The Wednesday after the meeting, the Partridge's suggested spending the day at Venice Beach since it was on Issie's bucket list. I declined going knowing what that place was, but Issie and Millie forced me upon my will. So there I was driving the family to Venice Beach. The drive was only about an hour including L.A. traffic so that was enough time for me to panic. I felt sick to my stomach the entire car ride, I almost pulled over in the middle of the freeway to throw up. The Partridge's said we should turn back, but I felt bad knowing I would ruin their day by doing so.

When we pulled into the parking lot, it wasn't as busy as I expected considering it was a Wednesday afternoon in the beginning of July. We decided to go swimming for a couple hours then spend some time biking around till dinner. I was reluctant to go into the freezing cold water, but Issie grabbed my legs while Louis grabbed my arms and Millie grabbing the rest of my body and carried me into the water. They then threw me in.

"OH YOU GUYS SUCK!" I screamed once I resurfaced. They all began to laugh till I started swimming towards them. Though they weren't fast enough. I first dunked Issie underwater, once she came back up coughing, I moved onto Millie. She was swimming away from me so I grabbed her feet, making her laugh. The hardest was Louis, he was unexpectedly the fast swimmer out of the three. I grabbed ahold of his body, trying to push him under, but he was a lot stronger than me so we ended up just wrestling in the water.

We spent the rest of the time boogie boarding and making castles. Mrs. Partridge took so many pictures of us, it reminded me of my mom who used to take pictures of me and the twins. While we were in the water, Louis would try to dunk me under, but I always managed to get away. It felt weird being back in the water again. The last time I went here or even back in the ocean was when I was still with Dylan. This was our spot. And it hurt so much to be back here, though I tried to hide it for the sake of the family.

After we were done with the beach, we went back to the car to dry off and change, while Mr. Partridge went to go rent bikes. Louis and I didn't need it as we brought our skateboards. The family and I went around the boardwalk, going in and out of stores and such. The family stopped at a particular gift shop. One I recognized as the first shop Dylan and I went to on our first date. Flashbacks came flooding back when I walked into the store. Distant laughter came from the sunglasses holder, where Dylan and I tried on silly glasses and taking pictures of each other. It was too much.

Flashback starts

"You look so cute!" I said to the boy as he turned to me with some mom glasses on his face. I snapped a picture.

"You'd look better in it than me." He put the glasses on me. I smiled at him as he took a picture.

We moved onto the souvenirs section where we both grabbed hats and trying it on. Laughing as we explored the rest of the store we found a little photo booth. We both looked at each other and climbed in. Dylan offered to pay for the pictures and we sat down panicking on which poses to do.

"How about we just smile for this one?" Dylan asked putting his shoulder around me. I looked at him and nodded.

"3...2...1" snap.

He turned to me "Okay kiss my cheek." I looked at him and put my hand under his chin and kissed his cheek while he smiled happily at the camera.

I turned towards the camera, "Okay okay my turn!"

When our excitement over the pictures calmed down, we decided to split off and buy each other gifts. I looked around the store wondering what Dylan would like. I was looking at a couple of shirts when I heard laughter coming from the entrance behind a curtain. I went behind it and saw Dylan with another girl. I came up to them and when he noticed me, he smiled and quickly said,

"Ami meet my friend Anna." I looked over at the blonde girl who gave him a weird look, but continued to say hi to me.

There was awkward tension in the air until Anna spoke up, "Uh I'll text you later Dylan." She hugged him in a not so innocent way and walked away winking at him. Okay Anna. Though I knew Dylan was into me, I still felt insecure.

Flashback Over

The family left the store and we continued to bike until we reached a skate park. There many tourists and locals watching the teens and adults skate and perform their tricks. I looked at them trying to push out the memory that kept running through my mind.

Flashback

"Come on, you can do this, here I'll hold onto your hand while you do it." Dylan was holding my hand while I learn how to drop in. I looked at him worriedly, we spent the last 15 minutes trying the trick, each time failing miserably.

"Okay I'm going to do it now," Looking at Dylan. "You ready? Hold my hand tight please" I felt his grip tighten. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Okay you got this Ami. I kept my eyes closed (probably not the best idea) and I leaned forward. I felt myself roll forward, but Dylan's hand had let go. I opened my eyes. I dropped in. Holy crap, I did it. I ran to Dylan hugging him, claps and whistles were heard around me.

"I told you you can do it." Dylan whispered, looking into my eyes. I felt my heart flutter. That was when I realized I had fallen for the boy.

Flashback Over

When the sun started to dip down the sky, the Partridge's and I biked around until they spotted the restaurant they wanted to try. When we arrived, my heart stopped. No, this can't be happening. It was the restaurant. The one Dylan brought me to on our first date, and the many dates after that. We walked in, luckily before dinner rush and was able to be seated immediately. I looked around the place, not much has change though it feels like everything has. I didn't notice how long I was looking around until Issie nudged my shoulder. I looked around the table. The waiter was already taking our orders. After we gave the menu's back, the family began a conversation, though my mind couldn't focus. It felt like everything around me was rushing and I felt like I was suffocating. I stood up abruptly causing the table to pause and look at me.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom" I quickly ran out of the room, tears threatening to spill out. I couldn't hold it in. Once I got in the ladies room, I let out a sob. I didn't care if anyone was there or if anyone could hear me. I just needed to breathe.

