⊱┊ɪs ᴛʜɪs ɪᴛ? ༊*·˚

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A/N: a part of this is co-written by belatskiii

Also, just a 9 more days until my new story will be published in a collection. Anonymously. ;) I won't say which one it will be but I'll put the collection link on my mb

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Jimin’s body is filled with anger and despair as he listens to the ringing tone of the phone over and over again. He can’t stop pacing back and forth in the living room, thinking he might explode if he sits down now. Jimin is right to be angry and irritated, that is why he opts to deal with this like a mature adult, calling Jungkook. He makes another call, but like the first time, it goes unanswered. 

Doesn’t he have the right to ask for an explanation?

Clenching his jaw and running his hand through his hair, the annoying voice of the voicemail rings in his ear, causing him to groan in frustration and pressing the red phone button on the screen in an angry manner. He bares his teeth and heaves a deep sigh, clearly at the end with his nerves.

Jimin is glad Minjun is in his room drawing. Hopefully, his son didn't hear anything from the words he let out minutes ago. None of it was meant for Minjun's ears. His son hasn’t been feeling well this afternoon ever since he told Jimin that Jungkook wasn’t there at school. 

He can’t stop thinking of what to tell Minjun after he’s learned the truth but at the same time he wants to give Jungkook a chance to explain. He wants Jungkook to explain and disclose everything since, as far as he’s aware, their relationship has escalated into a level that he’s afraid to name. He needs to know the truth first, needs to settle things with his heart, and needs to discuss these things with Minjun. 

Jimin stops going in circles around the living room and sits on the sofa, burying his head in his hands and closing his eyes as he calms down. It’s not how he imagined this evening would go. This is not how he imagined falling in love would go. 

One time- just one time he lets a person into his life after his failed relationship, thinking it could work between Jungkook and him and then this. He tries to hold back the tears which were threatening to fall. This feels so unfair. Doesn't he deserve a chance to fall in love again?

“What am I going to do?” Jimin’s voice sounds strained even to his own ears, his throat feels rough and dry like a desert. Being aware of the sad truth that there is nothing he can do about it, his chest tightens uncomfortably. He feels like shouting and letting out his frustration like in boxing, but with Minjun around it is not possible. Thinking about what to do next, he buries his head deeper into his hands, which now bury themselves in his hair. A long breath escapes his lips as he ruffles his hair and settles into a bent position. Think. Think. Minjun cannot see you in this state.

With his hair dishevelled, he straightens up and drops his head on the back of the sofa. He is a mess, to put it briefly, and he doesn't know where to put the many emotions he feels.

Maybe a walk wouldn't be bad or if he just sat down in the nearby park for a while...

So he shoots his brother a message, asking if he could look after Minjun for a while. He has to go away again. Jimin would ask his father, but he lives further away. However, Jin does not reply as he had hoped. I could come by in an hour at the earliest.

Already the first tear rolls down his cheek, which then triggers a river of tears. A lump forms in his throat and he has to suppress a sob. Can anything work out at all on this day and not go wrong?

"If you need help, you can always come to me and if you need help with someone looking over Minjun, you can come to me too. I can imagine how difficult it is to be a single parent." His neighbour's words suddenly come through his head and he doesn't know how he didn't even consider his elderly neighbour as a possibility. She has often already supported him and done things with Minjun. One day he was standing in front of her door, completely overwhelmed, and didn't know how to calm Minjun down. It was not long ago that he had become a father.

Jimin wipes his tears from his cheek with a sob and hopes he doesn't look like he's been crying when he goes to Minjun. With newfound confidence, he gets up and runs straight to Minjun's room, which he knocks on quietly and then enters. He takes a quick breath and then squats down next to Minjun.

"Baby, is it alright if you continue drawing at Mrs. Kim's? I have an errand to run and I don't want to leave you alone."

Jimin notices Minjun staring at him for a few seconds. He places the pen down on the table, taking a step to face him. He forces himself to smile, but it comes out strained. Not like how it usually does when he's genuinely happy.

