ALESSANDRO'S POV

I'm back in the house, I'm sitting in my office and keeping my nerves from exploding.

Adriano and I left my parents house immediately, no words spoken to Enzo and no words spoken between us. I left and didn't look back, I walked out and left him to live another day, to take another breath and get away one more time, one last time.

Enzo knows what's in the file, he wanted me to see it, he wants me to have it.

And I did. I do have it and it's flipping my world upside down. The file, it's all about the right heir, the rules of mafia leaders, rules of our court orders, the first rule of a leader, the first born, the only right heir to take over the mafia after his father retires.

After Marcelo's appearance, the news spread all around the globe in a matter of days. It occurs to the court and our greatest leaders that my placement was a mistake, that I have no right to be who I am, to sit on the throne while my older brother is the one who truly deserves it.

The court of the illegal, a court and laws for our messed up world. It's made of a group of men, twenty one voice in total, they attend coronations and check after us for any tricks, any errors or betrayal to our strict laws. They've sent us a warning, they've sent me a last chance to follow them, to get back in line with no harm from both sides.

They're demanding change. They're demanding I hand down my mafia before they strike, before the expose the crime we committed because while we can steal, murder and kindap, we can't mess around with our own rules, we can't pick the leader we wish and hope for, the oldest son has to rule no matter what, as long as he's alive and breathing on this planet, it can't be denied.

Marcello is aware of our business, he is aware of the job and even got himself one before I discovered who he is. He's almost three years older than me, he's not a weak man, he's capable and he wouldn't mind making a good leader. He wouldn't mind taking the opportunity out of my hands and not with hatred, not with jealousy but only with his rights.

It made me sit down in my place and shut up for the first time in my life and think. Think so deeply, lost into the depth of my mind if I ever was meant to be here, if I ever deserved any of this, if I ever am the person I'm supposed to be because now, it seems like I'm not.

I'm taking my brother's place, I'm taking and doing against the law, our few laws that I wish didn't exist, our few laws I spent years thinking I'm following, our few laws I didn't have to worry about because a week ago, I was the only son to Enzo Santoro, I was the only man who held his last name and now, it's revolving, it had been revolving three years before I was born.

I can't believe my mind is actually giving in, that I'm actually getting convinced after all these years, after years of growing up here, years of training and fighting for this. And after finally being able to lead, to become the person I worked the most for, it turns out not my story, it's all set in the wrong orders, it's all not real.

It's strange, looking at it this way, this way I'm trying to understand, trying to see a good side to but I fail, I fail so miserably because this is my life, this is my journey, I grew up knowing nothing but the mafia, I grew up craving it, I grew up hustling and getting back up for this, for all of this, this life and path and now it runs out on me because it shouldn't have been. None of this should have been.

For some reason, nothing breaks, nothing shatters and pains my heart. I love this place, I love and am proud of how far I've become, I wouldn't trade a second of it with the world. I was raised here, I learned here, I got pulled down here, I survived here. It seems to happen so fast, too fast I'm unable to react, I'm unable to put this into actual consideration, that I have to step down and hand the leadership to my brother, that I have to forget, to let it go and live as if it never happened.

I will have to bow, I will have to stand among my men and follow Marcello's lead as everyone else, I would know how it feels like, I would know a lot of things I've never, in a million years thought I would know one day.

I will be ought to and cross my heart to serve Marcello, to kill and die for him, for the betterment of our mafia. I don't mind it, I don't mind sacrificing all I've got for my mafia, my men and friends but it wouldn't be mine, they wouldn't be mine.

I was ready, I was ready to go through war, to fight and not surrender until victory falls upon us and now I sit on my chair, in my office, one of my many houses and wonder if I will have any of this by the time war begin, by the time war hit us with no leader, with a newborn leader to this life who knows nothing.

And I can't buy myself time, I can't tell the rules to wait for me, to do me a favor and be patient with me until war ends and we take victory home, yet I'm still not sure, I'm not certain if by then I would be satisfied, I would be able to let my world go.

