✦

"Yeosang? Thought you were spending the night at..." Wooyoung smacks his lips, still having troubles speaking about Hyunjin in a normal, polite matter.

Not that particular problem matters anymore, although Yeosang knows he needs to make sure that they are in fact - officially over. But tonight he feels too mentally drained to start another discussion with the one he thought he could count on.

"We are over." Yeosang simply states, exhaling sharply. He feels empty inside, nothing matters anymore - and now he feels even more alone than ever.

He feels a small pinch in his heart, when he says those words - and a small glimpse of regret runs through his mind. Perhaps he overreacted, and maybe it's for the better to just go to bed and then think about it tomorrow.

Or maybe, it was the right decision after all. Yeosang just stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, tugging the bottom of his hoodie, while thinking the sudden outburst through - over and over.

"Come join us then?" It then comes from Wooyoung. He and San are sitting on the floor, at the round coffee table, both wearing some big fluffy sweaters while they are playing some board game, and drinking tea - like an 80-year old couple.

Usually, Yeosang would've declined such an offer, but tonight he doesn't mind. In fact, he really wants to - and suddenly things don't seem all the bad anymore. If there is one thing that will never change, it's Wooyoung's ability to always make him laugh.

And tonight is no exception: Wooyoung keeps changing the rules for the board game, although there's a whole rulebook lying on the floor - one which the younger clearly states is absolutely bullshit, and that he is right. Not even being around San feels that annoying right now, maybe Yeosang has hit rock bottom when it comes to bad feelings, and he just can't tell the difference anymore?

The guys hang out till late, way later than the three of them should with all of them working early the following morning. But just as Yeosang thinks it's time for bed, Wooyoung brings up the subject of dating. Yeosang then realizes he hasn't been that invested in his best friend's life lately, and guilt is washing over him like giant waves.

Wooyoung is eagerly talking about some girl he, apparently, has been dating for a while now - and the way his face lights up when he talks about her, makes Yeosang feel very happy for him. Right up till the moment, when he catches a glimpse of San. It's not that he cares about San in any way - or about how he feels, but Yeosang still feels bad when he sees how the other blonde starts to look so distressed.

"Guys, she is perfect!" Wooyoung smiles all happily. "I swear, she might be the one! I'm gonna marry this girl!"

The look on San's face is like looking at a painful reflection of how Yeosang felt when Seonghwa broke up with him, and it hurts. It's obvious, how San struggles to keep a smile hanging on his lips, but every time Wooyoung doesn't look his way, the smile disappears in an instant.

"I think it's time for bed..." Yeosang mumbles, hesitantly peeking at San who has almost hid himself inside his sweater. "We all need to get up in a few hours, so..."

"Yeah, you're right! Well, 'night guys!" Wooyoung agrees, ruffling San's hair as he gets up.

San briefly smiles again, but the sadness in his eyes is prominent, and it only gets worse from Wooyoung's playful touch. While their loud, happy friend is singing on his way towards his bedroom, Yeosang slowly gets up from the floor as well. Words are stumbling around in his throat - he feels like he should say something, but he isn't sure what.

"Good night, San." In the end, he just sticks with something so simple - almost pointless in this given situation. But as San looks up, they share their first moment of not completely despising each other.

✦

Mingi and Yunho haven't changed at all. Four years later they are still as loud and energetic, making jokes and way too good at ordered more bottles of Soju. The alcohol does help though, as Yeosang felt a little out of place the first thirty minutes - this was Seonghwa's friends, not his.

"So, I've heard you used to date that hot shot from Vogue?" Mingi asks, pouring all of them another round of shots. "Lucas Wong, right?"

"Oh... Y-yeah..." Yeosang mumbles. "How did you know?"

"Well, my wife is obsessed with celebrity gossip, she used to talk about you guys all the time - shipping you, or whatever she called it. She showed me a photo, and when I told her I went to uni with you she went absolutely bonkers!" Mingi laughs, raising his shot glass to cheer with the others.

"Vogue?" Yunho turns to look at Mingi, sucking his teeth like something is on his mind. "Oh, but doesn't-..."

Mingi nods, but only a very small nod, briefly looking over at Yeosang - who instantly knows what the two taller guys mean. Hongjoong seems to notice the frowns on the others' faces, as he quickly tries to change the subject.

