Jake,

I took a deep breath, moving down one line and continuing to move my pen across the paper.

I don't know how to write letters. I don't know what to say. I was never good with explaining. I've been sitting, staring at this stupid paper for about two hours now, not knowing how to begin. Nothing that I say will be enough to how I'm feeling.
By the time you read this, I'll be gone.

I'm so, so sorry I've been avoiding you these past couple of days. I'm sorry you think that I distanced myself from you and tried to avoid you. All I wanted was to be in your arms and tell you what's been happening.

I had no choice in leaving and it's leaving me shattered. I always wanted to leave this place, until I met you. You made this place for me home. You made me smile again. You made me laugh again.

You made me fall in love.

I never wanted to leave you behind. But it's much darker than it seems and I hope you forgive me for not saying a proper goodbye. I feel like after everything, you deserved it. I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you. I couldn't see your grey eyes, looking at me the way you've always looked at me, with so much promise and passion because I knew you would change my mind and I would stay without a heartbeat.

But this is much bigger than me and you.

I wish I could tell you where I'm going and I wish I could tell you why. It's too dangerous and I can't risk your life for something that's not even about you. I can't bear the thought of losing you.

Please don't try to find me and please don't hate me for leaving.

You were the only piece of peace I've felt here, Jake. I hope one day you understand why I did what I did. I hope our paths meet again one day and I hope I can tell you all about it.
I hope you will still want to hear it...

• Your Allie

A hot tear dropped on the paper next to my name and I quickly wiped it, trying to reverse the already damaged spot. The clock was ticking and I didn't have much time.

Chase was meeting me at 3am sharp.

With shaky hands, I folded the piece of paper, taking my backpack. I took the last look at the room I spent months in, trying to push down the feeling of sadness.

My mind was in shambles and I felt myself dissociating. It was all too much to bear. After watching that tape, I couldn't let it go. My parents were fully involved in this mess. Hell, they created this mess.

I would go crazy, sitting here, acting as if I didn't know anything.

________

"Aliana, what are you doing?"

I heard Chase's words as we entered my room after leaving the office. It was a little past midnight and most people if not all were in their dorms. I couldn't respond, my throat burning as I tried to stop myself from crying. I started taking out everything from the drawers, small boxes and the two outfits I had. I started shoving them in my tattered backpack.

He grasped my wrist and I gasped at the impact. For a second it hurt, and I think he realized and ultimately let go.

"I didn't mean to, sorry," he mumbled, taking a step back.
I nodded, continuing to put things in my bag. I didn't have time to talk. I needed to leave. I needed to-

My breathing became stronger and I felt my heart slamming against my chest, harder, faster, merciless. I thought it was going to explode.

My hands started shaking and I started gasping for air.

Not again.
Not right now.
Not in front him.
Please.

I dropped to my knees, clutching at my throat, trying to claw away the pain.

He dropped down with me, placing his hands on both sides of my face and staring straight at me. I saw his lips move but I couldn't understand him.

I couldn't talk back and yell, "speak more clearly."

Suddenly, I heard one word.

"Aliana."
Then another.
"Breathe."
Then another.
"Listen to my voice."
Then another.
"Count to ten. Count to ten with me."

I began.

One.
Two.
Three.

By the 4th I was wrapped in his chest, and I felt like he would never let me go, tight and strong and scared. His voice was soft and gentle and so unlike Chase. His heart seemed to be beating too but I wasn't fully sure. Maybe it was my own playing tricks on me.

By the 8th, I was away from him. I felt hot and shy and embarrassed. We were hugging each other way too often, way too much.

What is going on?

I was finally able to utter, "I'm leaving."

His eyes were wide and he blinked a couple of times, trying to find the right words. "Where are you going?"

"To find my family," I whispered, unsure why I was telling him this. I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want anyone to follow me.

"It's not safe," he started shaking his head, dismissing my wants. This wasn't even a want. This was what I needed.

"This is about my family, Chase," I explained, getting up and starting to pack again. "This was about my parents who screwed up and who did this. I need to find them if they're still even alive, figure out all the answers, and see if there's anything to stop this."

