Richie off guard if he noticed at all because he only cackles and embraces him anyway. But he's not meant to notice the way Charlie hugs him back in a manner that says he'd rather step away. Daxton doesn't hug him. He hates how he hides in Charlie's shadow as if he's using him as a shield. He doesn't want to hug Richie. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to take the first flight home and forget everything trying to worm into his brain because it was everything Daxton has spent his adult life hiding from the world, from himself. He was afraid of what would happen once he knew everything.

The introductions are officially over once Ben, Beverly, and Richie swap hugs. Daxton doesn't believe he can continue the breathing exercises if he isn't even sure if he's breathing. He desperately looks to Charlie, but he's long turned his back to open the door without glancing behind him. Richie still isn't bothered as he shoves his hands deep in his pockets and bounds after him. Beverly and Ben hang behind a little to talk, Daxton assumes, as they enter the restaurant. Charlie gives the host Mike's name and she grabs a few menus before instructing them to follow her.

Daxton has to do a double-take when they enter the private room set up for the Losers. He doesn't have to guess who is standing there because something tells him he knows. He recognizes Mike almost immediately and every ache that seeing Richie caused fades. His face brightens upon seeing them for the first time in years as if he was amazed they were here. The brothers cross the room in two strides and become enveloped in the arms of Mike Hanlon together.

"You both look amazing," Mike compliments, sounding so overcome with joy as his arms squeeze their shoulders tightly. Daxton halfheartedly smiles with his arm pressed over Mike's back, hand brushing Charlie's. "Thank you - thank you, really, for coming."

Charlie gives Mike one last squeeze before they pull away. "You know we wouldn't miss it," he says like a promise.

Two others stand almost awkwardly to the side that catches Daxton's eye next. He knows them too, just as quickly. Eddie Kaspbrak hadn't changed one bit. He's still in a frazzled state that he somehow hid easily by appearing calm, his brown hair neatly combed back, and scanning the brothers like the sight of them was going to cause the world to explode. And Bill Denbrough, well, Daxton doesn't think he had changed either. His eyes are still a baby blue with a hidden emotion of sorrow, but he kept his shoulders squared as if the gang was his to lead even now. He can feel the respect he held for him there as if it hadn't faded over the years.

What startles Daxton is the sudden clanging of the gong as Richie smashes a stick onto it. He presses into Charlie's side like it's an instinct as Richie announces, "This meeting of the Losers Club has officially begun."

"Look at these guys," Eddie mumbled with a smile that told them he felt awkward, but he wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. Daxton doesn't think any of them would want to be. After all, what's a reunion for?

At least until Richie made him hide a laugh when he points to Ben and mimics the heavier weight he used to hold.

All of a sudden, all Daxton wanted was to drink. And that would be a bad choice, one of the worst he's ever made and that was saying a lot. He can't drink. It would be setting everyone he cared about, especially Charlie, and his life up to disappointment. The urge only gets stronger when they're sat around the table, an empty chair between Richie and Eddie but Daxton opts for the better option to sitting in between Charlie and Mike because the comedian is the first to order shots and bottles of alcohol from the waitress for them.

Daxton's hands quickly dove under the table to squeeze at his knees before any of the Losers could notice them trembling violently. A little voice in his head begs him to order his favorite drink, to fulfill the desperate want that would only ruin everything he's accomplished, but the louder one tells him he doesn't want to do this. "Just a water for me, please," Daxton requests. He's too focused on the waitress to notice Charlie smile proudly.

Poor Richie is oblivious to Daxton's choice and he becomes surprised at his choice of drink. "You serious?" He asks with a laugh.

The smile is wiped off Charlie's face and replaced with a murderous glare. He starts to warn him, "Richie - " Only to be cut off.

Daxton's grip on his knees tightens a tad more as Richie continues like no one tried to stop him with, "You afraid to drink with the big boys now? Need a bottle with that shot of water?" He pesters. "Or are you more of a plain water kind of guy? Add some ice, really spice it up."

"No." Daxton hides how tight his gut clenches with a strained smile. "Just a recovering alcoholic kind of guy."

