trigger warning: panic attack and mentions of scars. if you're sensible to these topics, please read with caution or skip the scene.

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THERE were many things that (Y/N) hated in her life, but in this exact point in her life, she hated nights the most. Just the thought of going to bed and closing her eyes just to see flashes of the battle and even memories from the crash was dreading to her. She wanted everything to be simple; to act naive as if nothing extraordinary happened in her life and she was just another regular human being in the world. But that was too much to ask, especially since she was already head deep into this life, and she couldn't turn her back on that.

(Y/N) stood in front of the mirror inside her own bathroom with a stoic face as she stared at her reflection. Her hair was damp and the minuscule droplets of water were still falling from her skin. She thought a shower would relax her mind and it would make it easier to help her sleep, but none of that happened.

She continually kept staring at herself in the mirror, her hands barely lifting one part of the towel still wrapped to her body to stare at the burn marks on her hip and the scars of several gashes in her collarbones. Everyone had their battle scars after that gruesome fight, but (Y/N) thought that her skin had gone through so much worse to receive that kind of damage.

(Y/N)'s fingertips carefully reached to her left collarbone and gently touched the scar, but this instantly drew a wince from her part. She blinked to try to regain her sudden dizziness, but her head started spinning in circles and now she couldn't pinpoint the sight of the mirror in front of her from all the spinning. Her skin felt boiling hot as a desert and all she could do was pant for breath and try to fan her face off.

That didn't seem to help at all. The dizziness increased, and (Y/N) knew she'd probably alert anyone else in the house from the noises she was making by trying to bring back all the air that had left her lungs, so she reached her shaky hand to turn on the sink and let the water running.

(Y/N) was prepared for situations like this  — she had guided Tony through it once — but all that knowledge flew out the window and her breath kept growing ragged. Her dizziness mixed some of her memories together and jammed them up into a short film, swirling everything together and none of it made sense for her. It felt as if she was back there in the light powered engine, her ears ringing with the blasts she had received that day and her eyelids shutting close just like they had done the moment the jet crashed into the trees and the rest was history.

By now, she had leaned back into the wall of the bathroom to stabilize her figure. (Y/N) had one hand glued to the wall and the other keeping the towel wrapped around her body, feeling the sweat gather in her skin along with her shaky chest trying to catch her breath.

A whimper left her lips but she refused to cry out for help from Tony or even JARVIS. (Y/N) kept her hand close to her body and tried to guide herself into breathing slowly, a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. She thought that was the only solution for her since she didn't want to be seen in this state. It didn't exactly speak strength.

Just as fast as her panic arrived, it left. It left but holding onto a part of (Y/N)'s life that she could never get back. It left but leaving once again another scar into not her skin, but her head. It left not before it silently told her that she was weak and that she could not take the pressure. It left, catching (Y/N) off guard and with her body still pressed into the wall.

The only sound in the room was the sound of the water in the sink still running, which (Y/N) was too weak to reach out and turn it off. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak. She just stayed standing completely still with no help at all.

"(Y/N), you in there?" Tony's voice yelled from across the room, indicating that he peaked into her bedroom door.

(Y/N) swallowed to wash the dryness in her throat. "Yes," she answered back weakly.

Tony was satisfied to receive an answer and (Y/N) heard him walk away into the hallway. She wouldn't speak of her problem just yet. Not when he had his to focus on.

(Y/N)'s head recalled the advice Pepper had told her in the afternoon during lunch, the possibility of going to a professional and have someone else's help. But that thought washed away like the tide inside her head, stubborn enough to believe that she still didn't need any help, even though she definitely did.

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When (Y/N) (dreadfully) awoke the next morning, she was received with news that she hadn't expected. Tony had left the house a while before she woke up, and the news on every channel on the TV reported that there had been an explosion in the Chinese Theater, one that Happy Hogan was a witness.

Another thing that (Y/N) didn't expect was to see on the big screen of her bedroom (another of his curtesies) was how Tony casually announced his address in live TV to the rising threat called The Mandarin, challenging whomever was behind it for a visit.

