I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I don't want to anymore.
I do not want to anymore.

That's what I kept repeating in my head the whole time Jeff treated my bruised wrist, which I hurt by punching the wall earlier. Gally stood behind us as always, arms folded, and eyebrows furrowed. There never came an explanation of why he stood there in the first place.

There was no 'Ow, ow, ow' and 'Ow, ow, ow won't let the pain fade away' or 'Shut up, Potato Head'. There was silence.

Sometimes Jeff would look at my face. It must've been puffy and tear-stained from earlier. My cheeks flushed red in shame of that. I hadn't told anyone about it either. All I did was worry about Luke and if he came back. According to the watch I got from Alby since I was the only girl (and most of the time only Keepers get one), they would close in half an hour.

"Clint!" Sounded outside just when Jeff finished rolling a bandage all over my hand and wrist. "Jeff!"

Once the boy's name got called, he jumped up and rushed out of the Med Hut. Three seconds later he stormed in again, more people following behind. It was Minho with a dirty face as always. In his arms he held a boy.

A boy I recognized as my brother. As Luke.

Blood trickled down from his head and side. His eyes were closed, veins ripping out out of his pale skin. I froze in my place, not able to speak.

All I did was watch my brother get pushed down on a bed, hands getting tied onto it with strong-looking ropes. It confused the hell out of me. What the hell happened in the maze?

Clint helped the boys tie the unconscious Luke. Then they all wiped sweat off their foreheads as if it was so hard to tie him on there. And before I could ask what happened, Gally did.

It fell silent. Everyone waited for Minho to answer, though by the looks of it, everyone in the hut knew what happened, except for me. I was desperate to know, feeling my heart ache for my brother already.

"Is he...?" I didn't dare to say the word out loud. My voice was shaking already. It made me feel weak, but no one seemed to bother it.

"No." Clint shook his head. A wave of relief washed over me. "He got stung, didn't he, Minho?"

For once, Minho didn't seem his sarcastic self. He didn't make any jokes and didn't pretend everything was fine.
"Yeah, it was weird. I'm running through the maze, suddenly this shank walks up to a livin' Griever like it was nothing. He was acting weird. I shouted for him, but he didn't listen and kept moving like... like a..."

"Robot." I finished. "This morning he walked into the maze the same way too."

"So he did go into the maze." Gally realized.

I gave him a sharp glance. Quickly the boy shut his mouth and continued staring at Luke, whose breaths were unsteady, chest moving up and down fast.

"But... stung? What's that?" I scrunched my eyebrows, confused. I had heard the word before, but no explanation.

"It's what the Grievers do. They sting you." Minho exhaled. It was enough to let me know things weren't good. "Makes you lose your mind, but we have the Grief Serum. Box sends 'em up. Gives them back a few memories. Horrible ones."

Before Minho got to finish— I could see he wasn't, since his mouth opened again— Gally interrupted by walking to the door of the Med Hut.

"I'm out. Don't wanna hear this shuckin' story of memories again." He muttered. The door slammed close behind him.

Now I turned worried about him too. He bursted out so suddenly, out of nowhere. "What's wrong with him?"

"It happened to him too." Minho pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning on a table. "Got stung in his early months. Never been the same guy after he got his memories. Doesn't even dare to say a word about it. No one does."

"Okay. Give him that serum too. Now." I commanded as I motioned at my brother. His chest sucked in and out at a fast pace, ragged breaths leaving his mouth.

Minho tensed up. "It's been four hours since he got stung. I don't know if the serum works anymore, after waiting for such a long time. Took me long to drag him back and make him black out."

"Woah, woah, woah. Black out? You let my brother black out?" I raised the tone of my voice at Minho slightly.

"He was acting pathetic! That's what happens when they get stung. Turn crazy, attack some people here and there, don't cooperate. And if the serum doesn't get delivered fast, it's too late and they're practically dead. Jacked, in the head."

"Then give him that shuck thing!" I screamed at Clint. His eyes glazed over with fear for a split second, then he nodded and went through some drawers.

My foot hit the floor repeatedly. Anxiety rose in my chest while I watched Clint and Jeff run around the hut.

"I can't find it!" Jeff shouted. Clint replied the same thing.

