eight killer queen

✧

VANITY WAS NOT A WORD SHE WOULD ASSOCIATE WITH HERSELF. She never cared too much about looks, or seeming perfect. Delilah Morgan had it all; she had the blonde curls, the pretty smile, the grades. Boys tripped over their feet looking at her, and from the outside world Delilah Morgan was perfect. Lux never had people expecting perfection from her.

         She was the girl with the wasted mother. Who took all her potential and shoved it out the window in favor of getting pregnant too young. From those ashes, Lux came and made the best out of what she had. No one demanded perfection from her, and Lux never made them. She lived, pretty enough, and good enough. Alive enough.

         Vampire Lux cared about what people thought of her, though.

         At first it was a panic; a scramble for everyone to think nothing happened over summer. Just a girl who stayed away in New York, living out her mother's dreams, not a girl who went from a fast beating heart to a still one. Now it felt like she always wore a mask. Lux Morgan the Human went to school, Lux Morgan the Human spent time with her friends – so human she was.

         The mask came off with two people, originally. The Salvatore brothers took her mask and threw it to the ground. Not discarding their own, she wasn't a fool to believe they were as vulnerable with her as she was with them. Damon proved that sufficiently. But it was so easy to let them in, at least in ways she couldn't be honest with others.

         They understood the struggles of vampirism. Damon let her whine about her lost future until he betrayed her, and then Stefan shared his own struggles to relate to her. She wasn't alone, but she couldn't be honest all the time either.

         There was a world of humans out there she had to keep pretending for.

         Elena didn't count in that category anymore.

         She didn't know if it was unwise to tell her. If that was a rash decision made her desire to connect with her friend again in ways she couldn't since her death. Lower the mask with another person – with Elena. Someone she's known her whole life.

         Of course, after confessing to her, Elena asked for some time. She understood, but it was still a bitter pill to swallow. Elena couldn't look at her after, and she feared what would happen at school. She broke up with Stefan over this, so what would it mean for their friendship? But she couldn't keep lying either, not now that Elena knew about vampires in general.

         Sitting at her vanity, she wondered how long it would take before she crumbled. What was a life with her friends and uncle if she just lied to them forever? How could she keep that secret? But what would happen if she told them?

         She wasn't a monster. Somedays, perhaps. In instances, yes. She's done thing she's not proud of. Pre-summer Lux never would've imagined herself killing another person. That wasn't even a possibility for her. But post-summer Lux had killed lots of people, drained them of her alluring blood, licking her lips after.

         A rush came with blood on her tongue, a rush that made killing worth it. She held on, grasping her victims tightly, drinking greedily until there was nothing left. But after the rush, once the human was dead, there came a fall. Guilt. Unimaginable guilt of what she just did, horror at herself for being to kill without thought, and a need to make things right.

         To bury them.

         Lux Morgan wasn't a monster, not like Damon, but she wasn't an angel either. Not anymore. But what if they couldn't see past this? What if they saw the fangs, the blood, and never looked at her the same again? What if she lost Elena in an attempt to be honest?

         She couldn't think of that.

         Not now.

         Cracking her head, she stood up, swinging her bag across her shoulder. Her phone buzzed on top of her bed, stopping her in her tracks. Stefan texted.

         Vicki's at the boarding house. Come when you came.

         So there goes school.

         She groaned. He didn't specify she had to skip, just come when she could, but how could she go to school? Elena might be ignoring her, Vicki needed help, and the brothers probably had it, but still. It wasn't like she was excited to go to class anymore...so what's one day?

         "Still fasting from breakfast?" Timothy asked when she passed through the kitchen.

         "Yeah," she nodded, "Doesn't really sit well with me anymore."

         Timothy looked her up and down. His gaze made her shuffle, scrutinized under it. Most of all, he looked concern, and she hated the way her throat clammed up at the thought he could be worried for her. Seeing if she was skipping meals, losing weight, if anything was wrong.

Human food didn't taste the same, more like mush in her mouth that she could push down if needed but no longer salivating. Dinner she forced down, a small lunch too, but she couldn't manage to eat breakfast on top of that.

         "Lucy-Lu..."

         "If I eat too early now, it just makes me sick," she cut him off, "I'm fine, Uncle Tim."

         He didn't look fully convinced, but didn't argue further. That was as much as she was going to get. "I'll see you after school," she waved goodbye, getting into her car and driving to the Salvatore boarding house.

         Pulling up, she slammed her car door shut and left herself inside. Finding them easily in the living room, Vicki in the couch, Stefan in Damon in opposite chairs.

