Gavi woke up to the sound of his alarm going off; he groaned as he reached out to turn it off. His eyes fluttered open slowly; squinting at the bright light of the morning sun  as he took in his surroundings, his own room seemed distant and weird to him; having spent most of his nights with the older.

It had been a few days since 'the' incident had happened; Gavi had woken up that following day to find embarrassingly  dark red and purple marks on his body that ran all the way from his jaw to his thighs. The younger had dreaded training that day, and   even  though he'd tried his best to cover it up; some of the younger boys in the locker room had seen him and made teasing remarks somewhere along the lines of, "Gavi's having some wild nights" and "Dude, were you mauled by a bear?" followed by guffaws and laughter resonating from all sides. Gavi had wanted to punch the older when he saw Pedri adorn a proud smirk. Luckily, the boys didn't hold onto it for too long and the humiliating day had become less than a memory for all except Gavi.

He lazily got up to shower; feet dragging across the cold tiled floor and got ready for the day he'd promised to spend with Ansu. As much as he tried to play it cool, he was dying with anticipation to spend the day with his bestfriend. It was like he was a kid all over again and he just knew Ansu and him had so much to catch up on .

Ansu was at his doorstep sharp 11am as they'd planned; Gavi as always, was running late, fumbling with his shoelace and finally rushed out the door, coming face to face with his best friend.

"Pablo, you almost slammed my beautiful face with your door!!!" Ansu overreacted as always, grabbing his nose as though Gavi had smashed it. The older was one amongst the very  few people who still called him by the name and not Gavi. They'd known each other since the time when one's first name had been given more importance than the name printed on the back of their jersey.

"But I didn't, so let's go now.."  Gavi said, dragging the complaining boy by the arm.

When they were finally inside the car, Ansu put on his latin pop playlist and drove to their first destination; the theatre.

The older got them tickets to a recently released horror/thriller movie even though they were both terrified of them; Ansu and his need to stay on top of anything trending and popular was to blame. They somehow managed to sit through the movie; with their eyes half closed and flinches every ten minutes.

They stopped at a restaurant next; eating to their fulfillment. They then spent the next few hours shopping as Ansu said the younger needed an 'upgrade' to his style. Gavi didn't mind letting the older select his outfits for him and listened closely as he instructed him on which clothing item to pair with what; everyone knew how on point Ansu was when it came to fashion. They even went to a bowling alley; playing enthusiastically even though they were horrible at it. They were lucky to have a career in football and not this...

They went back home to Gavi's, and spent the rest of their time  talking about every single detail that had been going on in their lives; well almost everything, Gavi had yet to tell him about Pedri...

They ordered pizza for dinner while they played FIFA on the younger's couch, having random conversations here and there about how their how familes were doing , new gossip on their Barca teammates and old friends from La Masia, they must've spoken about everything under the sun; including their neighbours' pets.

Finally, their much awaited dinner arrived and as they leaned over the kitchen counter devouring their food, their animated conversations picked up on where they had left and flowed easily again. Everything is so perfect with Ansu, Gavi thought, he wished he didn't have the drowning feeling everytime he realised just how much he was hiding from him.

After their dinner, their bodies laid thrown over the couch basking in peaceful silence . Suddenly the older sat up and the his eyes widened as though he'd just seen the ghost from their movie earlier.

"Bro!!!! I forgot to mention" he spoke, hand shaking  the younger, "I don't know if you already know this, considering how close you are to Pedri but I heard him talking to Ferran about getting back together with his ex..."

Gavi immediately spat out the coke he was drinking halfway, "What?!!!"

"Ew... Pablo, it just sprayed all over me" Ansu said, attempting to wipe his chest with a tissue.

"When did you hear him say that?" Pablo probed on, ignoring the older .

"Probably last week ... that same day you appeared with all those marks." Ansu said, giving him a teasing wink.

"By the way, you never told me who it was.." he continued, making the younger want to throw up.

