✦

The look in San's eyes is enough to make Yeosang regret his sudden outburst, but the words had just flown out from the surprise that had hit him like a truck.

"Why would you say such a stupid thing?" San scoffs, rolling his eyes as he turns away. But even then, the truth he tries to hide shines through in his frail voice.

"You are, aren't you? Is that why you hate me so much? Because I'm so close to him as well?"

San doesn't reply right away, instead he just moves around, only a little but clearly very uneasily. He keeps rubbing his neck, running his fingers through his blonde hair, and parting his lips only to close them again a second after.

"God, why are you so annoying?" he suddenly exclaims, sending a piercing glare over his shoulder. "Maybe I just hate you because you're an idiot, and I don't like you!"

"You think I'm an idiot? Really?" Yeosang raises a brow, just briefly, while the word idiot rests on his tongue. He knows he is, in many ways, but hearing it come from someone like San makes his blood boil.

But San is far from done, adding fuel to the fire. The moment Yeosang has feared would happen, the one where the negative tension between them would finally explode - is happening right in front of his eyes in this very moment.

"Yes, Yeosang, you're a fucking idiot! You had everything! A relationship, with someone who loved you, someone who could take care of you for the rest of your life! But apparently not even the sugarbaby life was good enough for you?" San shouts, his voice getting loud for each sentence, and his words instantly ignites the rage inside of Yeosang.

"Shut the fuck up, San!" Yeosang growls, almost flying up from the couch, "You don't know shit about my relationship with Lucas!"

While San just proceeds to roll his eyes, Yeosang is doing everything he can to control his own body. Every little inch of him is shaking from anger, his fists clenched so hard it almost hurts.

"Maybe I don't, but I know you, Yeosang. You're someone who'll never be happy with what he's got. Someone who'll always chase after something more, instead of appreciating how privileged you actually are. Everything always comes so easy to you. But you don't even seem to care."

"If you think I'm privileged, if you dare to believe I've had it easy, you obviously don't know shit about me! But I know this; Wooyoung would never fall for someone who assumes such ugly things about others!"

"No, he only likes the perfect ones, right? Like you, Sangie..." San snorts, mockingly twisting the nickname Wooyoung usually uses, out between his teeth.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Wooyoung's only into girls!" With a frustrated groan, Yeosang aggressively pulls his hair at the back of his head.

This conversation is getting out of control, getting to a point where Yeosang has no idea what the actual issue is, or how to just make it stop. His own emotions have been building up inside of him for days now, leaving him on edge with everything. San did the wrong thing, trying to tick him off like this, and Yeosang has to fight every urge that wants to smack the younger across his face.

"Don't think I fucking know that already?" San growls through his now gritted teeth. With a long sigh, he suddenly walks towards his bedroom door, and with his hand around the handle he looks over at Yeosang again. "But one night, when we were drunk, he said that if he'd ever have to be with a guy... It would be you, because you're his best friend. And that fucking hurt."

San disappears into his room, slamming the door hard behind him, and leaving Yeosang standing alone in the living room, thankful that this sudden argument also ended very suddenly. Hadn't he felt this angry with San, he probably would've felt sorry for him. Yeosang knows very well how it feels to love someone, who doesn't feel the same way. And maybe someday, they can talk about it like friends. But tonight is definitely not the night.

✦

Wooyoung:
Won't be home before tomorrow ;) Hope you and San are having fun!

Yeosang throws the phone next to him on the bed, and deep down he prays that San hasn't gotten the same message. Should he go apologize to him?

No.

San did say some pretty shitty things as well, things that have stirred up a storm of chaos inside Yeosang's already messed up mind.

Has he been an idiot? Yes. More than once? Most definitely. Had he been a fool to ruin things with Lucas. Probably. Did it hurt when he saw the headlines of every tabloid that talked about their break-up? So very much. But is he going to miss having the world following his relationships? No. Not at all.

The regret of hurting someone he in fact did care about, will most likely never leave him, but while tears had fallen like an endless river down his cheeks - Yeosang also started to come to terms with everything. The realization that Lucas in fact did love him, more than Yeosang loved him back is something he no longer can deny.

Maybe they could've been happy despite that, maybe Lucas eventually could've ended up filling the emptiness inside Yeosang's heart. If Yeosang hadn't thrown it all away for a desperate hope of getting what his heart truly wanted. His foolish heart.