         Damon raised an eyebrow before turning to Stefan. "You invited her over?"

         "Thought she deserved to know."

         "It's not like she'll be much of a help," Damon rolled his eyes.

         She huffed. "I'm a vampire, which means I need to be involved with anything vampire related in town. This falls under that."

         Vicki looked up, frowning. "You're one, too?"

         She looked at the girl, someone she's known for years. Vicki Donavan wasn't Caroline or Elena; they weren't girls who peopled demanded perfection from. The town looked at them like they were God's gift to humanity; pretty, privileged, and of founding families. Juxtaposing the pride people held for her friends, they looked at Vicki Donavan with distain.

         She could still hear Ms. Crumblebottom, who owned the flower shop in town, whispering to her and Caroline to not hang around Vicki. She's in the wrong sort of crowd, Ms. Crumblebottom eyed Vicki distastefully, best not to associate with her.

         Vicki wasn't proper or perfect. Pretty enough, but always working and under the reputation of less-than-good reputation of Kelly Donavan. Vicki, who ran with stoners, was seen drunk and high by people in town more times than Lux could count. Exactly the girl no one with a good reputation in town wanted to be seen with.

         But she was still a girl turned into a vampire without proper knowledge of the world. Life flipped upside-down out of nowhere.

         "Yeah," Lux confirmed.

         "Anyone else I should know about?" Vicki turned to the Salvatore brothers. Lux eyed them as well. Stefan shook his head, Damon sent them a less than pleased look.

         Well, that's good at least.

         "How you holding up?" she asked the older girl, finally taking a seat on the couch beside her.

         "Suffocated," Vicki rolled her eyes, "I don't understand why I have to stay cooped up here. Why can't I just go home?"

         "Because you're changing, Vicki, and it's not something you wanna do alone," Stefan told her.

         Lux raised her hand. "I second that. Transitioning sucks, especially when you don't know what's happening."

         She shuddered to think about herself just a few months ago, face covered in blood with a dead body on the ground. Crumbling into tears, blearing trying to see through with confusion. She didn't know what was happening, and everything was so loud. And nothing would stop. She wished she had someone to guide her through it.

         Damon flipped through the news. "There's nothing about that Logan guy I killed in here. Not a word. Someone's covering it up."

         Lux frowned. "Why would they do that?"

         He ignored her, she huffed. Damon pulled out a compass from his pocket, tossing it up and down then staring at it.

         "What is that?" Vicki asked.

         Damon presented the item to her, "This is a very special, very old compass. What was Logan Fell doing with it? Aren't you curious?"

         "Well, if you're so worried that somebody's onto you, why don't you just leave town, Damon?" Stefan asked, pointedly inferring that he didn't want his brother in Mystic Falls.

         Lux looked between the two brothers, eyebrows furrowing. "Who could be onto us? Do people in town know about vampires?"

         Stefan sighed, hesitating, "The founding families are apart of a council. That's how Logan Fell knew to hunt us."

         "The founding families?" she repeated, and if her heart could beat so quickly, it would be running out of her chest. Everyone she knew belonged to founding families practically – she belonged to one.

         Was Uncle Timothy a vampire hunter? Did he know? Did he know about her?

         "We should all be worried," Damon stated. She wanted to laugh, like she wasn't already panicking. Logan Fell was a founder; and the founding families knew.

         Wonderful.

         "Hey, um, I'm hungry," Vicki spoke up, "Do you have anything to eat?"

         Stefan got up, bringing her a glass. She could smell the blood and her senses went haywire before she grounded herself. Blood, any blood was so tempting. So delicious. She wanted to devour it. But she wasn't a monster, so she reeled herself in.

         "What is it?" Vicki peered inside.

         "It's what you're craving."

         Damon laughed. "Don't lie to the girl. It's not what you're craving, but it'll do in a pinch, right, Stef?"

         She repeated herself. "What is it?"

         "Yeah, what is it? Is it a skunk? Saint Bernard? Bambi?" Damon edged on.

         "Knock it off," Lux stared at him.

         "Go on. Give it a try," Stefan ignored him, gently coaxing her.

         "She's new. She needs people blood. She can't sustain on that stuff," Damon shook his head.

         Vicki frowned. "Yeah, why can't I have people blood?"

         "Yeah?"

         "Because it's wrong to pray on innocent people, Vicki," Stefan told her.

