✦

The atmosphere in the restaurant is calm and pleasant, quite the opposite of how Yeosang feels inside. Even his palms are starting to sweat from the nervousness that is rising, while he sits next to Lucas at the table. The live piano music is flowing through the room, but even this otherwise soothing sound is just a scratching noise inside Yeosang's ears. The overpriced gold, designer shirt that Lucas made him wear, is making his skin itch, and he dreams himself away to being at home in a comfortable hoodie instead.

Yeosang stares at the flowers placed in the middle of the table, studying every little detail of every petal, while trying to calm himself down. Lucas on the other hand doesn't seem bothered at all, despite the small argument they had had over this particular evening. Instead the older is busy reading through some business mails on his phone, for once - and luckily - not paying much attention to Yeosang's nervous behavior.

"I apologize for being late, traffic was crazy," a familiar voice suddenly says, and as Yeosang looks up he immediately feels himself getting lost in the ice blue eyes he used to know all too well.

Jun looks like an absolute dream, and not even being in a serious long-term relationship can make Yeosang think otherwise. The peach blonde hair has been dyed dark, while a subtle smokey eye are decorating his upper and lower eyelids. A crimson red has been painted over the full lips, and long silvery jewelry are dangling from his earlobes.

"Don't worry, we haven't been waiting that long," Lucas smiles politely as he gets up to greet Jun.

"Yeosang..." Jun says, as he turns to look at Yeosang who is slowly getting up from his seat as well.

The embrace is short, but the look follows in Jun's eyes instantly tells Yeosang that the older is hungry for more than the expensive dinner they are about to share. Yeosang swallows a lump in his throat, as he sits down again, his eyes flickering around as he tries not to get too stuck in the icy wonderland of Jun's eyes.

With Jun sitting right across from him, Yeosang struggles to stay calm and enjoy his dinner - but he must do his best, otherwise Lucas will catch onto the fact that deep down Yeosang isn't 100% over the beautiful designer yet.

While Jun and Lucas are busy discussing some business related things, Yeosang takes a peek at his boyfriend, and once again he feels guilty for ever taking his love for granted like that. He would be a fool if he ever chose his sexual desires over true, heartfelt love.

And his days of being a fool are over, he is sure of that.

But when Lucas excuses himself to the bathroom, giving Yeosang a kiss on the lips before leaving the table, the look that Jun sends him isn't easy to avoid. Yeosang clears his throat, as silence takes over in Lucas' absence.

"So..." Jun says, his voice softening up and causing Yeosang to finally look directly at him, "How have you been? You look beautiful as always." The charming smile adds to the compliment, and Yeosang can't help but shyly smile back.

"Jun... Don't do this please," Yeosang nervously mumbles, but he is almost too far gone in the eyes of the older now, letting himself be taken back to the times they spent together.

"What do you mean?" A playful smile runs over Jun's lips as he continues, "I'm just being honest. You know I'm almost honest, just like you always are gorgeous."

"I... I'm with Lucas, we can't do this..."

"Why don't the three of us just do it then? Last time was fun, wasn't it?"

Jun's confidence still surprises and amazes Yeosang to this day, and not even he feels anywhere near bold when being around Jun. But the older has always been like that, from the first day Yeosang met him. Even before his fashion brand, SAVAGE, became as big as it is today, Jun knew how to carry himself well - how to get just what he wanted.

"I-I..." As Yeosang's cheeks blush up in a warm rosy color, he can't hide his true feelings anymore.

"I'm sorry, I'm not here to cause any trouble between you and Lucas, I promise. Not unless you want me to," Jun smirks, with a wink of his long, dark lashes.

Yeosang slowly nods as reply, feeling at loss of what to say or do next. His body has started to heat up, despite him telling himself not to feel this way at all, it's wrong and he should feel bad about even reacting at all.

The thin wine glass is resting against Jun's lower lip for a while, before he takes a sip, eyes locked onto Yeosang's the entire time. For the first time ever, Yeosang wishes that Lucas would just get back as soon as possible - he's never been the kind of person to feel dependent on anyone, and especially not his boyfriend, but in this situation he surely does so.

Jun has always had an easy time, making Yeosang respond to his every need. He had him wrapped around his finger like no one else - most likely because of the intense thrill it had been to be with him. They never got official, Jun didn't want that and deep down Yeosang felt the same way, but that didn't mean that their unlabeled relationship didn't mean anything to him at all.

The excitement, the adrenaline rush that came with every time they met had been more than enough to Yeosang, who wasn't looking for true love after his break up with Seonghwa. But as certain Yeosang had been that Jun never had developed any feelings for him, just as shocked had he been to see how hurt Jun was when Yeosang ended things between them.

Even now, he clearly remembers the argument that had resounded throughout the entire penthouse apartment, how he had seen Jun's eyes filled up with tears for the first time ever. He remembers every word of the older begging him to stay, promising he would do anything in the world to make Yeosang happy, if only he didn't leave him, if only he didn't choose Lucas instead.

