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chapter thirteen.
where does it hurt, atlas?
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June wasn't sure how long Monty and Octavia would take retrieving the electromagnet but she hoped it wouldn't take long. Her and Jasper were in the back room with Raven, him searching through a shelf beside June where she sat, her brown eyes locked on Raven. She knew he was trying to find some tool to set them free, and she wanted that as much as he did, but she couldn't help watching Raven. June could see her head moving around the room, observing the area with her ears perked up as if she was listening to someone not there. She wasn't an idiot, knowing Raven could still see ALIE. But she didn't expect the next action she took.

It started with Raven tugging to her left. June sat up straighter for a second, figuring she was only attempting to break free, but the knots were too tight. Then Raven lurched to the side, ripping her arm closer to her. June hears a sick tear before blood started to stain her white bandage. "Raven," Jasper, who had stopped his search to watch. "What are you doing?"

There's one more hard, jerk to her side and there's a pop. June's jaw fell open and she shot up from her seat when she sees that Raven's shoulder is dislocated, her arm stretched and hanging loosely so she can bring herself closer to the knots. A twisted grin spread on Raven's lips when she sees that June and Jasper are so stunned, they can't shout for help or move to stop her. "There is no pain in the City of Light," she taunted.

As Raven twisted her head, starting to gnaw at the rope around her wrist to free herself, Jasper found his voice. "Guys! Guys!" He panicked. Blood was now pouring from Raven's wound, and while the others pour in, June races to her side with Jasper behind her to press her hands on the freshly open wound. The crimson red slicks June's hands, staining them completely and dripping down her arm.

"Stop her!" Clarke exclaimed, hurrying to Raven's other side. Jasper leaned over June to try and tighten Raven's knots again while June tried to stop her from bleeding from her left, Clarke holding her other open scars on her right. "She's reopened her wounds."

"Get away from me!" Raven snarled violently, making it as difficult as possible, thrashing around as much as she could. "Get away from me!"

The blood was flowing too fast. "She's going to bleed to death," she noted in alarm. Seeing Jasper was done tying her rope, she instructed him. "Jasper, we need bandages. My medkit is on my belt."

Jasper nodded, moving aside the hem of June's jacket to clip it off and search inside at an awkward angle, retrieving two thick rolls of white gauze. "I got them." He tossed one to Clarke across the bed, shoving the other in June's hands.

The animalistic noises coming from Raven made June's hands nearly shake as she tried to unroll the bandage all while Raven fought back, still trying to wrestle them away from her even though she was tied down. "Bellamy, take her wrists," Clarke told him, Bellamy rushing to comply. She gritted her teeth in frustration during the struggle to shut Raven's wounds once more. "Raven, stop fighting us!" She demanded.

It didn't do anything to help, only infuriating Raven more. She barred her teeth, snapping them if anyone got too close and threw her head back and forth, banging it against the board of the bed. "Raven, please!" June begged despite knowing it was useless. Then, maybe... Maybe they're asking the wrong person.

"ALIE," Jasper whispered, his head shooting up before raising his voice. "ALIE, ALIE, I know you can hear us." He put his hand on Raven's arm, and she snapped towards him, eyes as wide as saucers and snarling like a wild animal. "Why are you doing this to her? Let her go!"

Raven goes still for a split second. "I'll let her go when you give me what I want." June nearly froze at the words coming out. It sounded so robotic and cold. She knew immediately it wasn't Raven. They were speaking to ALIE. She slowly swiveled to Clarke. "The technology that Clarke carries, it belongs to me."

"What technology?" June questioned quickly. "If it's what ALIE wants, just - "

"No way," Clarke cut her off stubbornly.

"Clarke, just give it to her," Jasper urged her. Clarke doesn't move, doesn't answer, only stared down Raven. "Clarke!" He repeated in exasperation.

Finally, Clarke leaned forward until she and Raven were nearly nose to nose and spoke straight to ALIE. "If you let Raven die, you'll never get it," she vouched. It's dead silent as Raven turned her head, staring at the empty space in front of her. Then, all the fighting stops at once. Her lips press tightly together and she fell slack, allowing the others to help her. "Untie her wrists," Clarke tells Bellamy and Jasper. "Hold her steady."