My heart started beating rapidly, worry for my brother swelling everywhere. I took some deep breaths in the hope to contain myself from not ruining the whole hut.

"What do you mean you can't find it?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible, making it sound rather cool.

"Guess we ran out!"

Then I bursted out, not able to contain anything anymore. I had no idea what would happen to Luke now, but by the looks on their faces, things weren't good. I yelled for them to search better and crashed drawers open myself, yet it was hopeless. There was nothing left of the serum.

Minho stood their, watching us with crossed arms and furrowed eyebrows. And before I got the chance to shout at him too, he fall backward, right on top of Luke.

At first I thought he tripped, but then I saw Luke's hands clasping around Minho's torso. He had pulled him onto the bed and tried to fight the boy, though it wasn't easy. Minho reacted quickly and elbowed Luke away from him, throwing some stuff on the floor by tossing his arms around.

I stared at them in pure shock. It went super fast. Luke jumped off the bed, his veins blacker than before. His hand reached out to grab an operation knife. Then he ran out of the Med Hut before anyone could stop him.

Breathing heavily, Minho shared a glance with Clint and Jeff. They gave him a small nod, so Minho ran out of the room.

"What just happened?" It was barely a whisper. Seeing my brother like that hurt my heart. It made tears I hadn't even noticed form in my eyes.

"He escaped the shuck ropes." Jeff rubbed his forehead out of frustration and stared at the ripped ropes on the bed. "Don't know what's happening now, but Minho will get him."

Clint remained silent for a long time, staring at a table with wide, almost traumatized, eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed super deep.

"What's gonna happen?" I questioned. My voice cracked more than I intended.

"They'll have a gathering about it."

~

"Bloody hell, Val!" Newt attacked me with a hug the minute I stepped outside. His familiar smell of vanilla filled my nose, but this time I didn't bother to enjoy any moment of the hug.

"Where's Luke?" I peeped, ready to cry.

He bit his lip and sat down on a bench. I followed his example. "In the Slammer. Minho and Alby caught the guy with a bloody arrow."

The color drained away from my face. "An arrow?"

"Boy moved too much, so Alby hit him in the shoulder. He dropped unconscious, but he ain't dead, Val." Newt sighed long and deep. "Look. We're having a gatherin' now. I think I have a slight idea of what's gonna happen. And I need you to know, Val, that whatever gets decided..."

He didn't finish, just stared at the distance, slowly taking my hand in his large one.
"That whatever gets decided...?"

Newt rubbed his chin with his free hand. "That whatever gets decided is the best. Don't go against Alby with the decision. Order, remember? We have to keep order."

"What's gonna happen to him, Newt?"
Fear came to me fast. I could see something bad was about to happen. Something Newt knew about.

"Just go do something else, Val. Something that'll distract you. I'll be back later. Gatherin' is about to start. Sorry." He smiled poorly and got up. "See ya."

It was an hour of anxiously waiting, biting my fingernails off, and feeling my stomach twist. I sat against the tree Luke and I always sat against. Our favorite one.

I feared he would die. But I couldn't... I couldn't lose anyone else or I would lose myself. We had too few time. Less than a month together. He couldn't die!

The tears slowly came, but I didn't let them drop. Just one, one single tear, ran down my cheek. Order, order, order. Keep order.

"You okay?" A big figure towered over me. I recognized by the voice who it was.

"Leave me alone, Gally." I snapped, not daring to look him in the eye. And he obeyed, to my surprise. With a sigh, he wandered off.

~

"We decided." Newt's tone was different now. Almost grieving. "We bloody decided."

He sat down next to me. I had waited at least an hour, still at the tree. Newt stretched his long, slim legs in front of him as mine were pulled up to my chest.

"We're too late." He continued. "Luke tried to attack a Glader with the knife. Succeeded with one cut, but not too deep. Then Alby shot the guy in the shoulder, yea?' Gathering's over."

It wasn't good, that's what I knew. Staring at nothing, I spoke again, "What's gonna happen, Newt? Tell me."

A shaky breath escaped before he replied, "He's getting banished, Valerie. Send into the maze. Tomorrow."

