hello everybody!!!
its peter
fuckin weird i know right

ive been thinking about my past on this app, particularly in 2015-2017
and i wanted to apologize and give an explanation for my actions
trust me it wasnt one i expected either—

⚠️TW: brief mention of su*c*de, self h@rm, @buse

i loved animation memes growing up and would see people make animations with their sonas about @buse, self h@rm, su*c*de, etc

as an autistic person i struggle with morals, seeing the world in gray, and not understanding what is and isnt socially appropriate (as well as other things)

ive only recently learned im autistic, and with this discovery ive started to understand a lot, including why i was so toxic in the past

when i was being abused i watched these animation memes and it never occurred to me, "hey maybe they should vent to a friend or add a trigger warning"

i took what i understood my surroundings as at face value and integrated what i saw into my morals

this combined with my declining mental and physical state led me to post and say things im now not at all proud of

i thought this was a perfectly normal way of coping, and seeing a toxic person i knew at the time do the same only validated this idea to me

i didnt understand why this was unacceptable, and why people later shamed me for it

my autism and cptsd combined had lead me to being socially stunted, and im still working on catching up hehe

i didn't understand why attitudes of me changed so fast, i didn't understand what happened. and i wanted to, so so bad. but whenever id ask id always get "you should know what you did"

i do now i think!
and im really sorry for things i had posted in early artbooks here
it was genuinely inappropriate and way too much information then anyone needed to know

im switching my health plan and are soon gonna be seeing a trauma specialist who will hopefully really help!!!!

this isnt an excuse for my behavior, i really just wanna inform and help people understand

now with my understanding of my autism and beginning to process my trauma i think im starting to be a better person!!

im really sorry to all the people who saw me like that, who dealt with my lack of understanding

but i think it's important for people to understand that not everyone who vents online has a lack of empathy or is a sociopath etc (which is bad representation of sociopaths too—)

people dont seem to understand that autism comes in all shapes and sizes, and how unique symptoms can get with bad stimulation

i was toxic, but it was never conscious, and i hope that now im more self aware and will be more appropriate in my actions

if you wanna keep up with me im exclusively on tik tok now!!! im @dogrot

thank you all for the past support, and for anyone with a similar experience, it does get easier to understand the social cues!!! especially if you seek help!

i dont plan on coming back here ever again hehe, but i hope this cleared things up!!

thank you!!!!

and since you guys came here for art i might as well show what ive been doing a year or so later!!

and uh this is me now very swag :D

see ya!!!