Although June expected for Raven to try and fight back again, she doesn't. She lets her wrists be freed, so June can at last finishing wrapping the bandage around her wrist tightly. Clarke lifted her arm where her shoulder was out of place, taking a deep breath and bracing herself by putting the flat of her boot on the board before tugging Raven's arm. June flinched as she hears the limb pop back in, but Raven doesn't react, doesn't even wince.

Once the two bandages are wrapped and clipped in place around Raven's wrists, they set to work on tying her down again. "Clarke, she's never gonna stop trying to get away," Bellamy pointed out the obvious. "We can't let her hurt herself again. Someone has to stay with her." June nods in agreement.

"I'll take first watch," Clarke offered. "We'll take turns."

"You don't give the orders, Clarke!" Jasper suddenly snapped.

A sinister smile appeared on Raven's face as her eyes dart from Jasper to Clarke after the outburst. "Guess he doesn't forgive you for murdering his girlfriend," she commented cruelly.

"Jasper, take a break," Bellamy calmed him once he sees the hurt.

Without being given much of a choice, June lets out a grunt when Jasper yanked her along, marching out of the room and getting back to work on searching for something to break their handcuffs. June is quiet, only trailing where Jasper went, only stopping when he let out a triumphant noise and pulled out a few picks. He brought June to a table, sitting across from her and began working on the lock on his side.

After a minute or so, June could feel how frustrated Jasper was getting. She knew it was a risk, afraid he'd lash out at her, but figured he wanted to get the cuffs off more than he hated her. She gingerly held her hand out. "I could try," June suggested softly. Jasper doesn't say anything, or even glance at her, but he drops the pick in her palm.

It wasn't much, but it was a start. June fought back a smile as she went back to picking at the lock on her cuff. It's slightly difficult with her hands still covered in Raven's blood, but she's managing enough. "The last time I did this was with Wells. He taught me some," she explained, doing her best to lighten the dark mood with a good memory of when they broke into his father's office back on The Ark.

"Oh," is all Jasper mumbled in reply. It's better than telling June to can it, she supposed.

Heavy footsteps cross the floor and approach their table. June looked up to see it's Bellamy, holding pity in his features. "Hi," June said in greeting, looking back to the handcuffs just as fast.

However, Jasper isn't as welcoming. "You okay with her coming back after all this time, taking over?" He muttered, referring to Clarke.

"She's trying to save Raven," Bellamy defended.

"Guess she thinks Raven is worth saving," Jasper said with a scoff. "Lucky for her."

Bellamy crossed his arms over his chest. "Get yourself together, Jasper," he says with a hard edge. "We can't let our anger get in the way of what we have to do."

On cue, the cuff holding June's scarring wrist with crusty blood circling popped open, freeing her. Jasper lets out a loud breath of relief, ripping away before June can help take the metal off of his wrist as well. "You know, that's funny coming from you," he spat out. "When you're angry, people die." He pointed to Niylah, who had appeared from around the corner with a bowl of water. "Just ask that girl over there."

"Jasper, wait," June attempted to protest, standing from her seat and ignoring the pang in her wrist. "Let me help you."

"How many times do I have to say, I don't need your help!" Jasper exclaimed furiously. June stepped back as if Jasper would physically struck her. "Stay away from me. Everything you touch burns." June can't pretend it didn't hurt, would have preferred him striking her compared to the pain arising in her gut. Her lower lip trembled as she watched him march out of the trading post, refusing to look back and see the damage as June slowly sat back down, repeating the words in her head.

Everything you touch burns.

Her mother, father, Wells, Charlotte, Finn, Maya and Vincent Vie, all of Mount Weather, Farm Station, Gina, Lincoln... June is just a stain on this Earth, causing death wherever she goes. Tears brim her eyes, her vision blurring as the chair next to her squeaks. She can't stop thinking of the people she loved and lost as she picked her head up to see it was Niylah, setting the bowl of water and revealing a few ratty cloths.

"I thought you may want to clean yourself up," Niylah says gently. "I don't mind bandaging your wrist if you need it." June nods numbly, hardly processing the kind words given to her. Niylah takes that as permission to roll up the sleeve of her jacket, dipping one of the folded cloths into the water and carefully cleaning the area where June had tugged so hard against the handcuffs that she broke skin.

June doesn't flinch, even when it burns badly. She remained still as Niylah cleans her injury and wrapped a clean cloth around it. "Thank you," June finds herself able to choke out.

"You're welcome," Niylah responded, pushing the bowl closer to June and handing her the last rag. "This is for your hands." June nods in thanks again as Niylah leaves her alone, passing Bellamy who was leaning against the wall and had been watching silently.