"Papa's sad?" Fuck. Jimin knows Minjun is smart, but he didn’t know he’d be this perceptive at such a young age. He was hoping his son would overlook his glazed and red eyes. 

"Just allergies, baby. That's why I have to go out again. Can Mrs Kim look after you? I'm sure she'll find something exciting for you to do."

Minjun nods and that's enough for Jimin to kiss his cheek and pick out Minjun's slippers and dress himself, ready to go out. He takes Minjun by the hand, who is holding some crayons in his other hand, and Jimin closes the door behind him. Together they walk down the corridor until they arrive at the flat door next to the stairs and he knocks lightly on the door a few times.

A few seconds later the door opens and an older, smaller woman stands opposite him with a red baking apron tied around her waist. Her brown, shoulder-length hair tied back in a braid, Jimin notices as she says in a friendly voice, "Oh, hello. What brings you here?"

Her eyes first land on Minjun, a soft smile on her lips as she sees the little munchkin, but it quickly disappears as she looks Jimin in the eye. He returns her smile forcibly and swallows hard. Her facial features are soft and empathy flashes in her eyes. She probably already has him figured out, but Jimin is least bothered by that at the moment.

"Hello Mrs. Kim, could you maybe check on Minjun for an hour or two? I have to go out again and do something really important." Her eyes speak volumes, which Jimin is thankful for quickly noticing. She immediately understands what he meant and nods in understanding.

"I understand. Take your time. I'm in the middle of baking and could use a little kitchen help, don't you think Minjun?" 

She reaches out a hand to Minjun and waits until he takes hers, whereupon she leads him into the kitchen, but deliberately leaves the front door open. For moments after, she faces Jimin again and sighs softly. Before Jimin can say anything, he is pulled into a loving embrace. Jimin feels defenceless against the comforting warmth. But he doubts that he can stop himself from crying a river if he stays there longer.

"I know that sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to. Things happen that you see ahead or want to be true and it's normal to be sad sometimes, that's life and it's part of it. Minjun is always welcome here, but so are you, okay? You can always talk to me about the things that are bothering you. No matter what it is. I will always listen to you and help you as much as I can." Jimin squeezes his eyes shut and rests his head on her shoulder to keep from crying again.

Her empathetic voice helps him become calm, but it tempts him to let go of everything that has pent up in him. "Listen to me. You go back to what you were doing to take a breath and if you still feel like talking, you can talk to me. We'll find something for Minjun to do so you can get rid of everything undisturbed, huh?"

Jimin can only nod mutely, taking his head off her shoulder and giving her a grateful smile. Maybe he really should take her up on the offer when he gets back. It certainly wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to someone about it other than to keep it bottled up. First, though, he needs to clear his head a little himself. "Thanks. I'll think about it."

So Jimin takes a step back, the arms he felt around him a moment ago are gone and quickly he feels as tense as before. Another step back and he is already standing next to the stairs. He mumbles briefly, 'See you later' and then runs down the stairs and finally out of the house with his head hanging. He buries his hands in his jacket pockets as he sinks into thought.

Jimin has no idea how much time passes, what time it is or whether Jungkook has contacted him in the meantime. However, he doubts it. Jungkook hasn't contacted him before so why would he now? The battery of his phone is down, so he can't even check the time. Most of the time, Jimin just stared at the ground in front of him and then decided to sit in the park for a while. It hasn't really done much, except that he is calmer and doesn't feel the same anger as before.

He takes a deep breath and decides to go home again, already thinking about what he might say to Mrs Kim when he bumps into an elderly woman in a supermarket car park who has just come out of the shop with a bag.

Immediately, Jimin looks up and apologises sincerely. To his surprise, her face does not contort into a grimace or anything else. She simply answers with 'it's fine'. Jimin offers to carry her bag to the car, but she kindly declines, saying that her grandson will be along shortly to help her. Jimin nods slightly and is about to turn around when he almost runs into someone with a broad chest.