Daxton Shields started drinking shortly after his tour. It starts out as most addictions do - simple, once in a while, anything to drown out the pain. And then he wanted more. He wanted anything that would take that pain away, even if it came from the bottom of a bottle. The burn was what soothed the despair. It then gradually became a bigger problem until he would be taking money to fuel his habit, be found the next morning passed out in the street and would have chosen the bottle over his family.

Daxton was once a selfish asshole, a mean drunk. But that was years ago because Charlie saved his life. He owed him his own.

The features of Richie's face had dropped seconds after realizing his mistake. It appears he hasn't changed - there's still a blockage from his brain to his mouth. He just doesn't know what to make out now that wouldn't sound wrong. So Daxton shrugs and reaches into his pocket for his leather wallet. He retrieves a chip made of gold with a triangle and an X etched into the center, and pinches it between his two fingers before flicking it to Richie who clumsily caught it after it soared towards him.

"Ten years," he reads shortly.

10 years, 3 months, and 311 days, to be exact, was the amount of time Daxton had spent without his lips to a bottle. And no, it wasn't easy. It was never a walk in the park. The beginning was like going on a long drive where you knew your destination would be paradise, but speeding through the endless bumps of threats was the only way to get there. But Daxton did it. And he had the chip with his pride to prove it.

"Okay - I'm just, having a moment up here," Richie finally confesses. He taps his temple with the fingers of his free hand. "And... Moment's over, okay." Charlie rolls his eyes as Richie tosses the chip back to its rightful owner so he could stuff it away safely again.

"Trashmouth hasn't learned to take his foot out of his mouth, I suppose," Bill prods with a light smile and Daxton feels a wave of relief.

He knew the moment he stepped foot in Derry that the Losers wouldn't judge him, but it was still a consolation to know no one sitting at the table cared if he was a loser binge-drinker. They would have said so if they did. The thought brings the muscles Daxton's hands that were once trembling to soothe. "Yeah. Aren't you supposed to be funny to be a comedian?" He teases Richie as he brings his hands to fold over the table cloth again.

Richie throws his hands over his chest where his heart was in a dramatic portraying the act of the organ breaking by the insult. It finally breaks the walls, and it's suddenly as if nothing has changed one bit for the Losers. Their drinks and food arrive which brings more jokes once every one, other than Daxton and Charlie who politely declined in respect for his brother, started getting buzzed off shots. And Daxton doesn't feel the urge to satisfy a thirst that wasn't there. Not once. Because this may be the happiest he's been in years, and he doesn't need a drink to fulfill that.

The shot glass Richie downed without even touching the glass, only placing the rim around his lips before dropping it, bounces off the table. He turns towards Eddie with a taunting, wide grin spread on his face. "So, wait, Eddie, you got married?" He questioned incredulously.

"Yeah. Why's that so fucking funny, dickwad?" Eddie demanded.

"What, to like a woman?" Richie pushed.

Offended, Eddie's eyes squinted and he jabbed the chopstick in Richie's face. "Fuck you, bro," he spits, but they knew he wasn't really angry. Daxton figured he wouldn't have been ashamed to wring Richie's neck if he was.

"Fuck you!" Richie almost screams back.

Charlie flings a steaming roll at him before Richie could retrieve another shot. "Yeah, I think you've had enough," he suggests as Richie ducks to avoid having the food in his hair.

The ice-cold glass of water is raised by Daxton in a form of mock saluting before he dryly comments, "Take Charlie's word for it. He knows when a drunk has had enough." The crude joke about his past brings Ben to bite on his lower lip before a laugh can escape as if he thought the other would have been offended, but Daxton was laughing himself.

"No, no! Let him go!" Bill insists. Charlie tries to hide his smile, but he retreats anyway as Bill continues his interrogation, "He talks more when he's drunk. So what about you, Trashmouth? Are you married?"

The idea of Richie Tozier being married twists Daxton's gut until it feels as if it's formed a knot. The chopsticks he balanced a piece of meat in-between freeze and the sauce rubs onto his parted lips as he waits.

No one takes notice. Beverly barks out a laugh as she nearly shouts, "There's no way Richie's married!"

Richie's as calm as ever when he replies, "No, no, I got married."

The food falls when Daxton's fingers twitched and land on his royally red napkin with a splat. He quickly moves to fold it before anyone can see and represses it at the same time. "Rich, I don't believe you," Beverly insists.