It was like my whole world fell apart. I froze, tears filling my eyes. But I never let them drop. "Is there something you can do about it?" I whispered to Newt. My mouth stayed open after I asked.

"No. So please. Please just let it happen, Val. I can't change the decision. No one finds it pleasuring, but it's best for everyone."

And with that, Newt left.

Banished. Shuckin' banished! Send into the maze while the Doors closed... locked with the Grievers. Killed!

There had to be something I could do, right? I got up from my place, rubbing the tears out of my eyes, and on my way to talk to every Keeper.

~

"But, Alby-."

"No. Just no, Valerie." He cut me off the minute I spoke again. "It's decided."

~

After a long search, I found Winston eating in the kitchen with Fry. It was getting dark outside. A few birds chirped, but the rest was silent. Long, dreading silence.

"I'm so sorry, honey." Fry wrapped his arms around me, almost suffocating me in his chest.

"Can't we give him that serum?" I suggested once he let go. I had to communicate fast.

"No. We can't. We ran out, somehow." Winston gave me a look of pity too. "We're sorry, Val."

~

Clint shook his head. "There's nothing I can do for you. I tried to change their mind, but even I know he's jacked. There's nothin' we can do, Val. This is the only way to keep order again."

~

I was on the verge of breaking down. I had Zart and Gally left. Billy, the Keeper of the Brick-nicks, basically guards and the people who buried bodies, refused to talk to me.

I found Zart sitting somewhere with other Track-Hoes. "Hey."

He looked up, inspecting me with his blue eyes for a second. "There's nothing I can change, sorry. It's decided."

~

Desperate for him to help me, I knocked on Gally's hut door when I couldn't find him anywhere else. There was no answer, but he must have been in there.

I knocked on the door harder, and impatient. "Gally, open the shuck up."
My hands were shaking. More tears built up. "Come on, Gally. Please. You have to convince Alby to-."

I cut myself off when Gally opened the door and pulled me into his hut by the wrist. "I can't, okay? I've seen you trynna convince everyone all day, Valerie. I know they can't do anything either."

Panic rose in my again. "But he's my brother. I can't do this all alone. He's all I have!"

"You think anyone else in here has family members with them? You're lucky you had one."

His harsh words hit me right in the chest. In disbelief, I stared at the boy. "You have friends, Gally. You know what I have, shuckin' nothing! Newt, maybe, but you think he'll fill up a spot so important as my brother?"

"I can't help you. Leave."

But the words spilled out of my mouth fast and uncontrollably. "If he leaves, then I don't know what else to do! All day I'll have to walk around, getting remind by every fucking thing that happened in this place. Every stupid thing."

The tears came automatically, trickling down my cheeks and onto Gally's floor. He just stared at me, watching me rant.

"Take the lake. I won't be able to have some alone time there 'cause it'll remind me of the time your shuck friends were joking about drowning me. The trees? Won't be able to look at those without being remember of Luke. The maze, Luke getting stung. The Med Hut, every time your shuck Builders hurt me on 'accident'. The Doors, banishments. There's nothing shuckin' left for me here. Absolutely nothing."

I slid to the ground with my back against the wall, sobbing loudly, not able to talk anymore. I didn't want to lose Luke. I couldn't.

"Now you're being dramatic, Val." Gally commented. He seemed slightly hesitant.

I looked up, face blank by that one sentence. "Fuck you, Gally. Seriously, you idiot." Then I stormed away.

~

The next day I fell asleep in the corner I slept in with Luke. It hurt, yet it was comforting. I didn't dare to show myself again. I was sure they all heard me yelling at Gally.

And I wasn't ready to see Luke being banished. Not my own brother. Without any track of time, I spent the day staring in the distance and crying.

And then I realized it. I never said goodbye. I never did. Was I too late? Or was there the slightest chance he was still in the Slammer?

I stomped through the Glade. My eyes caught Newt. He sat on a bench with his head leaning against his hand, looking down at a table.

"You know. I really liked Luke." He spoke blankly. "I really did."

"Is he still in the Slammer?" I asked quietly.

Newt looked up with tears in his eyes.
"Oh, Valerie."

I was too late. Too late. Luke was gone. My last family member. My last happy memory. He would die in the maze.

And I would too.