If I lose my leadership, if I have to vow to another then consider me dead because I would rather die then promise my life to another. I've only done it once, I've already promised my soul, every ounce of my last breath and drop of blood to one and only one.

I think about Akila and wonder if she knew about this, if she knew just like she knew about Dante and Lydia, if she knew just like she knows everything.

It doesn't matter whether she knew or not, I'm glad she didn't tell me. I had to find out on my own, I had to feel the betrayal and see it happen in front of my eyes, I had to let it cut through me so I can remember, so I can ruin and destroy.

But how can I ruin and destroy when soon enough, I will hold no power. Soon enough, I will be no one, nothing but a forgetting leader, a mistake.

What are you planning, love. What are you doing now while I lose myself.

I sigh and hear a knock on the door. I don't say anything and wait for the door to open and it does. It's Adriano, standing in the frame waiting for my approval to get in. I glance at him for a moment and turn my gaze on the file, on my name, on Marcello's name, our last names.

"I can't believe you're actually thinking about this" he tells me in a concerned tone but what did he expect? No matter how fictional this sounds, it's the truth and it will happen sooner or later. Whether we find a way to delay it, it will still happen in the near future, very near I'm afraid I don't have time, I don't have enough time to delay it.

"We will find a solution for this, we must find something" he fights back my unspeakable thoughts, he argues with my silent figure and I sit there and stare at the papers, at the name, at my end.

I don't know if I gave up, I don't know if I'm simply careless and tired of this, if I'm falling down but slowly, slowly that I can barely see it, slowly that I don't understand what's holding me back, what's keeping it from falling all at once.

"Think with me goddamit, don't look lost, don't tell me you've made a decision without considering the end. Please, I beg you. Don't let this go, we need you, we need you more than ever, now or never. This is the beginning, we're at war and we need you, please Alessandro" he cries out and I feel numb, I feel shut out of the world, I float away and my mind finds peace like it never did.

I once believed in faith, I once swore to accept my faith and live through what it gave me and now is the right time to prove those promises, those lost words and vows because they're awakened, they're set in fire and crave more, more than I could ever give but I will try, I will give up what I have if it's the right thing, if my whole life was a mistake after everything.

I push the chair backwards and stand on my feet, "You're right cousin, this is the beginning" his eyes flicker with hope and a hint of smile makes it to his lips. "This is the beginning of a new leader, the beginning of the true leader" his face falls and his shoulders crumble, he closes his eyes shut and takes it in.

"It is my end but it's his beginning. We have to accept it, you have to accept it and I have to accept it. No matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it will be Adriano, he will always be the one, he will always be the true heir for this mafia and I can't sit on the throne any longer knowing it doesn't belong to me, it never belonged to me and now that I know, I won't let myself do the same mistake, even if it hurts like hell"

And for the first time since I found out, my heart breaks. The feelings kick into my guts, my bones and lungs. I was confused where it all went, why I didn't give too much emotions even through I cared about this empire, even though it had been the best blessing out of this universe, out of this tough life I had to live and here it is, hitting me like nothing else, sending shivers down my spines to the point where my body starts shaking.

"This is impossible, it's unreal, I can't believe it, tell me it's a lie" he begs with watery eyes, with a red face on the edge of breaking down, on the edge of giving up anything to turn this into a sick dream, a horrible nightmare that he will wake up from.

And I wish, God knows how badly I wish for this to be fake, to be a lie and leave us alone, to never hunt us down and let us live another day the way it is, the way it was.

"Gather everyone, we need to prepare, we need to do this now or never" I try to push it away, to shake the unease ripping through my flesh, the fear crawling up my neck, the sadness of leaving this place behind, leaving my home behind.

With that being said, Adriano pulls himself together and walks out of the doors with no words. There's none, there's nothing left to say because it's leaning to the end, it's leaning faster than we thought, faster than we ever hoped.

I don't wait and walk out after him, I find Dante in the hallways staring at me the second I make it outside. "Don't" he mouths the four letters and look deeply into my eyes. Adriano must have told him in this split minute because Dante would never, in a million years tell me what to do, what not to do.