         Lux shifted uncomfortably. She fed on innocent people. It didn't make her feel good, but she made sure they felt no pain and never remembered the event after. And she didn't kill anymore. Those days were behind her. She drank what she needed, compelled them to forget, then went on. No harm, no foul.

         Stefan didn't make it a big deal when she refused his offer of animal blood, but now him insinuating that she's doing something wrong made her feel off. She wasn't wrong, wasn't evil, but just a girl trying to survive. Sometimes that meant snatching a human to drink from.

         "You don't have to kill to feed. Just find someone really tasty and then erase their memory afterwards. It's so easy," Damon grinned. Him using the same method as her didn't ease her discomfort but worsened it. She didn't like that she could see parallels between herself and Damon.

         "No, no, no. There's no guarantee that you can control yourself, okay? It takes years to learn that. You could easily kill somebody, and then you have to carry that with you for the rest of your life, which, if I haven't made it clear, is eternity."

         Not for the first time, she wished that she had someone to guide her during transition. If someone was there, she wouldn't have killed all those people. Even though she was trying to be better now, it didn't erase what she did in the past.

         She had a feeling that Stefan experienced that same guilt.

         "Don't listen to him," Damon waved off his brother, "He walks on a moral plane way out of our eye line. I say snatch, eat, erase."

         The same thing he taught her.

         "Hey, look at me. We choose our own path. Our values and our actions, they define who we are," Stefan caught Vicki's attention.

         Damon groaned. "Okay, count Deepak. I am outta here."

         He stood up gracefully and left the room. Vicki downed the blood in her cup then raised it to Stefan. "Can I have some more?"

         The doorbell rang downstairs as Stefan went to get some more blood for Vicki. Lux stood up to get the door before hearing Damon open it. Elena. Elena was here, and that was her voice – she was looking for Stefan.

         Lux looked at Vicki. She could stay here and hide, or she could face the music. "Stay here," and then she was off, meeting Elena and Stefan down the hall.

         "Lux," Elena breathed out, looking at her. She didn't look hostile, so that was good.

         "Hi, Elena," she smiled.

         Elena blinked, clearing her throat before changing the topic. "Where's Vicki?"

         "She's upstairs."

         "What happens now? Because my brother is out there searching for her with the rest of the town. What do I tell him?" Elena asked.

         "I'm working with her, but it's gonna take time. She's a very volatile and impulsive personality. She's a drug user. I mean, all that's gonna play a part in how she responds to this," Stefan explained.

         "We'll take care of her," Lux jumped in, "But getting used to everything takes time."

         Her voice trailed off at the end and Elena sucked in a breath at the reminder. She wasn't human, hadn't been since the end of their sophomore year, and she went through her whole transition alone.

         "So she's a vampire with issues?" Elena continued, "What am I supposed to do? Because I'm lying to everyone that I care about. What's gonna happen to her?"

         I'm lying to everyone that I care about. She wanted to laugh at Elena – it's only been a day. Barely any time to begin lying, and yet here was Lux, wearing a mask for months now, withering away inside. Elena didn't know anything about lying.

         "I'm gonna keep her here with me until I know she's safe," Stefan said.

         "How long is that?" she looked back to see Vicki standing on the staircase.

         "We can talk about that later."

         Vicki scoffed. Lux couldn't blame her, she hated being cooped up, even if she had isolated herself over summer.

         "Hey, Vicki, how are you?" Elena asked, looking up at the older girl.

         Vicki rolled her eyes. "How am I? You're kidding, right?" Then she walked off.

         Elena looked taken aback by the attitude, as if she expected anything else from Vicki. Lux looked back at her friend. "You should get to school. Don't wanna miss first period."

         "Are you coming?"

         She shook her head. "I'm gonna stay here in case they need me, but you should go."

         Elena hesitated, looking at Stefan. "You should go," he agreed, "There's nothing you can do here."

         Rejected, Elena nodded. Heading to the door. Lux stayed where she was until she heard the car leave the driveway. Then, she followed Stefan back upstairs to Vicki.

         Prioritizing vampirism over academics was never something Lux expected from her life. Academics were all she had before. Maybe a boyfriend here or there, or some parties with her friends, but she focused on her work. Because if she worked hard enough, she'd be able to leave Mystic Falls.

         Now, leaving Mystic Falls wasn't a choice, but a certainty. She couldn't stay here until she withered and died of old age, eventually she would have to leave because people would notice little Lux Morgan not aging as she should. So academics wasn't her ticket out, being immortal was.

         And being immortal took precedence because Vicki was too. And now she knew of a council that knew about vampires, hunted them, and that was a problem she didn't think she'd have to face. Yet, here she was face.

