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paldogangsan
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The yellow egg yolk sun pours through the cracks in the blind and awaits the entrance into my closed eyes. The warmth reaching my cheeks, but my body is still sight in the clutches of the night's glue as I hesitantly rub the dreams away. Thoughts of the visions in my sleep come and go in waves, clinging on to the very last memory of the night.
I'm scared to look at the time, scared to find myself stuck in the past.

Will I ever go back? Will I see my father again? Will my mother and Subi still exist?

I swallow, before I slowly and reluctantly, uncover my face.

I blink, close my eyes, and blink again. Streaks of the sunlight penetrate the window and blind me. I sit up, drag my feet off the bed, and rub my knuckles onto my eyes. I stretch my arms above my head and yawn. This feels oddly ... normal.

I watch my legs dangle above the familiar wooden floor. I glance to my side and find my sketch-book open, still on the page with Jimin — and his pink hair.

A small smile graces my lips, my thoughts distracted for a short moment. My eyes glance further more in the room, and before I know it I stand up in distraught.

The watch is gone. Again.

What the hell? Taehyung wasn't supposed to take it this time. I rub my temples, and with shaking fingers I grab my phone that's on the floor — probably thrown away in fear during the night.
I close my eyes as I hold the square in my now sweaty palm.

Please.

Please.

Please.

1:03 PM
Friday, February 17th, 2017

Taking in a deep breath I feel the tears brim in my eyes as my body slowly falls to the ground. I sit down, sinking onto my knees — the same posture I had a week ago when I saw my father alive and happy. Buying daisies for my mother.

My mind races, eyes roaming the blurry room. What am I supposed to do? I yelp, hoping someone — anyone — hears me. Helps me. Tells me that this is all a dream, and I'm just about to wake up.

My body raises just a little as I observe the framed picture of Subi and I on my desk. I swallow, millions of thoughts and ideas racing through my weary head. The path seems like an impossible maze, but just when I lay eyes upon my sister's smiling features, still in the glass-framed picture — it's as the rays of sun in the room reach me further, telling me what to do.

That's when I stand up, now determined.

I wipe away the remaining of the tears I've shed and start rumbling through my closet, choosing a hasted outfit. Clutching my outworn over-sized denim jeans, a pastel green t-shirt and my white vans in my hands I tremble to the bathroom, getting into a somehow decent appearance.

Who the fuck am I trying to fool?

The bags under my eyes impossible to cover, the weariness in my dull, brown eyes and my pale face.
I sigh, blowing away the loose hairs from my face and shrug my shoulders before nodding at my reflection in the mirror.

"All or nothing."

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

The crisp, cool air in Seoul makes me hug my small frame in my arms as I walk down the familiar roads I've walked countless of times.
I sniffle, my running nose a evidence of the cold surroundings.

I sigh, knowing damn well I should've put on an actual jacket instead of a barely thick cardigan.

With my hair down in my face I try to avoid seeing anyone that would be able to recognize me.
Will they be able to notice though?

Turning around the corner I spot my goal — where I'm heading. The little booths, all of them in different colors — the racks of clothes, the tables with jewelry, paintings, wood-goods. The smell of the street food reaches my nostrils as the wind is in my favor and whisks a delicious tteokbokki in my direction.

Hongdae Free Market. Every weekend.

The corners of my mouth raises, the thought of Subi begging me every weekend to join her search for art-work and secondhand trash.

Putting my hands in the pockets of my cardigan and tugging the beige beanie further down my tangled hair I walk straight into the pond of sellers and customers. I keep my head low, but still being able to keep an eye out for the familiar face I'm looking for.

"Would you like to try this on, dear?"

A gentle tap on my shoulder awakes me from my intense search and turning around I face an elderly lady holding up a pretty gold necklace with a purple rhinestone in it.

I hesitate, the urge to roam the market invisibly tugging at my sleeve. Her eyes are filled with anticipation and I take in a breath before nodding politely at the woman.

She breaks out into a huge smile and motion for me to turn around. I do as told, bowing down in her level and feel her soft hands touch the back of my neck — I'm small but she's way smaller.

Why can't I ever just say no to old people?

I turn around and face her again, her smile still bright.

"It looks so beautiful on you, dear. Purple is your color." She says, as she holds up a mirror to me. I lower myself again, adjusting to her level of the mirror.