My lips form into a thin line and I don't answer, I don't rethink and change my decision. My mind is already set, the images are creating into my head, this new image of coronation day all over again but this time, it will go the right way, the way it was supposed to go.

I close the distance between us and tell him to call for Marcello urgently. "You can't do this now" he warns me and speak coldly yet trying to respect me, to keep it in and not lash out of control.

I take a longer look at him, I watch my best friend, my right hand struggle to speak, to let out what's been hiding inside of him for years, what I've forced him to hide for years. And now, he doesn't have to, he doesn't have to follow my rules because in a matter of days, I won't be who I am.

"Let it out. Tell me what you think. Scream what you truly want to say. Do it as my last order, do it as my last request before I get thrown off this world Dante. Do it" I repeat over and over, not believing I'm actually asking this, I'm actually going to listen, to sit quiet and hear someone aside from myself.

He storms out of my way and opens my office door, he holds in the palm of his hands and waits for me to enter. I get in and he does after me. He closed the door and turned to face me. "I'm sick Alessandro. I'm tired. I'm exhausted and I'm fed up. You don't listen, you won't listen and I know it but if you ask me to then I will" he starts off with rage, with sadness and pain. "I hate this. I hate what's happening to you. I hate what you're doing to yourself. I hate it and I hate him for being the reason, I hate him for being born" when I asked Dante to open his mouth, to not hold back, I didn't expect it to be this bad, I didn't expect him to hurt this bad.

"I want none of this. None of it and you don't either but you're letting it go as if we didn't die to be here, as if we didn't crawl from the dead to stand where we are right now. I've been by your side for decades, decades you're throwing away in a matter of seconds. Why Alessandro, why are you doing this. We were doing better, we are doing better and you don't need me to tell you that. I don't care. I don't care what's right and what's wrong. Let's break the law, we have been breaking it for six years, we can do it again" but we can't. He's full of energy, full of ambition and dreams I lost, dreams that ran away from me.

"I will do anything, anything. Just don't go, don't let us go, don't let yourself go" chills run down my body, my hands are struggling and my thoughts are splattered all over the place. He's talking about this, he's discussing it and fighting for it. He's fighting for this mafia, he's fighting for where we grew up together, he's fighting for our home, he's fighting for my life, he's fighting for me.

He's fighting against me for me.

My voice is stuck, it's trapped with my head and strength. I'm frozen, I'm standing still, too still for a mortal, too still for normal.

"Don't. Don't do it for me, for you, for her" it wakes me up, it pushes matter and reality into my blood and punches me in the guts. Her. I think about her and it's empty. I can't make out her reaction, I can't make out her response to this. It was never planned out, it was never something I had to worry about, never something I thought would be real. I think about her and it gets darker, it gets emptier and lonely.

I'm confused, I'm unsure again and my mind is screaming at me. It's trying to negotiate, to put an end to the loud screams, to the sophisticating pain but it fails, it trembles and sinks.

It seizes me, it shrinks my will to survive, to keep going and get back up. It's dragging me into a void, into space, into desolation.

It's quiet, it's near and playing games, it's messing with my head and I allow it. I hear Dante's distant voice, his lost words barely make it to my ears as I feel my body get stolen away, snatched away from the ground and turned into air.

I am numb, I am breathing but it's not helping. I'm standing but I'm drowning. My eyes are open, my sight is blurry and uncertain. More people walk in the room, people I know, faces I recognize but they will fade away, I will lose them, I can feel it.

I will lose them and I will lose myself, I will lose everything, everyone and anything. I will lose a lot, too much I won't handle, so much I won't be there to witness.

As the many arms shaking me, shouting at me to come back, to go back, I stand still and remain the same. I will lose. I will lose. Did I lose? I will lose. I lose. I lost.

I lost them. I lost everything. I lost myself but have I lost her.

I hear my throat make a sharp sound as air kicks into my lungs. Oxygen breaks into my body and charges me with life, settles my soul back down and gives me control of my own moves and I make the right one, for once, I let my needs down and do what's right, I do what needs to be DONE.

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