"tum jo mera saath do
saare gum bhulake jee lu muskurake zindagi"

JANHAVI

We were back home. That was a very tiring and wholesome day and this one day showed me how lacking I was. I was no way capable of living a life as Ishan Kishan's wife.

Sitting on the corner of the bed, I was lost in deep thoughts when Ishan ji broke my trance. "Aap theek hain na? He asked in a concerned voice. I nodded.

Why is he being so nice to me?

I am supposed to be treated badly. I am a taint to his image, like a burden for him. I am good for nothing. Maybe I would have felt better if he behaved rudely with me, because that's what I deserve.

Pain was tingling in my throat, and urge to cry was poking me.

I'm not supposed to cry!

Ishan ji perhaps noticed my facial expressions and came near me. "Janhavi ji?" he prompted again.

"Please mujhe akela chhod dijiye please" I replied, unable to tolerate his kindness.

After all jisne mere saath aj tak accha bartav kiya sab chale chale gaye. Sab badal gaye.

He kept his hand on my shoulder. "Maine aapko akela chhodne ke liye aap se shaadi nahi ki." I looked up at him to see concern etched in his facial expressions. This was enough to make me cry.

I tightly held the hand of his placed on my shoulder and buried my face into it. I couldn't control my tears anymore. They were flowing on their own, against my will. Ishan ji was constantly muttering something but I didn't actually hear any of those.

After a while, I gained control over myself and stopped the overflowing tears.

I'm strong.

I realised how tight I was holding his hands, my nails had dug into his skin leaving behind a scar. But all this while he had been consoling me and didn't even flinch.

I let go off his hand immediately.

He noticed my glance and shrugged, "Uske baare mein chinta mat kijiye, I have bigger scars than it."

Like I have scarred his life.

"I think you should sleep, you are very tired. Main dusre room mein chala jata hu." he spoke to diffuse the developed tension.

"Umm.. aapko..... is room mein sone mein problem hai? Actually mujhe akele sone se darr lagta hai" I said.

I immediately regretted saying that and was about to make for it when he replied, "Nahi mujhe laga tha aapko problem hoga. I'll sleep here only" He gave me a tight smile and I smiled back.

He turned off the lights and dropped on the bed beside me, maintaining a proper distance.

I was tired but didn't want to sleep. I wanted to spend some time with him, I wanted to talk to him.
"Ishan ji?"
"Hmm?"
"Wo..."
"Nind nahi aa rahi?"
"I'm kinda insomniac actually"
"Accha, you want some medicine?"
"No I'm good"

Silence fell again. I wanted to talk to him but I have an inability to strike a conversation.

Maybe because I never had real friends to talk.

Ishan ji was the one to speak now.

"Janhavi ji aap kitni dur padhi hain?"

My heart was sinking at this question.

What is he knows that his wife is just a simple graduate?

"Janhavi ji aap so..."
"I've completed graduation in English."
"Haan your English is quite impressive actually that's why I was asking. Bhaiya ne bola tha ki aapne zyada padhai nahi ki hai toh..." his voice trailed off.

Why does he have to mention his brother in every other conversation.

I couldn't help myself my remember the day when I had met Raj in a Golgappa stall. I had no change when he offered to pay for me. He even offered to leave me to my house on his bike. I would have agreed but

Moholle ke kisi Chachi ne dekh liya to bawaal macha deti.

I politely refused to his offer. After a few days Raj and his parents had come to my house with a marriage proposal. This was all going too fast but I felt kind of happy. Raj seemed to be a sweet and kind gentleman.

But all of it was fake.

Tears fell down my cheek. I was supposed to think about Ishan ji and not his elder brother. Raj is a part of my past.

But how? How to forget him? Why does this always happen to me?

ISHAN

I did the blunder again.

Janhavi ji has enough on her plate already. I don't need to mention bhai over and over again!

I noticed her turn around, her back facing me now. She buried her face in her pillow and I could feel that she was crying again.

Should I console her?

"Janhavi ji?"
"Haan?" she said in a muffled voice
"I'm sorry"
"For?"
"Everything"

She turned to face me. "Ishan ji whatever happened usme aapki toh koi galti nahi thi. It was my fate okay?"
"But.."
"Ishan ji you are already doing a lot for me, please don't blame yourself for anything. Please"
"And Janhavi don't ever be grateful to me okay? This are my responsibilities as your.."

I trailed off.

Why was the word husband so hard to utter?

I thought Janhavi ji would extend the conversation but she didn't.

Now one thing was very clear to me. Janhavi ji was in love with Bhai. As her husband I should have been feeling bad about this but how would I? We were not in a healthy husband-wife relationship. We were just bonded together by fate.

I took out my phone and texted Bhai. "Bhai aap jaha bhi ho, parso mera reception hai, please come please."

I don't know whether he will come or not but if he comes, I'll make sure to sort out things between him and Janhavi ji. I'll tell him how adjusting she was and she would take some time but, pakka adjust kar legi US mein. She is not at all weak, perhaps the strongest person I've ever seen. I was determined to patchup things between them and bring them together. I'm already suffering after loving someone, I can't let Janhavi ji suffer.

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