         Lux the Vampire, and all her problems.

✧

         WHILE THE SALVATORES had an extensive book and liquor collection, they lacked a TV. It was in these times she was glad she wasn't born before the invention of it, because she couldn't imagine only having books to entertain herself. And they weren't even fantasies – just classics that confused her brain.

         "Coffee is our friend," Stefan announced, placing a cup down in front of Vicki then Lux. She took with lots of gratitude. Coffee never appealed to her as a human, but now she drank it like a religion. "It's the caffeine. It circulates through our veins, and it warms our body so we're not so cold to the touch."

         "Well, what if I wanna drink human blood?"

         "You're gonna have to learn to live with that urge and fight it on a daily basis one day at a time."

         "Oh god!" Vicki groaned, "Don't start with that whole twelve step thing. School counselor has been down that road, and it doesn't work for me."

         "It can work. It's youre choice, Vicki," Stefan said solemnly.

         "So you've never tasted human blood?"

         "Not in a long time."

         "How long?"

         "Years and years. I'm not proud of my past behavior."

         Vicki turned her gaze to Lux. "Do you drink human blood?"

         Lux looked to Stefan before answering. "Yes," she carefully admitted, "But it took a long time for me to able to drink and not kill. It's addicting, and you don't wanna stop. Until you drink enough times, you won't. It just – well, it consumes you."

         Vicki scowled. She brightened when she said yes, but deflated when Lux admitted the consequences. Lux could drink from humans now, she did frequently, but for months she drank and she killed, and killed, killed, killed. A repeated cycle that consumed her life.

         "Does this sketchy feeling ever go away? It's like I have a massive hangover. This daylight thing is a bitch. I need more blood. Where's your bathroom? I have to pee. Why do I have to pee? I thought I was dead," Vicki left the room.

         "I'm gonna go get her some more. I'll be quick," Stefan told her before walking off.

         Lux begrudgingly turned her attention back to the ancient book she was reading, less than entertainted.

         "False alarm," Vicki came back into view, giving Lux the perfect excuse not to continue reading, "My body's feeling really funky. It's a good funk, but it's weird."

         "It happens. Technically, you're undead now, so your body's adjusting," she explained. She might not have the vast knowledge Stefan did, but she wasn't clueless either.

         "How did you turn?"

         "Had a one night stand, the dude bit me and broke my neck. Woke up the next day craving blood," Lux shrugged. She didn't know why he did it, only that it happened, now she had to live with it.

         Vicki frowned. "That's weird. Someone just turned you without an explanation?"

         She shrugged. "All I know is what happened to me, not why. It's not like I can question who turned me, I didn't know them. So I just have to live how I can now."

         Meek, small in a way Vicki Donavan had never been small, she peered at Lux. "Is it hard? Being around people?"

         Lying might be better. Ease her concerns, tell her that it wasn't difficult at all, just as easy as breathing used to be, but that would be a lie. And when Vicki was around people again, she would know that Lux lied. It wasn't easy, as much as she pretended it was, as much as she wanted it to be.

         Nothing about humans were easy. Hearing their heart thumping, blood pumping, knowing how human and fragile they were. Lux craved that fragility, that blissful unawareness when all her concerns lied with academics and making a name for herself rather than a shadow of her mother's.

         "Yes," she admitted, "It's harder than you'd think, because even when you think you have everything under control, one spike of their heartbeats and I wanna rip it out. Vampirism isn't for the weak."

         She smiled, staying light though the air was thick and nothing about their changed lives was easy. Every day was a challenge, never allowing her the chance to rest.

         Stefan returned with another glass of blood which Vicki drained greedily, not leaving any liquid behind. Lux looked away. Animal blood smelled different from human blood; it wasn't as tempting, she didn't want to consume it, but blood was still blood and there was still an effect.

         Lux meandered around the house, finding anything to entertain herself. Bourbon burned her throat, and it wasn't exactly her drink of choice. Not that alcohol had much of an effect on her body anymore. The library downstairs was vast, and she wondered how long they had been collecting.

         "You don't have to stay here."

         She didn't turn, cataloging the voice as Stefan. His footsteps had been leading him to the library from his bedroom upstairs, she followed the noise so she wasn't startled by his appearance.

         "It's not like I can go to school. I've already missed most of it," she shrugged.

         "Do you read much?" he titled his head, watching her scan shelf after shelf.

         "Not really. I read a lot as a kid, but when I got to middle school, I just...stopped. Didn't have the time, I guess. TV was easier."