The blood from Raven was drying on June's hands by now. She didn't realize how much there was until she was able to clean it off. She dragged the cloth into the water, soaking it before rubbing it onto the top of her left hand. Her brows furrow in frustration when the dark red liquid doesn't come off. June does it again, her hands beginning to shake as she rubbed the rag harder, causing the water to turn a light pink, but her hands were getting drenched in more blood by the second, no matter how hard she scrubbed.

"June, what are you doing?" June hears Bellamy asks, but she doesn't listen nor answer, desperately scrubbing even when her hands sting. Nothing is working. "June, you're going to hurt yourself - "

"It won't come off!" June cries, her face pinching up as she vigorously scoured harder. She feels Bellamy rush to her side, his own hands scrambling to try and hold her wrists to stop her. Finally, she gave up, too full of anger and frustration as she threw the rag into the bowl, making water splatter everywhere.

A wrenched sob escapes her throat as June brings her hands up, pressing them against her head as she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks knowing the ghost's of all the people she killed blood was staining her pale skin now, and oh God she was positive could drown in it.

"June," Bellamy whispered her name. "Your hands are clean."

"What?" June blinked a few times, forcing herself to calm down as she lowered her hands again and held them in her vision only to see that he's right. Her hands don't have any traces of blood on them, they weren't dripping in it like June thought. Her skin is tinted pink from the forcible cleaning, but Bellamy was telling the truth, in some way. June could clean Raven's blood off her hands, but could never wash off the blood of the hundreds of deaths she helped cause.

"No," June softly said back. "They aren't."

Her eyes darted up away from her hands when she hears a scream from the back room. "You're done, ALIE, you hear me?!" It was Clarke. Bellamy had already taken off in that direction, and June shakily followed, arriving in time to see him dragging her away from Raven as she fought back with screeches. "We're gonna fry you!" June stands in place, paralyzed while Clarke's screaming lingers long after and her gaze fell on Raven, who sat propped on the bed, her mouth glistening with blood that June knows for sure is there now.

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Arms crossed over her chest, June has her back pressed firmly to the wall behind her. Bellamy and Jasper were sat at a table with metal chairs, figuring that if Raven tried something else, it was better they were all there. Monty and Octavia still hadn't returned yet, and June could sense everyone in the trading post was getting antsy from the wait. Jasper too, who was beginning to doze off, his chin resting in his hand.

"Look at your united front," Raven drawled out, breaking the quietness with her head cocked in Jasper's direction. His eyes slowly opened to a slit. "Tell me. Why do you give Bellamy a pass for murdering your girlfriend, but not June? What was her name?"

"Don't talk about Maya," Jasper warned lowly.

"You don't have to listen to this," Bellamy informed him.

But Jasper doesn't move, listening as Raven didn't stop. "Let's protect Jasper. Jasper is so sensitive. Jasper's lost someone, everyone cater to his feelings!" She cooed in a sweet voice before it dropped into coldness, scowling darkly. "We've all lost someone. You don't see us falling apart, you don't see us getting wasted, being useless."

He's not useless, June wants to defend. His involvement during the dropship days saved the camp multiple times, he kept the delinquents alive at Mount Weather as long as he could, and he pitched in to help when Raven had taken the chip, had done more. But June stayed quiet, knowing it wouldn't do anything. ALIE is forcing Raven to do this, she'd never say it herself.

"You took a pill to take your pain away. Gave up your memories," Jasper retorted.

"But then, why should we expect anything more?" Raven raised her voice over him like he never said anything at all. "You used to get high off people's medicine. Being a selfish loser was your only move."

Shaking his head, Jasper denied it, his hand clenched in a fist. "Stop." Whether it's a plea or a demand, Raven doesn't listen.

"That's all we see when we look at you," Raven fired. "A coward, a waste of breath. Why do you even bother living? You're weak, pathetic. You can't save me, you can't even save yourself." She grinned menacingly, delivering the final blow. "And you couldn't even save what's her face?"

The noise made when Jasper slammed his fist on the tabletop made June jump as he shot out of his chair like a rocket. "You know her name!" He shouted, jutting his finger in her direction.

"Jasper, think, it's not Raven talking!" Bellamy cut in, following him out of the chair. "You're giving her what she wants. Go," he ordered like he was talking to a child. June stepped to the side as he stormed out, leaving the three alone.