"Not important, a one night stand I met at the club." he lied through his teeth.

"You let a one night stand do that to you?!! Not that I'm judging but, bro, which club??? Even I gotta find myself.. nah I'm kidding ... But hey, you kn..."

"Ansu, I'm really tired" Gavi cut him off, "Do you wanna stay the night or?" He knew he was being unwelcome, they'd just finished their dinner and usually they would  just lay around on the couch blabbering on and on, but suddenly after Ansu had mentioned Pedri, he felt like the whole world had come crashing down on him; wreaking havoc on his brain.

"No no... I have to leave, mom's waiting for me ...." Ansu replied, noticing the sudden change in the younger's demeanor; he just counted it down to the fact that maybe the mention of the  'one night stand' had brought about the sour mood. And Ansu being the sweetheart he was, didn't want to prolong the uncomfortable topic for Pablo.

So after a few more words and hushed goodbyes, Ansu left; a somewhat sad ending to the otherwise amazing day they'd had.

That night as Gavi laid on his bed; sleep far from his grasp, he couldn't help but wonder if what Ansu said was true.

If it was true, was the older really going to start officially dating her? And where would that put 'them'? Was he expected to be a sidepiece for Pedri or was the older planning to break off their secret affair...

But most importantly why hadn't Pedri told him about this?

But then again, why 'would' he tell him about this?

They were not a couple; definitely not lovers.... So Pedri didn't have any obligation to let the younger know everything that went on in his life...

They why??? Why was Gavi so hurt? He felt betrayed... As though he'd been cheated on. Even if they were meant to be nothing, he still felt the blood curling pain in his chest.

He felt mad; so very mad he could tear off Pedri's head.

But did he have any right to feel these emotions? Was he allowed to feel sad or cheated on  or mad?

The painful but obvious answer was no... He didn't have any right over the older, never had and probably never would.

So that night, Gavi ignored the prickling pain of fresh tears in his eyes as he swallowed hard; the harsh taste of bile rising in the back of his throat pushed down.

****

Gavi drove himself to training the next day; he had been driving his own car for the past few days, having finally gotten his driver's license. It was also the reason he got to spend less time with the older.

He arrived early to training to avoid bumping into Pedri in the lockers, he was so early, even the trainers, physios, press staff and cleaners gave him confusing looks.He knew he looked weird doing this but he didn't trust himself to control his emotions around the older, he felt like a volcano waiting to erupt any moment.

After getting changed, he jogged up to the ground, warming up ahead of the others. Slowly, the ground began to fill with the players and trainers one by one.

Gavi shifted his full focus to the training, ignoring the older's constant stares at him. Pedri was surprised when the younger hadn't walked up to him the entire day, he usually couldn't keep away from the older. They were always joined by the hip, hands flung around their shoulders, careless hugs and mindless kisses on the neck and shoulder.

The others must've noticed the tension between them, considering how they hadn't interacted at all that day, but even if they did, they chose to ignore them and grant them their space . The professional players were also humans afterall and they didn't need their own teammates probing them with questions, they already had the press and media for that.

They played a few games split into two teams as always, and even then , when he'd scored, he ran to hug Frenkie rather than Pedri as he always did.

The older seemed to be getting more frustrated and confused by the minute, he couldn't understand why the younger was suddenly so cold to him. He hadn't spoken a single word to him the entire day and the older couldn't understand what he'd done wrong to deserve this treatment.

Finally, when they were let off for the the day, the older quickly rushed over to Gavi and grabbed his arms as everyone else shuffled through the hallway,

"Stay back after your shower, we need to talk."  the older's jaw looked tight with anger but his eyes softened looking at the younger.

The younger felt his blood run cold, he knew this was coming, he just thought he could delay it.

"No.. I have to hurry back home, I've got this thing .." he lied, rushing away from the older.