Yeosang makes a quick shake of his head, emptying his glass in a desperate attempt of letting intoxication numb his busy mind. Lucas has returned to the table, and he and Jun and talking away again, leaving Yeosang sitting in silence with his thoughts.

"It's been a while since all three of us have been present at the same time. Can't believe the years have passed by this quickly," Jun smiles, raising his glass as if his words were meant as an actual toast.

Lucas nods, clinking his glass against the other's, while Yeosang hesitantly follows. The memories of the last time the three of them met up aren't something that has left his mind that easily. The one night sure had been interesting, to say the least.

But Jun can mention said night as much as he wants, Yeosang knows that that particular event is something the beautiful older regrets more than anything. Well, the time he set Yeosang up on a date with Lucas might just top that, but it was still mentioned several times during their "break up", as one of the things Jun would never forgive himself for doing.

"Excuse me for a moment," Yeosang mumbles, rising from his seat and quickly walking away from the table, heading straight for the bathrooms.

Being in the company of both Lucas and Jun has become harder as the evening has gone by, and the fifth glass of wine has started to kick in as well, leaving him all dizzy and confused.

"Baby, are you okay?" Lucas calls out in the hallway behind him, and Yeosang unwillingly stops walking.

"Yeah, of course. I just... I think I had too much to drink, stupid me," he responds, trying to laugh off his strange behavior.

"Really?"

Lucas walks towards him with slow steps, until he is right in front of him, his heavy scent filling Yeosang's nostrils right away. The taller tilts his head just slightly, looking at Yeosang as if he's searching for the smallest clue he can use to start a discussion about the topic that Yeosang so desperate wants to avoid.

"Yes, why?"

"You've been quiet all evening," Lucas says, briefly chewing his lower lips - something he rarely does, as he thinks of it as the uncertainness of such movement is the same as showing weakness.

"I'm just a little tired..."

"Don't lie to me," Lucas suddenly cuts in, his voice sharp as the look in his eyes. "You still want him, don't you?"

"Lucas..."

"I said, don't lie to me. I see the way you look at each other."

It's like his heart is pounding in his throat, as Yeosang carefully considers his next words. He should never have agreed to coming to this stupid dinner, and even with him saying practically nothing at all has gotten him in trouble.

"I'm not interested in him," he then states, tugging the sleeves of the uncomfortable golden shirt, "And I don't feel well either, so I'll leave now. Enjoy the rest of your evening."

A quick peck on Lucas cheek, and Yeosang hurries down the hallway, leaving Lucas with no chance of complaining. The older doesn't follow him, much to Yeosang's relief. He has to get out of there, no good would come out of him staying even a minute longer.

✦

The empty shot glass in his hand is representing himself quite well in this moment, empty and spinning around. Yeosang sighs, as he finally puts the shot glass away. On his way home, he stopped to go to a random bar, not wanting to go home to the apartment when he knew San would be the only one there. Wooyoung is out on a date again, and the tension between Yeosang and San increases by the day.

Neither of them actual speak much to the other, but that doesn't mean it's any less uncomfortable to be there when it's just the two of them. When sitting alone at a bar counter in the middle of the night seems more appealing than going home to a comfortable bed, it should be pretty clear how cold the air between them is.

The wall behind the bar is one big mirror, reflecting the many bottles standing side by side on the shelves in front of it, just as it throws Yeosang's own reflection back at him. He stares at himself, his face lifeless and his eyes red from being awake at this late hour of the night and all the alcohol. His hair is still a little wavy from the way he had styled it earlier, and the dark blonde color that Lucas had asked him to dyed it is still something he is getting used to.

He ruffles his own hair while letting out a long sigh. Slowly he raises his hand to order another drink from the bartender.

With his head resting in the palm of his one hand, he raises the other to sip his drink. He turns his head just slightly to look across the room, and even being this drunk he still feels utterly surprised when his eyes meet the last person he would've expected to see.

Seonghwa stares back at him, equally surprised judging by the look on his face. The older is on his way towards the bar, but stops walking the second their eyes meet. Yeosang slowly turns away again, heart ponding in his chest as he returns to staring at his own reflection.

When Seonghwa suddenly is standing right next to him, despite several spots at the bar counter being free, Yeosang isn't even sure if any of this is real anymore. He sure has had enough with this night already, and maybe he should just have went home to stay in silence with San's dreadful company instead.

While the older is waiting for his order, Yeosang feels his eyes resting on him, but he refuses to give in and look back at him. Instead he persistently stares blankly out into the nothingness, while trying to drown himself in his own drink.

"Yeosang..." Seonghwa suddenly says, and it might just be the alcohol speaking, but Yeosang swears the other's voice is as soft as it used to be when he said Yeosang's name when they were together.