June knows Raven isn't going to stop there. She breathed in deeply through her nose, bracing herself for what was next. "Now that it's the three of us..." Raven spoke up, looking from Bellamy to June. "Let's have some fun." Bellamy says nothing, neither does June, as he lowered back to his seat. "Right, Bellamy?" He still doesn't say much, staring at the wall. "Oh come on. We've had our fun together, haven't we?" She urged when he doesn't react.

Even though the comment wasn't thrown at June, she stiffened at the memory. She remembered how disgusted she felt when Raven kissed her, revealing she only wanted to sleep with her to get her mind off of Clarke and Finn. Raven's smile widens when she noticed that June couldn't hide it. "Aw, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it. Hell, there's not much to talk about anyways. I don't want to bring up any bad memories for you, June. But I do have some questions."

So it begins.

"Does it bother either of you that you don't get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather?" Raven questioned. "Clarke gets to be the Commander of Death, but you both murdered all those people too and you're just forgotten." June clenched her jaw, turning her head, pretending the wall was more interesting than the sick pain forming. "June... You're only a killer." Raven is doing her best to sound as soft as his voice usually is when she talks to June, but the words are something she'd never say.

"Clarke and Bellamy may have pulled the trigger, but you loaded the gun," Raven accused.

June can't stop herself. "I did what I had to do," she defended shakily, shoving her hands in her pockets when they start to shake.

"You're no protector. You're the one we need saving from," Raven taunted.

"She's just trying to get to you, June," Bellamy inputted. June knows he's right yet again, and clamped her jaw shut. She can't let Raven get to her.

A bitter laugh came from Raven. "Why would I be? I sure as hell don't need her around," she said with a scoff. "Did you ever think I actually cared?" She asked with a hint of cruel amusement in her tone like June's pain was funny to her.

"Wells was the one who needed you."

Just like that, June's walls crumbled. She had opened up one too many times about Wells to Raven, and now was going to regret it.

"You didn't stay with him, and Charlotte stabbed him in the throat. Tell me, June, how does it feel to know that he paid the price, just like we all do?"

June could hold herself together until she meets Raven's eyes and she finishes. "And now, Wells would be ashamed of you."

June can't process how cruel that was, even for ALIE. It was something close to what she said to herself before she hacked into Mount Weather's system, begging him to look away because she knew how ashamed Wells would be if he could see her.

"June, go," Bellamy instructed when he sees the tears building up. "You know this isn't her talking."

"No," June breathed out, her heart wrenching in her chest. This isn't Raven, she screamed in her head, and she has to stay by her side, but Raven's voice overpowered it.

"You should have died. Not Finn," Raven sneered as if she was filling to the brim with hatred. "The chip didn't steal my memories about you. I remember how disgusted I was that you not only tried to stop him but wouldn't sacrifice yourself for him. I thought you'd do anything to make me happy. He made me happy."

A chill crawled up June's spine and she shivered. But she can't move, her boots glued to the ground, and fearful that if she tried, her legs would give out. "Shut... Up..." She hissed out through gritted teeth, the lump in her throat growing bigger by the second. June could live if Raven didn't love her the same way, but she couldn't go on with the knowledge she hates her. But this isn't Raven.

"We're all tired of you, June and your constant whining," Raven pushed harder, leaning off the bedpost. "If you ask me, it's pretty pathetic. My father didn't want me. I lost my best friend. I was tortured. They strapped me down and took my bone marrow. I had to kill innocent people - men, women, children. The girl I love doesn't love me," she mimicked June's agony and grief.

This time, June hollered in an echo. "Shut up!" It comes out hoarse as she stormed straight to Raven's bed, only stopped when Bellamy flies up and raced to grab her arms, pulling them back. "I - I swear on Wells Jaha's soul, I'll destroy you myself if you don't let Raven go, you sick bitch!" She screeched, the sound bouncing off the walls as Bellamy finally managed to get her out, practically shoving her past the curtain.

"Stay," Bellamy commanded as if June was a dog that had to follow as she steadied herself. "I can handle Raven on my own." June's hands tighten into fists as she watches him retreat into the room again, prepared to bear whatever Raven had left to fire, so June didn't have to carry anymore.

June sucked in a deep breath. And then she whirled around, slamming her fist into the wall beside her with a pained cry, then again, hoping to feel something other than this despair that swallowed her up until all she felt was numb.