"Sorry-" Jimin begins, the words on his tongue dying and a wave of different emotions hits him instantly. His hands in his jacket pockets clenched into fists as he looks into all-too-familiar and enchanting doe eyes that seem as dull as his own. Jimin curses his heart for racing so fast in his chest, despite having been hurt by this exact person. 

"Jimin…"

For the first time since he’s been pacing in his living room, his mind failed to construct sentences for him to speak out loud. Just a while ago, he’s feeling strong-willed to demand, and knew he had the rights to demand. But now, Jimin’s tongue is tied. 

He wants to scoff at Jungkook appearing like nothing has happened but he couldn’t help but swoon at the way his name sounded so soft, so sweet from Jungkook’s lips. Jimin schools his reaction and looks at Jungkook—What should he say?

Good to see you? Your hoodie is still at home, by the way. Why didn't you get in touch with me? Did you not like it when we kissed? Why did you avoid my gaze? Why are you here? Do you ever plan on coming back?

“How,” Jimin clears his throat and stares at Jungkook, eyes wide and clear with anxiety. “I–uh, how are you?”

Of all the things Jimin could ask, it’s the lamest question to be ever invented. 

Jungkook is staring at him, equally surprised, fists tight on his sides. Jimin tugs at his jacks, hands still in his pockets, and tests the water. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to disappear without notice,” he trails, trying to hold his gaze. “I mean, running out of my house is fine, but running away from Minjun’s kindergarten and just disappearing like that–I know it’s not my place—”

“Jimin,” Jungkook pipes up, taking a step forward which only made Jimin take a step back, shaking his head. He needs an explanation, deserves an explanation and if Jungkook wouldn’t give it to him then Jimin would’ve had to take it from him. 

“It’s not what you think, Jimin.”

“What is there to think, Jungkook?” Jimin asks, eyes getting teary again. He wants to be strong, and even if Jungkook’s making it all too difficult, he’s going to do his best. He’s not only doing this for himself, he’s doing this for Minjun as well. He loves Jungkook but Minjun has been and always will be his priority. 

“We need to talk,” Jungkook says stupidly and Jimin clenches his jaw. 

“We’re talking now. We’re having this conversation now. A conversation that we should’ve had the moment you dash out of my house,” Jimin says. “You never called, never even sent me a message. And you’re telling me that it’s not what I think? Tell me then, what is it there to think, Jungkook?”

“Because it’s as clear as the sun that you—” Jimin feels a tear roll down his cheek. He ignores it and continues, “You regret kissing me, you regret having whatever it is that’s going on between us. I’ve never felt pathetic in my entire life.”

Jungkook chokes at the statement, lifting his arms to reach for Jimin only to be pushed away. “I thought you felt the same, but when you left and never called, I knew I was wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, Jimin. It’s not like that. Trust me when I say—”

Jimin scoffs and glares at him. “What do you know about trust when you’re not honest in the first place, Jungkook.”

Jungkook creases his brows and freezes, feeling the grave of his words. “What do you mean?”

“What’s the real reason you’re in Minjun’s kindergarten, Jungkook, hmm? Tell me, since suddenly you know what trust is all about.”

Jungkook sighs and it’s only now that Jimin notices that he’s crying too. Jimin’s so consumed with his anger that he’s clouded by his hate. He needs to be strong. “How can you ask me to trust you when you’ve been lying this entire time?”

“I am not lying! I was planning to tell you everything. I—”

“Save it,” Jimin counters, tears trailing down his cheeks unabashedly. He's already making deep shuddering breaths, shoulders shaking from so much crying. There’s no way he can hide his even more red-rimmed eyes and nose from his son. 

“I swear, Jimin. Please,” Jungkook sniffles, face pale and helpless. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. Please, just give me a chance.”

Jimin doesn’t respond. He eyes Jungkook one last time before fully turning away. He sees the grandma watching them silently and he’s already figured that she’s related to Jungkook. He quickly bows, tears falling down on the street and walks away heart feeling heavier and heavier as Jungkook’s cries go fainter and fainter.