I swallow as I see the necklace around my fair neck. It somehow soothes me, the purple color so deep and beautiful. Something inside of me makes me loose my breath, as I lead my fingers up to touch the purple stone.

I smile to the old lady, "How much is it?"

"It's free for you my dear. I can't take money for something that's meant to be somewhere else — in a different time. Or on someone."

Her words seem to have a further elaboration and I furrow my brows a little.

I open my mouth, about to protest as another voice shakes me from afar.

"Jia!"

The old woman keeps smiling as she looks behind me, her gaze fixing on something coming from afar.
I hold my breath and turn around in a haste, my eyes scanning the crowded mass in the tight space.

"Jia! What the—"

I squint my eyes and suddenly I see a hand, the familiar black nail polish jumping to my sight. I heave in a sharp breath, my stomach turning upside down.

Somehow things move in slow-motion as I see my sister run through the crowd, her bouncing figure, the lighter-brown hair, the cute freckles, her smile reaching her eyes.

Without thinking about it I open my arms, ready for her embrace and I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I close my eyes and I feel my chest warm up, ready to meet her in a hug.

"What are you doing here?! You said you didn't want to go, stupid." Instead of a hug, a hard knuckle hits my upper arm, making me wince my eyes shut before opening them abruptly.

"Ouch Subi—!" I yank away my arm, caressing the sore spot with my hand.

"Wow what a drama queen! I didn't hit that hard, you shouldn't get tears in your eyes." She chuckles, caressing the spot along with me.

The old lady behind us chuckles, and I turn around and smile at her softly, showing my gratefulness towards her.

Subi hooks her arm under mine and start walking through the stalls alongside with me, and I swear when I say I've never been happier. She's actually here.

I look at her side profile that's staring out in the open before I pinch myself quickly. I wince again, but smile — knowing I'm with her.

"That lady is weird." Subi speaks, her eyes darting back to the kind woman who just gave me the necklace.

I furrow my brows. "How come? She just gave me this for free!" I point at my neck, the purple stone glistening in the cool February sun.

"She's here every weekend ..."

I scoff, raising my eyebrows as I look at Subi. "So are you."

"Yeah well, I'm weird as well. But I don't know. She's always trying to sell me this gorgeous watch! It's so beautiful — the golden shine it has. I can't describe it."

My body freezes at the words of a golden watch. There's nausea crawling up my throat, but I shake my head at myself. It can't be the same one.

"What does it look like?" I ask, my voice suddenly low and frightened.

"You should see it, really. I've thought about buying it for you several times, but the price she wants is ... yeah. Never mind, back to business. The clock! It has this golden aura to it, and on the outside there's a neat, beautiful hummingbird. When you open it, it's white and the funny thing is that it's going backwards!"

My mouth is dry and my sight blurs due to dizziness. I hold tighter onto Subi, feeling my legs grow weak beneath me.

"Subi— I need to sit down." I manage to get out my clogged throat, and Subi turns her head at me with worried eyes.

She hastily manages to get me to a bench, her hand feeling my forehead. "You okay?"

I force a small smile and nod slowly.
"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"I'll get you something to drink. Grape lemonade, right?" She asks and I nod slowly again, my heart warming up at her knowledge of me.

As my sister is gone my mind wanders once again.

Did the old lady know something? Could she see something? About me?
Why did Taehyung take the watch?
How is Yoongi? Did he forget about me?

Sinking my head into my hands I breathe out, trying to calm down.

"You'll never know what I just fucking did!"

I crack up my sore neck and see Subi stand in front of me, grape lemonade in her right hand and some unknown papers in the other.

I just raise an eyebrow and reach for the lemonade, grabbing the cold surface with my warm hand. "What is that?"

"I just became the best big sister you've ever had. And the only one of course." She triumphs.

I chuckle lightly. "Yeah, how come?"

"I just randomly bought us tickets for the big concert tonight. BTS! That's the group you love, right?"

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

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and we're back at it again. this time in 2017. and it's hobi's birthday in the story!
fun fact: they DID actually have a concert on this day in Seoul irl — the WINGS tour 🥺

anyways i hope you enjoyed having subi back in the story! i actually really liked writing this chapter, since i've had a shit day at work today. somehow writing eases my mind. please vote and comment if you liked it.

thank you for reading loves 💓