✦

Getting up early in the morning, is definitely not something Yeosang appreciates - or has gotten used to, even after two weeks at his new job. Although it does feel a little nice, to have the morning sun shine on his face, he has to stop by a convenience store to grab a large coffee-to-go each morning.

Yeosang is slowly starting to feel like his life is falling into place; he has his new job, he has a place to live - although he still has to look at San's stupid face every day- he's been visiting his dad a few times, and he has his boyfriend by his side. His boyfriend who understands him, and loves him.

As he arrives to work, he greets Hongjoong and his other co-workers, before getting ready for the day. It has definitely come as a surprise to him that he actually likes working there, and the kids are all so cute and full of life - in a way Yeosang never got to experience himself in that age, and deep down he envies them.

When Yeosang stretches his arms, to grab some more crayons from the cupboards, he feels pain shoot up his back. Hidden underneath his blue sweatshirt is a secret he can't reveal to anyone - not besides himself and Hyunjin at least. Marks, even deeper blue in color than his shirt, painted all over his back, and they hurt whenever he stretches his body too far - but the pain is what makes him feel alive every day.

He knows he has to be careful though, no walking out of the bathroom after a shower - wearing only a towel around his waist, and always making sure his door is closed shut when changing. If Wooyoung ever sees those marks, it won't go down quietly.

"Hey, Yeosang?" Hongjoong calls out, as work has finished for the day, and Yeosang is about to walk out the door.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go out for dinner with me and the guys on Friday?" Hongjoong smiles, swinging the keys in his hand, as he joins Yeosang and they walk out the door together.

"The guys?" With a little tilt of his head, Yeosang looks questioning at the older, who instantly lights up in an embarrassed laugh.

"Ah, I'm sorry!" Hongjoong chuckles. "It's me, and Yunho and Mingi, if you remember them? The crazy Harry Potter one, and the loud one."

Yeosang forms his lips into a small circle, making an inaudible 'oh', as he yanks the strap of his shoulder bag. He remembers the two taller guys, and holds no bad feelings against any of them. But although Wooyoung had informed him that neither of them are friends with Seonghwa anymore, it stills wakes a small concern in Yeosang's head.

As the two of them walk down the street towards the bus stop, Yeosang can't stop his mind from going back to the night of the very long Harry Potty movie marathon. Despite the outcome of everything that had been the ups and downs for him and Seonghwa, that particular night was one of the best in his life. All the guys were hanging out, and it had been so cosy and nice - and by then he knew he couldn't deny his feelings any longer. He also remembers the night before, when he had broken down from all the shadows in his mind, and how Seonghwa had held him close and told him everything was going to be alright.

Yeosang shakes his head, he shouldn't think like that - why does he keep going back to those times that he should just erase from his memory? It's in the past, a past which has already caused him so much pain and so many problems. Besides, he has Hyunjin now - and although his best friend didn't approve of the relationship, Yeosang was convinced that he was happier than he had ever been.

"Sure, that'd be fun," he politely smiles, accepting Hongjoong's offer just as they are about to part ways.

"Great! Well, see you tomorrow at work!" the older smiled back, waving as he gets on the bus.

✦

"How was work today?" Hyunjin asks, as he pours wine into the glass in front of Yeosang.

His dark hair is parted in the middle, slightly curly at the sides, and he is dressed so lovely in a white dress-shirt with the sleeves rolled up - and some black pants. Yeosang fiddles with the drawstrings of his own hoodie, feeling very underdressed for what he had assumed would be just a chill dinner date in his boyfriend's dining room.

To be honest, he has felt a little off since he came home and until he had to leave for their dinner date, and by now he is getting sick of his mind trying to bring him down like that.

As Hyunjin takes a seat on the opposite of the table, and their conversations goes into the everyday talk about work, Yeosang briefly lets his eyes glide across the room. Years might have passed by, but he still finds himself baffled that this is the home of Hwang Hyunjin. Yeosang clearly remembers sitting in Hyunjin's teenage room - the black painted walls with hateful words scratched into them from the edge of a knife, with the band posters everywhere, and the heavy smell of the cigarettes that the older would smoke by the window.

