"pehle bhi main tumse mila hu
pehli dafa hi milke laga"

JANHAVI

Our wedding had got delayed due to all that melodramatic scenes and there was no time left for post marriage rituals before Vidaayi.

My mother was crying her heart out, the only person who loved me in that male dominated household.

Everybody else thought that I was a burden to them, literally of no use. My father always wanted a son but my mother got infertile just after my birth. I was always thought to be a curse on them. I have heard people to shed tears at their vidayi but I didn't feel like crying. Not that I was beaming with happiness but I was not that sad either after leaving behind this house.

Yes I would miss my maa but not my baba who used to abuse me , just because I was a girl. I would never miss my dadi who blamed me for her husband's death because it was just right after my birth.

I kissed my maa goodbye and got into the car that was waiting on the doorway. It was a BMW,and I had never been in such an expensive car.

As soon as both of us were seated, Ishan ji asked the drive to move.

We both were sitting on the backseat, looking outside the window.

I completely ruined his life

Suddenly enough, I remembered Shubman's comment - you are not yet able to move on from your previous breakup. Should I ask him about it? Or will he think that I'm unnecessarily protruding in his life? Of course my hesitation won against my curiosity and I didn't talk to him.

The distance between our houses was more than a three hour drive and I was feeling rather dizzy.

ISHAN

I have been looking outside the window for I don't know how long. Maybe intentionally, just to avoid any conversations. On yesterday, two months ago, Aditi brokeup with me, with the complain that I don't have enough time for her. A few weeks later I got to know that she was pregnant with someone's child. I didn't have the courage to investigate it and I let it be. I was broken from within. And exactly two months later, I'm married to my would be Bhabhi.

My fate is the shittiest thing ever.

Suddenly I felt a weight on my shoulders. I turned to see that Janhavi ji had dozed off and her head and fallen to my shoulders. I had raised my hand to wake her up but then I realised that she has been going through a hell lot. Her would be husband rejected her and didn't even have the courage to say anything face to face. He just eloped leaving her behind. And now she has got married to me, a person who would never be able to love her.

This was the exact moment when I started having second thoughts. Did I just destroy the life of two people?

But aur barbaad hone ka baaki kya hai mere life mein?

I sighed, knowing that life's fucked up.

She stirred,waking up after a short nap. Having noticed that she had been sleeping on my shoulders,she straightened up in a jolt. I saw a look of hesitation in her eyes before saying "Sorry I didn't mean to."

"It's fine" I nodded.

We spent the rest of the way in silence. As the car halted in our driveway,she looked up at me. I nodded to her, got out from the car and opened the door for her. She looked at me for a moment and then got out from the car. My parents, who were already waiting for us in the threshold, hugged us tightly. Maa also did some rituals before we could enter the house.

After all of it was done, both of us entered the home and Janhavi ji, who was here for the first time had no curiosity in her eyes. The same blank look.

How does she manage to maintain that face?

My mother was the one to speak first. She held Janhavi Ji's hand while speaking "Beta I have nothing to say. Mere paas maafi mange ke liye bhi koi shabd nahi hain. Just I'll hope ki Mera chota beta hamari izzat rakhega..." and she broke down into tears.

Before I could move to console her Janhavi ji spoke up. "Maa whatever happened was not your fault. It was my fate. Maafi toh mujhe mangni chahiye, mere liye aapka ek beta Ghar chorke chala gaya aur ek ne mere papa ki zabardasti ki wajah se mujhse shaadi karli. Raj...Raj ji ne toh thik hi likha tha na? I am not suitable for him, aur Ishan ji ke liye toh aur bhi nahi!"

I observed her saying all these, blaming her fate but there was no tinge of pain in her voice. She said it all with a steady voice, but I starkly noticed her stuttering on Bhai's name.

Maa hugged and tightly and patted her head. "Tumhari koi galti nahi hai bete. I always wanted a daughter, looks like I've found one!"

This was the first time I saw a real expression on Janhavi ji's face. She was looking confused, "You wanted a daughter?"

"Haan,kyu?" replied Maa.

She mumbled something and then said it was nothing. My father said "Beta you guys go and take some rest. You and Ishan would be leaving for Mumbai tomorrow isiliye you should have some sleep." I agreed with Papa and headed upstairs.

Both of us entered my room, which had been somewhat transformed to make it look like a room for two. She was standing infront of the bed when I spoke up "Aap waha so jayiye main couch pe so jaunga"

"Ishan ji, agar aapko koi takleef na ho toh you can sleep on the bed itself. This one is quite big and there would be enough space for both of us. I don't cuddle or kick while sleeping." she said.

I agreed to her because the couch's length was shorter than mine and after sleeping on it I would end up with a back pain.

Both of us settled on the bed and I turned the lights off.

I was so tired yet unable to sleep. I tossed on the bed for a comfortable position. Suddenly I heard some noices from Janhavi ji.

Is she crying?

I sat up and turned on the lights, she sat up in a jolt. I noticed her eyes that were neither wet nor red; she had not been crying. "Is there any problem?" she asked. "No actually you... I felt you were crying" I said. She gave me a faint smile.

"Umm actually I was feeling uncomfortable in this lehenga" she said with an unsure voice.

"Toh jaake change kar lijiye?" I suggested. She gave me a look and nodded for a no. I couldn't make sense out of it. She was uncomfortable in a dress and yet reluctant to change? I laid on the bed once again.

"Ishan ji?"
"Haan boliye?"
"Mera lehenga aur blouse piche kahi pinned hai. Could you please unpin that? I've tried but nahi ho raha"

Now I understood why she was hesitant. I got up and went near her. She turned back to let me open it up. I located the pin and tried to open it up. My hand touched her bare skin and I felt something weird. Not then I had never touched any girl's back but still my heart beat got fastened. I hastily unpinned it and let her go.

She went into the bathroom and came back after a while in a cotton kurti and pajamas. I saw her turn off the lights and drop in the bed beside me. Eventually I fell asleep.

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