"yahi ishq di marzi hai
yahi rabdi marzi hai"

JANHAVI

I don't know for how long I was in Ishan Ji's embrace. He was constantly trying to console me but, a part of me had disappeared with Maa. It was still hard to believe that my Maa, who was so busy with my wedding a month earlier, who was crying her heart out before my vidaayi two weeks back, is no more. The words - is no more haunts me. I still remember the smiling and content face of Maa when Ishan ji agreed to marry me. Maybe she already knew that he's a gentleman.

For several moments, after receiving the news I felt numb unable to process everything. My brain felt befuddled. When I could finally register what had happened, I was totally grief stricken.

I knew that my Maa's untimely death must be because of my sins. I'm at fault here. I must have kept my distance from Ishan ji. I totally don't remember what had happened last night but when I woke up in the morning, my lipstick was totally smeared and there were several dark red hickeys on my neck. Ishan Ji's face was also full of lipstick marks, the same shade I had been wearing. This all was too fucked up. What if I had put up a show while being drunk?

To top off things, my head is aching so bad that it might burst any moment.

I had no idea about last night and to be honest, I didn't want to have an idea. Whatever had been done was a grave mistake and I'll make sure that it is never ever repeated. I don't know whether he remembers anything or not. I had covered my neck with dupatta so that the marks are not visible.

Tears were uncontrollably streaming down my cheeks and I didn't even care to wipe them. Ishan ji was wiping my tears and constantly muttering.

"Ishan ji?"

"Haan bolo?"

"I need to go. Maa ko akhri baar dekhne ke liye"

"Vivan has already booked tickets for us, maine use bol diya. 1 baje flight hai"

I couldn't be more grateful for this.

I wanted to maintain distance from him but life wasn't letting me.

I was lost in trance when suddenly Ishan Ji's phone rang. He picked up the phone.

"Nahi nahi delay karwa dijiye. Is week mein nahi hoga." he said over phone.

"Are family emergency hain. Hum kuch kar nahi sakte we can't go there this week. Agle hafte ka date karwa dijiye.", saying so he cut the call.

I looked at him with questioning eyes because, the 'she' he mentioned in the call might be me.

"Kya huya?" I asked.

"Wo lawyer call kar raha tha. Kal court jaane bol raha hai. I told him ki nahi hoga" he said.

"Par...", and I got interrupted by him.

"Janhavi tum rest lo, no need to think about all this."

I kept sitting on the couch, in ny own world. Ishan ji went inside to do something, what I don't know.
Memories of Maa kept playing in my mind, making fresh tears fall down my eyes. It was just unbelievable for me that I won't be able to see Maa anymore.

Soon it was time for us to go to the airport. Vivan, Ishan Ji's manager had come to drop us off and handle the paps so that they don't photograph us today.

Both of us got into the flight and our luggage was boarded. I don't know what luggage because I had done no packing neither did I see Ishan ji packing his clothes.

As soon as we boarded, the air hostess came to ask if we wanted something to eat but I denied, because I had no appetite.

Soon enough, I was feeling too sleepy and I dozed off.

Suddenly I felt a jerk and woke up. It was air turbulence.

I noticed that, I had been sleeping on Ishan Ji's shoulders and he had kept his shoulder in a stiff position, so that I can sleep comfortably.

Why is he always so nice? How?

As I was completely awake, I sat upright, removing all body contact from him. He maybe noticed that and gestured to ask if anything was wrong. I nodded and looked outside the window.

I have to distance myself from him, by every means.

I couldn't control my mind. It was just storming from memories of Maa, plans to keep away from Ishan ji, forcing itself to remember anything from previous night and again memories of Maa. How could she leave me? How?

Suddenly enough, Ishan ji, perhaps mistakenly placed his hands on my thigh. Kind of a electric wave passed throughout my body. The sudden movement of my neck to look at him caused my neck to sprain.

"Aahh" I said massaging my neck.

"Kya huya? Are you fine?" he said looking startled.

"Yaa, I'm completely fine" I said, trying to look the other way, but my neck was hurting bad.

"You don't seem to be", and saying so he laid his hands on my neck, to check it.

Shit my body reacts so badly to his touch

"Ishan ji... Kuch na..."

"Chup", he said placing his fingers on my lips.

My body was literally shivering from within.

After he was done examining, he got up to get his hand bag. After searching for a while, he took out a pain ointment from the bag.

"Dijiye main laga leti hu", I said asking for the ointment.

I didn't want him to see the hickeys that I had kept hidden with the dupatta.

"Tumhara haath nahi pohochega. Do you mind agar main laga du?"

Why is the universe pushing us together???

"Main koshish..."

"Ointment lagane dene mein itna hesitation?"

And saying so, he slided the dupatta down my neck.

I clenched my eyes closed, not at all wanting to see his reaction upon seeing those.

What if they had been... by someone else?

No never ever! Don't overthink.

I could feel him looking at the red marks for a while, before he started applying the ointment, very softly.

As he spread the cream, it touched the red skin and it burnt badly.

I flinched and it didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Do the.... err.. marks burn?"

I denied, still keeping my eyes closed.

"Look at me Janhavi", he said in a firm yet gentle tone.

I gathered all the courage I had, and looked up at him, not wanting to disobey him.

"Do they burn?" he asked, cupping my face with his right hand.

"Were... were they... umm... " I gulped down because I was unable to ask what I wanted to.

He looked at my eyes, searching for answers. Finally maybe he understood what I meant.

"No man other than me, touched you" he assured.

Uff thank god

I broke down again, crying out loudly, keeping my head on his shoulders. My tears were drenching his tshirt and he was clutching me close to his heart.

I should pull back.

But I like it here.

I want to be here, forever.

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