The dinner goes by just fine, and Yeosang enjoys being out - talking with someone else for a change too, a great way to get his mind off of other things. He had ignored Hyunjin's calls and text, until five minutes before he had to leave for dinner with the others. And through the phone, he delivered the final break up. Hyunjin was devastated, promising to do better and whatever Yeosang wanted him to. The conversation had turned into a discussion, both of them shouting at each other, but in the end Hyunjin seemed to give up, kind of - stating that he will always love Yeosang, and that he knows in his heart that they are meant to be together, no matter what.

When dinner is over, they continue to a bar nearby, and throughout the evening, Yeosang tries his very best to keep up with the conversation with the others, although he kinda falls off the rail whenever they talk about old days and stuff. Whenever it happens, his mind keeps drifting back to the regret of the break up. Maybe Hyunjin was right, maybe they were made for each other after all. Yeosang chews his lower lip, debating back and forth with himself, while emptying one too many of the shots that Mingi keeps ordering from the bartender.

But soon all four of them seem to have had enough to drink, Yunho has gotten so annoyed with his shirt being buttoned all the way up - saying he is being suffocated, and he has suddenly unbuttoned it all the way down his chest. Hongjoong keeps trying to make him button it again, but fails every time - and as soon as a great song comes on, the taller has stormed onto the dance floor.

"I'm sorry for what happened back then," Mingi suddenly says, when he and Yeosang are hanging at the bar counter - Yunho still dancing around and Hongjoong has given in and joined him.

"What do you mean?" Yeosang mumbles, feeling dizzy from all the drinks and shots he has poured into his body.

"With you and Seonghwa."

The taller's words hit like a wall to the face, and although Yeosang already knew back then that Mingi was a very blunt type of guy, he had never expected those words to come from his lips - let alone, him knowing about the relationship with Seonghwa.

"Yeah well... I guess, we just weren't meant to be..." Yeosang replies, already raising his glass to empty it in an attempt of emptying his mind as well. "He left me and got married, and I can't change that..."

"He's getting a divorce." Mingi promptly says, and Yeosang is about to choke on his drink.

"W-what?" Everything around them suddenly starts spinning even faster, and Yeosang feels like he has to throw up. Did he really hear that right?

"He went to the law firm Yunho works at, I don't think Seonghwa knows he works there though. But well, Yunho saw him walk into an appointment with one of the divorce lawyers there. So..."

Words have never been harder to speak out loud, as Yeosang stares at Mingi in disbelief. The taller just keeps talking, looking blankly with his drunken eyes across the bar. But what should Yeosang even do with this new information? He bites his lower lip, hard, trying to stay focused even in his intoxicated state. No. Don't fall into that black pit again. He and Seonghwa are in the past, and whatever they had needs to stay there.

"I... I think I have to go home, I don't feel so good..." he mumbles, already running towards the door before Mingi can even react or call the others over to say good bye.

He just needs to get out. Now.

✦

A long walk later, and having had time to sober up just a little, Yeosang returns home. He feels a little sick from all the drinking, but at least he can almost control his own body again - not stumbling over his feet every ten seconds.

Seonghwa is getting a divorce... He is finally leaving her.

But that doesn't mean it has anything to do with Yeosang, and he knows he should just shoot down the hope before it gets the chance to blossom even the slightest. He will just end up heartbroken again if he doesn't. Even if Seonghwa is about to become single again, there is just too many complications left. First of, he is still a father, and second - he might just go out and find a new woman to be with. A woman, and not a man. Not Yeosang.

When Yeosang walks into the apartment, he sees San lying on the couch, half-way asleep - half-way watching a movie. The younger has snuggled up underneath a blanket, and he only briefly looks up as Yeosang walks in.

"What time is it?" the blonde mumbles, stretching his arms above his head with a loud yawn.

"Around 3AM I think..." Yeosang mumbles back. "Is Wooyoung asleep?"

San hesitates, and in the silence that comes from him - Yeosang already knows the answer. Wooyoung isn't at home, he is at his perfect girlfriend's place.

Yeosang roams around the room for a while, not quite sure what he is even doing or what he actually wants to do - but he keeps looking at San who is staring at the TV with such sad eyes.

