Water. That's what I felt. That's what my lungs got filled with.

My wrists were stuck together. I couldn't tell if someone was holding them or if it was a rope, but whatever it was, it hurt enough to leave marks.

A hand clenched around the back of my head, forcing me to look down at the water. It was dark, the liquid. I couldn't see if it was stone or sand under it. Couldn't see if it was a sea or lake, it was just darkness. Deep.

I got pushed underwater right when I opened my mouth to talk. Water entered my mouth. I choked on it, gasping for air, but all I did was get more water. I tried to kick with my feet, but those seemed to be held together, too.

I tossed and cried, nothing worked. Then I got pulled out of the water again. Desperate for air, I gasp and coughed out the liquid. It felt like I would vomit.

Then I went under again. My tears disappeared into the water. My screams got interrupted. My begs stopped.

Blurred voices talked. My leg hurt. My throat ached. My lungs exploded. More blurred voices. I was turning crazy. Insane. Insane, insane, insane.

~

I woke up, bathing in sweat and tossing around with my arms. Winces left my mouth, but it didn't take long for me to realize it was a dream.

Of course it was just a dream. It was always just a dream.

I looked at my watch I had placed on my nightstand. It was in the middle of the night, I had to go back to sleep.

I hadn't noticed I was shaking before. Or that tears burned in my eyes. I refused to let them drop and just crawled under my blankets, pressing my eyes closed. 

~

I woke up by laughs and shouts outside. My first thoughts were; a fight, but that was not the situation, turned out.

I put on shorts and a green top, brushed my tangled hair, and rubbed sleep out of my eyes. Before I walked out of my hut, I looked down at my clothes. Shorts came over my butt, check, top didn't show my belly button or shoulders, check. If I would bend, nothing would show, check, if I leaned forward, nothing would show, check.

Sighing, I then left. The grass was damp, causing it to splash onto my bare legs. The laughs continued, but nothing was understandable until I got close enough.

"Come on, Dave. Read!"

I stopped walking by the sight of multiple boys circling someone. That must've been Dave. I leaned against the tree, wondering what was going on, and kind of wanting to hear what Dave had.

I regretted that last sentence three seconds later.

"Okay. Here I go." Dave let out a laugh. "Bullying ain't nice, it ain't cool. Just because I'm a ginger, you're so, so cruel. Are you really like this? Have you not got anything better to do? Or are you—."

No. No, no, no. That could not be happening.

The most humiliating scenario was happening right in front of my eyes. Dave was reading my- no. Shame let my stomach twist and my face turn red.

"—gonna treat me like gum on the bottom of your shoe? You're an idiot- you have made me cry. But that's not the case, not even my hut is a safe place. I see notes and feel like crap. It's like I'm stuck in some sort of trap. So I'm not okay, but I will say I'm fine. I make people happy and people fake their smiles. I might be faking mine. I've got love and support, just please own up. Please, please, please don't be like this." A pause. "Poem by-."

A push.

And a punch.

And a yell.

I buried my head in my hands, shaking it heavily. Let it be a dream, too. But it was not. I should have been more careful by putting that loose paper in my notebook!

"You okay?" Ben appeared in front of me, a few minutes after it happened. His large shadow darkened the area before he sat down.

"Never been better." I sighed deeply. "What just happened?"

"Well, Gally punched him. Looks like Alby is interfering now. Guess either both of them will get a punishment or just Dave, since it's kind of defense, what Gally did." He shrugged. "Oh, there's Josephine."

I smiled poorly and took the chicken in my arms. Her soft feathers hit my skin. "This is so humiliating."

He tilted his head. "Or you can see it in the positive way. Everyone just heard how much talent you have."

I sighed long, dropping my tense shoulders. "I can't see anything on the positive side."

"I see everything on the positive side. Literally everything." Ben announced. "Give me an example."

"I have this limp."

"You can be excused from work anytime if it hurts, you get to be limp buddies with Newt, and get extra care from people." He said easily. "Anything else?"

"I've been humiliated other times than this."

"Those shuck-faces get a punishment. I enjoy seeing that. And Gally beats 'em up."

"Alright. Enough." I rubbed my forehead. "But why would Dave get a punishment? He didn't break any of the rules."

"But he did ruin your invasion of privacy. You do have a point, though. I think he'll get a warning and if it happens again, the Slammer is gladly waiting." He jumped on his feet smoothly. "Now, sorry, but there's a maze waiting for me. See ya."

"Bye, Ben."

~

"Are you gonna keep punching every Builder once they do something wrong?" I frowned at Gally as we walked around the Glade, again. No one had said anything else to me all day, so Alby's yelling probably— hopefully— worked.