         "TV," Stefan rolled his eyes.

         She huffed out a laugh. "Not a huge fan, huh? TV's, like, a stable of this generation. You gotta love it."

         "I disagree."

         "Why am I not surprised?" she teased, leaning in, "You have a good collection."

         "Thank you. I've had a long time to collect."

         "Really? I hadn't noticed," she moved away, picking up her glass of bourbon and forcing it down. Just because she didn't like it didn't mean she wasn't going to drink it. Alcohol and coffee were the only liquids that warmed her; coffee literally and alcohol metaphorically. "Why are you in high school?"

         "Sorry?"

         "I mean, you're, like over a hundred. And I, for one, will never be repeating high school after this. Maybe college, I can see myself collecting a few degrees, but high school? I think I'd sooner stake myself than force myself to repeat this. So, why high school?"

         "It was an easy way to establish myself," Stefan said, but he didn't meet her eyes. She frowned.

         "But there's plenty of ways to do that. Damon's not playing the part of a high schooler. And, I mean, maybe starting off in high school gives you the most time in Mystic Falls before people start questioning why you aren't aging, but still. I don't think it's worth it, personally."

         "I'll keep that in mind next town I go to," Stefan smiled, little amusement glinting in his eyes, "I don't always start in high school. Most of the town I just find a city and stay there."

         "Good. I'd hate for you totally fall into the Edward Cullen situation," she nodded, "I mean, you're already a vegetarian vampire in high school, but at least this isn't what you always do and you're not a, like, mates with an underage girl. That'd be weird."

         "Are you calling me Edward Cullen?"

         "No, I'm saying that you're not Edward Cullen even though there's a few parallels," she rolled her eyes, "Keep up."

         "My mistake."

         She smiled, but it vanished when the playful look on Stefan's face fell. "I'll be right back," then he sped upstairs. She knew she should probably follow, but there were two experienced vampires against one unexperienced vampire. She put the odds in their favor, and continued to look around the library, picking up whatever book looked interesting.

         Minutes passed and then the Salvatore brothers rushed downstairs. She leapt up. "What?"

         Damon hesitated. "Vicki's gone."

         "Gone? What do you mean gone?"

         "Damon showed her a new trick; superspeeding, which she used to run away," Stefan glared at his brother. Damon returned the look.

         "Shit," Lux swore, "Okay, she probably went home then, right? I mean, if I was Vicki, I'd go home."

         Stefan nodded. "On it."

         "Wait, no, I'll go," Lux protested, "Matt won't question if it's me knocking at the door. I'll go."

         With that decided, Lux ran off to her car, speeding over to the Donavan household. She'd been there a few times, when Matt hosted movie nights for the group, mostly when he was trying to get Elena to notice him, but it wasn't often. Elena usually hosted their group activities, occasionally Caroline did if Elena couldn't, or Tyler. But Tyler was a last resort because his dad was the mayor and no scandalous behavior was allowed.

         Slamming the car door behind her, she knocked at the front door. As expected, Matt opened it. "Lux? What are you doing here?"

         "Hey, um, is Vicki here? She called Jeremy earlier when I was with Elena, so I wanted to stop by and see if she's okay," Lux lied. She didn't like lying to her friend, but she had lied about worse things by now.

         Matt nodded. "Yeah, she just got back. Come on in."

         With his permission, Lux tentatively stepped through the door. "I'm so glad she's home," he continued, "I was getting so worried, you know?"

         "Yeah," she nodded distractedly, "I'm glad she's okay. Vicki?"

         She could hear Vicki inside the house, but the girl didn't make an appearance. She moved through the house to Vicki's room.

         "Lux?" Matt caught her own, forcing her to stop, "I, well, I just wanted to ask if you were coming to the Halloween party tonight?"

         The Halloween party – shit, she'd forgotten. Of course the one day she missed school was the day of the Halloween party, and if she'd gone Caroline would've talked her ear off.

         "Yeah," she confirmed, "I think Caroline would kill me if I didn't go."

         Matt laughed, but he shifted his feet, "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go with me? As – as our first date?"

         Right. She agreed to go on a date with Matt. And now his sister was a vampire. Right.

         "I'd love to," she blurted out.

         Why did she agree? She agreed, and she's hunting his sister, oh no. But then Matt brightened with a puppy dog excitement on his features and she couldn't regret it. Maybe it would be fine. Everything would be fine.

         "Great. Um, great! Should I pick you up or –?"

         "I'll meet you there, if that's okay?"