Please leave me alone - I grabbed ahold of the counter trying to keep myself from falling.

Leave me alone! - I then fell onto my knees, gasping for air

I was good enough, I was good enough for you - I closed my eyes shut trying to convince myself of those words.

I wanted to be good enough - I clutched the skin above my left breast, trying to stop the pain in my heart.

Stop hurting me please - I let out the heart wrenching sobs I didn't know I was holding in.

I loved you - I crawled into a stall trying to stop the walls from caving me in.

Please stop - I pulled my legs in and covered my ears, trying to block out the haunting words.

I grabbed the left side of my body, the skin above my heart. I felt it all over again. The pain I feel every time he crosses my mind. My heart physically breaking. It hurt so much and it wouldn't stop. I couldn't breathe. No matter how many breaths I took, I felt like I was suffocating with each one. I was hiding in one of the stalls, punching the walls around me, trying to gain any kind of feeling besides the one in my heart. I kept punching over and over as tears rolled down my face. I think I was screaming, though I wasn't sure, I couldn't hear anything above Dylan's haunting words that kept echoing throughout my mind. I cried out for everything to stop. To stop all of the pain. The pain I couldn't handle. I was finally letting out the sadness I've been pushing way for the past few months. I didn't realize I was laying on the floor until I felt arms go around me, pulling me into a hug and rubbing my back. I looked up to see Mrs. Partridge. She continued to comfort me until I calmed down. One of the workers came in bringing me a glass of water and letting me know that they closed off the restroom and that I can stay until I was ready to come out.

I looked at Mrs. Partridge, feeling bad having her see me at my worst. "I'm sorry" I whispered, deeply embarrassed, "I didn't mean to have a meltdown here and ruin your dinner."

She looked at me with the same pity in her eyes as my dad the morning after my last breakdown in London. Now I know why my dad had looked at me like that, he had heard me crying my heart out. "Oh honey don't be sorry, no one else in the restaurant heard, I promise." She pulled me in for another hug. "I want you to know I'm here if you need to talk, I know you aren't ready now so I won't rush you." I got up from the floor and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. My knuckles were bloody with open wounds. Mascara streamed down my face from the tears. Luckily if any of it got on my shirt, you couldn't tell as I wore a black shirt to dinner. Mrs. Partridge silently helped me fix myself and got me ready again to go out. When we came back from the table, no one asked or mentioned anything which was good. I don't think I could've answered any of their questions.

Time skip to end of dinner and now they're walking on the pier at night

After dinner, the family wanted to walk on the pier as it was a clear night with a light breeze. I walked a little behind the family, walking slowly over the cracks in the boards. I always had a fear of piers because of the little spaces in between the wood, seeing the deep ocean underneath. You never know when it could accidentally break and you fall into the unknown.

Flashback starts

"Babe you're not going to fall" My heart fluttered at the nickname. "I'm holding your hand. You'll be fine." Dylan looked at me with a smile that never failed to amaze me. The sun was setting just in front of us. As we reached the end of the pier and a lot of convincing from Dylan, we had sat down on the floor, our legs hanging out and swinging right above the ocean. We watched silently as the sun began to go down.

I put my head on his shoulder, I felt him turn his head and kiss me on my forehead. I looked back up at him and smiled. Then we leaned in, having our first ever kiss. It was magical. I felt like there was a whole zoo in my stomach.  I felt like I was on a high. I could feel my heart racing when we deepened the kiss. When we stopped, we looked at each other. Lust in our eyes. He then put his arm around me pulling me closer to his body. I felt at peace with him.

Flashback over

"Ami come over here!" I shook my head unaware what was going on around me. I looked up ahead to see the family sitting down at the edge of the pier. I felt something in my body dropped when I saw where they sat down. It was the same spot where Dylan and I had our first kiss. I slowly walked over to them and sat down. Louis sat beside me as Issie was on his other side. They pointed at dolphins whenever they had come up to the surface though I never paid attention as my mind was elsewhere. When Louis noticed I wasn't really into it, he put his arm around me, trying to pull me closer hoping it'd cheer me up. But it did the opposite, I jumped when his skin touched mine. I pushed him away in fear as he was in shock. I didn't see Louis's face, all I saw was Dylan. I began to tear up as Louis panicked.

"Ami, Ami are you alright?" He was too scared to touch me, he thought it'll only startle me more. I looked at him, tears brimming my eyes.

"I'm fine," I lied, "You just spooked me that's all." He continued to study my face. Once he turned away to look if his family had noticed anything, I quickly wiped my tears away. When he turned back around, I smiled at him, he returned a weak one back. We both looked forward as the sun began to dip into the ocean. We were both thinking the same thing. I wasn't fine, I was far from fine. What scared Louis was the pain he saw in my eyes. Though what scared me most was the fact that I don't know how to fix it.

A/N

okok i know this chapter was mainly about Dylan and Ami so consider this a filler chapter, but honestly Dylan had a really big impact on Ami and Louis has yet to find out what really happened between them so this was kind of a chapter to let you know Ami hasn't acknowledged what she went through, she only pushed it away and never really wanted to accept it.

I'm also wondering if I should do a face claim for Dylan. I'm obviously not gonna use the actual face of the Dylan I envision throughout this story but is that something you'd like to see ? so whenever i mention Dylan in this story you can envision who we're talking about ? please lmk !

also don't forget to vote and share :)

- jules