Everything here is so neat, simple and clean, and there are times where Yeosang questions if Hyunjin has changed too much after all. He might still be rather wicked, but there has already been situations where the darkness inside of him has seemed inadequate to Yeosang's needs.

But while they eat, their eyes meet across the table and Hyunjin looks at him with the clear hunger for something else, than the delicious meal he has cooked for the both of them. When it happens, Yeosang feels guilty for the doubt that has just crossed him, he should feel grateful for being with Hyunjin, and stop trying to sabotage it for himself out of selfish, needy reasons.

Not even halfway through the dinner, the chairs around the table have been left empty, and instead the couch as been occupied.

Yeosang hums softly into Hyunjin's warm kisses, their hands so eagerly undressing each other's bodies, while their tongues are caught up in a playful dance. Yeosang has felt a little down since his conversation with Hongjoong after work, with all the memories once again being brought back to him, and getting to feel his boyfriend's wonderful body is definitely something that will take his mind off of that.

The gentle kisses down his neck, soon turns into hungry bites, as their naked bodies connect and Yeosang has to let go of the first loud moan. Hyunjin's hands are holding a tight grip around his waits, as Yeosang slowly starts to ride him on the couch - and their lips find each other again, while both of them let go of sweet moans of pleasure.

"Fuck, you make me feel so good baby," Hyunjin whispers between heavy breaths - his tongue gliding across Yeosang's lower lip before slipping into his mouth again.

"Hit me," Yeosang mumbles into the kiss, tugging the dark locks that is swaying down Hyunjin's neck. "Hard."

"Baby..."

There's a certain hesitation in Hyunjin's voice, as many other times before. But while he didn't use to complain other than that, he has somehow changed lately. And Yeosang hates it. Hyunjin still usually obeys him, but as Yeosang's need to get hurt during sex has increased, way beyond what it has been at ever before, Hyunjin seems to take a step back.

"What?" With aggressive kisses on the beautiful plump lips in front of him, Yeosang wraps his arms tightly around Hyunjin's neck, as he takes all of his length inside of him.

Their eyes are locked onto each other, and heavy panting spreads across the room. Hyunjin seems like at a loss for words for a while, and his grip around Yeosang's hips tightens as their bodies slam together even harder than before.

"Can't we just... Do it like this?" he then asks, trying to catch another kiss from Yeosang's lips. "I-I don't want to do those things tonight..."

But Yeosang flinches back, his body heating up - but not from the feeling of his boyfriend being inside of him. Because of anger.

And without saying anything, he stops moving and instead he just stares furiously into Hyunjin's surprised eyes.

"Why not?" he asks coldly.

"I... I just... Kinda feel like it's getting out of control..." Hyunjin quietly mumbles, stroking Yeosang's back in an attempt of making him calm down.

"Are you kidding me right now?"

Yeosang pushes Hyunjin away, and instantly removes himself from him too. While picking up his clothes from the floor, he glares over his shoulder, confused with his boyfriend's sudden words. The doubt he had felt earlier has returned, and it is like an overwhelming thunder in his mind, causing him to think and act way too irrationally.

If he can't even count on Hyunjin to stay with him in the darkness, who in the world will?

"Yeosang... Baby. Why are you like this? Why can't we just have sex without me hurting you?"

"Can you hear yourself talk right now?" Yeosang snaps back at him, getting dressed faster than he ever has before - and with gestures too large for him to get into his shirt right, in the first two tries. "You make it sound like I am the insane one here?"

"Why are you like this?" Hyunjin suddenly shouts, getting up as well. "Do you even love me, Yeosang? Or do you just love the things I do to you? Because then, you are even more fucked up that I am!"

"At least you know what you are. But you have no idea what I am" Yeosang growls, already heading for the door. "Don't fucking call me."

______________

A/N: Just checking in to say; don't worry guys, I still have a plan with this story - even though it might not seem like it... at all. But I DO! <3