         "Yeah, yeah, that's great."

         "Great," she smiled, "Um, I'll be right back, I just wanna check on Vicki."

         "Right, yeah, course."

         She knocked on Vicki's door before opening it, shutting it behind her. "Go away," Vicki growled.

         "You shouldn't be here," she said, "You could hurt him."

         Vicki scoffed. "You're one to talk. You're going on a date with him, so you can't say anything about me being around him or Jeremy."

         "I've had more practice. I can control myself. But Vicki, you're new to this, and that takes some time. I mean, I didn't leave my room for three months getting used to everything. It takes time."

         "I don't wanna waste time. I'm good, I'm not gonna hurt anyone."

         "You don't know that."

         "You don't either! Let me try."

         "Vicki –"

         Speeding, Vicki opened up her window before rushing at Lux, forcing her outside. Lux fell onto the grass outside, standing up quickly and heading for the window.

         "I will hurt you. I don't care."

         She stopped. It was too open and light to truly do anything except wait. "You're going to hurt someone," Lux told her, "You're gonna hurt someone you care about if you don't let us help you."

         Vicki closed the window.

         Lux huffed, but didn't fight her anymore. If Vicki didn't want to listen, she wasn't going to.

         She called Stefan, filling him on Vicki's behavior, making sure to mention that the Halloween party was tonight and that she'd probably be attending before going home.

         She opened her closet. It wasn't like she was planning on going, so she didn't exactly have a new costume. And going through the bin of old costumes, she pulled out her one from last year, laughing lightly. A vampire. She'd forgotten. How ironic. Last year she was pretending to be a vampire and now she was one.

         Night fell as she got dressed. The red and black dress fit her, and she put on the appropriate accessories, ending with fake fangs she glued on. She arrived by the time the carnival already started, moving towards the crowd while keeping an eye out for Vicki or Stefan.

         "Lux!" she looked to see Caroline waving her down.

         "Hey guys," she looked between Caroline, Bonnie, and Tyler.

         Caroline gave her a side hug along with Bonnie but Tyler just raised his cup.

         "We missed you at school today, where were you?" Bonnie asked.

         "I wasn't feeling well this morning, total migraine and everything, but I'm feeling a lot better now," she lied.

         "That sucks," Caroline frowned, "But I'm glad you're feeling better now."

         "Punch?" Tyler handed her a red solo cup. Lux hesitated – she remembered Tyler's concoction as a human and how it guaranteed a blackout then a huge hangover. It used to excite her – well, maybe not excite, but she never passed it up.

         "No thanks."

         Bonnie raised an eyebrow. "You never say no to drinking."

         "I don't wanna mess with my head anymore today," she played it off, "Just in case."

         "Well, I'm drinking. You're just a bunch of buzzkills," Caroline stated, taking a swing at her cup.

         "No dice?" Lux asked Bonnie, amused by Caroline's behavior.

         Bonnie nodded. "Just not feeling it tonight."

         "Hey guys," they opened the circle for Matt to approach, he shuffled in, fitting the space comfortably before looking at her, "Hey, Lux. You look nice."

         "Thanks," she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "So do you."

         "Vampire. Didn't you wear that last year?"

         She raised her hands. "Guilty. Totally forgot about this 'til you asked me, so here I am. Even put in fake fangs."

         Bearing her teeth, she showed them off, and Matt laughed. Bonnie pointed between them. "Asked you?"

         Matt flushed, putting his hands in his pocket. "Yeah. I, uh, asked her to go with me. On a date."

         "A date?" Caroline drew out the word, "And here I thought you were still hung up on Elena..."

         Matt sucked in a breath and all the comfortable air in the space turned awkward. "We're just trying to see where this goes," Lux smoothed it over, "And why shouldn't we? It'll be fun."

         Sending a smile to Matt, she watched his frozen features melt into a smile as well. "Yeah," he nodded, "You're the one who's been telling me to move on, Care, so I am."

         "But with Lux?" Caroline asked, "I don't know, I guess I just didn't think she was your type."

         "Caroline," Lux shot her a glare, "Drop it."

         The Forbes girl gave her a look but Lux stood her ground. After a moment, she huffed, turning to Tyler, "Fine. Let's go."

         They walked off. "Have a good date," Bonnie smiled at them before walking off after Caroline.

         Alone with Matt, Lux shuffled her feet. "So..."

         "So..."

         "You wanna look around?" she offered.