"Aliana -"

"No," I cut him off firmly, still not wanting to look at him. I could feel him staring at me deep and worriedly. "This is my problem now too. I'm not just another innocent person that's been caught up in this mess. My blood did this."

"Aliana-"

He began again but I cut him off. "I need to do this Chase. For my sake. For people that are still alive. Please. You need to let me go."

"I never wanted to stop you," he said and I felt embarrassed for explaining it all to him.

Of course he didn't.

"I wanted to say that I'm going with you."

I spun around, my eyes a reflection of his a few minutes ago. I began shaking my head despite deep down wanting him to come. "It's too dangerous."

"Cmon," he rolled his eyes, a smile appearing across his face. "You wouldn't survive a day without me."

I raised my eyebrow, challengly,"Oh I'm sorry, last time I checked I was the one that saved you."

He raised his hands in surrender, nodding,"OK, fair enough."

I broke a small smile too, grateful that he was like this. He was careless, and reckless and didn't think things through. I wasn't sure why he wanted to come.

He didn't let me say another word as he said , "meet me in the back of the building, at 3am. We'll go by foot, less sound."
He closed the door after that.

_______

I met him in the spot he told me to. It was dark and the air felt heavy. The night was one of the darkest nights I've seen. The moon was completely covered by the clouds that seemed to let the rain pour at any moment.

On foot. Dark. Cold. And wet.

Great combination.

I looked around. The place was empty.

He was never ever late.

A tap on the shoulder made me jump and I supressed a scream. I spun around and saw him trying to stop himself from laughing.

I punched him in the arm. Hard. "You're so annoying."

My laugh grew quiet as I looked at his dark hair covering a part of his eye. I never thought we'd get this far and leave this place together.

"Are you sure you want to come?" My voice was serious. I didn't want a joke to reflect and hide his feelings. I wanted the truth. Despite not starting off well, I didn't want him to die.

"Yes Aliana," he admitted, beginning to take one last look at what he packed. "I thought we hit rock bottom months ago. That there was no saving. Your parents are the first thing that might give hope to people that are left that they have some kind of future."

I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say.

"You ready?" He broke the silence, his eyes holding a mischievous spark. Somehow, he was excited.

I gave him a determined look, despite not being so sure, and then turned toward the gate, taking out the handgun. I looked at the dozen Infected roaming in front of Ground Zero and checked the silencer.

My mind was in pieces. My heart was in pieces. People were in pieces. Hell, the world was in pieces.

It had to be stopped. Someone had to try. This couldn't keep happening.

I nodded. "Ready."

Chase gave me one last look — the kind that holds back a hundred unsaid things — then turned toward the gate. I followed, my fingers tightening around the grip of the handgun. The clouds above rumbled low, threatening to break. The air smelled like rain and ruin.

My heart beat so loud, it nearly drowned out the fear. Behind me wasn't just a building I got placed in without my choice; it was a past I could never get back.

"Stay close," I whispered.

Chase smirked, possibly feeling my fear radiating off of me. "Don't you worry. We're a great team."

I wasn't sure if he was sarcastic. Nonetheless, we moved. I felt a harsh and cold drop of rain hit my cheek, welcoming me into this world; hen it broke open the sky in a sudden downpour, washing the whole world in cold silver streaks. My boots hit the pavement, my breath steadying as the gate shut behind us.

This was it.
No going back.
The beginning of the end.

Or maybe — just maybe — the start of something new.

But either way...

We were walking straight into the world left in pieces, with no clear path, no map, hoping to find a way back to what we once knew and who we used to be.
____________

And the book is done... I honestly can't believe the first book is finished. It took me awhile honestly but I'm happy this rough draft has been done. I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck around until the very end. I hope you like the ending and I hope you come back for book 2.

I already have some things in mind for it...but first, I will revise this one and make it flow a bit better.
But anyhow, please vote and comment if you have any suggestions, and ideas. I love hearing what you guys think.
I hope you enjoyed it.

See you soon<33