"When?" Eddie seemed genuinely curious as he asks with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Didn't you hear?" Richie responded in fake disbelief. It's only then that Daxton feels his chest loosen enough for him to breathe. Richie's fucking with them. He recognized the stupid teasing voice and didn't realize how familiar it sounded for him until now.

When Eddie shakes his head, Richie stares with wide eyes. "You didn't know? No, no. Me and your mom are very, very happy together - "

Almost everyone loses it then. Bill, especially, who chokes on the drink he was sipping from and nearly spills it everywhere. Charlie balls up a napkin and throws it at Richie who doesn't dodge it this time, too busy bursting into laughter with the rest, letting it bounce off his nose. Daxton can't repress the warm feeling because it spreads too quickly the second he thinks in belief that Richie hasn't changed at all. The your mom jokes were as awful as they were in the '80s and '90s, what little he could remember, but they still made him laugh. They still made him happy.

"Fuck you," Eddie deadpans instead of laughing too. He holds his cup a little tighter.

"She is so sweet. You know, sometimes, she'll put her arm around me, and she'll whisper to me..." His voice drops an octave lower and Daxton hears somehow both the worst and best Jabba The Hutt impression he thinks he's ever heard. Richie has to end it when he's giggling too hard to finish.

"We get it. My mom was a great big fat person!" Eddie exclaimed sarcastically with his hands thrown in the air. Beverly winces. "Hilarious! Hysterical!"

The spot shifts as the laughter dies down back to the brothers again. Mike finishes chewing and decides to question them when he recalls their phone call. "What about you, Charlie? You said you had a family," he inquires curiously.

A soft look only Daxton recognized washes over Charlie's face. God, he knew how much his brother loved his family. Tabitha, James, Isabella, all of them. Including him. He's never seen a romantic love stronger than what he had. "I do," Charlie says with a growing, fond smile. "A beautiful wife, Tabby, and our incredible kids. James and Bella."

Beverly's jaw drops as a sparkle fills her eyes. "Pictures! I need to see some pictures!" She practically demands and leans over the table desperately.

Daxton watches as Charlie happily pulls out his phone and unlocks it so they can see his screen, his wallpaper. It was Bella's last birthday and she somehow forced every member of their family to wear pink birthday hats, so in return, her brother smeared her face in the frosting of her cake. It was the most recent one Charlie had of them altogether, and Daxton would know because every new picture they take together becomes his new wallpaper.

"Oh my gosh, look at them!" Beverly coos in a gush that makes him beam. "Charlie, they're adorable!"

He passes the phone around so everyone can glimpse at the picture. Daxton hears a continuous chime about how precious they were, how much James looks like Charlie and a few stories about them here and there. He smiles at every memory. They mean the world to him, too. And Daxton is grateful they don't press him asking about relationships either since they're busy with his brother. He wouldn't have much to say - if anything at all.

Daxton can count on one hand how many relationships he's had. The first is a drifted, foggy memory. But every time he tries to force himself to remember, he recalls an unbearable pain that felt like abandonment and fear. And yet, at the same time, Daxton feels at home too. He remembers being happy and wanting it more than anything in the world. He doesn't push it despite how much he wanted more information about it.

The next one is clearer because he feels like shit every time he thinks of it. Daxton met some theater student who he cared about but couldn't find himself genuinely being in love with. He knows it was shitty, but the day he wanted him to meet his mother, Daxton ended up never speaking to him again. Yeah, he still hates himself for that one.

And his latest, well... It was something. It wasn't really a relationship, though. It was two broken men who loved the taste of whiskey and were afraid of what the world would say if anyone ever saw them together. It felt as much fear as the first memory he has, but worse. Because every time Daxton was with him he wanted to fucking vomit in terror and sob with happy tears at the same time. He eventually ended it when he realized how attached he was getting to something unhealthy. Those weren't stories you tell your childhood friends and ruin everyone's mood.

"... Let's talk about the elephant, not in the room," Richie announces as Daxton tunes back in. He points at Ben. "Ben - what the fuck, man?"

Ben flushes as all the attention turns to him in sudden uncomfort. He sets his glass down and responds shyly, "Okay, okay. Obviously, I lost a few pounds."