(Y/N) spent the rest of her morning packing bags and having her fight suit displayed in her bed in case of an attack. Pepper had called her more than ten times in the last hour, worried that the mansion was raided by the Mandarin or blasting her ear off on Tony's stupidity and recklessness to say his address, especially when someone else was living with him.

More hours had gone by, and (Y/N) pretended to be too distracted in her room upstairs to hear that Tony had returned from visiting Happy at the hospital, and didn't dare to go downstairs until she had a solid plan on how to confront him and have a plan in case there was an attack. But all of her thoughts and ideas were thrown off guard when the doorbell rang through the entire house, meaning that there was a possibility that the Mandarin was by the doorstep.

" — Normally, I'd go for that sort of thing, but now I'm living with somebody else," Tony's voice was heard from downstairs.

(Y/N) boosted herself off the second floor and avoided walking down the staircase, the familiar glow of light enveloping her entirely as she set foot downstairs and caught sight of Tony in his suit and an unknown woman standing a few feet away.

"With her," Tony gestured toward (Y/N), and this caused her to frown and look at the woman standing by, who looked at her in surprise.

Tony exited the suit and revealed his marine blue shirt with dark pants, the arc reactor in his chest glowing underneath the fabric. He silently told (Y/N) to lower her guard down and she dropped the glowing fist, looking between the two for an explanation.

"Who's that?" she asked first.

"It's Maya Hansen," Tony presented, and the woman, now known as Maya, opened her mouth in offense as she walked closer. "Old botanist pal that I used to know, barely."

(Y/N) offered Maya a tense smile that was returned with the same amount of confusion, but Tony quickly pulled her aside. (Y/N) had been too distracted with the woman and the preoccupation of a raid that she was caught off guard by the side of her enormous Christmas present sitting by the stairs.

"Please don't tell me there's a 12 year-old kid waiting in the car that I've never met," Tony whispered down at Maya with panic in his eyes. From the corner of his eye, he was making sure (Y/N) wasn't hearing the conversation in case his worries were true.

"He's 13," Maya corrected before continuing. "No, I need your help."

"But, what for? Why now?"

"Because I read the papers and frankly, I don't think you'll last the week."

"I'll be fine."

(Y/N) decided to drop her focus on the Christmas bunny and walked up to the two, who were still muttering to themselves in a hushed conversation.

She cut through the uncomfortable silence between the two. "With all that's going on lately, I didn't expect any guests," she stood by Tony's side and hated herself for the bitter tone on her voice. "Or old girlfriends."

"She's not, really — "

"No, not really," Maya interrupted, her tone flat. "It was just one night."

"Yep."

"That's how you did it, isn't it?"

"It was a great night."

"Yep. Well, you know," (Y/N) let out a sarcastic
laugh. "You saved yourself a world of pain. Trust me. I pity his future wife, if he ever has one."

Tony snapped his head to look at her. "What?"

(Y/N) didn't dare to argue with that subject anymore and proceeded to talk about the plan she had in mind. "We're leaving town."

"Okay. We've been through this. Nope," he answered her with a sharp tone, popping the 'p' at the end of his sentence.

"Yep!" (Y/N) matched his tone.

"The man says no."

"Well, the woman says yes," she snapped. "I can't protect your stupid ass if you pull stuff like that!"

Maya felt like a child witnessing her parents bickering back and forth. "Great idea. Let's go."

"I'm sorry, that's a terrible idea," Tony's tone grew ragged and he watched how Maya tried walking away toward the door.

(Y/N) knew Tony was way too stubborn to just give in and agree to follow after her, but she had to try. Just like she had said before, she felt the responsibility to protect him just like she had in New York, and she just didn't know why.

"This is how normal people behave."

"I can't protect you out there," he repeated the same words she had said.

Maya acknowledged the stuffed animal by the stairs and pointed toward it. "Is. . .is that normal?"

"Compared to what I see every day, yes. It's normal."

"Yes, this is normal!" Tony was in his last straw, and he snapped, gesturing toward the gift in anger. "It's a big bunny. Relax about it!"

"Don't talk like that," (Y/N) gave him a sharp look because of his outburst. "Calm down."

"I got this for you."

"I appreciate the gesture."