"Maybe."

"What's this with boys and violence? And besides, you'll get into trouble yourself. It's not worth it." I pouted and furrowed my eyebrows even deeper.

"You're kind of funny when you're angry, so it in fact is worth it. And they'll learn from their... mistakes." He explained, shrugging a bit.

"I'm about to be hilarious." I muttered. It caused him to laugh brightly. And no denying, he had a cute laugh. His eyebrows raised and mouth opened a bit. "I don't like violence."

"I have noticed." He wasn't impressed, as always. "Do all girls don't like violence?"

"No. I don't think so. How would I know?" I talked fast, almost not understandable. "Anyway. The Box brought up supplies this week, right?"

"Right. It did. Oh, they delivered a small box for you."

"Yeah, that's why I asked you, smart-ass." I laughed, slowly making my way to the Box. I had put a note in it for extra stuff I could use. Or had to use, mostly. Sadly.

Before I could, he jumped in there. Some noises followed, but it didn't take long before he got out again, with a small, brown box in his hand. My name was taped on it.

Handing it to me, his eyes filled with curiosity. I rolled my eyes at him and sat down against a random tree. He followed like a dog.

"What?" Gally asked when I gave him a glance, more of a side-eye.

The corners of my mouth begged to curve up. "Do you really feel the need to see what's in this Box?"

"Yep."

I scoffed and opened it, finding exactly what I needed. Hair ties, a hair brush, a razor, pads, and tampons. Satisfied, I smiled.

"What's this?" He took a, luckily still packaged, tampon out of the Box. The package was see through, though.

"Not yours, that's what it is." I slapped the thing out of his hands again. "You're unsanitary, Gally."

"There's a razor. Why is there a razor? Do girls grow facial hair too?"

I sighed at him. It was shameful and how could he be this clueless? "Jesus. You don't know anything. No, girls don't get facial hair. And I'd rather not explain anything to you, but since you look like you're in despair, fine. Most girls shave their legs, and armpits, and... their, you know."

"Aah." He pressed his lips together. "Okay. And this?"

"Ever heard of a period?"

"Nope."

Of course he hasn't.

"That does not surprise me." I mumbled. "Do I have to explain it?"

"I'd like to know."

With lots of sighs, I explained the whole thing to him. He asked millions of questions, frowned, and gasped.

"But how does a kid-."

"I just told you that most of the time it happens at least after the girl turned ten, not before that."

"Didn't you think you were dying the first time?"

I cringed at his questions, yet he seemed serious about them. "I don't remember. I guess I had it before the Glade and I knew what to do the first time I got it in here."

"And it hurts?"

"Yes, I especially told you that. So if one day I'll randomly slap you for saying something or yell at you, don't be surprised. Or offended." I sighed. "But don't worry, doesn't get that bad for me."

I cried when Newt killed a spider. And kicked him. Two times. In the crotch.

"Alright. And what makes it less... painful?"

"Nothing."

His eyes widened. "There's nothing you can do against it?"

"Painkillers, maybe. Never tried it." I admitted, wetting my lips. "Lying something warm on my stomach does help a little. And lots of food."

"Chicken?"

"No!" I shook my head heavily. "Chocolate or something. So if you ever offend Josephine during my period, I'll kill you."

"I'll keep it in mind."

"You better."

We were silent for a few minutes. I felt my eyelids get heavy. Not long after, a yawn escaped my mouth. It was dark outside, after all.

"You're tired."

I hummed. "Impressive that you could tell." 

"I'll bring you to bed." He assured, getting up from his place, and taking my arm. A fuzzy feeling formed in my stomach at that. At his caring. "Come on."

With a small protest, I got up. It turned even more dark in front of my eyes than before. My ankles didn't help by tripping over themselves. The world spun, my head hurt and was dizzy.

Ten seconds later, when my eyes opened again, I found myself sitting on the ground, Gally in front of me. The dizziness was still there.

"Did I just faint?"

"No. You sat down automatically, almost hugging the tree. Then your eyes opened again, and here you are." He explained. "You need sugar?"

"No. It's not that bad, and besides, we'll have to go all the way to the kitchen. Don't feel like doing that." I rubbed my forehead once again, hoping the aching would leave soon.

"I've got something. Always have some kind of food in my pocket." He stuck a hand in his pocket, searching around until he got what he was looking for. "And don't worry, they're not covered in mold." He handed it to me.

It was a bag of peanuts.

~

A/N:

The poem Dave read is named "Alfie's poem."

And this is turning into grumpy meets sunshine, I honestly love it.

And also, please tell me you got the peanut thing!!!