"Yeah, no shit you lost a few pounds," Eddie agrees as his brown eyes glaze over Ben's new physique.

"You're, like, you're hot!" Richie splutters. "You're like every Brazilian soccer player wrapped up into one person." He grins and rubs his hands together teasingly.

"Stop, you're embarrassing him," Beverly dismisses. "Besides - take a look at the Wonder Brothers, too," she adds and whistles low under her breath.

Daxton is the one blushing this time when the eyes turn to him and Charlie. Charlie has this confidence Daxton wishes he could have - he was attractive, with his warm eyes, dark skin, brighter smile, and he knew it. They both had thicker muscles but Daxton chose to hide his under jackets while Charlie wore simple shirts that showed off his arms. He hated the dimples in his smile or the way his hair lightened as the years went by. He was insecure and uncomfortable with who he was. Age didn't change that.

Daxton's head snaps up in time to miss Richie's gaze locked on him. Ben has enough of everyone staring and waves his hand. "Okay, alright. Please, I'm speaking for all of us when I say enough. So, is Stanley coming or what?"

The name brings a pang to Daxton's head followed by a blurry memory. He remembers the curly-haired boy wearing a kippah, but he can almost place a face to the name now. It's coming closer and closer, and Daxton grasps at it because he refuses to forget. And it brings a smile to his face because Stan the Man was one hell of a great guy.

The others start mumbling Stan's name as they remember him too. "Stan... Stanley Urine," Richie declares with a spreading grin. "No, no. He's a fucking pussy, he's not gonna show."

Eddie laughs. "Why would Stanley come to save your ass, anyway? Was I not the one who basically performed surgery on you, after Bowers cut you up?" He brightens and clasps Ben on the shoulder. "Holy shit, that's right!"

"Suck the wound! Get in there!"

And, "Looks like it's gonna scar," Daxton comments on the gushing H across Ben's stomach.

Then, "Someone here should have the guts to stand up to Henry Bowers and his ugly-ass mullet before he knifes someone else."

Shit, Daxton thinks with a faint smile as he remembers the day they helped Ben in the alley after he was attacked by Henry Bowers. He didn't remember that sadistic fucker until now. God, he hopes he died slowly and painfully wherever he was shipped off to.

"Please tell me you ended up becoming a doctor, Eds," Beverly ponders with a tilt of her head.

"No, I ended up becoming a risk analyst," Eddie says.

There's another teasing glint in Richie's eyes as he seizes the opportunity to ask, "Oh, that sounds interesting. What does that entail?"

Eddie doesn't notice, but Daxton has a hunch Bill and Mike does as one of them ducks his head and the other covers his mouth with a curled fist. "Yeah, so I work for a big insurance company and..." His voice dies off as Richie's head falls back and he lets out a series of loud, exaggerated snores.

The rest of them burst into laughter as Mike is the only one who tries to stifle it behind his hand. Eddie glares daggers at Richie, slapping his hand over his glass, and waits until their eyes meet so he can swear, "Fuck you, dude. Fuck. You."

"Was this job invented before fun?"

"That's not funny," Eddie fumed. Ben can't hold back the laughter spilling from him and it causes Eddie to snap his head towards him. "What the fuck are you laughing at?!"

It only brings more hysterics to the table. Even Daxton has lost it at this point. It just rolled out of him because of the happiness they bring to him. It was something he's never felt he deserved.

"I propose a toast," Beverly announces with a raise of her bottle, "For the Losers."

The glasses clink together as the nine of them raise for a toast, even Daxton and Charlie's cups of water. They delve into mindless chatter about everything and nothing, cracking jokes and throwing food at each other for fun. It was like no time has passed. That's the thing about old friends - you'll never have more like them again.

But the thing is, the time has passed. A lot of it. And nothing lasts forever.

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author's note:

oh daxton shields and charles quint how i missed u lovelies.

some of daxton's past was revealed, that being he's an alcoholic and has done some shit he regrets. there'll be more to come.

i'll being putting quotes in italics from the first act as daxton slowly starts to remember things and piece them together. just doin' that to make it clear exactly what he's remembering, but also, him seeing richie and just ,,, forcing himself to repress ,,, i'm crying.

also stan deserved better. that's all i gotta say. thank u for reading, love ya guys!

- koda

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