         Matt took it, nodding and walking forward. Silence passed between them, one she didn't know how to fill but desperately wanted to. She'd been on dates before – bad and good – so she knew what to say in these situations, but she never thought she'd be in one with Matt.

         He was Elena's. Always Elena's. From elementary to high school, he followed Elena until finally getting the courage to ask her out. And it was them – Matt and Elena. It wasn't Matt and Lux, was never supposed to be them, so she didn't know what to say. Matt had always been a friend – a good one, but not the best. She didn't confide in him, he wasn't her first choice when looking for comfort or advice, but he brought her home from practice with Elena when she didn't have a car, and he always made sure to buy everyone their favorite snacks.

         He'd always been a friend, not this. Not someone she went on a date with.

         "So...how's football been?" she ventured.

         "Alright. We got a new coach finally, so practice's started up again."

         "That's good."

         Beat. "Saw you're not doing cheer this year."

         "No. I wasn't really feeling it anymore."

         "You miss it? I mean, that's what you guys always did. You, Bonnie, Caroline...Elena. You all decided to do it together."

         "I know, but I think I've moved on from it. Cheer, not them, obviously. My heart wasn't in it."

         "Ah, I get it."

         Walking down the hallway, their trip got cut short when Vicki sprinted out in front of them. "What's going on?"

         "Everything's fine," Stefan came out of the shadows after Vicki, Elena behind him.

         "I told you to quit bothering me."

         "No, Vicki, don't do this," Elena pleaded.

         Desperately, she Vicki turned to her brother. "Matt, he won't leave me alone."

         Ready in defensive of her, Matt pushed himself in front of Stefan. "You need to back off, man."

         "Matt, it's...it's okay," Elena attempted to grab him.

         "You need to calm down," Lux aided, "Everyone needs to calm down."

         "It's not okay. What the hell is your problem?" Matt spat at Stefan.

         "Matt!"

         "Stefan. She's gone," Elena stated, and looking around, there was no Vicki. Made a distraction then dipped. Of course.

         Elena rushed away in pursuit of the baby vampire. Lux pulled Matt away as Stefan told him, "I'm trying to help her."

         Stefan walked off, Matt huffing and trying to calm himself. "Sorry. He came by the house after you, Vicki doesn't want him around, and I just – what's up with him?"

         Lux looked around. Training her ears, she tried to find Stefan or Vicki but there was too much noise clouded around them. "I have to go to the bathroom," she blurted out, "I'll be back."

         Without wasting another moment, she walked away in pursuit of either vampires, desperately trying not to think about Matt. Running around, ears tuned, she raced around. Jeremy's voice – then Vicki's coming from the right.

         "Vicki, no!"

         She didn't care; she sped, superspeeding to the buses seeing Vicki grab Elena, Jeremy planted against a bus. Stefan came out of nowhere, trying to pull Vicki off but she threw him to the ground. Time limited, she didn't think. She had to act. Vicki was attacking her friend, and she could already smell the blood from Jeremy.

         Wood.

         There were wood planks.

         Elena screamed. The smell of blood flooded her senses. Grabbing the wood, she snapped it in half, creating a stake. Running behind Vicki, she jammed the wood into Vicki's back, penetrating her through the heart. Time slowed, Vicki descending to the floor, body becoming grey and cold, veins coursing on her skin.

         She stepped away. Elena looked at her in fear and she could hear Jeremy sobbing. Blood. Elena was clutching her neck, because it was bleeding, she was bleeding, and it consumed her.

         The fake fangs fell out of her mouth as the real ones pierced through her gums. Elena gasped, falling back, creating distance.

         "Lux."

         Stefan's voice, but she couldn't make out the rest. She ran, anywhere, away. In the woods by the school, she stopped, regaining control as her vampire face slipped away, her human one emerging again. Crumbling to the ground, she let out a sob.

         Elena was scared of her, feared her. It was all too much – the blood too sweet, forcing her true nature forward. And Vicki – God, she killed Vicki. She killed Vicki Donavan, and she knew her. She knew this girl, grew up with her, and yet she killed her.

         Didn't even hesitate. Once the thought was in her mind, she acted. And her actions killed Vicki. No, not her actions, her.

         Takes one to know one, monster.

         That's what Damon said, didn't he? He was a monster, and so was she. She killed Vicki.

         "Lux."

         Murderer. That's all Elena was going to see her as now. Any hope of having a better relationship with her friend was thrown into the wind, because how could Elena see her as human anymore? She displayed, quite openly, how not human she had become.

         "Lux."