He finally gives in, turning to let their eyes meet and Seonghwa looks back at him while getting seating on the bar stool next to him. He politely nods as he receives his drink from the bartender, before turning towards Yeosang again.

The dark hair is styled just as it always was, leaving his perfect face exposed for everyone to stare at, and Yeosang soon catches himself doing exactly just that.

"What are you doing here?" he hears himself ask, but it's like his own voice is so distant by now.

"Could ask you the same thing? You're here alone, and it's pretty late?"

"So?" Yeosang shrugs his shoulders, and a wry smile briefly touches his lips.

Neither of them speak while finishing their drinks, and the silence is like a thunder inside Yeosang's mind. Now and then their eyes meet, but Yeosang has no idea what to say. Seonghwa was the one asking for them to act like strangers, so why in the world was he the one approaching Yeosang tonight? And why is he alone at a bar this late, instead of being at home with his perfect wife and child.

Somehow both of them end up staying until the bar closes, and as they leave they walk down the street side by side. Yeosang has become too drunk to even worry about the awkwardness of this random meeting, and soon he can only think about going home to his own bed and sleep.

"I... I need to go this way," he quietly mumbles, with a few drunken hand gestures to the left. "Good night..."

But as he turns and walks a few steps away, he suddenly hears Seonghwa call out for him.

"I wish I'd never met you."

The words hit Yeosang like a bullet, each and every one of them, and as he turns around he already regrets not walking away immediately.

"Meeting you... Has ruined my life..." Seonghwa continues, but despite the words being harsh his voice is fragile, and the look in his eyes is filled with pain.

"W-what?" Yeosang only manages to whisper. He remains in his spot, almost frozen, while Seonghwa walks towards him.

"My marriage was ruined from the beginning, because of you!"

Seonghwa's words are halfway drowned out by a thunder, echoing in the sky above them, but Yeosang hears every word just clearly, and it hurts. Seonghwa must really hate him then.

"I... I'm sorry..." Yeosang mumbles, "But I... I don't understand how it's my fau-"

"I can't even fuck my wife without thinking of you!" Seonghwa's voice raises, his intoxication causing him not to care about his own words, just like Yeosang remembers him.

"Still can't see how that's my problem," Yeosang scoffs, about to walk away as every emotion he's ever felt towards Seonghwa starts to build up inside of him.

Seonghwa suddenly grabs him by his coat, pulling him closer. Their faces end up being so close to each other that Yeosang can feel the other's breath against his skin, and it instantly ignites a desire he knows he shouldn't feel. Not towards anyone but Lucas, and definitely not towards Park Seonghwa.

"I can't even get hard without having to picture your face," Seonghwa whispers in his ears, and his words are tickling through every inch of Yeosang's body.

But just as sudden as they ended up like that, just as suddenly has Seonghwa pushed him away again and the soft look in his eyes turn dark. Spiteful.

"I wish I had never met you," he repeats, his voice deep and almost growling as he glares at Yeosang in resentment.

"Why don't you just stay the fuck away from me then? I got over you a long time ago," Yeosang lies, his own heart breaking as he says the words out loud, "Maybe you should try and do the same!"

He shoves himself past Seonghwa, walking with fast steps down the streets, while tears are welling up in his eyes. Small raindrops are falling from the sky, blending in with the tears that he tries to stop from rolling down his cheeks. He turns to the left, into a small alleyway where he finally lets his tears run freely.

While cursing into his own hands, Yeosang furiously rubs his eyes, when he feels a hand on his arm, forcing him to turn around.

And just like in a tacky romance movie, rain starts pouring right in the moment that his eyes meet Seonghwa's again. The rain seemingly washing away all the anger and the last rational thoughts in both of their minds.

Yeosang is pushed against the brick wall, the cold from it not bothering him at all when he finally feels the lips he has been missing so endlessly for four years.

"I've missed you so much..." Seonghwa whispers between the kisses, his lips feeling just as amazingly as Yeosang remembers. "And I want you, I want you so much..."

Everything disappears around them, as Yeosang throws his arms around Seonghwa's neck and pulls him even closer. Seonghwa's hands are running through Yeosang's hair, down his body, feeling him everywhere, and Yeosang softly moans into his mouth.

"S-Seonghwa..."

Seonghwa gently pulls away, drops of rain running down his face, while he looks into Yeosang's eyes. The older lets his fingers stroke down Yeosang's cheek, followed by his thumb brushing against the younger's lower lip. A warm smile forms on his own lips, as he leans in closer again.

"Do you want me too?"

"Yes."

_________________________

A/N: Holy s--- a long chapter in this story? Whaaat... Okay, so I've decided that I'm going to rewrite the previous chapters in this story, I just don't like them. IDK what happened today, but this chapter is the first one I actually feel satisfied with, which makes the others look even more bad in my eyes. So yeah... It'll happen one of these days. Oopsie... Anyway, hope you're all ready for some more drama soon! ~~ <3