"San? Can I ask you something?" Yeosang suddenly hears himself asks.

"... Okay?" San sounds rather skeptical, and although Yeosang is still fairly drunk, he understands why.

"Does Wooyoung know that you are in love with him?" Knowing just how blunt his question is, Yeosang isn't surprised by the shocked look on San's face.

"I-I... What?" San mutters, cheeks instantly turning red.

"I'll tell you a secret first, if it helps." With his offer dangling between them, Yeosang sits down on the brown armchair next to the couch. But before San can even answer, Yeosang has already revealed his secret. "I met Seonghwa again... And I... I slept with him... That is why Lucas and I broke up."

San's eyes widen up to double size and he just stares at Yeosang in silence.

"He said it was a mistake, and that he doesn't have feelings for me... But I... I don't think I've ever gotten over him, to be honest... So, hearing him say those things... It hurt so bad." 

Yeosang's eyes fall to the floor, and he just stares at it, as pain is shooting from his heart. He still decides to keep the other things the older told him silent - just thinking about them is tearing him apart inside. He would be a fool to believe that he would ever get a second chance with someone like Park Seonghwa - he was lucky to even have gotten one in the first place.

"I... No, Wooyoung doesn't know I'm in love with him." San mumbles, almost crawling down underneath the blanket as he speaks. "I know he will never feel the same way about me, and I'll ruin our friendship if I ever tell him."

"Does Woo even know that you like guys?" Yeosang then asks. And although he keeps talking, he just keeps staring at that damn floor like he just found the most interesting thing in the entire world.

"I don't know... I don't think so? Whenever he has asked me about girls or dating I always came up with an excuse of being to busy to even think about dating... But honestly, I'm so sick of being single."

San sighs heavily, shuffling around on the couch. From the corner of his eye, Yeosang notices how the younger has turned to stare at the ceiling, biting his lip like he regrets just letting all that out to someone he doesn't even like.

"Tell me about it, it's the worst..." A bittersweet chuckle leaves with Yeosang's words, and as he looks up he sees that San is smiling too - their first real bonding moment has finally happened.

"But... He seems happy with his girlfriend so... I am happy for him. But... It still hurts... I guess I finally understands how you were feeling when Seonghwa-..."

As San seems like he can't finish his sentence, Yeosang slowly nods - a wry smile on his face, as he tries to assure the younger that it's okay that he brought that up, it was Yeosang himself who started this whole conversation anyway.

"I just... I should probably start dating too... It's been ages, I can't even remember how it feels to be kissed... What a sad life."

But while San is longing for someone to have by his side, Yeosang suddenly feels the exact opposite. It's like something finally clicks inside his head - something he has pushed to the back of his mind with years of prioritizing guys over himself. Maybe it's time for him, to actually be alone for a while. To find himself, before he can go look for someone else. Someone to love.

"You'll meet someone, I'm sure," he smiles faintly at San, too familiar with the hurt that is still lingering on the face of the blonde.

The two of them watch the movie for a little while, although Yeosang has no idea of what movie it is, or what is happening in it. He slowly starts to feel rather sleepy, and is about to drag his tired body to bed, when he turns around and looks at San.

San looks up, clearly confused, when Yeosang suddenly bends down over him. Yeosang leans in even closer, cautiously and doing his best to read the situation as it unfolds. San doesn't move at all, he just lies there and stares into Yeosang's eyes, as their lips get closer to each other.

Kissing San is different, perhaps because they already knew each other beforehand, and at first San isn't kissing him back - which does worries Yeosang for a split second. But then it suddenly happens. San's lips are cute, almost petite and the kiss is soft and careful.

"So..." Yeosang whispers, as he carefully breaks the kiss. "Friends?"

"Friends." San snickers, shaking his head while he slaps Yeosang playfully on the shoulder.

"Good night, San."

"Night, Yeosang."

____________

A/N: HOLY S--- THAT WAS LONG! D:

Random fact; I wrote a quick draft for this chapter aaaaages ago, and orignally it had San and Yeosang hooking up (like for real, all the smut!). But as this story progressed, and changed a million times (adding Jun and Hyunjin into the mix, which wasn't the plan to begin with), I decided to cut that out. BUT it DID spark the need for a sansang story = that's why we have "Afterglow" today. <3