Yeosang had always known that the past of his life could never be rewritten. But Seonghwa had made him believe that maybe the blank pages in front of him could turn into something greater - something beautiful. He had dared himself to believe that he could be deserving of a happy ending, like the ones in the fairytales.

But now he knows that his life is no fairytale, not even a romantic novel - just another short story, fighting to stay above water in the bottomless ocean of so many others'..

Grabbing his phone, only to scroll around between pointless posts before throwing it back next to him. And then repeating the same thing over and over, while this waste of time is taking him further into the hours of the night. And as only darkness shines through his window, the thoughts in his mind darken as well.

Perhaps love isn't made for everyone, and perhaps he had been a fool to believe it would be enough to ever satisfy someone like him.

Tapping his fingers against the screen of his phone, Yeosang goes through the same thought again and again. A thought he should't even dare to think, one he definitely should stop before he ends up doing something very stupid. If anything were to happen, and people would find out - saying hell would break loose, would be an understatement.

Yeosang turns around on the bed, several times, while a strange feeling is starting to spread inside of him. The need of feeling a wild rush, something to make him feel alive. With his heart starting to beat faster, he unlocks his phone, his eyes intensely following every move of his own fingers as he taps his way onto the thing he is searching for.

The thing he is craving the most.

'Are you still in Korea?'

✦

3AM is most likely not the best time to make any decisions, rationality sure seems to have gone out the window, as Yeosang looks at himself in the mirror. But to him, nothing has ever seemed more right.

He has parted his hair in the middle, making it wave at each side, and as he makes the last finishing touches to his face, making sure he looks absolutely perfect, he stares intensely at himself.

Kang Yeosang will not let a failed relationship or a broken heart define who he is. And like a phoenix rising from the ashes, dressed in a maroon suit and black shirt, he leaves the apartment - ready to take his life back.

Back to being who he used to be. The way he knows he will be the one in control.

✦

"Didn't expect to hear from you so soon," Jun smirks, as he opens the door to his hotel room.

"Consider yourself lucky," Yeosang replies, as he's gestured to come inside.

As he passes by the older, he tries not to let his eyes linger too long on the amazing body that Jun's never been afraid of showing off. His well trained upper body is peeking out underneath the unbuttoned shirt, already teasing Yeosang - tempting him to run his hands all over it.

The way Jun looks at him is just the same, practically eating Yeosang up with his eyes as they walk into the living space of the suite. While Jun goes to find some wine and two glasses, Yeosang walks to look out the window - the night view of the city will never seize to amaze him.

"Before anything happens, not that I am saying that it will, I have some ground rules," Yeosang says, earning an intrigued smile from the older.

"Rules? Is that so?"

"Yes. First of all, if anything happens, it is only about sex. I don't want any commitments, no roses sent to my door, no cute text messages, none of that! Second, I decide when we meet, and where..."

"I'm glad to see that you've come to your senses again," Jun smirks, pouring the wine into the glasses. "Château Pichon-Baron 2016. Exquisite, like you, my angel."

"What do you mean that I've come to my senses?" Yeosang mumbles, trying to hide just how much the compliment affects him. Even something as cheesy as that, will make anyone melt when it comes from Jun's lips.

With a brow slightly raised, Jun takes a seat in the couch by the window, legs crossed as he leans forward, staring deeply into Yeosang's eyes.

"Showing up outside my door in the middle of the night, coming in with such audacity and laying out rules in front of me? ... I like it."

Yeosang shrugs his shoulders, sipping the wine as he walks towards the couch. Carefully placing the glass on the sofa table, Yeosang then moves to stand right in front of Jun, who looks at him with those beautiful, icy blue eyes.

Slowly, Yeosang sits down over him, a leg resting on the couch on each side of Jun's lap. He wraps his arms around the neck of the older, pulling him closer - close enough for their lips to meet, but he still has one more thing to say out loud.

In a brief moment, Yeosang loses himself, and almost completely forgets he needs to lay out the last rule of his. The second he feels Jun's hands behind his back, slipping underneath his shirt, his body finally starts the feel the rush it has been craving.

"Third, and most important rule," Yeosang whispers, his breathing turning heavier as he feels Jun's hands against his skin, "if I say stop..."

"-it means harder," Jun whispers back, his voice low and deep - making shivers run down Yeosang's back while his body heats up at the same time.

"Exactly."

_________________

A/N: I promised you this story would be dramatic, smutty and angsty. And I'm going to keep that promise, so sit tight guys. <3

And don't worry, we'll get back to the whole Yeosang/San drama again very soon as well ;)