         And, oh, the guilt. She thought she knew guilt before, when people became food and then victims, when she drained their life away on gulp of blood at a time until corpses laid at her feet. But she didn't know them, they weren't personal, this felt personal. She knew Vicki, was on a date with Vicki's brother, and how could she? How dare she date Matt after killing Vicki? It wasn't fair.

         She wasn't right.

         "Lux," Stefan grabbed her, pulling her up and forcing her to look at him, "Lux, it's not your fault."

         "I killed her," she cried, "I killed Vicki, and-and Elena. She saw, she-she saw my face. Did you see her? She was scared of me."

         "Everything's going to be fine," Stefan assured, "Elena knows why you killed Vicki, and she's not scared of you."

         "You saw her," Lux repeated, "She was scared of me. I couldn't help myself, her blood – God, it was so tempting."

         "But you didn't feed. You had enough control to walk away, that's good."

         "None of this is good, Stefan!" she yelled, "I'm a vampire, and all my friends are alive. They're going to grow up, and I'm not. They...they are not going to murder someone they grew up with, but I did. Yeah, I didn't feed from Elena, whoop dee doo, but I killed Vicki and she saw me. Vampire me. Nothing's good anymore."

         Stefan's eyes filled with compassion. He crowded her, his arms wrapped around her body, grounding her. She wept, he let her. Never letting go, but instead letting the tears flow from her eyes until none were left.

         "Give it time. You'll see that it's good. You're good," he promised in a whisper, "You did what you had to do."

         "It feels wrong. I knew Vicki, I didn't want to kill her."

         "I know, but killing doesn't make you a bad person. I've killed a lot of people, and I regret a lot of it, but I don't regret saving others. You shouldn't either. Vicki would've killed Elena, Jeremy too."

         "You were there."

         "And I couldn't take her. You did the right thing."

         She wiped her eyes. "I don't feel like a good person, Stefan, and I really wanna feel like I'm good. Because if I'm not, why am I here? I should just leave Mystic Falls."

         Stefan grasped her shoulders, eyes staring into hers. "You are a good person, I know you're a good person. You'll see that too."

         Sniffling, she nodded.

         "You should go home. Damon and I are gonna bury Vicki, then I'll check up on Elena and Jeremy."

         "Okay," she agreed, walking back to her car.

         "Lux, hey," she turned around, a tipsy Caroline stumbled towards her, "Heading out already? Did your date go well."

         "No," Lux looked away, trying not to give Caroline the impression that she had just been crying, "You're right, we're not compatible. I'm not his type, and he's not really mine either."

         Caroline pouted her lip. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude, but it's Matt, you know? He's Elena's, and you were, like, breaking girl code by being with him."

         "Well, I'm not with him. We're not right," she shook her head. She'd tell Matt at school that it wasn't working, and he would nod his head, not letting any expression on his face, and then she would hear through his earbuds what sad music he was listening to and it would haunt her forever.

         She should have never said yes in the first place. It was all a huge mistake in the making.

         She sniffled, which caught Caroline's eye. "Are you good? Shit, Lux, are you crying?"

         "I'm not crying," she denied.

         Caroline grabbed her face, and the bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks gave everything away. "He didn't make you cry, did he? Because I will tear him a new one if he did!"

         "Caroline, I'm fine. It wasn't Matt."

         Her friend had a suspicious look on her face, grumpy with discontent towards Matt. "Are you sure? Because I don't mind."

         "I know you don't, but he didn't do anything wrong. It was me – I'm wrong."

         "For him, maybe, but you're not wrong in general. I'd say you're like Goldilocks; just right," Caroline giggled, loosing her balance which made her laugh more as Lux went to steady her. "Whoopsies. I think I've had more to drink than I realized. You should totally take me home and stay the night. We'll have a sleepover."

         Lux cracked a smile. She didn't deserve Caroline as a friend, didn't deserve any friends after killing Vicki, but she allowed herself this anyway. "Okay, I'll take you home."

         "And sleepover?"

         "And sleepover."

authors note
sorry this chapter was so long, my god. i'm trying to fit every episode into one chapter and this time it just meant a very lengthy read, so thank you to everyone who actually stuck around and read everything. i really appreciate it. but also look at her??? length, i'm so proud of myself even if it did take me days to write this chapter lol

stefan originally kills vicki in the show but i changed it to lux for ~drama~ and ~character development~ because wasn't it so funny watching lux go on a date with matt then kill his sister??? i'm dying over here

god i love lux and stefan, their interactions give me life, especially when stefan calls her a good person like ahhhhhhhhh i'm in love