"You still haven't even told me you liked it."

"It's too much."

"I asked you — It's not too much!"

Maya, who had been busy in staring at the big screen in the living room, tried calling the attention of the two. The news channel had live feed of the mansion she was inside in, a clear view from the air with the headline 'Stark Issues Threat' written underneath the image.

"Guys," she called hesitantly. "Can we, um. . ."

"What?" Tony answered, the heat from the previous argument still noticeable in his voice.

"Do we need to worry about that?"

(Y/N) turned her attention to the TV and her eyes widened in horror when she saw a missile heading directly toward the window of the mansion, in the exact same room she was standing in. She exchanged a quick look with Tony before glancing to the window on her side to confirm her nightmare and see just in time how the shell collapsed with the house.

The impact of the explosion threw the three into the air, the missile falling in the middle of the room and causing the majority of it to go down in pieces. (Y/N) was thrown back and nearly crashed her back with the closest wall, but before she could receive the impact, she felt something wrapping itself around her body.

When she looked down, she saw how the entirety of the Iron Man suit was protecting her body from the impact, but this meant that Tony had no other protection for the explosion. The helmet covered (Y/N)'s face and she couldn't help but feel strange being behind the suit, but she couldn't sit back and think that as she spotted him in between the rubble of the house.

(Y/N) placed herself in front of Tony just as a piece of the concrete roof was about to fall on him, and she opened the face part of the helmet to see him properly.

"Was this necessary?"

"I saved you, didn't I?"

(Y/N) didn't have the time to say anything else because another missile was fired at the house, and this time it threw Tony the entire way across the room, collapsing with the couch. She tried making her way over to help him, but he just stood up like it was nothing.

"Move! I'm right behind you," he called out to her.

She didn't know why she was so scared, but she was and it was terrifying. (Y/N) tried to run with the iron suit still on her, thinking that they could both just grab Maya and bolt out of the mansion, but that would've been too easy. Instead, when Tony was running after her, the floor underneath them collapsed and it made a huge hole in between the two of them.

"Get her. I'm gonna find a way around," Tony told her, gesturing to Maya on the floor. He quickly noticed her hesitation. "Stop stopping. Get her. Get outside."

(Y/N) ran to Maya's unconscious body on the crumbled ground and helped her stand up, seeing that she was regaining her consciousness. The woman slung her arm around (Y/N)'s shoulders and they both tried to make it out of the house as more explosions and bullets were struck into the mansion.

As they both got closer to a near exit, (Y/N) didn't know what to do. She didn't know how the suit worked or how to remove it from her body to at least blast a hole out the wall and break her and Maya free. She decided to risk it and fire her blast from the inside of the metallic glove, which caused it to break out and throw down a wall just like she intended. The boosters at her feet ignited and they threw her forward into the air, causing her and Maya to roll out of the house with a much stronger impact than planned.

(Y/N) desperately tried to free herself from the suit so she could fly in and help Tony, who was still inside the house. When the thought of running back inside came to her mind, she felt a strong pull in her hand and suddenly, the pieces of the suit started to remove themselves off her body just like they had covered her in the first place.

This at least eased her mind for a short second, thinking that Tony now had some sort of protection against the fire. Her eyes lifted to the several helicopters hovering over the house and firing the missiles at the collapsing mansion, so she raised her balled hand in the air and let out a blast. The glow was aimed directly at one of the closest helicopters and took it down, watching how it spun around in circles before falling in the ocean.

When (Y/N) thought of running back inside the mansion and taking Tony with her, she realized she had been too late. The mansion began collapsing on itself, the explosions being too much for it and making it fall to the cliff side and into the water, the windows, the collection of expensive cars, furniture, and her Christmas bunny were all now sinking into the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, and that wasn't the biggest of her worries.

What (Y/N) had been searching for was a person, and there was no sign of him anywhere. Tony was nowhere to be found, and that was when her stomach dropped, already thinking the worse.

i included the first scene in because i wanted to add some depth to y/n's character, especially her development on how she handles this type of situations and how she reaches for help.

trust me, she's going to see help after that scene happens (if you know which one i'm talking about).

-see you soon, bex <3