And so he finished showering faster than ever and packed his bags in record time, running to his car with his hair still wet and sticking to his forehead.

*****

Gavi rested his head against the back of his sofa, eyes drooping with sleepiness; tired from all the rushing and fear of confrontation.

He immediately sat up when he heard someone get in through the front door and rush their way into the living room and then, the older was standing right over him, face contorted into something resembling disappointment.

"I thought you said you had something important..." his voice sounded venomous.

"Listen, Pedri... I'm just tired, can you let it go?" in Gavi's defence, he really was tired.

"Gavi, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've been ignoring me the whole day without telling me what went wrong and now you don't even wanna talk!" the older ran a hand through his hair , pulling at the ends.

Gavi stood up to stand on level with the older; his words seemed to trigger all the emotions the younger had tried to contain.

"Oh .. you wanna talk? You, of all people wanna talk?  Ok, let's talk Pedri... When the fuck were you gonna tell me about Sienna?" The younger spoke, voice filling with anger , a harsh finger poking on the older's chest.

The older visibly gulped, eyes widening at his words.

"Who told y-?"

"What does it matter who told me??!! It wasn't you... " Gavi replied trying not to sound sad .

"Listen, I just wanted to get validation of my own feelings before I let you know..." Pedro's voice sounded soft; almost apologetic.

"And then what?" Gavi asked, heart absolutely breaking apart with every word that slipped out the older's lips.

When he didn't get a reply, he knew exactly what the older was implying.

Gavi sat back on the couch, hands covering his face. He bit down on his lips, he could feel his eyes watering... No... Please no.. this was humiliating. His throat hurt so much, he wanted to groan out. He wiped his face  frantically as his tears started to fall. This couldn't be happening to him....

Pedri sat in front of him, hands placed delicately on the younger's knees.

"Hey... Gavi, shh... Please don't do this..." maybe it was just him, but Gavi could swear he felt the hurt in the older's voice.

"Pedri, I... I tried so hard not to catch fee-feelings, I really did" he spoke, sniffling as his voice broke down.

"But I don't know why and how, but you make me feel like no one else and .... I can't believe I'm saying this" he sighed through his tears.

"I think I fell in love with you... I know... I love you." he finished, but the damn tears wouldn't stop .... He'd finally said the words his brain had been echoing over and over for the past few weeks, or maybe even months.... Or maybe ever since he'd laid eyes on the older.

The first thing he felt after those words were the absence of the older's hands from his knees as he stood up.

Gavi couldn't bear to look at him, he knew what was coming.

"I'm so sorry, Gavi, I don't feel the same... I never meant to lead you on..." He paused, taking a deep breath, "This isn't right for our careers"  he shook his head, as though he was convincing himself, "you have no idea how we'll be dragged to the dust if the media ever found out. I'm sorry, Gavi.... I have to leave." And with that he left the younger boy sobbing his heart out on the couch. With every step he took; he felt like an iron ball was chained to his feet, preventing him from walking away... But he walked away... Leaving his beautiful boy crying alone.

Gavi curled up on himself as he finally let the tears fall freely as they came... His heart hurt so bad, he felt like he could die. Rejection had never been so painful, he wanted to just go to sleep and maybe never wake up again. He wanted to bleed to death on the couch just so that he never had to face Pedri again. He didn't think he could face the older knowing he'd never feel the same.

As he drove home that evening, Pedri for what felt like the first time in forever felt tears trickle down his cheeks. He didn't even remember crying as a child when he left for Las Palmas, he'd left everything and everyone he'd ever known back then; his family, friends and his hometown and yet he hadn't felt the urge to cry. But today, as he walked out on the younger, his vision clouded with a sheen of pure sorrow.

If only the younger had looked at him as he spoke , then maybe he would've seen just how devastating it had been for the older; as though he'd ripped out each word from his throat, bleeding out right in front of Gavi.

It is true as the poets say, the centre of every poem: I have loved you. I have to deal with that.